WWYD Question

[AFWife]

How would you have dealt with this situation? Yesterday we were house-hunting (meeting with the realtor) and there was a little play area. Well, there was a little boy (older than DS...not sure by how much) that kept snatching his toys (even to the point of coming over to the table where *I* was sitting and trying to take them) He even TEASED DS with a toy...like, set it down where DS could touch it and then snatched it back up.

This was upsetting for my son because we always model and teach sharing. He's pretty good about it already.

Basically, I just removed DS from the boy (took a few toys for HIM to play with and moved away) The other boy's parents were totally oblivious to their son...When he tried to take toys from ME they only said something after *I* did.

[HidaShara]

I tend to parent other people's kids without any heed for what the parents would think ('cause that's the world, kid - your mom and dad aren't the only people on the planet who are affected by your actions!), so take this with salt!

First I'd have told my child to stand up for himself and tell the other kid to quit snatching.  If that didn't take, I would have firmly taken the toys back from the other kid and told him to share.  If he persisted I'd have told him he wasn't being very nice and possibly confiscated the toys.  I know on the one hand kids have to learn to fight these things out for themselves, on the other hand I don't like giving kids the impression that nobody will stick up for them and that the jerky kid always wins, ykwim?

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by HidaShara 

I tend to parent other people's kids without any heed for what the parents would think ('cause that's the world, kid - your mom and dad aren't the only people on the planet who are affected by your actions!), so take this with salt!

First I'd have told my child to stand up for himself and tell the other kid to quit snatching.  If that didn't take, I would have firmly taken the toys back from the other kid and told him to share.  If he persisted I'd have told him he wasn't being very nice and possibly confiscated the toys.  I know on the one hand kids have to learn to fight these things out for themselves, on the other hand I don't like giving kids the impression that nobody will stick up for them and that the jerky kid always wins, ykwim?

Oh, we plan to teach him to stand up for himself...but he's a non-verbal 19mo. So, there really was nothing HE could do. I think he understood that the boy wasn't being nice (he cried after the boy teased him with the toy) but I think that's as far as it went.

[2lilsweetfoxes]

It would depend on how the older boy was--was he deliberately trying to be mean or was he oblivious to your son unless your son tried to take "his" (other boy's) toy.  The reason I say this is that what happened to your son is a common dynamic between my 7 year old autistic son (who is probably on a 2 year old level socially and the size of a 4-5 year old) and my 19 month old daughter.  He'll be doing something with a few toys and if you take one toy out of the bunch, he has to get it back or whatever he's doing won't "work" in his mind.  90 percent of the time, unless there are screams and blood, I let them work it out themselves (usually one or the other bores of it quickly and finds something else--when I interfere, then they draw it out because mama's involved, and it is now a game).

Of course, with a child you don't know, you wouldn't know if there was a handicap involved.  Yes, my son "looks" completely normal--as long as you don't try to involve him in conversation (he is functionally nonverbal--he can say some words, but cannot have a conversation--you can explain about sharing all you want and taking turns, but you may as well be speaking Martian.  And if you just confiscated the toys, even after explaining--all you are going to get is a meltdown, think tantrum on steroids that takes about an hour or more to come down from, and a pissed-off mama because our day is ruined)  and he isn't stimming.  I might have seemed oblivious because my main concern would be paying attention to the person we are speaking with and ensuring our son does not run out the door.  As long as he isn't running out the door or destroying stuff, we are having a pretty good day.

Because of my personal experiences, I'd get the other child's parents involved.  Nicely explain the issue and ask their assistance.  If you are both at the apartment rental office, you may soon be neighbors.  Wouldn't you rather know that they are "awful" people that you wouldn't want to live near--or you could find out they are actually pretty nice.  I'd have come over and either helped by doing our "share ritual"--play for a minute, then say "one.  two.  three.  AFWife'sson's (or my) turn." and they would switch.  If that didn't work, we'd take him to the car.

[akind1]

Well, my DS is only 12 months, but I can see him "teasing" as we do this with food alot - it goes both ways, he teases us to take a bite and keeps it to himself, and us to him.  It is possible that the other child wasn't really trying to be mean, as it is sometimes hard to figure out what games kids have worked out for themselves in their heads.  I think I would have done exactly like you had done, just separated the boys, since I didn't know the parents.

Alot of what kids do has to be worked out between them, it is amazing what they can communicate to eachother without words or full sentences!