T.R.O.'s and Ex's B.S.

[crystalface]

Hey all,
I haven't posted here in an extremely long time...
I'm still dealing with the same guy I mentioned in much earlier posts. Now ex. (Thank god/dess.)

We got pregnant in September/October of last year. My pregnancy ended in early January. (He had consistently made threats to take legal action against me if I continued and gave birth--like he'd try to get custody and then give the baby away. I ended up not continuing the pregnancy because of his emotional abuse to me). Yeah, like an idiot, I stayed with him.

Finally after another 7-8 months of emotional hell, I finally ended it and moved out a month and half later (Late September of this year.) I tried to continue a friendship with him, because some part of me still loved him.

This abruptly ended in late October when he followed me up and down the street, after an argument. I told him to stop following me, and to f*** off, and he threw a cup of coffee on me. Later that day he called Homeland Security on my mother and her husband (who is Jordanian).

I went the following day and tried to file  T.R.O., but was interrupted by some crazy dude who walked by and punched me in the head out of nowhere. I went home and waited until Wednesday. My mother picked me and up and she and I both filed T.R.O.'s as well as Police Reports that day.

My ex found out (by no fault of my own--thanks to the Sheriff's office) and evaded being served. He continued to try to contact me and my family. Then, he went and filed a cross T.R.O. and got legal representation.

I requested a continuance on the day of the hearing so I could get my own attorney. The attorney I had in mind, and I am half-way working with can't practice atm, so I'm now scrambling for another one. I can't afford to pay one, and I can't get ahold of legal aid. I've been referred to a couple other family law attorneys, but haven't heard back from them....

I'm stressing alot and losing sleep. The ex requested that I pay his attorney's fees (which are now at $5k!!!! Please note, that I am receiving unemployment, but it barely covers my own expenses) as well as participate in a BIP (batterer intervention program) like I'm some psycho abusive "wife-beater." He lied in almost 90% of his statements, and exaggerated everything else. If his TRO gets granted, I'm worried the judge will grant all of these requests. I may not even have an attorney with me on the continued hearing day, and I'm scared out of my mind.

Does anyone have any advice or recommendations they can give me?

U

[Avani]

Witnesses and police reports. A lawyer is pretty important. I wouldn't worry at all about his requesting you pay his attorney fees. His cross filing is very typical of abusers. Stay strong, go to every single hearing, gather all evidence (witnesses,pictures, text messages,emails), make sure you show the repeated attempts by the sheriff's trying to serve him.

[crystalface]

I have a few witnesses of X's behavior towards my current roommate (X tried to assault him and harass him three times in a week, when I moved in with him.) I also have the police reports. 5,000,000 (exaggerating here, but you get the idea) text messages, four harassing voicemails, several harassing emails....

My mom is also writing a statement of what she has witnessed in the goings on of last year (my pregnancy and his threats, his emotional abuse, him harassing her, him admitting to following me and having other people "check up" on me for him after our break up--news to me!, and admitting to her that he gets delusional when he drinks...)

I talked to a new attorney a couple hours ago, who is giving me a good deal.

I just need extra moral support, I suppose... As if it hasn't been difficult enough, I think it got really difficult going through and rereading all of my posts from last year. I felt rather low, and regretful. :(

Anyway... Thanks alot. :) I'm glad I can seek out support from all the momma's who've been through this stuff before.

[smeep]

I  you, Crys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Avani]

The most important thing with restraining orders, in my opinion, is to follow thru and be very thorough. Get every single piece of evidence, every single witness etc. Don''t let the sheriff not being able to serve him stop you. Keep trying. Keep going. Then once he starts violating the order, call the police every single time. Keep at it. It's tough, the evidentiary hearing literally made me physically ill but I got through it and am thankful for the 3 years I got. However now the ex abuses me through court.

[Lamashtu]

You are a very brave woman, Crystal.  Keep your chin up; Karma will catch up with him in the end.

[smeep]

Originally Posted by Lamashtu 

You are a very brave woman, Crystal.

THIS I can vouch for. She's my bestest friend (I suggested she join MDC when she got pregnant) and she is really brave and strong. 

[crystalface]

Thanks all

The saga continues... Today I got a lovely little diddy in the mail: A mail forward confirmation with X's name and MY address. I called the police on the matter, but the officer said he is being very crafty in avoiding breaking the rules. *sigh* He did encourage me to call if I receive direct contact from him, and it wasn't a bad idea to call in the first place. So now I have to go through all the crap and effort to call USPS and explain the situation, and give any of his mail (if it comes) back to the post office. I'm really sure he's going to try and use it against me though, and he's doing it so he can screw with me.

[yarngoddess]

I have no advice, just wanted to send you love and strength. Keep being strong, and surround yourself with people that can help you. There are good people in the world that love you, or will love you ;) and want to help you. Hang in there!

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by crystalface 

Thanks all

The saga continues... Today I got a lovely little diddy in the mail: A mail forward confirmation with X's name and MY address. I called the police on the matter, but the officer said he is being very crafty in avoiding breaking the rules. *sigh* He did encourage me to call if I receive direct contact from him, and it wasn't a bad idea to call in the first place. So now I have to go through all the crap and effort to call USPS and explain the situation, and give any of his mail (if it comes) back to the post office. I'm really sure he's going to try and use it against me though, and he's doing it so he can screw with me.

Don't give the mail to the USPS, just put it back in your mail box (or one of the blue ones on the street) with "Not at this address, Address Unknown" in big bright lettering (or highlighted).  Do it enough times, and they'll stop sending it to you.

What is he going to gain by forwarding his mail to your address?  He doesn't live with you does he?
 

[smeep]

Why on EARTH would he have mail forwarded to YOUR address?  I don't get that one...

[crystalface]

smeep: As I said, he's doing it to probably to try to get me in trouble. As we have previously established, he is conniving and vindictive. He has been doing everything and anything in his power since our break up in August to keep me under his thumb (and stalker eye).

super-single-mama: No, he doesn't live with me. He does know where I live, but I don't use this address for receiving mail. (My mail goes to my momma's house) I live with a roomie/friend who has been letting me stay for free. I don't know what he can gain, except the satisfaction of messing with me in a legal manner, because it doesn't violate the TRO.

However, I had a thought that he may have done it by mistake, trying to forward MY already forwarded mail, and wrote the wrong name down.

So today, I called USPS and canceled the forward, so hopefully I won't receive anything. I met with my new attorney, and had to re-explain everything from my TRO, and recent going-ons. He thought the mail forward thing was rather weird too. However, its not really admissible because he has done nothing to threaten violence. (Why does no one stick up for the request for no direct or INDIRECT contact??)

[crystalface]

Oh yeah, I did find out that anything that X included in the TRO that doesn't have anything to do strictly with me an him won't fly in court. (But that goes for me too. I wanted to include his harassment and threatened assault of my roomie, but I can't, even though that is grounds for roomie getting a TRO against X)

[smeep]

He is absolutely ... not that we didn't know this already, but he never fails to surprise me with his level of craziness. 

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by crystalface 

As I said, he's doing it to probably to try to get me in trouble. As we have previously established, he is conniving and vindictive. He has been doing everything and anything in his power since our break up in August to keep me under his thumb (and stalker eye).

But it WON'T get you in trouble.  It CAN'T.  He's forwarding his mail to an address that he doesn't live at - how on earth would that get YOU into trouble????  It makes no sense.  No judge would go for it.

[crystalface]

Super: Well, lets just say, he's not that bright. He is also that vindictive and malicious that he probably thinks  it will get me in trouble. But that is the only reason really why I can think he would do this. I discussed with my roomie the other possibility of him writing his own name by mistake if he is trying to forward my already forwarded mail himself. Roomie burst into laughter. But also said that no way he'd mes something like that up.

Conclusion: He or someone else is trying mess with me, and play little games. But unfortunately, they're not going to win.

And I agree, no judge will go for that.

Smeep: Hahahaha. I know, right? (Like the time he unpacked my packed belongings and put them away!) He will stop at nothing!!!!

[crystalface]

So I wanted to let everyone know that the hearing went off without a hitch, yesterday. (Without starting a new thread, and getting flagged for being "off topic") My X acted like a 3 year old, and his attorney acted like she never went to law school. The judge was going to grant both TRO's based solely on our petitions, and offered a mutual stay-away, as opposed to the restraining orders. I requested that she not grant my payment of X's attorney's fees or BIP, which she was willing to deny. However, my X didn't like this and insisted on everything being dragged out. Luckily for me, I brought up several points like his emotional abuse during my pregnancy, as well as his constant harassment of my mother after our break up. He flipped out when he heard my mother had a voicemail left by him stating that he is a liar, alcoholic, and delusional. His attorney then tried to request a continuance, and asked to confer with my X. When we reconvened, I immediately stated that they had far more than enough time to prepare, and that I would like to play the vm, which the judge allowed. X didn't stand for any of this, and the judge allowed all of our witnesses to testify. The judge still was going to grant the orders, but the X continued to whine. He actually begged her to hear him out, as she left for chambers to prep the paperwork, and ended our hearing. His attorney then insisted on stay-away orders (derrrr, why didn't they go with that from the beginning?). So I negotiated the mutual stay-away, after my X continued to whine to his attorney (I had to negotiate three times, once with mediators present.) I figured, since it grants the same stipulations, why not? It will still allow me to move forward.

All in all X didn't get his way. He wanted my order to be squashed, for me to pay for his attorney and supposed damage to his things, as well as make the next year of my life miserable by having me participate in BIP.  My original attorney attended the hearing and said I should think about going to law school, considering my ability to maintain composure and articulate facts in a concise manner. :D

I received the stipulations and stay away order last night via email from X's attorney, and will be signing and faxing it to her today.

Later in the day, I received word from my mom that she received a giant stack of conservator-ship paper work, and a long drawn out letter from X stating that she should consider taking conservator-ship of me and the reasons why. He directly mentions Britney Spears and her father's conservator-ship (lol) He goes on to make psychological assessments of my, claiming I am antisocial and borderline. He sent supportive paperwork. Unfortunately for him, my mother has a master's degree in criminal justice and psych, and happens to know the DSM-IV like the back of her hand. She was so pissed that she call his attorney, and complained, as well as threatened to file a second TRO against him. (lol) So in the email I received last night, the attorney mentioned that X did all of this without her knowledge (which I figured because it was all hand written by my X and wasn't official paperwork from his attorney.)

I expect him to continue bending the rules and eventually violate the orders...

P.S. It lasts 5 years!!!!!

P.P.S. Thank you everyone for your support.

[Halfasianmomma]

 Whoohooo! Reading your update was like watching a riveting episode of law and order.

[vannienicole]

I am very happy for you.  Maybe you should consider law school 

[bananabee]

Good good!! It is insane how crazy and nutty some guys are. The conservatorship is hilarious! Britney Spears! LMAO!! When my STBX is stressed and feeling scared, he makes glaring mistakes, and I could totally imagine him accidently writing his name instead of mine on something to get access to my mail.

Bravo to you for standing your ground and allowing X to make an ass of himself in court.