Weekly Chat 12/5 - 12/11 - Page 3

[imogenlily]

Originally Posted by JosieAK 

Yes, but so much harder when it's something I care passionately about (Do I tell the girl who bought the home dopplar that it uses a technology that emits radiation?  I know she got it for her peace of mind, but she COULD have no idea that it's probably not wise to use it everyday for long periods of time.  And that sort of thing.)  Then it's just compounded by the fact that I'm already making very different decisions that can come across non verbally as judging (even when the decisions are personal and not a judgement on anyone else at all).  It's just tricky.  But so far, so good! 

Oh, and the down side to wearing maternity clothes--I got touched on the belly THREE times this weekend by non family members.  Hmm.  Maybe I should switch to baggy sweaters!

I think, personally, I would give her as much information as possible so she could make an educated decision for herself once she has all the pertinent information. I might say something like "Oh, being able to hear the baby's heartbeat at home is exciting/reassuring. I know there's some controversy about it, how are you feeling about the issue of exposure to radiation?", and if she doesn't know, then you have an opportunity to tell her.

[Buddhamom]

I don't think it is someone's place to interject about personal beliefs.  I happen to have a fetal doppler and use it every so often to check on my baby.  I purchased it after doing research, talking with my midwife about it and talking with my husband who is an engineer who has worked with this type of technology before.  There is a lot of data out there showing safe use and this is just another personal choice in life and should be left at that. Just as I have personal beliefs and information regarding meat, I would not interject my findngs on others unless asked.  Respect for decisions must come into play as I would not appreciate someone else doing it to me.

[kawa kamuri]

I understand both points.

On one hand I wish I would have received some naturally minded guidance when I started having children. I had to rely on mainstream books, medically slanted family and obstetricians. While I did parent the way I felt was best and still do I also made a lot of uninformed choices especially in regard to birth. I didn't know any better and had no access ('94-'03) to internet or alternative media. I often feel envious of mamas who, in my opinion, get it "right" from the get go. I think they're so lucky to have so much information. 

On the other hand, I think a lot of mamas are hyper sensitive about criticism in regard to their parenting. I personally don't offer advice unless asked but that's my own comfort level. When my sister-in-law went back and forth about breastfeeding vs formula feeding her youngest I told her why BF was best, easiest and would most readily fit into the hectic life of a busy mom. She ended up FF and, while it's not the choice I would've made, I know she loves her little ones as much as I love mine. My sister wants to have her 1st baby so badly and we often discuss pregnancy and birth choices. I'm happy to be able to give her my experience from both sides, so to speak. 

As a parent I get negative and positive opinions all over the map. They range from how disgusting it is to BF, stupid it is to home birth to my not being radical or natural enough. As far as I can tell no matter what l do I'm messing this whole mama thing up. I do what I feel is best for my family with the humble relisation that most parents are doing the same whether or not it's by the same values.

In the case of to inform or not inform acquaintances - I think a tender, non-judgemental delivery is crucial. I'd probably keep my lips zipped but of course relaise not everyone feels that's the best choice.    

[imogenlily]

I guess I would still try to take the approach of bringing it up for discussion, offering space for her to discuss the information she had on the subject, empathizing ("It can be so stressful to go for a long time without knowing how the baby is doing"), and offering information without being judgmental ("This was my experience, I based it on information from these sources, but I know it's so personal. How are you doing with the decision making process?")

[JosieAK]

Thanks for the input, Mamas.  I definitely don't want to offend anyone, yet I care about these ladies too much to be mum ALL the time.  I will just have to be sweet and supportive no matter what.

And carefully share information when it's really important in a totally non threatening way.

[kawa kamuri]

You seem like a really awesome lady, Josie. 

[imogenlily]

Originally Posted by JosieAK 

And carefully share information when it's really important in a totally non threatening way.

That sounds perfect, Josie. I second kawa kamuri's comment.

[JosieAK]

Aw, Thanks. 

[Mamatoabunch]

I like sharing and try hard not to judge, but present an alternative. It isn't always easy though. Some mamas have no idea that a crappy OB is not their only choice, or hospital birth, no U/S as a choice or whatever else.