Winter Spirited Babies Group - Page 3

[1stTimeMama4-4-10]

Originally Posted by Calliope84 

What time do you and DH want to / have to go to sleep each night to be well rested the next day? Does one of you stay home? Do you babywear? Avalon wouldn't sleep until 11 for awhile... would in fact, scream from 9-11, and I have slowly gotten her used to nursing herself to sleep in our bed and I leave sometimes. I have to go back periodically to help her though the light sleep periods (I think I read those happen every hour) because if she starts stirring and I am not there she eventually wakes all the way up.

Can you just wear her around the house until 11 when you know she will finally really fall asleep for the night? When Avalon is clearly tired but won't sleep, I put her in a wrap or sling and I hold her very close to me so she feels secure (womb-like) and help her contain herself and calm down so she can drop off to sleep. I often rock her, too. She sometimes only sleeps in the wrap for short 1/2 hour periods during the day and evening, but at least she is getting some sleep. When DH had to get up at 4:30am, I would go into the spare room with DD and rock her and try to soothe her through her crying until she could drop off to sleep. Eventually, I moved us to the bedroom once she was really conked out.

As I said before, changing my diet and getting rid of dairy and soy has cut down on the night crying substantially... but I also think it has to do with finding techniques that work for us. I never would wear her when she cried, but then I decided to persevere with it and I would keep her in the wrap even if she was arching her back or crying (cuz she was crying OUT of the wrap, anyway) I'd give it a few minutes- bounce, rock, blast a snowy channel on my TV, Shhhh her, etc. It really seems like she needs my help to regain control over herself. She will be flailing her arms, arching her back and what she really needs is for me to froggy her legs, hold her very close, hold her head to my chest and rock her and make reassuring sounds. I remember being a little kid and really needing someone to hug me close and snuggle me in a blanket or something to help me calm down and feel safe and better. Don't know if any of this will help and you probably are doing most of this or have tried it, but I know figuring this out has helped us.
 

I also second the sleeping in shifts thing!!! It has done absolute wonders for me when my DH takes the baby some mornings and lets me sleep a few more hours alone, or watches the baby so I can nap. I try to do the same for him if I think he needs it, but his new schedule is better. She is asleep now when he comes home usually.

Edit:

Also, where does she sleep during the days for her naps? I try to have DD get some longer naps in her swing during the day, cuz she won't sleep at all in the bed or cribs during the day. It does seem like if she gets no rest during the day she sometimes is very upset at night because she is just too tired, if that is possible.

Ideally, I would be going to bed at 11, asleep at 11:30 to be fully rested the next day.  DH is home with DD during the day, so he usually likes a little alone time after we go to bed - which is fine with me because DD has a harder time sleeping if we are all in bed together, and also, DH falls asleep fast and snores - so then I have a really hard time getting to sleep.  I do wear her, and have since day one.  We have four wraps lol - although lately I've been using the ring sling again in a hip carry. Sometimes I use the mei tai for front carries and the ergo for back carries. I never got the hang of the moby.  When I am not able to put her to bed for whatever reason and she is super grouchy, I can sometimes get her to nap on me in a carrier.  This is what we used to do exclusively for naps, but when she was about 4 months, we started putting her in our bed for naps.  We tried the crib, but she would wake after 15 minutes without fail - at least in the bed, she will sometimes sleep more than an hour (although not consistently).

On a handful of occasions I was able to successfully get DD down at 8ish and then just go up every hour to nurse her a bit before she started stirring and she stayed down all night.  Those were the exceptions, however.  The rule is that anytime after 4:00 or so, her naps last only half an hour. I have also tried to wear her in the evening, but usually the same thing happens - she sleeps for half an hour and wakes up really really mad.  Then we are screwed because she really wants out of the wrap, and she won't go to sleep because she just woke up.

I think the most important things for us to work on are being more consistent both with her bedtime routine and also with her bedtime - we have been pretty much exclusively following her cues, but that doesn't seem to be working out so well, so I think it may be time to try to make a specific time and try to get her used to it instead of waiting until she is tired. The other thing that is really helpful for me is to just hear other mamas who have BTDT say it gets better with time.  I know that the darkest periods for us are when DD is teething, and she's in the middle of it right now, so I know it will get a little better soon, and that it will get worse again, but it's not going to last forever. I can also stop blaming myself for creating this problem since I refuse to consider using CIO. 

[yippiehippie]

Oh, I totally feel for you, mama! Jack isn't that hard to put down, but never sleeps more than 1 or 2 hours at a time. I can't take shifts w/DH bc DS will scream if I don't nurse him. I, too, won't let him CIO and I think he'd just keep crying anyway. So, I nurse him every hour or two all night long:( We used to be able to put him down after nursing and pat/bounce him to sleep, but we moved recently and since then he needs to nurse down. He only sleeps 9 or 10 hrs/night. So, yeah, I feel for you:(

I agree that a bedtime routine is vital for getting to sleep, keep that up. Also I make it calm before bedtime and try to put him down at the same time every night. I don't like him sleeping past 3, that's big.

I totally agree I could deal with all the rest if I could sleep or get some alone time before bed!

[Calliope84]

1sttimemama - Honestly, that sounds like some of our nights and I would not be surprised at all if her bed time stuff changes when she is teething and when we move in a month. We took her out all day the other day and it screwed up her naps and everything and her sleeping was "off" for two days!

It sounds like you are already doing all the things we do. I recently got a woven wrap (a 5.2 girasol) and she seems to feel really secure in it. She might be too heavy already for the Moby, but maybe try it again. My back feels much better in the wraps and she won't happily go in the Ergo or Mei Tai yet... I think she needs to get a bit bigger.

We had a roughish day today. We spent a good 3 hours in the car driving around and were at two different houses. My wrap seemed to be her safe haven and she napped more in it than she normally will. This was our second day with this wrap. She likes to tuck her face in somewhere and the wrap allows it better than my other carriers. Anyway, she must have cried for at least an hour today in the car seat, if not more. She hates that. I got in bed with her at 9pm and it took until 10pm for me to be able to sneak away... But I am sitting here typing this and she is asleep in bed!

[P.J.]

So, just fishing for some sympathy here.

Max has been soooo super high needs and clingy lately! Last week he was sick, so I just assumed it was that, although the clingyness had started before then. Now he's been well all week, but still so whiny.

He will not play independently but only rarely, and when he does it's maximum 10 minutes, usually more like 3-5 mins. If he's playing on his own and catches sight of me he immediately starts whining, puts down what he's doing and crawls over to me.

And it doesn't even matter if I sit and play with him...he still crawls into my lap and whines! It's like What do you want!!!??? I have no idea! I am here with you, playing, being loving, giving you all I have, and you are still whiny!

Now this is not constant....we do have some great times playing together, but it is several times a day this scenario plays out of his simply being dissatisfied no matter what.

I used to put him in the Ergo on my back so I could cook dinner. No more. He whines the whole time. So I move him to the front, which sometimes works, but it is not easy to cook like that! And if I put him down: whining or crying.

Whenever I get up and try to do anything: get myself a tea, get some tissues, answer the phone, anything....the comes over and starts whining and clinging to my legs.

Anyway, I am baffled as to why he is like this now, and I really hope it ends before too long. There are moments where I just have no more inner space for this near-constant neediness. I know as babies become more mobile they often get this separation anxiety, so I get that. This may not even be a high-needs thing, I guess. But man almighty is it trying on a mama!!

BTW he was at the doc's last week when he was ill, and she said "Wow, he's not the kind of baby who just sits quietly in the corner is he? He's pretty demanding eh?"....just because he got so impatient when we were there.

Aaaaaaaaanyway, how are you all doing?

[Terrilein]

Just a thought that occurred to me: do you happen to have that baby stages book? In German it's Oje! Ich wachse! It just seems like he might be going through another developmental phase. It's just so typical when the baby drives the mother nuts and it's only apparent in hindsight.

[yippiehippie]

PJ, sounds just like J, and it started when he was about max's age. Still going. :( It's especially bad when other ppl are around, then he gets really clingy to me and just fusses. Oh, the whining! Sometimes I just want to shake him, it drives me nuts!

This kid has been super HN lately. I really just can't do anything. I get so jealous when other mamas talk about how they knitted this, read that, whatever. He demands FULL attention during waking hours (which are PLENTY, he's still a horrible sleeper). Oh, I'm soooo tired of being sooo needed all. the. time.

I think the book is The wonder weeks. It seems like Jack is always going through his own hard wonder week.

[P.J.]

Thank you ladies.
Yes, I have also just had to shrug my shoulders and assume it's developmental.

The new thing is, in addition to all the whining, he was up a lot last night. From like 3:30-4:30. I refused to get out of bed, and luckily he didn't start crying, but he was totally awake and playing in bed. Ugh.

IDK, he's not close to walking....I would reckon another month or six weeks....but yeah he's working on it. And who knows what else. Plus his papa's not been around much lately making not only my life harder but he also misses his dad!