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Anybody terrified?

post #1 of 29
Thread Starter 

This will be my fourth child. I have a 6 year old, a 4 year old and a 2 year old...They'll be 7, 5 & 3 when the babe is born. We very much want this baby and were trying to conceive but I can't help but be terrified at the same time. I remember feeling this way with each of my other babies but I thought maybe I wasn't the only one. It always helps me to talk things through with DH so heck, maybe it'll be just as effective to discuss it on the DDC. 

 

I get worried that I won't have patience for four little ones or that they're all going to need me at the same time and I won't be able to keep up. All of my children are perfect to me but there are challenges... DS1 is in kindergarten and we've been having issues at school... DS2 has an intense personality that I'm just learning how to "deal" with. (I don't mean that in a bad way, I just mean that I have to actively try to make things good for him or things are bad for all of us. It takes a lot of energy.) DD1 is, well, two...and just learning to potty train. I know when we tell family we're going to get those "Are you crazy?!" blank stares and the mama bear in me feels protective of my baby, almost as if I don't want to tell them because I know the responses and how dare they think that about my baby! hopmad.gifLike he or she shouldn't be born because we already have THREE. We have our boys and girl what more could we WANT?!

 

I'm all over the map here, I know. It's 1 a.m. but I just thought I'd come see if anybody else is even slightly nervous? Anybody else going from 3-4 or 4-5? Four sounds like A LOT to me. Will we even be allowed in restaurants? *grins* mischievous.gif

post #2 of 29

I know I am! I'm only 18 and I'm pregnant. I have no clue what to expect. I'm so worried about my extended family and friends finding out that not only am I pregnant, but I plan on keeping the baby. The father doesn't know and I'm pretty sure if he did he'd freak out try and say its not his. :/ I have no clue how I'm gonna tell him. On the brightside my mom is completly supportive and excited. lol.

post #3 of 29

lovingmommyhood - Some of the other ladies in the DDC who are pregnant with 4th or more are clovermom (4th), movingmomma (4th), Adore4 (4th), and PJs (5th).  They gave me that info on the Roll Call.  I hope they chime in!

 

Anyway, since this is my first, I can't relate directly, but know that I totally support your large family.  :)  You must have a lot of love in your home!

post #4 of 29
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by RileyAnn View Post

I know I am! I'm only 18 and I'm pregnant. I have no clue what to expect. I'm so worried about my extended family and friends finding out that not only am I pregnant, but I plan on keeping the baby. The father doesn't know and I'm pretty sure if he did he'd freak out try and say its not his. :/ I have no clue how I'm gonna tell him. On the brightside my mom is completly supportive and excited. lol.

hug2.gif I'm so glad you have your mom to support you! I know for me personally there was nothing like that FIRST baby. They were all special in their own way but the first time you become a mom...yeah, it's amazing! I don't blame you for being terrified & I know how you feel about extended family & friends. Take it one day at a time and take care of you and baby before anybody else. Honestly if they're going to react poorly maybe just don't even tell them...lol...is that bad advice? That's my temptation this time around. When you're pregnant and going through all these emotions, the last thing you want/need is a bunch of negativity heaped on top. 

 

 



Quote:
Originally Posted by Maurine View Post

lovingmommyhood - Some of the other ladies in the DDC who are pregnant with 4th or more are clovermom (4th), movingmomma (4th), Adore4 (4th), and PJs (5th).  They gave me that info on the Roll Call.  I hope they chime in!

 

Anyway, since this is my first, I can't relate directly, but know that I totally support your large family.  :)  You must have a lot of love in your home!



Thank you! There IS a lot of love here, a lot of noise too. lol! I always wanted a big family and I'm beyond excited to tell my other kids about the new baby, they're going to be ecstatic! 

post #5 of 29

We're expecting number 5.  We're perpetually open to life, but when I saw the two lines my first thought was what were you thinking?!  We have pretty much no family support- at the most recent Thanksgiving dinner neither one of my parents (ok- I didn't expect my dad to, but my mom should have!) helped me make a plate for any of my four kids!  My mom is completely clueless- they come and visit and encourage the kids to make messes, make their own messes and then leave.  We homeschool to so I am pretty much on 24/7/365 and can only rely on DH to watch the kids so I can get a break (which may be a moms' morning out 1x/month, but with a nursling, even then I am taking the lo with me and am never truly getting a break!).  But, even though every day is a challenge, I know the rewards are great- I just have to remind myself to see them more.

 

I agree that going from 0-1 was the hardest.  Going from 2 to 3 required a shift from man-to-man coverage to zone coverage.  We've got this new baby thing down and have established realistic expectations to make it all work.

 

The end of the pregnancy and the first month or two pp dh has to take over dinner duty, grocery shopping and we have to keep it simple- frozen meals, paper plates, if someone offers to help TAKE IT!  Start expecting your kids to help out with chores now.  My two oldest boys do the following every day:  laundry (except for folding), sweep/vacuum, unload the dishwasher, set the dinner table, clean up common areas.  They can make cereal, oatmeal, sandwiches and macaroni and cheese.  Self sufficiency is a valuable skill to have- valuable to you now and to them in about 10-15 years.  My older boys have rocked their younger brother to sleep on many occasions- primarily so I could take a shower or cook dinner.  A little tv is not going to kill them.  Creating an attitude of "we all contribute to make our home a restful and happy place" helps in the acceptance of the redistribution of mom's time and attention that comes with a new baby.  It also relieves you of feeling like you have to do it all and fosters a strong sense of being a family that works together.  I do not exist to serve my children and my children do not exist to serve me, but the greatest way we can love each other is to serve the family. 

 

The third or fourth month we're settling into our new normal- again keeping expectations low and taking things one day at a time.  It is around this time we usually take a short fun trip- maybe to Boston for the weekend.  Get away from the tedium of home, but not a weeklong trip to Disney.  Enough to get away but not so much you need to pack 6 suitcases (though even for a weekend trip for 6 people- you're getting close!).

 

Around five or six months we're cruising.  We know we're still in the hard part of the transition but it's getting easier every day.

 

Once we hit the first year mark, we are settled and the next 12 months are usually fun and comparatively low stress- though this time around as we hit that one year mark we found out we're expecting #5!  All my others have been 2.5 years apart.  So we shall see. 

 

We're excited about this pregnancy but stressing over childcare during labor and delivery- the last two have been homebirths and my labors are precipitous.  We're not going to have enough time to wait for someone to show up so we can leave and go to the hospital (high bp/pre-e issues).  My daughter was an unintended UC- my labor was 1.5 hrs and the midwife showed up about 10 minutes after she was born.  My 2nd and third sons labor were each 3 hrs start to finish (and that first hour is me really wondering if I'm in labor!).

 

As someone with four kids right now it's great.  It's amazing to see how the older kids fall in love with their new sibling, make them smile, giggle and coo, get just as excited as you when they say a word or take that first step.  You'll be allowed in restaurants lol, but we're no longer able to frequent the more trendy urban restaurants that are full of tables for two.  We seem to get encouragement from most people when we dare to venture out all together.  Probably the least supportive people are our immediate family (my mom's famous last words "you chose to have 'em, you deal with it"), my extended family continues to encourage us to have more- they think our kids are great! 

 

You've done the hard part, the rest is cake ;)

post #6 of 29

Riley- just wanted to say you have chosen a hard path- but you are not the first and won't be the last.  The road may have some bumps but looking into your little one's eyes will make it all worth it.  Having the support of your mother is HUGE!  That is one thing I have never had and I grieve it daily.  How exciting it would be to go CHristmas shopping (or new baby clothes shopping) for the kids together or spend the day at the beach together, but my mom is focused on herself and herself only, there's no room for the joys of an adult child and grandchildren in her life- ultimately her loss I guess.

 

There are TONS of resources out there for young/single moms.  They're there to help you- don't be afraid to use them.  And I almost forgot...CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!

post #7 of 29

Thanks everybody! I know this is going to be VERY hard, but I know I can do it. Having my moms and sisters support is basically all I need right now.

 

@ lovingmommyhood. I don't think is bad advice not to tell people. lol. Thats kinda the plan until I cant keep it a secret. Especially since I'm really excited, I don't need anyone else to bring me down.

 

Oh and congrats to everyone else having babies too! :)

post #8 of 29

this will be the fourth in our family too :) our boys will be 5, 3, and 2 when baby is born. i'm pretty sure we're crazy but at the same time it feels good. i'm deffinetly nervous about not having enough time for each of them with a new baby. I have the same concerns with telling family too. i don't think i'll even tell some of them till i'm too big to hide it, lol. is that bad? for me it's being young too. i feel like some of my family think we're just irresponsible baby makers. the truth is we both want a big family and we're doing just fine so why not!


Edited by camer - 12/7/10 at 4:56pm
post #9 of 29
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by camer View Post

this will be the fourth in our family too :) our boys will be 5, 3, and 2 when baby is born. i'm pretty sure we're crazy but at the same time it feels good. i'm deffinetly nervous about not having enough time for each of them with a new baby. I have the same concerns with telling family too. i don't think i'll even tell some of them till i'm too big to hide it, lol. is that bad? for me it's being young too. i feel like some of my family think we're just irresponsible baby makers. the truth is we both want a big family and we're doing just fine so why not!



Our kids are about the same age! My family also thinks that we're young baby makers. lol. We're 26 & 29...they should really get over it by now! 



Quote:
Originally Posted by pjs View Post

We're expecting number 5.  We're perpetually open to life, but when I saw the two lines my first thought was what were you thinking?!  We have pretty much no family support- at the most recent Thanksgiving dinner neither one of my parents (ok- I didn't expect my dad to, but my mom should have!) helped me make a plate for any of my four kids!  My mom is completely clueless- they come and visit and encourage the kids to make messes, make their own messes and then leave.  We homeschool to so I am pretty much on 24/7/365 and can only rely on DH to watch the kids so I can get a break (which may be a moms' morning out 1x/month, but with a nursling, even then I am taking the lo with me and am never truly getting a break!).  But, even though every day is a challenge, I know the rewards are great- I just have to remind myself to see them more.

 

I agree that going from 0-1 was the hardest.  Going from 2 to 3 required a shift from man-to-man coverage to zone coverage.  We've got this new baby thing down and have established realistic expectations to make it all work.

 

The end of the pregnancy and the first month or two pp dh has to take over dinner duty, grocery shopping and we have to keep it simple- frozen meals, paper plates, if someone offers to help TAKE IT!  Start expecting your kids to help out with chores now.  My two oldest boys do the following every day:  laundry (except for folding), sweep/vacuum, unload the dishwasher, set the dinner table, clean up common areas.  They can make cereal, oatmeal, sandwiches and macaroni and cheese.  Self sufficiency is a valuable skill to have- valuable to you now and to them in about 10-15 years.  My older boys have rocked their younger brother to sleep on many occasions- primarily so I could take a shower or cook dinner.  A little tv is not going to kill them.  Creating an attitude of "we all contribute to make our home a restful and happy place" helps in the acceptance of the redistribution of mom's time and attention that comes with a new baby.  It also relieves you of feeling like you have to do it all and fosters a strong sense of being a family that works together.  I do not exist to serve my children and my children do not exist to serve me, but the greatest way we can love each other is to serve the family. 

 

The third or fourth month we're settling into our new normal- again keeping expectations low and taking things one day at a time.  It is around this time we usually take a short fun trip- maybe to Boston for the weekend.  Get away from the tedium of home, but not a weeklong trip to Disney.  Enough to get away but not so much you need to pack 6 suitcases (though even for a weekend trip for 6 people- you're getting close!).

 

Around five or six months we're cruising.  We know we're still in the hard part of the transition but it's getting easier every day.

 

Once we hit the first year mark, we are settled and the next 12 months are usually fun and comparatively low stress- though this time around as we hit that one year mark we found out we're expecting #5!  All my others have been 2.5 years apart.  So we shall see. 

 

We're excited about this pregnancy but stressing over childcare during labor and delivery- the last two have been homebirths and my labors are precipitous.  We're not going to have enough time to wait for someone to show up so we can leave and go to the hospital (high bp/pre-e issues).  My daughter was an unintended UC- my labor was 1.5 hrs and the midwife showed up about 10 minutes after she was born.  My 2nd and third sons labor were each 3 hrs start to finish (and that first hour is me really wondering if I'm in labor!).

 

As someone with four kids right now it's great.  It's amazing to see how the older kids fall in love with their new sibling, make them smile, giggle and coo, get just as excited as you when they say a word or take that first step.  You'll be allowed in restaurants lol, but we're no longer able to frequent the more trendy urban restaurants that are full of tables for two.  We seem to get encouragement from most people when we dare to venture out all together.  Probably the least supportive people are our immediate family (my mom's famous last words "you chose to have 'em, you deal with it"), my extended family continues to encourage us to have more- they think our kids are great! 

 

You've done the hard part, the rest is cake ;)


THANK YOU for writing all that out for me! It does make me feel better to A. know I'm not the only one and B. that life does move on for the better after four kids! I really AM super excited to introduce another sibling, the closeness between them is just amazing and melts my heart. I love this "I do not exist to serve my children and my children do not exist to serve me." So true! I look forward to getting to know you and the other mommies better! 

post #10 of 29

RileyAnn,

COngratulations!  What an exciting time expecting your first!  This is such a wonderful community - you'll have all the support you need on here.  I'm 35 and this is my 3rd and I'm so excited but also terrified of being able to juggle everything.  But, I know it will all work out in the end.  :hugs

post #11 of 29

Thanks! I'm just trying to get through my head how incredibly different everything is going to be. It'll all be worth it though. :)

post #12 of 29



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by RileyAnn View Post

I know I am! I'm only 18 and I'm pregnant. I have no clue what to expect. I'm so worried about my extended family and friends finding out that not only am I pregnant, but I plan on keeping the baby. The father doesn't know and I'm pretty sure if he did he'd freak out try and say its not his. :/ I have no clue how I'm gonna tell him. On the brightside my mom is completly supportive and excited. lol.


I just wanted to let you know I had my first at 17, and now I am 20 and having my second. I felt weird joining the group so young with my second, but my daughter gave me the best life I could have ever asked for. I graduate from college in May, my DH(same age) has a wonderful job, and we both work very hard but are very happy. We planned this one, we don't feel like we are 20, after all we both work, take care of ourselves and our daughter, and live on our own. We feel like everyone else who has one child and is ready for another. You are so lucky to have your mom support you, and you just have to make the best of this! Without my daughter I wouldn't have married the love of my life, and finished school so quickly. Now I have so much time to enjoy my family while everyone else my age is still trying to figure out their lives. Everything you do now is for that baby, and you will be a wonderful mom!! Congratulations!!

 

I kept it secret for a long time, but eventually everyone finds out. I didn't enjoy my first pregnancy because I was hiding it. You should just enjoy it. There is so much to love about it, so don't worry about what other people think. That was my biggest regret.
 

post #13 of 29

this baby will be #4 for me. i am not indulging many panicky thoughts though there are some.....

 

this baby is still secret from everyone except for my partner and the DDC---

post #14 of 29

I'm pretty terrified myself! This baby was a big surprise. We have a 6 yr old and a 15 month old, my husband just got out of the military, we just enrolled in college full-time, and neither of us have jobs. Not really the best time to be pregnant. Luckily, we get to continue the military health insurance because I'm pregnant. My husband told me when we found out "It's not the end of the world. All of our plans can stay the same, it just means we have to work harder." Of course neither of us thought it would be the end of the world, but he's right. I'm excited for this baby, I just wish we had waited longer so I could be more prepared.

 

On another note, I was 18 when I had my first child. I don't know all the details about your situation and this might not even apply to you, but I will tell you what I wish I had done differently. I only had the support of my family after I rushed into marriage. I would never change the fact that I had my son, but I would change the fact that I got married to the wrong person for all the wrong reasons. Being a single mother is hard, but it's a million times better than being trapped and having two "kids" to take care of. There are so many resources that I didn't know about. You can get money for college, help with your rent if you get your own place, etc. I'm really glad that you have the support of your mother because that will make a huge difference. I wish you the best!

post #15 of 29

This is #4 for me too - we will have 4 that are 5 & under. I'm really nervous about it.

post #16 of 29

Number 3 for me. I am not really TOO scared about adding a 3rd, but I am scared how my 12 months old will react. He will be 20 months old when his sibling comes. My 3 year old was 2 when we brought his brother home, and he was fine. But my youngest is very addicted to mommy and needs 1 on 1 attention all the time, so i know its going to be tough.

post #17 of 29

I'm mostly scared about the nursing...  DS is 21 months and still an around the clock nurser.  It's tiring, and DC2 is only just a growing bean.  I'm trying to picture how I'll survive if DS isn't nightweaned by my 3rd trimester...  I'm already so tired!!

post #18 of 29

This is number 5 for me!  You'll do great with 4!  Don't worry about not being able to handle it.  Yes, it's harder to go out with the kids alone, but it's not impossible.  The only thing I think that really helps is to be organized!  My kids ages are 12, 7, 5, and 2.5. 

post #19 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by RileyAnn View Post

I know I am! I'm only 18 and I'm pregnant. I have no clue what to expect. I'm so worried about my extended family and friends finding out that not only am I pregnant, but I plan on keeping the baby. The father doesn't know and I'm pretty sure if he did he'd freak out try and say its not his. :/ I have no clue how I'm gonna tell him. On the brightside my mom is completly supportive and excited. lol.



Congratulations!  I was also only 18 when I had my first baby.  He's almost 19 now and has been nothing but a blessing to me!!  It was hard at first but it all worked out great!!!

 

To the OP - number 4 was really easier for me than number 3 was.  I don't know what.  It just was.  This is number 10 for me and I think I'm over being worried, LOL.  But I do remember having that fear when all of my kids were little.  It's a lot but gets so much easier as they grow.  You'll do great!!!

post #20 of 29

I am also scared a little!!! This is #4 for us too, and when the baby is born mine will be 4, 2, and 1! I'm just glad DH will be here by then. He is deployed right now, but will be back a month before my due date. Going from 2 to 3 was an adjustment, but I think 3 to 4 should be easier. We are already out numbered anyway! lol.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by RileyAnn View Post

I know I am! I'm only 18 and I'm pregnant. I have no clue what to expect. I'm so worried about my extended family and friends finding out that not only am I pregnant, but I plan on keeping the baby. The father doesn't know and I'm pretty sure if he did he'd freak out try and say its not his. :/ I have no clue how I'm gonna tell him. On the brightside my mom is completly supportive and excited. lol.


I had my first when I was 18 too, and it was scary, you are right! I didn't know how to tell my family, but I just spit it out... I'm glad your mom is supportive, that was a huge help for me! It's a good thing you found this place though, I didn't really know anyone with babies, and didn't have any parenting resources back then. It's great to be able to learn from other experienced moms on here!

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