Help.. too many issues to summarize...

[Carolyn_mtl]

Please bare with me, this will probably be long and unorganized...

So, dd is 15 months. We have co-slept from birth, she needs to be nursed to sleep, and either stays attached all. night. long. OR, detaches, and turns away, for ummm 3-30 minutes, and then re-attaches... this goes on all night. Seriously, I haven't slept more than maybe an hour uninterrupted in over a year. I don't sleep well with her attached.

She used to suck her thumb. It was heaven. Between 3-6 months, she sucked her thumb, fell asleep, used it to fall asleep throughout the night. She could go 6 or 7 hours before needing to be nursed. Then the teeth started, I think she bit her thumb and that was that.

We have an arms reach co-sleeper. She slept in it as a newborn during the day, it's now set as a playpen, but its still beside my bed. I would love her to be able to nap in there. I get NOTHING done. I have to lie in bed with her for her to nap. So, if she is awake, Im busy with her, if she's asleep, I'm stuck in bed with her... My dh gets home from work around 7 pm, I then throw some sad attempt at dinner together, scarf it down, do laundry, clean cat box, rabbit cage, remember to pet the poor dog who doesnt get nearly the attention he deserves.. NO one does. 

DD goes to bed when I go to bed, so, somewhere between 9 and 10. And it starts all over again. 

I had all these aspirations to be the "best stay at home mom"... Somehow, I don't think I've managed any of them. We do not eat well. We are vegan, I know nutrition, I know what we SHOULD eat, I just do not have time, so we eat pasta and potatoes all the time. We are vegan and I cannot remember the last time I made a nice big salad. How sad is that!

Oh, and to add to the mix, my dd REFUSES all attempts at solids. I've posted in Breastfeeding and in the Toddlers forums about this.. We are at 15 months of exclusive bf. We've been to the feeding clinic 3 times now, she does not seem to have any sensory issues, aversions to textures, developmental issues, she just does not want to eat ANYTHING. If I try to feed her, forget it, complete tantrum, mouth locked shut, arms waving, head turning.. If I leave her alone, let her play with my food (she is very interested in everyone's food), she will on occasion (like 5 times in 5 months) put a cracker or breadstick or cookie to her mouth, scrape the tiniest of slivers off, and then spit it out. 

So, sometimes I think, ok, I need to reduce the night time nurse-a-thon, in order for her to figure out a new way of falling / staying asleep. But then I worry that my supply will suffer, and I cannot risk that, considering she is relying entirely on bm. UGH. 

Help me. I don't know what to do or what to think. I need sleep. I love having her in bed with us, I truly do. In fact, I cannot imagine her in her own room. But I would LOVE her to be able to at least nap in the co-sleeper or crib. So I can at least get some stuff done around the house. If I put her in after she falls asleep and detaches herself, she wakes up as soon as I lift her. If I put her in awake, she screams, looks terrified, to the point of trembling.. I cannot do that to her. 

Thank you to any one who actually made it to the end of this long rambling post. 

NAK ;)

[Bebe's Mom]

Sorry for your stress, mama!!   I know exactly how you feel, I have been there so many times!!  I too have an Arm's reach Cosleeper, however, DD refused to sleep in it from birth, so she ended up  in the bed with us until I transitioned her into a crib at 10 months. She would also wake up and scream her head off when I put her in it. Do you have a crib or is there any way you can borrow one and see if she will sleep in it instead?

As far as the being attached all night, I have BTDT as well...I had to transition DD to her crib at night, it was the only way to get any sleep. We now cosleep part time-she usually wakes up around 3-4 a.m., at which time I take her into the bed with me for the rest of the morning-she usually wakes up for the day around 6:30-7...

As far as naps go, I usually nurse her to sleep in the glider and then put her in the crib. I know everyone says to detach them first, but I usually leave her attached to me until I put her in the crib, otherwise she wakes up and gets mad. If I let her keep the nipple in her mouth until the last second, she falls to sleep as soon as I lay her down. ( I know she is still awake when I lay her down, because her eyes usually open for a split second when her head hits the mattress.)

I put off the crib for as long as possible, but I wish now that I had gotten it right away. She sleeps so much better now, and so do we!

I hope this helps and that you find a solution that works for you. Good luck!

[Big D]

Yay!  I am so glad you posted about this!  I have the exact same problem (except for the exclusive BF) with my 19 mo!  I hope you get a lot of suggestions because I am also going nuts!

Right now my DH and I are working on "The no-cry sleep solution" but I sleep in a separate room (all by myself with DH and DS sleeping together) for part of the night (2-4 hours) so I can get some uninterrupted sleep.  We are also buying a latex mattress because they isolate movement better than innersprings and I have heard that they make it easier to sneak away from a sleeping baby.  I've got my fingers crossed that sometime in the near future I will be able to get out of bed during DS's nap!

I keep telling myself that the next one will be different...

[saimama]

Hi, I know the use of pacifiers is controversial, but my son started in with the habit of all night nursing and I had to try something.  He would nurse so much that he would spit up a lot of milk... it seemed like he was taking too much in and having trouble burping because he was so determined to not detach.  I found that a pacifier really helped me on this account.  I now sleep with a couple of them in bed.  He still wakes 2-3 times in the night to nurse and sometimes I fall asleep with him nursing.  But usually he nurses for awhile and then I slip a finger in to detach him and quickly move the pacifier in and he stays asleep, next to me.  This also seems to help my husband in getting him down to sleep.  We also have a foam mattress, which helps because the bed does not shift as much when I (or my husband) move...  Just a few thoughts... I hope things get better for you.

[sosurreal09]

i started setting boundaries. it wasnt easy but its worked out alot better. DD is 14 m/o

first and foremost have a routine. everyday. here is ours: wake up, do breakfast..., free play, do lunch, nurse to sleep for nap in our bed then LEAVE the sec she falls asleep. if i linger too long she will expect me there so once shes out im gone!, after nap we have a snack, outside time, story time, crafts, free play (while i cook), then dinner, bath, clean up time! (i wear her and clean the house), then story time, and bed. she does 11hr nights. of course still nursing at night but we go at least 2-4hrs between nursing.

so how i accomplished this. firstly encourage independence all around. i will focus and play with her for 30 min or so set her up with something and then go do my own thing and she will play by herself a while...every time she needs me i give her focused attention for short spurts of time and let her play. at first it was rough but i was consistent with it. the first week or so it just seemed like i had 0 time away from her at all but it progressed more and more. now i will play with her 30 min and then she will play independently for 1hr+

as far as eating goes DD has always been a good eater....idk what to really advise there except maybe decreasing her milk for the day would encourage her to eat more solids?? idk really. my DD is a veggie holic. if i give her a cookie she wont eat it but if i give her some celery sticks or slices of apples shes all over it. she LOVES peas. i never forced it just offered it often. now shes older i offer solids before BM.

now at night...i nurse her to sleep after our BT routine. bath, pjs, clean up, BT story (same book every night. we have 'Snuggle UP Sleepy Ones' which i highly recommend its an amazing book) then milk and she dozes off. i nurse her usually 20 mins then i get up and go. When she was a lot younger i established this. I would nurse her then inch away so she had no contact with me, if she cried i would pat her back and say shhhhhh shhhhhhh mommy is right here shhhhhhh. then i would try and leave. if i couldnt...i would stay but not cuddle with her. then i kept working on leaving until eventually she doesnt even care that i go. she has her milk and goes to sleep and thats that.

for us i noticed some days she will wake after 30 mins and cry and want milk...well if i nurse her then she will be up and want milk every 30 mins all night long. so i lay with her and sing and comfort her through it and tell her you just had milk baby mommy is here dont worry...or something similar, once shes sleeping i leave then when she wakes again to nurse later i nurse her.

now if she is over tired i can guarantee she will want milk all night long.

she goes to bed at 7, well we nurse at 7. then shes up at 6:30 or 7 for the day...sometimes i get really lucky and she will sleep until 8. her nap is after lunch everyday and lunch is at 11. she always naps 2hrs or more. very rarely its less than that and trust me she was queen of no naps before she turned 9 m/o! even in the wrap or sling she wouldnt nap i was literally insane with sleep deprivation lol

i think a BT of 9 or 10 is late for this age... what time does she wake up? i know if DD goes to bed late she still wakes up nice and early and then shes moody and clingy all day b/c shes overtired.

i hope this helps!

[Bebe's Mom]

I agree with sosurreal that 9:30 is a late bedtime..My DD was going to bed that late, and it was causing lots of problems-she would get overtired and then it would be really hard to get her to sleep, and I basically had to go to bed with her because she would continually wake up.. So now she is in bed by 8:30, regardless of whether she had a late nap. For a while she was going to bed at 6:30, but I think she was going through a growth spurt or something, because now she has changed her naps and sleeping pattern..She takes a late nap sometimes, I usually try to get her down for a nap around one, but there are times when she doesn't take a nap until 3, and she generally sleeps for about two hours. Then she wakes up, we give her some dinner and a bath and then she is back down again.

[Carolyn_mtl]

I'll attempt to reply to some of this, but its hard seeing as I'm sideways in bed with a baby attached.... 

So, pacifiers are out, that ship, I think, has sailed. I tried giving her one, over a year ago, and she never sucked on it. She would chew it, but not suck (she has refused every single type of bottle as well).

Her bedtime is late, but if she went to bed at 8 she would never see DH, and she only gets up around 9am, (he leaves for work around 9:30). I would love everyone to wake up earlier, and have some baby and daddy time, but then pushing bedtime earlier would mean I could never have dinner with dh, and I'd be in bed often before he even gets home.

She naps 2-3 hours in the afternoon (12:30 -3ish). How do you co-sleepers do naps? I could probably get her to fall asleep, detach, and get off the bed, but how do you leave a 15 month old alone on a adult bed? And, she'd probably wake up after a few minutes. I am so torn between pushing her to nap alone in a crib, and continuing life as it is. I don't want her to be sad and confused, wondering why, all of a sudden, she can't have mommy and num nums all nap or night long. I also know, that I will need to set boundaries eventually. 

I want sleep to be calm and peaceful, not sad and scary. And for her, it has always been peaceful, I don't want to turn it into something that she fears.

And then there's the no eating thing.... I try to feed her solids long after a nursing session, she is hungry, she just wont eat anything else, so phasing out any eating during the night worries me...

Thank you for your replies :)

[sosurreal09]

we just have a mattress on the ground...

she is a PERFECTLY HAPPY, LOVED, AND SECURE CHILD you have done an amazing job with her and setting boundaries- especially at this age she will NOT be afraid. she will be mad and angry and she may have a fit but she will NEVER ACTUALLY BE SCARED as long as you are with her and comforting her. you're not weaning her just setting some limits which really is needed especially now. shes almost 15 m/o...not eating solids...nursing all night long...taking a toll on you and DH i am sure.

its one way or the other if you think its best to keep her up late (i dont personally advise) and have her sleep late thats you're decision or she could go to bed earlier (babies biological clocks often tell them to) and wake up earlier and spend time with DH.

what time does DH come home?

my DH works weird shifts sometimes (my fav) he works 7am-4pm, sometimes 10am-6pm, and most of he time 1pm-9:30pm. i hardly ever get to eat dinner with him but when i do its all the more special. also when DD is in bed and DH comes home we have ALONE time. its a miracle lol

also you have to give solids BEFORE milk. she needs to start eating some filling foods and get off you're breast all day and night. besides its good for her to eat solids now. if you were happy and satisfied the way things were you wont be going mad! lol

trust me i know its hard b/c you want to be wonder mom and how can you have you're baby cry...i cant stand to hear Aniela cry it drives me nuts i get into full blown OMG MY BABY mode and everyone thinks im a nut. but she NEVER cries alone i am always there for her period. there have been times where shes crying for 20 mins but i know shes upset about xyz and nursing might help it and if its during the day i do nurse her but if its at night and she JUST nursed and a little while has gone by...im sorry but shes not hungry or thirsty and if you never teach her any other way to calm down and get back to sleep when she does self-wean you will have a problem.

my thing is singing to her b/c when she was little i sang to her for hours a day b/c she never ever seemed to stop crying (figured out later she had intolerances) so i know it will calm her down. she gets mad and flings herself around town sometimes but i just cuddle her right into me and sing and sing and tell her i love her and its ok. she gets over it and goes to sleep. shes not harmed or scared or anything.

my DD is an extremely affectionate, loving, compassionate, independent, brilliant, stubborn as hell child. i have seen her compassion with other kids and the empathy she has when someone gets hurt or starts crying. it amazes me every single time. i get compliments about how secure and independent she is all the time.

we just went to see santa and all the little ones were hysterical and Aniela just walked right up to him and he picked her up and put him on his lap and we got a nice pic! she did so well. then she just came right back to me and i put her in the sling. no issues at all. shes 14 m/o and i am blown away by her every day. its so amazing.

the point of that was just to express to you how it can be beneficial to encourage independence and to show that shes fine. she does need me very much and i am awarded with a lot of hugs and kisses and "love yous" but at the same time shes secure and happy in doing her own thing.

i dont have all the answers and i know that i am nothing but a first time mom myself, but we have everything together alright over here and im just trying my best to advise you with what worked for us.

last night she nursed every hour or 2 b/c shes got a cold....things happen but usually she can go 2-4hrs but she still does nurse...i will night wean her when shes older and we can discuss it. no one is perfect and what truly matters is how you love you're DD so much and never let her CIO or ignored her or did anything detrimental to her for any reason. she knows how much you love her and its ok to set boundaries - you're not abandoning her in any way or you're principles.

[savithny]

My kids moved very easily between napping in a crib by themselves and co-napping with me -- sometimes I'd lie down with them on the sofa, sometimes they'd sleep alone, sometimes after they fell asleep I'd move them to their own bed. 

I started that early - we didn't cosleep all night -- I just couldn't, I'd wake up hurting all over and I couldn't live like that.  So even as babies, they'd go down to sleep in the crib, and then when they woke to nurse in the wee hours I'd bring them into bed with me.  And they did JUST FINE with that, were confident, happy, loving kids. 

The late vs. early bedtime thing -- mine both slept best and longest if they went down for the night by 8 pm or so.  DD actually needed to be down earlier.  You'd think she'd be okay staying up later, because she *would* stay up later, but she'd show clear signs that it wasn't working - fretful, not sleeping well, difficulty getting to sleep.   I know it might mean she doesn't see Daddy before bed, but you've got to balance that with her own well-being and YOUR own well-being.  YOU need to be getting at least one solid REM cycle in per night for your own health, adn that means at least 2-3 hours straight at least once per night. 

The other thing I always did, and this again was for my own sanity, was never treat bedtime nursing like Old Country Boob Buffet.  I wore pajama tops and I often wore soft bras to bed for comfort, and even overnight, I didn't let them stay latched, and didn't let them latch themselves.  It did mean I had to be conscious enough to latch and unlatch and put the breast away, but since leaving them latched on and "nibble nursing" meant I didn't sleep anyway, it aws better for me to wake up to do that and go back into deeper sleep than it was to do otherwise.   

[sosurreal09]

i didnt mean they anything against people who crib sleep or w/e. i was trying to boost OPs confidence that they baby will be ok with change b/c she seems to be nervous about letting her cry at all or not nurse all night. trying to boost confidence about boundaries.

[omamasmama]

oh mama. 

I feel like I could have written your post.

Our dd has always been in the same bed with us. If she had her preference she would just sleep on me with my boob in her mouth all night. I tried just letting her do that so I could get some sleep and it didn't help much. She still woke up all of the time. Naps were hard for me for a long time too. I totally hear you about getting trapped in bed with her for nap. I had to nursed her to fall asleep and it took forever if at all for her to pop off and I could get up. (we have our mattress set up so she can't roll out of bed).

She's also been uninterested in food forever and is just now starting to eat at 23 months! A few months ago she finally would at least try food but she still just wants to nurse. I've had my share of advice around just cutting her off and she'll be so hungry she has to eat! We tried tanking up during the day and it didn't lesson the night nursings. And pacifier? I am her pacifier I guess, we tried that to and it didn't happen.

I hit a wall and had to shift something. I started with naps. I decided to sit up and nurse her in a chair, then get in bed with her still awake. When she asks for milk I tell her we just had some and she can have some more when she wakes up. She fussed for a couple of minutes and then fell asleep. Not all naps are that smooth and I've learned the difference between her being kinda fussy to wind down and her being genuinely in need or upset. That was my first step, falling asleep with nursing, and it was huge and I could get up and have an hour alone.

This doesn't work as well at night for us. She still wants to nurse all night, but she has learned from the naps that she can nurse but I'm taking my boob back when she's done. Again we have our nights where this is smooth and others where it's not.

DD was a night owl until a few months ago and again I had to change something. I couldn't deal with waking up and going non stop until I fell asleep with no me time or time with dh alone. She used to just sleep whenever and we were without a schedule.  When the time changes just recently and it started getting dark earlier I went for it. I started putting her to sleep earlier and not nursing her back to sleep when she woke up from her nap. She used to nap for an hour then want to nurse and sleep for another hour or so. I tried just getting her up when she woke up and then she wanted to go to bed earlier. It's shifted so much to have the ability to get up and not be stuck in bed and to have those hours in the evening. I hear you though about squeezing in daddy time. So I'm not sure how that would work for you.

That's my experience and it's ever changing, faltering and we're learning as we go.

Hope that helps and good luck to you mama. It's rough not getting sleep and it's such a basic need it's worth playing with figuring out how to make it work for all of you.

We have a futon mattress on a wooden platform so it doesn't move and squeak when we move. 

[sosurreal09]

how is it going? what have you decided on doing?

[Carolyn_mtl]

Still nursing all night, I keep trying to detach, but she wakes up right away. I rub her back and tell her that its time to sleep, and she just claws at my shirt. Sometimes she falls asleep after a few minutes, sometimes I give in because it's just easier at the time (which is not how I want to parent, but seriously, I am going on under 1 hour stretches of sleep for MONTHS).

I am also worried to take away her 12 hour long meals (not that she is actually consuming that whole time...) because she isn't eating any solids yet. I really do not know what to do. I wish someone could just promise me that she would be eating solids someday soon, if I knew that, I think I would be more confident in attacking this sleep issue.. or if I was sleeping, maybe I would have more patience to tackle this eating issue.. :(

[Michelle-H]

We used the Dr. Jay Gordon method to night-wean our 18 month old, and just adjusted it a bit.  The first three nights, between the hours of 11 and 5, I would nurse him when he woke, but unlatch him after he nursed about half his usual amount, and before he fell asleep, the next three nights, I would nurse for 1 minute before unlatching and comforting while he fell asleep, the following three I would not nurse at all, but would get up, rock, etc... until he fell asleep, and the final 3 nights, I stayed in bed and comforted him to sleep.  Now he sleeps (in his bed) from 7:30 until 10:30.  He usually wakes, nurses, and comes in with us and sleeps until 3:30 or so.  Then he wakes, fusses for awhile, and goes back to sleep.  We only night weaned a month ago, and are still in process, but it is so much nicer than him nursing 6-8 times at night.  And he started drinking and eating more in the day as well.  The first three days of less nursing helped him to adjust and start eating more before night weaning completely.

It is really hard.  Sleep deprivation sucks.  Hang in there.

[sosurreal09]

i dont think you should night wean! i think she still needs it definately...well if you're comfortable with it. I just think it would be better for you to stretch out the time between feeds not limit her nursing time KWIM?

OF course she will eat more solids soon, it's perfectly fine that she isn't right now- it won't hurt her, it's just hard on you. A lot of kids EBF until 2 y/o even...the point is that you aren't happy with the way things are right now. If you nurse her less she should eat more, true, so if you nurse her every 2hrs during the day she probably won't touch solids...and then you can expect her to nurse at least every 2 hrs at night. I would maybe focus more during the day right now and try and have her go three hours or something. Just keep her active and distracted to try and stretch the time.

then hopefully, she will go every 3 hrs at night...

you are doing you're best and you're milk will certainly not hurt her. It can be a real challenge when older babies don't eat solids, especially if you have a pediatrician telling you its better to wean her b/c a varied diet is more important at this age (which I have heard).

I am kind of rambling but basically do what YOU think is best. I have not night weaned my child and I'm not sure when I will go down that road but for now I just know I can't nurse her every 30 mins at night and I am trying my best to lengthen the times between feeds at night.

You can't force her to do anything she doesn't want to all you can do is encourage her and guide her. If you offer a banana before her milk and she eats some great! if not well there isn't anything you can do. I am more worried about how you may be criticized for her not getting enough solids. MY DD eats a ton of solids but she was sick and we went to see the pedi and it wasn't our usual one...he said what's she eating and I said well shes sick shes only tolerating BM and I got a huge speech about how my BM is LACKING so much now that shes past one and its better for hr to have a varied diet with cow's milk blah blah blah. I was like excuse me but what evidence do you have of that? Then I said she eats a lot of solids anyway ect ect. But still not too long ago everyone was EBF until they were 2 and still BF until 3-5 y/o so what the heck is with Drs telling people its not what's best after 1 y/o now?!

I hope she starts eating more b/c it's good for you and its learning and fun and all of those things, but do I think she will be fine with just BM right now? yes I do. I am no Dr but plenty of mother's have had issues like this and it is ok as far as I am concerned.

everything will work out and some day (hopefully soon) you will get a break!

Also I am still bed-sharing just like you and I'm sorry but I'm not putting my kid in a crib any time soon - it just feels unnatural to me, so whatever comes with that territory I have to deal with- does not mean I just give up and give in, but I'm not about to give up our family bed either.

[marinak1977]

I wish I could help mama, this sounds tough. The only thing that I can suggest in regards to naps - having her nap on the family bed, but setting the mattress directly on the floor. DS naps on our bed and if he gets off before I've gotten to him it's only 10 inches and he has learned to do it safely. We also use a video monitor to check up on him. So, I nurse him to sleep, sneak off and keep an eye on him until he's up. Sometimes it doesn't work and then I'm stuck in bed with him but at least I get some naps to myself. Hugs to you mama.

[D_McG]

I think you’re getting a lot of great advice.  Sosurreal’s advice really resonates with me.  You actually remind me a bit of how I was with my son (my first).  You sound a little fearful?

What I've learned is that while my kids are obviously so important.. their needs don't come first all the time.  They don't because it's not possible and not healthy for ANYONE involved.  

With my second I did a much better job of setting priorities.  Like I cook most days.  It's important and makes everyone feel good.  If that means that the kids are whining well let them at it.  Mostly they are totally fine (after an adjustment period) but they need to know that meals get cooked and the world doesn't end if they're not entertained 24/7.  It's really a good thing for everyone to know where they fit in the house.  And a young toddler shouldn't really be in the position where they are dictating what people eat, what time people sleep etc. She didn't ask for that power and it's not good for her.  So maybe a change in your perspective would help that?  

Given that you have had her evaluated, I think it's pretty safe to say that you can back off on nursing her so much and let her hunger pattern develop a bit.  My son was a perma-nurser, too.  He really needed help from me to reframe his day and get him eating.  A schedule like sosurreal listed would help tons, I bet.

You can't nurse all night long.  It's not good for anyone.  Of course she'll react but have a plan and stick with it.  Maybe you only go every few hours. Or... how I started my son was to go to him when he woke (before my bedtime) and I’d sing him a song.  If he was still crying to nurse at the end of the song then I’d nurse him but I found that just making him wait through the song stopped him from feeling like he had to nurse EVERY time he turned over.  So if he was calming down even a teeny tiny bit I would keep singing.  Once I was confident it was easy to get through..  But it seems to be that the biggest obstacle right now is a very common one;  you haven't yet adjusted from baby to toddler mode.  Limits are SO very important now!  And I wouldn’t worry about your supply.  It’s well established and she has lots of things she can be eating/drinking now!

Write a list if it helps!  I keep a mental list that I think keeps our home running well.

I need:

to cook and eat healthy food most days

to get to the gym at least 4 days a week (I put the kids in the childcare there)

my little part time retail job that keeps me balanced

time alone with DH every night (kids in bed by 7:30)

What’s on your list? 

It really seems like your own needs are long neglected.  I'm going to guess your DH's needs are neglected too.  So sit down with him and write out a plan.  Be confident that you can make changes that make EVERYONE happier.  I try to be a kind, responsive parent.  But I am the parent and I know best, most of the time!  If after a week a part of your plan isn’t working then change it.  But give things a week or so and be prepared to ride out some tantrums while she’s adjusting.  It’s OK for her to not be happy 24 hours a day!  Dealing with disappointment and frustration is part of life.  People have to learn to compromise.  Even little people J

Work on saying ‘No’.  No, I can’t pick you up right now, I’m cooking.  Play with this toy for 5 minutes while I finish chopping this onion.  No, I can’t go to bed with you right now.  It’s mommy/daddy time.  No, I can’t nurse you right now.  It’s time for sleeping but we’ll nurse later on.  No, I can’t nurse you right now but here’s a yogurt if you’re hungry etc. It's definitely an adjustment when your child develops wants vs needs!  Or what they need is different than what they want J

[Peony]

I second putting the mattress on the floor so you can sneak away and get something done. As to the rest, all my kids have been like that (3 of them) and eventually they start sleeping longer and eating food. They just do not like solids until later in life. DS is 19m and eating is still hit or miss, some days he will eat now, others he won't. It DOES get better, but then just about the time it does, I have another.  I was just lying on the couch last night half dead and DH kept asking what was wrong, um how about I haven't slept in 8 years now. 

[Michelle-H]

Mama needs her sleep, too.  You might try starting with just 4 hours a night where you don't nurse, and gradually make that period longer.  Maybe midnight to 4?  And then work that out a little longer.  It is really tough to be a sweet mommy when you aren't sleeping.  I need my space to sleep well and feel refreshed.  I don't sleep well with a latched baby.  And sometimes, you just need to take care of you.  Baby is smart--she will start to eat more, and adjust to less nursing.  I also have started restricting my 18 month old to no nursing for an hour before meals, and no nursing during the meal--just so that he can have an opportunity to sit at the table with us, be a little hungry, and eat some food.  Setting limits in a loving way is OK to do--especially when you are well past the one year mark.  Hang in there!  It is really tough sometimes!

[Carolyn_mtl]

Thank you all for your replies, sorry I've taken so long, I seem to never have any free time..

I appreciate all of your suggestions:) 

We were back at the feeding clinic this week, our 4th appointment, and I finally got the psychologist to refer us to the OT, and we see her tomorrow. The psych attempted to label DD as failure to thrive, because according to her charts dd has fallen through too many percentiles and although is gaining, she says she is gaining too slowly. I do not agree with the ftt, according to the WHO charts, dd has followed the 15th percentile for months...

Back to the nighttime issues. SO last night I tried to only feed dd every 2 hours, I think it was more like every 1.5. And in between I wouldn't let her use me as a pacifier. She slept 5-25 min intervals, with crying and clawing at me for the rest of the night. It was HELL.... But, today, she napped, (after a huge nursing session) unattached, lying beside me for 2.5 hours! She woke up briefly a few times, even opened her eyes, rubbed them, looked at me, and went back to sleep, ZERO crying. Maybe she was just exhausted from last night, we will see if tonight is better, but I feel somewhat optimistic. :)

Right now (because it changes daily) my gut is telling me that she needs to sleep without the boob in her mouth, spread out nighttime nursing sessions, allow more time between day time nursing (she tends to snack, like 1 min at a time, almost hourly), allow her hunger to really develop, and then maybe she will try some solids. Or not.. who knows. lol.

My goal is to get her accustomed to sleeping without the boob, so that I can eventually move her into the crib for naps. A mattress on the floor isn't really do-able, I mean, it is, but we have a 95lbs black lab, who SHEDS like mad, and I cannot imagine being that close to the floor and all that fur :)

Hopefully I can get her used to eating larger quantities but with more time in between, and maybe some FOOD.