when to give up when others won't listen (carseats)

[July09Mama]

I'm so worried about the way my brother and his wife carseat their daughter, but I'm not sure what I should do. At Christmas last year, when my niece was 5 months, my dad wanted to put her in the front seat so he could fit everyone in the car and only have to take one trip, and they ok'ed it and then didn't even ride in the car with her. I begged everyone there not to do it, but since "we let you ride in the front when you were little and it was fine," it happened anyway. Then when they turned her ff at 12 months (I knew from a facebook pic, we don't live anywhere near each other), I sent a link to one of the youtube videos showing the benefits of extended rear-facing. Their baby is 15 months now, and my SIL just posted a pic of her ff in her convertible seat with a HUGE puffy coat on and the straps all the way down near her elbows to make it all fit in there. The caption is something about it being funny that it barely fits :(. I know how awful I'd feel if something happened and I hadn't said anything, but at the same time, I know my saying anything won't change what they do. It doesn't help that we do a lot of parenting things differently (and I've never said a word, other than telling them about our cloth diapers when they asked), and I really don't want to be the self-righteous witch who thinks she knows best about everything. What do you think?

[littlest birds]

You have said something, twice, about the previous incidents.  You certainly have no reason to feel guilty if something were to happen because you have made the effort to get them interested in this subject.  Your offerings have been rejected and I think you should drop it.  As you said, your saying anything won't change what they do.  All saying things does then is affect your relationship with one another.   

[sunnymw]

You know the saying... you tried to lead the horse to water!!

You can always put something about the coat trick on YOUR fb wall, in hopes that she will see it. But I'd wager my life that she wouldn't change what she's doing. 

[matey]

My BIL and his wife apparently never read the car seat manual to know what all those silly straps on the car seat are for. When my BIL saw that it seemed loose with the seatbelt on, he simply took the latch belts and wrapped them around a bar under the seat. When I saw this I almost had a heart attack and repeatidly told him how unsafe it was. He didn't undertsnd how it could be less safe than it was since it was loose with just the seat belt. I told him that I agreed a loose seat belt wasn't a good idea either. I recommended reading their manual and looking for a car seat safety inspection site in their area. I know he didn't do it or change anything. I don't understand why someone would ignore basic car seat safety. Their child is 23 pounds and I know they will flip his car seat as soon as he hits a year old. I have already mentioned extended rear facing around them and my MIL actually knows about rear facing being better. If something happens to their child it would not be my fault, but I would still feel bad. I can't make them change though and I have shared my knowledge. Same as you.

[SilverFish]

yeah, i feel you, i'm in the same boat here. my sister and BIL are visiting over the holidays, and given the fit they had about "having" to rearface their 8 month old when they were visiting in the summer (I got to my mom first and informed her it was illegal to ff before 12 months, so she made sure the carseat was rfing in her car when she went to pick them up), i am just cringing to see him ffing when i go see them. i don't know what else to say... i already shared the safety of extended rfing, but my sister is insistent that because he's a "big boy" (27ish lbs at 12 months) he's safe ffing. i will not be repeating myself this time, except if it pertains to us... i will be very loud and clear that WE will rearface until 3+ years if the subject comes up.

however, i would say something about the snowsuit. it honestly wasn't something i'd even thought about, and i'm sure other people haven't either. it's a bit different circumstance than extended rearfacing... i was shocked to see how much i had to change the straps with my dd in just a winter-weight pair of pants and fleece jacket! it hadn't even occurred to me that a fluffy snowsuit would be unsafe. this isn't you repeatedly harping on about one specific issue, it's many different circumstances that you know are unsafe but which people unfamiliar with car safety just haven't thought about. i would definitely send a private message to your brother about the picture and the issues with compression. i will be doing the same thing when i see my sister, if they have him bundled up in the car like i expect they will.