Our journey ends tomorrow morning. - Page 2

[Whistler]

I am so sorry.  Thinking of you and the grief this must have been this week.  That little girl is going to be a better person because of the investment you made into her life in those early formative years.  I'm sure it doesn't help at ALL to hear that right now though.  I'll be praying for you and especially praying for her that she will be safe and happy.

[Sierra]

 Continuing to think of you and your entire family.

[Smithie]

I am so sorry for you and your poor, poor DFD. 

[Thandiwe]

Thank you everyone.  This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through.  The shock is wearing off, and left in it's place is a hole, grief so deep.  I miss her so much.  I imagine time will soften the pain, but I just can't believe this happened.  So much is wrong with all of it. 

And it's Christmas.  Personally, I would be happy to see Christmas pass by silently, but alas we have three kiddos who still deserve to celebrate. 

[tiffani]

Is there any way that you can be the home she goes to if her mama can't hack it?  I am hoping that she can, that she has turned her life around and is going to be a wonderful parent to her two children, but if not.... I know you don't want to speculate, and you need time to grieve, so maybe someone else can answer this, but do they ever return children to their original foster homes if mama loses it after regaining custody?

[Polliwog]

The mother has had the rights of two previous children terminated, so it doesn't look promising for her.  And she really hasn't made any changes.  It was a warped "clock running out" kind of thing, from what I understand. 

Typically, the child's previous foster family would be offered placement unless there was a compelling reason not to.  At least that's how it's supposed to work.  However, a lot depends on the state and how they have things organized.  The OP moved two hours from where the child now lives (and has been driving that distance for visitations for quite a long time.)  That might make a difference.

[PlayaMama]

just more

you and your family are in my thoughts. i'm so sorry the path took this turn mama.

[marsupial-mom]

I'm so sorry. So sorry.

[Thandiwe]

Tiffani, Polliwog is correct.  There are two previous terms, just 2 months prior to the birth of current child.  We have written a document stating our desire to receive her back into placement if she comes into care, and have sent it to every single person we can think of to file it away.  That's the way it's supposed to work.  It gets more complicated, though, because our license runs out in 6 months, and they won't place her if we aren't licensed.  In order to stay licensed, we have to take a placement.  And I don't really think we want to at this time.  We were licensed specifically for her (took her in and then got licensed), and we don't feel adequately prepared *at this moment* to provide a home to anyone else.  That could change in some time, but I don't want to shake up any children's lives if we can't.  And then it gets stickier too because she has a sib due to be born in early Feb.  1/2 sib.  So they would want to place together.  We can currently take 2 with space, but the licensing: if we kept it open, and took a child, we could only take 1 more, not 2.  And of course we live several counties away, 110 miles.  We did the drive from summer 2009 until this past 2 weeks every week for visits 1x a week.  It is *supposed* to work out for her to come home to us if it didn't pan out with mom, but there are several factors, so many it would most likely get overlooked in that county.  And to be honest, I could see the family making a point that she should be placed in one of their homes so she can still see extended family instead of being so far away.  I don't even know up from down right now, and I just really hate not knowing how she's doing.  Even if she was talking to me, it wouldn't matter.  I don't know if this makes any sense to anyone else, but y'know how some people are just "in tune" with their kids?  You know they are really "listening" to their kids and truly understanding them?  Well, that is not and never has been her.  She is really out of touch with her daughter, and it has always made me sad seeing some of the stuff that happened during visits.  Even if I asked, she'd say, "Oh yeah, she's great."  But who knows the truth, y'know? 

I do hope - from the bottom of my heart - that all is well and mom keeps it together.  I don't want my little one to suffer anymore than she already has.  But the problem is, you can't change what you don't acknowledge.  When you're still doing things to hide your substance abuse and you're still denying it has ever been an issue, despite evidence (BIG evidence) to the contrary, you can't change.  I shudder when I think about what will happen once the state, monitoring program, probation, and pregnancy are over.... I predict (given her history) a big blow-out.  *sigh*  It's not in my control.  I just keep telling myself that.  It's not in my control.

But if you cut off your foot and left it in a subway, would you stop thinking about it just because it was no longer there?  No way.  You would grieve for it and sting with pain.  :(

[PlayaMama]

i don't see how you couldn't grieve in this situation.

[coyotemist]

Hugs, and prayers for your peace.  You've done a good thing taking care of her.

[LROM]

I just read your heartbreaking account of the morning you had to turn your dear dear daughter over, so looked for more posts from you because I didn't know the story.

All I can say is you have done a TREMENDOUS thing giving that girl a loving, healthy home for 2 of the most important years of her life.  I do hope her mom will pull it together... but given what I just read about 2 previous TPRs and her denial of her problems... yes, my heart breaks even more.

I work for CPS and without amazing, brilliant people like you and your family, so so so many kids would grow up in awful situations no child should ever live through.  I know your heart is positively broken, and that you're coming out of the fog of shock that having to see her go brought to you.  But please know, you have given one of the most valuable, invaluable, amazing gifts anyone could ever give: you have kept a child safe and healthy during some of the peak years that children are abused and neglected (which are 0-5 because they are so needy and can't communicate well about abuse most of the time).

Thank you thank you thank you for what you have done.  I am praying the Universe looks out for your dd and for your family, possibly reuniting you again but more than anything, keeping her safe and happy wherever she is.