you know mama. sometimes there is no answer.
you just have to live through that threat. the more you live through it and no action happens the fear slowly dies away.
so the oft repeated cliche - time heals - is v. true.
i was scared out of my mind - had panic attacks at night... but i also had a baby to take care of - so i think the simple just day to day living kinda helped with the fear.
i was afraid because ex had all the right people in his friends group - lawyers, doctors, ped, psychologists, therapists... you name it he had it. all i had was me doing the work - researching and finding the right daycare, doctors, etc. he called CPS on me, tried to get my friends involved - but their basic line was she 'is a good mom'.
you know initially you think you have no power, no support. but then something gets you. and you stand up and fight back. you draw limits and boundaries and refuse to put up with any more shit. that's when the amazing miracle happen. you stand up politely but with full confidence and it all goes away. they stop. becasue they dont get a reaction. however a point to be noted here - inherently ex is a good person inside, and an intelligent man with common sense. yet still after 6 years REALLY angry with me - because i drew the line after he asked for a divorce. i think. i dont really know.
when i reached my calmness i discovered it further infuriated ex. but then he too got over it, just coz it wasnt having any effect on me. the first 3 mother's day was the time ex would choose to pick the biggest fight.
takes a lot of time. it does happen - but the HOW - THAT is what you have to figure out.