Winter Spirited Babies Group

[yippiehippie]

Welcome to the Spirited Babies Group!

This is the place to come if you feel you have a high needs / spirited baby!

 Here is Dr. Sears list of 12 features of a high needs baby 

We are:
Mrs.T (Raina) mom to Kevin, 4/7/10

momto4plus4 (Sara) mom to Jeremiah, 4/5/10

PJ (PJ) mom to Max, 5/24/10

LeaPea (Lea) mom to Luna born 6/12/10

sosurreal09 (Kami) mom to Aniela (pronounced like ahnyella) 9/30/09

Liz.Furtado-mom to Maxwell, 7/5/10

yippiehippie (Rebecca)- mom to Jack, 4/7/10

If you're new to the group and would like to introduce yourself, please let us know your name (if you're comfortable sharing that), your baby's name and birthday and I'll add you to the list.

Welcome all!!

[yippiehippie]

Hi, all, guess everyone has been too busy to start a dec. thread (I couldn't imagine why ;)) Maybe it'll be easier to have a winter one so we don't have to update monthly. I'll post links on the other nov. threads so hopefully we can get everyone back together!

How's everyone doing w/the holidays? We're moving right after christmas and Jack has been a handful to say the least, pulling up on everything, crawling faster everyday, and sick:(

He's also been so hungry lately, it's hard to keep him satisfied bc he doesn't want to take the time to eat! (nurse or food). He has also started hating his carseat, crying in it. The only thing that really helps is giving him food...i've been doing saltines bc they dissolve so well and he likes doing it himself, but i really want something more nutritious so I'll prob try to hit WF today. Any suggestions?

[LeaPea]

We are doing okay right now. Luna is teething like crazy, which has made for a week of hell (so far)! Wish those teeth would come soon. She is also very frustrated right now because she can't quite move yet. She can get on her hands or knees, but can't do both at the same time. It makes for a lot of grunting and whining! I'm a little nervous for the holidays coming up, especially since this is her first Christmas. I know it is always overwhelming for me because my husband and I have parents and step-parents. Too many houses to go to!! We limited it this year, but it is still a lot, and a lot of driving. Luna just recently decided that her car seat is not a torture device, and I can actually go places without screaming. If we time it right, she will actually nap in it now!! Yesterday, she refused to nap at home, so I drove around for an hour and a half listening to music while she napped. It actually was kind of enjoyable

Was teething bad for your baby? How long does it take for teeth to come in? We had a really bad week about a month ago, and we thought for sure we would see some teeth, but none yet!! She will be six months next week!

[yippiehippie]

Originally Posted by LeaPea 

We are doing okay right now. Luna is teething like crazy, which has made for a week of hell (so far)! Wish those teeth would come soon. She is also very frustrated right now because she can't quite move yet. She can get on her hands or knees, but can't do both at the same time. It makes for a lot of grunting and whining! I'm a little nervous for the holidays coming up, especially since this is her first Christmas. I know it is always overwhelming for me because my husband and I have parents and step-parents. Too many houses to go to!! We limited it this year, but it is still a lot, and a lot of driving. Luna just recently decided that her car seat is not a torture device, and I can actually go places without screaming. If we time it right, she will actually nap in it now!! Yesterday, she refused to nap at home, so I drove around for an hour and a half listening to music while she napped. It actually was kind of enjoyable

Was teething bad for your baby? How long does it take for teeth to come in? We had a really bad week about a month ago, and we thought for sure we would see some teeth, but none yet!! She will be six months next week!

Jack started teething at 3 mo. and we got him a baltic amber necklace which really seems to help. Anytime he was really biting and fussing or seemed to be hurting much I didn't hesitate to do tylenol. Hylands teething tabs helped a lot but are recalled :(. Also he really liked chewing on cold washcloths and frozen bananas in the mesh feeder (once he was starting solids which was 6mo). Hang in there, teething sucks! Every time they're fussy you think it's teething, but who knows, a couple times I thought that's what it was and then he'd have a big poo and be better

I recommend Inspired by Finn online for amber necklaces if you go that route!

[P.J.]

Max started drooling like mad at about 2 months....so I think his teeth started pushing their way through at that time. However, the first one didn't pop out until 5 months,and it was a couple nights of hell! I used Tylenol, although I try to reserve that for the really bad pain, I figure this was one, he was in agony! But luckily it was only 2 nights. And then lo and behold the second tooth came in without even noticing. I am hoping the others are as easy, and it was only the first that was so awful.

Anyway, we are travelling right now, staying at my mom's and flying across the country to my dad's later today. I have to say, as fussy and HN as Max can be, he is an angel when on the road! He so loves the new and exciting atmosphere, and flirting with the new faces. We were worried about the 8 hour flight here, but he didn't fuss at all! We have been joking that next time he has a really bad day, we should take him to the airport!

Anyway his new thing is pulling himself to standing...and he's just 6 months old! He's been army-crawling for months already, and looked like he was getting close to cross-crawlong, but now all he wants to do is climb. Nowhere near walking, but I can already see him turning into a toddler. I think it's very true for many HN babies that they hate being so immobile and powerless to get around, and once they can they are more content. I think HN babies therefore tend to be mobile much earlier than other babies. It's cool to watch it happen, but man it is happening fast! 

Happy Holidays to all of you!

[yippiehippie]

Yes, I totally agree. Jack is much happier the more he's able to do and much happier being out around ppl (the airport would be like disneyland for him!). All he wants to do is pull up on everything, I think he'll start walking early (which I'm kind of dreading-he's still my lil baby!) Actually, he'll prob skip walking and go straight to running!

I think being able to communicate is/will be key with these kids. I'm signing to him and hopefully that'll help prevent some frustrations and tantrums.

[mrs.t]

Hi all! I know I've been MIA...Kevin had a cold, and he was NOT sleeping well because he couldn't breathe through his nose. He now has 2 teeth, the bottom center. So he's been very whiny lately. I just wanted to check in and say hello to everyone!

[P.J.]

Hey how is everyone? Looks like this thread has fizzled out for the time being.

This is going to be a ranty post:

We got back on Friday from California, 9 hour time difference and man almighty has jetlag been an issue! I had no idea how hard it would be. Both Max and I are not only exhausted and still in an odd sleep/awake rhythm, but super duper cranky. I am so angry, frustrasted, and emotional since returning.

One thing that has consistently been a challenge is the car seat /baby carrier/ stroller screaming. Almost every time we leave the house, it's only a matter of time before Max decides he's sick of being in the stroller/car seat and/or baby carrier and pitches a fit. He screams as if he's being disembowled. I have posted loads about this in carseat screamer threads....but he does it when we go on walks and into the city or to the supermarket, in the carrier or the stroller, it doesn't matter. Luckily, it's almost always on the way home (well when we're on a walk it then becomes the way home as I turn around immediately). Earlier we might take him out of the carrier and carry him home on the shoulder, which would help. I also keep a carrier in the stroller and have changed him as he was screaming from the stroller to the carrier, which helps. Well, none of that works in dead of winter when we're both buried under layers and it's terribly icy out there. No way I"m doing that maneuver out there and carrying him on my shoulder in the ice! That also seems pointless when we're almost home, so I often walk the last 50 yards with him screaming. All the neighbors know us well by now from hearing it.

Does anyone else's HN baby do this? I don't mean car screaming, but stroller and baby carrier screaming. Basically, Max refuses to be "contained" when he decides it's enough. It's actually a good quality, the guy knows what he wants and is clearly self-directed and confident. I just have a hard time maintaining my own composure, staying calm and centered, and just providing a neutral (nevermind heartful compassionate) space to allow him his process if it need be and there's nothing I can do to help him. It so easily triggers my own anger and frustration. Maybe he'd do it less if I were a more peaceful person but I'm not always.

*sigh* I also have a feeling this means as soon as Max can walk (which at this rate- he's already standing and transferring from object to object on his own- should be by 9 months) he will not let us take him in the carrier or stroller anymore. That won't always be fun and will present its own challenges, but at least he won't be screaming then.

[yippiehippie]

PJ-I so wanna pinch those cute little pink cheeks!

 I hear ya about maintaining composure during their cries, it's so hard! I know no one else cares as much as me, but I always feel like everyone's thinking why can't I shut that baby up?!

We just moved to phx and it's been a hard transition for him. He was sick, on antibiotics w/diarhea, and cut two teeth on the 3 day drive here. Now we live w/MIL and he's totally attached to me suddenly. He's always been a mama's boy (aren't all HN babes?), but recently it's so pronounced and wants to nurse constantly! Like, if i walk by and don't pick him up he screams, even if someone is playing w/him. It's kinda taking it's toll on me, I'd love a break, but then I feel bad bc I know I just turned his life upside down and he doesn't feel well and I just need to be more understanding. It's just hard sometimes after a couple hrs of nursing, YKWIM?

It sure is cute watching him discover everything at this age, though...he might be into everything, but I know that's a good quality, being so curious and daring:)

[mrs.t]

Hi ladies! Hope everyone is surviving the winter weather...there has been a ton of snow here, which means DH works 12 hour shifts. I have been going a little crazy without his help, and Kevin is definitely unhappy with the changes in his routine.

PJ-Kevin will get pretty pissed in the carrier (I have a beco) because he can't seem to get comfortable enough to go sleep. I have yet to try the back carry, mostly because I am too nervous to do it unless we are inside the house (I'm afraid of him falling). What kind of carrier do you have? I noticed that when it's close to nap time, and I have him in the carrier, he starts getting really fussy. He likes the stroller and car seat, but HATES getting strapped in. He'll eventually calm down when we start moving. Maybe Max isn't comfortable? Have you tried adjusting the seat if it reclines? Kevin also HATES the flat position if he isn't tired. Basically when we go for walks in the stroller there is constant readjusting or else he gets angry. Another thought is, maybe he's overstimulated? I know my stroller had Kevin facing me when the infant seat clicked into it, and now he faces out because he's no longer in the infant seat. Mine has this canopy that goes in all different positions, so I can completely block his view of everything. Sometimes that helps him tune things out and go to sleep when he's tired. Is there something you can do to block out visual stimuli? Maybe a light blanket over the canopy?

My biggest problems lately with my HN boy are:

1. Putting on his coat/snowsuit...he screams his head off and cries like I'm killing him. He calms down once we get out the door, but he HATES this.

2. Diaper changes/getting dressed. He does not want to lie down unless he is going to sleep. So when I have to change his diaper, he flips over immediately. This is not fun when he has a poppy diaper. He has also cried many times while I tried to dress him. Sometimes I just let him cry, what else can I do?

3. Now that he is mobile, he has to follow me all over the house. Normally, this is fine with me, but I can not figure out how to cook. He won't go in the pack and play for longer than 10 minutes if I'm lucky (I try to reserve pack and play time for when I need to use the bathroom or get ready in the morning). He won't sit in his high chair unless I am at the table with him. I can't have him crawling around under my feet with an open flame. The same thing goes for the beco. I can wear him while I'm prepping the food, but once I turn the stove on I am too afraid of accidents.

What do you all do while cooking? I was thinking I'm just going to have to find recipes that are made in the oven or crockpot and give up stovetop cooking for a while.

[Hannah32]

My biggest problems lately with my HN boy are:

1. Putting on his coat/snowsuit...he screams his head off and cries like I'm killing him. He calms down once we get out the door, but he HATES this.

2. Diaper changes/getting dressed. He does not want to lie down unless he is going to sleep. So when I have to change his diaper, he flips over immediately. This is not fun when he has a poppy diaper. He has also cried many times while I tried to dress him. Sometimes I just let him cry, what else can I do?

HA! I have EXACTLY the same issues going on. I don't think there is anything you can do. They have to be clean and they have to wear appropriate amounts of clothing. 

I do sing songs to him and we try to change him or dress him when he's got a lovely full belly. That helps some, but when he's in a mood, he's in a mood. I'm bring the NO now that he's about 6.5 months and combining it with a stern look. 
 

[mrs.t]

I've been trying the "NO!" as well, but it usually makes him more upset...ugh. Also, he hates being strapped into his high chair for long periods of time (like while I finish dinner) and he does this annoying grunting thing while trying to "break out" of the straps like the incredible hulk or something. This boy...

[LeaPea]

How do you deal with the criticism that our babies are high needs because they are "spoiled"? I heard that several times, and it makes me livid!! But, then I get so mad that I can't come up with a coherent answer!

[1stTimeMama4-4-10]

Count me in. Fin was born in April, and has been SO intense pretty much since the minute she joined us. I have to laugh at all the things that I have in common with the mamas of HN babes - from the carseat screaming to the never sitting still for a second, not allowing me to change/dress her, melting down if I walk past her without picking her up - all of it.  I think the hardest part for me is that it has caused a lot of tension between me and DH.  We both get frustrated and then have a hard time communicating with each other about the best way to support the other. I know the first year is hard for all couples, but I think that having a very HN babe can have a really profound impact on the parents' relationship.  

[P.J.]

Hi Everybody! I'm so excited- we just had a scream-free stroller ride. Took Max to the supermarket in the stroller, and although he fussed a bit on the way there, he was fine at the store and fell asleep on the way back! He's still sleeping in the parked stroller.

As for cooking, I put Max in the carrier (Ergo) on my back. That allows me to use my hands and see in front of me. When using the stove it doesn't actually feel all that dangerous...he couldn't reach anything.

So Max is going to walk pretty soon. He's been pulling himself to standing and now cruising around a bit between objects. He'll be 8 months on Monday, and my guess is he'll be walking by 9 months. Apparently HN babies usually hit milestones early. I think Max just wasn't happy being immobile, so he wasted no time in getting moving!

Oh and Max also gets squirmy on the changing table. I do as much as possible with him sitting up, and try to distract him with toys, and I've also tried to put on a diaper while he's lying on one side, but that didn't really work. I find when I'm very Interactive and sing Songs to him he's a bit more patient.

[yippiehippie]

Welcome to the group, 1sttimemama! Fin's about the same age as Jack!(and Kevin since they share bdates). I agree that these kids can make life hard for our relationships. DH keeps suggesting to let Jack cry since I'm still getting no sleep at night. But then he does admit he prob couldn't do it. One thing that makes it so hard for me is J demands sooo much of my attention and affection, DH gets left in the dark a lot. Good thing he's understanding (for the most part!)

PJ- yes, it makes sense that HN babes get milestones earlier. J is in such a hurry to see everything, he's almost taking steps by himself...Max is going to walk soooo early! I remember he crawled early, too, wow. Jack'll prob walk before 10mo...whatever makes them happy, right?! Congrats on the stroller milestone!

We just got a new carseat and he likes it better than the old infant one, I think bc he can see better in it. He's been loving his stroller lately, but I owe that to our move to Phx and being able to take daily walks in the SUN! (it's been in the 70s- babies are smart enough to love that!)

[P.J.]

Oh BTW about car screaming: we did try a convertible when we were in the States, and it made no difference. However, someone recently suggested once he's forward facing he may stop freaking out so bad because he'll be able to see more. I know many people wait as long as possible to turn FF, but I think as soon as we reach the legal limit for FF we're going to try it. I really didn't think he'd still be car screaming at one year, but at this rate (almost 8 mo) it's showing no sign of being over so I'd bet he'll still be unhappy at least some of the time in the car by 12 months, which I think is the time you can first try FF. We'll see...

[1stTimeMama4-4-10]

PJ, I said the same thing until I read some more on it.  Bottom line, a crying baby is heartbreaking. but MUCH safer rear facing.  Turning a baby forward facing at 1 year is far too early for their physical structure to safely withstand a high speed impact and although I HATE HATE HATE the car screaming, we decided that it is worth it to put up with until Fin is at least 2 1/2, maybe older.  There are some hardcore mamas in the Family Safety forums (RF until 4 or older), and I'm not quite that hardcore, but they definitely swayed me and I won't be FF for a long long time. 

[P.J.]

Originally Posted by 1stTimeMama4-4-10 

PJ, I said the same thing until I read some more on it.  Bottom line, a crying baby is heartbreaking. but MUCH safer rear facing.  Turning a baby forward facing at 1 year is far too early for their physical structure to safely withstand a high speed impact and although I HATE HATE HATE the car screaming, we decided that it is worth it to put up with until Fin is at least 2 1/2, maybe older.  There are some hardcore mamas in the Family Safety forums (RF until 4 or older), and I'm not quite that hardcore, but they definitely swayed me and I won't be FF for a long long time. 

Thanks, I'll check that out.

I often wonder what is actually the oldest a kid will continue the car screaming. One mama on this forum said her babe did it up to 15 months!

[majorsky]

Hi everyone --

I have an 18-month-old DS who is VERY high needs. It has been horrible at times. Even now I'm sitting here feeling like I have PTSD from dealing with him. When he's happy (an occasional thing), he's a jolly, funny guy. But when he's mad, which is most of the time, he screams, whines, and cries constantly. He's had periods of time where he's been in a good mood for about 7-10 days, then he returns to weeks and months of being a terror. It's put our family under a huge amount of stress and I've suffered health problems as a result.

On Weds. we'll go to his doctor and ask for a blood test for allergies. I probably should have done this months ago, but I thought he'd outgrow his terrible attitude about almost everything. My DD was also high needs, but she became very charming at one year and stayed that way. I really expected my son to do the same, except about 6 months after his sister did (since he seems to be about 6 months behind her on some developmental things). Now he's 18 months and I feel like I need to search for answers regarding his extremely intense personality. I don't want him to be dx'd with allergies, but a part of me wants to know WHY WHY WHY my son is like this. Otherwise he is perfectly healthy and developing normally for his age. (He is vax-free as well.)

I wanted to share that I understand what moms with HN babies go through. It can be a living nightmare. We have little help from family, but we've reached out to friends and church members for support and help. It helps a tiny bit. I've also been working with a friend who teaches EFT so I can cope more easily with the tremendous challenges.

Kristin