She is a great kid, and very mellow and easy going. I am not sure if these are even tantrums. They have begun happening in the last week, mostly if she is tired. I try to keep her from getting over tired but it does happen... life is busy.
So anyhow, she will start screaming if I tell her no about something. Or this evening, because I picked her up for a moment, we were happy, and then I set her down... and usually she will say, "up!" if she wants back up, but she just launched straight into screaming. So she will scream, run off and scream some more. The screaming goes on and on. If I try to pick her up too soon, she pushes me away and shakes her head, so now I give her a little bit of space to be mad.
I tell her that I would be happy to hug her when she wants, and I try to offer her word to talk about her feelings. ("Are you feeling mad because x?" etc) I don't want to talk too much because it seems ineffective at least during the tantrum. And I want to stay calm and not get mad too (which so far I don't really get mad... it seems obvious that she is frustrated and I am the adult, so should act like one... but I would not be surprised in the future if I felt frustrated too), but I don't want to be cold either. I don't want to be lax in my duty as a parent to help her learn how to control her feelings. I also don't want to over-dramatize stuff for her, either.
I am working to resolve the tiredness issue, but in the meantime, I also want to offer her empathy, boundaries, tools. Big feelings happen. I have to admit tonight I told her I would hug her when she was ready, then just laid on the floor and let her scream for about ten minutes. I felt like it would have been rude to go do something else. Then I offered to pick her up, and she came right to my arms and soothed fairly quickly after that. I know what I want to do... I just don't know about how to do it.
I guess perhaps after the meltdown might have been the time to give her some words, but her dad came home at that exact instant and they started playing.
Basically, I'd like to hear what y'all have to say about tantrums. What worked for you, what didn't, your thoughts, etc.