Thank you for all the kind words. It certainly could have gone better today. We agreed on 8:00 am last night through texting. We live two hours apart. She was coming to get dfd. At 7:00 am, I got a text saying, "We're on X road, [minutes away] we need to get her early." I wrote back and said, "No, she will be ready at 8:00." Dfd's grandma sends me a text, "No, I need to leave, so you need to hand her over early." So I wrote back, "No, your daughter is refusing us visitation after this, so we will savor our last hour. You chose to come up here knowing full well we had agreed on 8:00. That's on you. I have a good friend in the local PD, do I need to call them over?" I never heard back, but rather they pulled into our driveway moments before 8:00. However, it made it awful. As soon as they started texting me, the anxiety flooded, and I had a panic attack complete with shaking and an inability to breathe. I locked myself in the bathroom and talked on the phone to a dear friend to calm down, but it didn't have to be that way. I couldn't believe they schemed to take that last time from me, the moments which probably will be my last. It was devastating and we were shattered after that. We held it together and stayed as positive as possible, but she sensed something was wrong. I am shaking now, just writing this out. She didn't want to go.
Â
When we got the call from sw last week, I simply said, "I knew you would say that date." I just knew. I saw it coming, so all I said was, "Ok." No fight. I told mom she would need to get baby girl because we would be far too upset to drive home the 110 miles. She threw a hissy fit but agreed because she wanted her back. I never put up a fight, and I contacted her to arrange a time. How could someone do what they did? I made it as peaceful as I could with them, and they ruined it. I couldn't even walk her to the car because I was still shaking and knew it would be bad for baby girl to see me break down or snap at them. My husband was so awesome and walked her out for me; I never even had to see her mom. If I never saw her again it wouldn't be too soon.
Â
Keep in mind this is a woman whom I've known for nearly 20 years; we grew up as "sisters," the best of friends. She still tells me she loves me everytime she hangs up the phone. But that's not love.
