Deep Breaths - 6 months & hitting the wall

[Aka mommy]

I'm exhausted & 6 months of this brewing is getting close to spilling over with me! I know I'm not alone, I know i've tried/done what I can but this is also the way we've chosen to parent so I feel as if I don't have any right to vent my frustrations!

My ds will NOT sleep, never really has. Even at 3 weeks he was waking every 1.5  hours at night & only taking 2 two hour naps a day. By 4 months he was waking every hour at night & taking 4 thirty minute naps during the day. Tomorrow he turns 6 months old & is up EVERY 30-45 mins a night and only takes 3 thirty minute naps during the day. He hates the car so wont sleep there & im in it a lot due to older kids in school. He is nursing plenty during the day and will only sleep while suckling/nursing at night (not great since i have some joint issues but i'm doing it). We co-sleep but i'm so exhausted & i'm trying to ignore the little part of my brain that says "wean him & put him in his own crib & figure out how to make him get some sleep". I feel awful for even admitting to thoughts that go so against my parenting thoughts.

We've also been fighting allergy/sensitivity issues & my diet (or lack thereof lol) is getting old fast. This is my first child with so many issues. Lactose, milk protein, egg, wheat? It's been 6 months of trial & error. And a part of me doubts myself & i feel as if my breastmilk is what's making him so very miserable. He's still colicky, he has explosive, runny mucousy poops, stomach pain & lots of gas issues and eczema and acne. I conquered hyperlactation and 4 cases of mastitis and then we had to start focusing on this! So it's been a very long 6 months of breastfeeding, the 30 months i did before him seems so simple and easy!

And he's a complete little saint and just the smiliest boy, as long as all his needs are met.  But somedays I just want dh to be able to walk with him for 15 minutes while I take a nice long hot bath. Or to have him actually swing in the crib and not scream during my entire 5 minute shower. Or I'd love for him to be able to actually take an hour long nap during the day so that I don't have to type this out over an hours time with one hand, and for him to not get so frustrated that i'm not paying 100% attention to him that he starts batting at my hands and screaming in my ear so i get up and walk and play with him.

I know he's high need/demand. It's not my first time at the rodeo thankfully, but geez it sucks when i'm in the thick of it. And it's been 5 years since i was there with my last and i completely forgot how much it really sucks out of you physically and emotionally. I know i'll keep AP'ing and doing what we do. I know i wont change and let him on a bottle or CIO. But is it so bad that some days i daydream about the what ifs, or that i envy each of my friends who's 4,5 and 6 months old have been sleeping through the night for months now (and they are bf and cosleep no less!!!). Do i always have to smile and nod at these people or can I just tell them i really don't want to hear it, i'm not a horrible parent and nothing 'I' do to 'fix' ds is going to change the way he is made?

I needed to vent so thank you, I also would love any coping mechanisms for anyone in similar shoes. We don't have any extra money as dh is in the military now and funds are erm tight lol. So i can't hire a nanny or a high schooler or someone from church to give me a break (ds wouldn't go for it anyways as he wont even let anyone except me and dh hold him, let alone let me out of his sight for 5 minutes without going balistic). Is there anything you do for you or for your little one that seems to help? I'm so open to options after just finishing Dr. Sears book about parenting the high need baby. I fear that if i keep up this run down and exhausted that PPD will start to rear it's ugly head and i'd really like to take care of myself as well as nurture my dear sweet son.

I hope i put this in the right forum, it was a mix of bf'ing, cosleeping, APing, high needs baby issues so thought it would go here.

[mom2happy]

All I can say is that I know exactly how you feel and have been there.

It is impossible, yet somehow you do it KWIM?

Just feel successful every day as a mom and be proud of the love and care this little needy baby is getting.

AND know that this WILL pass. This part will get easier. There may be other things along the way that are hard, but they will be different. It constantly changes.

I remember  wearing my 22 pound 6 month old crying son all day with my back killing me, my 2 yr old at my feet crying, the house a complete wreck, and dinner to be made, AND knowing I had another sleepless night ahead of me, knowing I would have the same thing tomorrow. I felt like it was the rest of my life. It wasnt. I wound up having a nice break when they were 3 and 5 up to 5 and 7yrs old.

Now I have anther baby and wonder how I'll make it everyday. Somehow we moms can just do it.

See yourself as AMAZING!

And it might NOT be your milk. Some people are just fussers. They start that way as babies.

[Knitting Mama]

You mentioned that you would love for your husband to take him for 15 minutes and just walk with him-- why is this not a possibility?

edit: Just saw that you said he is military-- is he deployed right now?

[Aka mommy]

Originally Posted by Cecilia's Mama 

You mentioned that you would love for your husband to take him for 15 minutes and just walk with him-- why is this not a possibility?

edit: Just saw that you said he is military-- is he deployed right now?

 No, thankfully. But he's gone about 2 weeks out of the month. And the time he's home, i get the feeling ds isn't as comfy with him as he is with me if that makes sense. He is fine with dh as long as i'm in the same room. But if i leave for longer than 5 minutes it's pure terror and hysterics. I think ds has attachment issues with dh because he's gone so much, which breaks dh's heart.

[SeattleRain]

Have you seen a doctor about the mucusy poop? Seriously, he might have something going on in his tummy, perhaps a rare allergy or intolerance that can be tested for. I would be concerned if my baby was so high needs and also had digestive issues.

Have you read the Happiest Baby on the Block? It has some great mechanisms for high needs babies. I'd really recommend swaddling for night time or naps, it helps the babies stay in REM sleep. It sounds like your baby isn't sleeping very deeply and could use the help. Also, you could try some white noise. Dr. Karp says to do it quite loudly and we've upped the volume and had good results. Have you tried a paci for his sucking needs so that it can take some work off of you?

[Aka mommy]

Originally Posted by SeattleRain 

Have you seen a doctor about the mucusy poop? Seriously, he might have something going on in his tummy, perhaps a rare allergy or intolerance that can be tested for. I would be concerned if my baby was so high needs and also had digestive issues.

Have you read the Happiest Baby on the Block? It has some great mechanisms for high needs babies. I'd really recommend swaddling for night time or naps, it helps the babies stay in REM sleep. It sounds like your baby isn't sleeping very deeply and could use the help. Also, you could try some white noise. Dr. Karp says to do it quite loudly and we've upped the volume and had good results. Have you tried a paci for his sucking needs so that it can take some work off of you?

The ped said lactose intolerance or a milk protein allergy, so i cut everything out that could be the culprit though i myself have a milk protein allergy too so there isn't much. but i've gotten much more anal about what i eat. We go in on thursday for our next check up and he said we will talk about testing then.

I have not read that, i will have to find it. We do swaddle and it helped for a bit between 3 weeks and 2 months of age. Now he kicks out of it, though we are constantly reswaddling him in hopes it will help. Has anyone used the swaddling blankets that velcro? I had some questions on them but he was a summer baby so we just used a thin swaddling blanket, now he's 17 lbs and bigger so that blanket doesnt seem to stay very long. I've been thinking about picking up one of those fleece velco swaddling blankets?? We use a loud fan for white noise and then if that doesnt work the shower (it's loud and you can hear it from where we sleep and thankfully we don't have to pay for water lol) but i haven't invested in a white noise machine. . . it's next on my list to invest in! I'll start looking in to it, thank you for the reminder as it got put on the back burner. Any suggests for good ones? He will sleep in the swing with the shower running full force from about 8 pm to 9:45 pm, right now that's his longest stretch of sleep. Thoughts??

He does take a paci, but only during his waking hours and then spits it out usually. We found he likes the mam much better than any of the other pacifiers. So we have invested in a few more of those to always have them on hand. I find that at night if i give them to him, he will take it for about 5 minutes and then spit it out and then is screaming bloody murder 3 minutes later. We keep trying, but within 5 minutes i'm frantic as we have a really small apartment and i'm afraid he will wake up his sisters and then offer him the breast which is immediate comfort. Am i sabotaging him by doing this??? I feel like a first timer all over again!!! With my others the boob or pacifier would put them back to sleep for at least 2 hours. But he isn't like that! And speaking of, he's up!!!
 

[marinak1977]

just sending some hugs and positive thoughts your way

[Knitting Mama]

We use the fleece Swaddleme blanket (my daughter is 8 months but a tiny thing at 16 lbs). What did you want to know about them?

The last time I heard of a baby being severely lactose intolerant, he was put on a prescription soy formula and his problems cleared up very quickly. I would hate for you to lose the breastfeeding relationship you have with your baby, but is it a possibility to talk to your doctor about that and see what he/she thinks? If it made the difference for your baby's growth and temperament, it might be worth it? And let me say, just so you know, that I am a HUGE lactivist. I have gone to great ends to breastfeed my daughter with a low supply due to breast reduction surgery, and to supplement her with donated milk. I am definitely not a formula pusher. I just wonder in this situation, KWIM?

[Buzzer Beater]

Aka Mommy,

I do use a velcro swaddle on DD. Otherwise she's out in a second. We didn't swaddle her for awhile in there, and when we went back to it her sleep improved so much we couldn't believe it. She just sighs and heads off to sleep. We are also going through an "only mommy please" stage, even tho DH has been the nighttime parent from the beginning. He is such a hands on dad and I think it hurts him a bit when he can't soothe her. Hang in there, I hope you get a break.

Sara

[FrugalGranolaMom]

Oh man, do I remember those days! DS was/is pretty high needs and it was rough. My mantra during that time was "this phase will pass, this phase will pass". 

I also agree with the white noise machine. This is the one we have http://www.amazon.com/Graco-Sweet-Slumber-Sound-Machine/dp/B001GQ2P78/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1291698085&sr=8-6

Hang in there!

[evabea]

I'm not swaddling now, but my cousin sent me the Miracle Blanket, and that kept DD in very well, while also allowing a more natural position for the legs. And you can change the diaper without taking the arms out. I might try swaddling again, as she keeps waking herself up in REM sleep, rubbing her face til she's awake.

On soothing, DD's dad doesn't live with us and is only with her 4 nights a week, and has been gone a lot the past couple of weeks, so she really turns to me more into me for comfort. Which is a pain for me when I want a break and vicious cycle since they're not learning that together. I'm not looking forward to the separation anxiety stage!

I loved Happiest Baby on the Block, and wish i'd read it when she was born. Sounds like you're doing most of the things already, good luck aka Mommy!

[matey]

So sorry mama. :hug I completely understand, you just described life when my son was a baby. I did move him to the crib at 8 months. It was a long transition, but it enabled me to get some sleep when I could and it made him sleep better too. We have dealth with all the allergies and limited diet, lack of sleep and all that together makes a mama feel like a crazy person. I know you dont want to bother dh, but it is super important for you to get some time to refresh yourself. Maybe he could take ds out of earshot so you wont hear him fussing. I know for me, if I hear the baby being upset with dh, I dont feel relaxed. I feel hyped up and rushed.

You ahve a high needs babay, but it will get better. I am so sorry it is so rough.

Have you tried him on probiotics?

[TSomm]

Hugs to you!  I've been there, but only have one to deal with thankfully.

For my DD, we have white noise, DARK room, swaddle, rocking, and a tight clutch.  The white noise has become her signal that it's naptime.  She can't sleep if it's too bright.  I've noticed on sunnier days it's a bad nap day.  BUT, also getting outside helps.  If we take a nice brisk walk just before naptime (don't let them fall asleep on the walk) she'll go down easier.

[sssheri]

I'm so sorry. Big hugs. I thought of this blog post when I read your post. Hopefully it will help you. http://kellyraeroberts.blogspot.com/2010/09/colic-solved.html

She recommends a book called "Colic Solved: The Esential Guide to Infant Reflux and the Care of Your Crying, Difficult-to- Soothe Baby .It really does sound like a gastro condition/ allergy. I would make sure to be a strong advocate for your son with the doctor and make sure they take you seriously and don't chalk it up to being colicky. 

The happiest baby techniques work great, especially on newborns, but I imagine it would be soothing to any baby. It probably won't solve your problem, but maybe give you and your son a little relief. Basically you want to recreate a womb-like environment. So swaddling to constrict movement (I like the miracle blanket a lot ) shushing or white noise to (The Marpac SleepMate is great but expensice. You could just use your radio to a fuzzy station and turn the volume way up) rocking (babywearing, swing, wiggling them in your arms) and sucking (pacifier, mommy, a finger). 

[SeattleRain]

Originally Posted by Cecilia's Mama 

We use the fleece Swaddleme blanket (my daughter is 8 months but a tiny thing at 16 lbs). What did you want to know about them?

The last time I heard of a baby being severely lactose intolerant, he was put on a prescription soy formula and his problems cleared up very quickly. I would hate for you to lose the breastfeeding relationship you have with your baby, but is it a possibility to talk to your doctor about that and see what he/she thinks? If it made the difference for your baby's growth and temperament, it might be worth it? And let me say, just so you know, that I am a HUGE lactivist. I have gone to great ends to breastfeed my daughter with a low supply due to breast reduction surgery, and to supplement her with donated milk. I am definitely not a formula pusher. I just wonder in this situation, KWIM?

This. I wonder if there's something going on digestively with your milk, like even the milk proteins in breastmilk are hurting her tummy. If this is the case, you could really see an improvement in her quality of life with a prescription formula, or even a regular soy formula.You definitely should talk to your doctor about that since your daughter is 6 months old and you're still seeing a lot of problems. Also, aren't green mucosy poops a symptom of overactive letdown? I feel like I've heard that somewhere. It might be worthwhile to seek the assistance of a lactation consultant or a LLL group if that's the case.

I also use the fleece swaddleme blanket. We were in the same DDC, and when Daniel was first born I used muslin swaddling blankets but he's way too big for those now. We use the fleece ones because they're the only things that come in a size large. You have to do them QUITE tight or else the baby can find ways to escape. I think BRU has them on sale right now. It sounds like a read of Happiest Baby on the Block could really help you perfect your technique since the stuff seems to be working right now. He's really into the swing thing. Personally I would save your money on a white noise machine. We bought an iTunes cd of white noise and put it on repeat in Daniel's room.

[memz]

Big   I know how hard it can be.... My DD id almost 11 months and still waking every hour or so. But I was just thinking, if swaddling works you could get the woombie...that worked for us from about 5 months to 9 months....here's the link http://www.thewoombie.com/ 

[littlemizflava]

i would do a total elimination for 2 weeks and see if he improves. there is still something making hims sick. formula is not the answer because it is easier to cut out foods when breastfeeding. from experence i would cut out all dairy products and beef.

swaddle with a huge sheet. just place dc off center wrap one side as you would normally then do the other side but bring it all the way under them. this helps to pin it and keep them in it. lol i did this to my ds alot when he was smaller, as he got older not so much but sometimes he just needed it. did it till he was about 2.

i know my ds had reflux and needed to nurse alot at night. his reflux went hand in hand with allergies. for bathing have you tried taking a bath with him at night? if you have a seat or even lie him on the floor while you quickly wash then bring him in, wash him, then have a soak together. my trick was my 2 would always get sleepy and nurse and fall asleep in the bath i would bring them out sleeping. wrap them up dry me off then get them ready for bed and nurse them back to sleep

i am sending 's cause i am a single mom of 2 and i know how hard it was with my ds all alone.

[Tattooed Hand]

I agree with the above poster. My DD has been REALLY high needs her whole life. But as she has gotten more and more mobile, this has gotten easier. She has a very sensitive digestion and was really "colicky." I first cut out dairy, and that helped, but a couple of weeks later, I cut out all the top allergens (corn, wheat, soy, dairy, nuts, eggs,  for 3 weeks, and rotated each back in individually. She reacted to all of them. I don't think giving her formula is the answer, especially because alot of people who have sensitivities to dairy also have them to soy. I would cut them out of your diet and see if there is an improvement. There was for us. The ladies in the allergies forum have lots of info and great recipies.

That said, it's HARD. I could basically only eat rice, beans, veggies and meat. And I had to make everything from scratch that I put in my mouth. But I've slowly been adding things back in.

My DD is sensitive to everything though, it's not just her digestion. Sound, teething, milestones, you name it. When we moved over the summer she cried when ever I used the tape gun unless she was on my back, so I had to pack up our whole apartment with a baby strapped to my back. She would FREAK (I mean hour long inconsolable crying) if anyone but DH or I touched her or even looked at her too closely from months 3-5. But you know what, she grew out of it. Now she's cautious, but generally OK with other people. She also has been more open to DH holding her and even (lately) walking her to sleep starting slowly from 6 months onward. It gets easier, mama, hang in there. Her sleep also SUCKED. She woke up every 30-120 minutes all night long for 5 months. But since she has started walking about a month ago, I am getting a 4-6 hour stretch once a night and 2 hour blocks the rest of the night (it feels like alot compared to the previous months). Some things that helped us were blackout curtins (if they are too expensive, put tin foil over the bedroom window), a white noise machine (or a fan pointing at the wall), a humidifier, special mellow sleep music (and other such rituals). And we wear her alot.

I know how hard it is. I can't tell you how many times I've had fantasies about weaning her, Ferberizing her, or even just going out and getting a cheeseburger, checking into a hotel and sleeping for a week. Hang in there, mama. You are a superhero. It will get easier. Just try to get as much sleep as you can, when ever you can.

PS - DD never let us swaddle her. She would scream bloody murder until we let her out. It did help us to switch sleeping arrangements at around 9 months. She now sleeps in a twin bed next to our bed (beds are on the floor) and I scootch over and nurse her when she wakes up. Having the extra room to squirm around in, undisturbed by the movement of adults seems to have helped her sleep better.

[THBVsMommy]

Could it be lactose overload? I noticed you mentioned hyperlactation in your OP. Here's a wonderful article of lactose intolerance (primary & secondary) and lactose overload.

http://www.breastfeeding.asn.au/bfinfo/lactose.html

[matey]

Originally Posted by Tattooed Hand 

I agree with the above poster. My DD has been REALLY high needs her whole life. But as she has gotten more and more mobile, this has gotten easier. She has a very sensitive digestion and was really "colicky." I first cut out dairy, and that helped, but a couple of weeks later, I cut out all the top allergens (corn, wheat, soy, dairy, nuts, eggs,  for 3 weeks, and rotated each back in individually. She reacted to all of them. I don't think giving her formula is the answer, especially because alot of people who have sensitivities to dairy also have them to soy. I would cut them out of your diet and see if there is an improvement. There was for us. The ladies in the allergies forum have lots of info and great recipies.

That said, it's HARD. I could basically only eat rice, beans, veggies and meat. And I had to make everything from scratch that I put in my mouth. But I've slowly been adding things back in.

My DD is sensitive to everything though, it's not just her digestion. Sound, teething, milestones, you name it. When we moved over the summer she cried when ever I used the tape gun unless she was on my back, so I had to pack up our whole apartment with a baby strapped to my back. She would FREAK (I mean hour long inconsolable crying) if anyone but DH or I touched her or even looked at her too closely from months 3-5. But you know what, she grew out of it. Now she's cautious, but generally OK with other people. She also has been more open to DH holding her and even (lately) walking her to sleep starting slowly from 6 months onward. It gets easier, mama, hang in there. Her sleep also SUCKED. She woke up every 30-120 minutes all night long for 5 months. But since she has started walking about a month ago, I am getting a 4-6 hour stretch once a night and 2 hour blocks the rest of the night (it feels like alot compared to the previous months). Some things that helped us were blackout curtins (if they are too expensive, put tin foil over the bedroom window), a white noise machine (or a fan pointing at the wall), a humidifier, special mellow sleep music (and other such rituals). And we wear her alot.

I know how hard it is. I can't tell you how many times I've had fantasies about weaning her, Ferberizing her, or even just going out and getting a cheeseburger, checking into a hotel and sleeping for a week. Hang in there, mama. You are a superhero. It will get easier. Just try to get as much sleep as you can, when ever you can.

I agree. I also did a total elimination diet and was eating only a handful of foods. It sucked but I am glad I went that route. Like the pp, my ds was sensitive (ok, still is) to everything. Sound, light, teething. He breaks out from  everything. We do selective vaxing and one shot cripples him liked you wouldn't believe. When he was little he would get sick and run these amazingly high fevers. He has just had a lot of issues. Including being sensitive to tape guns!! :lol 

Anyway, I know it is rough, but I just really believe that if I would have put my son on formula his problems would have been worse. I don;t think his delicate system would have responded well.

OP, have you visited the allergy boards on here? So many helpful mamas who understand and can help. Was you dc premature?