How do you handle the Santa/no Santa situation if you and your ex have different opinions?

[simplemama32]

The title pretty much says it all...  If your ex does the whole Santa Claus thing with your child(ren), and you don't (or vice versa), how do you explain everything to the kids?

DS is still too young for this to be much of a problem, but it may come up next year.  Just curious to see what others do.

thanks!

[lynsage]

In my case it's not my ex but my parents who do this- I just told DD that some people believe in Santa and/or like to play the Santa game at the holidays, and she can if she wants to at Grammy and Grampy's house. At no point did I tell her Santa is real or that she has to play along to make them happy. She chose to participate, but seems to understand that it's pretend fun.

[NolaRiordan]

Santa is smart enough to know where the kids presents are to be dropped off and drops them at "my" house. Honestly it hasn't been too much of an issue. There is almost no Xmas decoration or celebration over at X's so I think it just makes sense to them that Santa comes to my house.

[doubledutch]

i told my kids that the santa story started because of a real person who lived a long time ago (st nicholas) who helped children, and so people like to pretend that he is still around, giving gifts to children at christmas time.  in our belief system, there is an afterlife, so while my children understand that st nicholas lived (and therefore died) a long time ago, they remind me that his spirit didn't die.

i've told them that some people like to pretend or even believe that santa is still alive, as a person who lives on earth, and we need to respect that by not telling them he's dead (pleeeeeeeeeeeease don't say "santa's dead!").  ds1 said, "well they need to respect our beliefs!" and i told him that it doesn't hurt us in any way that they say santa is real/alive, but it does hurt them if we say he's not real/dead.  he accepted that line of thinking.

and all that being said, they still get really into santa, the naughty list, like to talk about what santa will bring them (even though they know it's nothing, or perhaps an intangible "christmas blessing"), and remind me that "santa's watching" all the time, lol.  they still love the magical aspect of it no matter what i've told them.

so imo, whether you want to do santa and ex doesn't, or vice versa, you can tell them what's what, without losing the magic.  even if you don't believe in an afterlife, you can still point out that real people behave in the spirit of st nicholas or the spirit of christmas, by volunteering, sharing, and bringing cheer with their pretty lights and songs. 

[Ione]

"Santa only visits the houses of people who believe in him. So-and-so believes in Santa, so Santa goes there. Other-so-and-so doesn't believe in Santa so he doesn't visit there. I [believe or don't believe] in Santa, because X, Y, Z..."

Which can be an opening to talk about all the different things people believe or don't believe--both religious or secular, in different faiths and traditions.

[MaWhit]

I've taught my kids the ancient stories that created Santa, and we celebrate Santa as "a spirit of giving."  At our house we are all Santa for each other.  The kids sneak stuff into each other's and my stockings, and I put stuff in theirs.  We celebrate on Winter Solstice every year, and then a few days later they go have Christmas with their dad and his parents.  (Except for those he missed while locked up, but they still went to the grandparents.)  They do the more traditional Santa thing there and my kids play along.  They enjoy it all, and don't have a problem with the discrepancies--they get "Santa" twice after all!  

[4 in 2005]

Lone I like that.. I have encountered this question with my SIL.  She doesn't let her kids believe in Santa and I do.  When my husband was alive we agreed we would let the kids believe in him but when they came to us and asked we would not lie we would be honest.   My older 3 kids know now but at one time my middle daughter asked me why Santa doesn't bring gifts to her cousins were they bad kids?   I don't remember what I said but if this comes up again with my younger ones I will remember that.  

[meemee]

ex is a v. creative father. he looooooooooooooooooooooved santa and the whole santa things. i didnt want to take the magic away so i went along with it.

dd loooooves magic and magical creatures. it is not something i have introduced but she picked it up and its important for her so i go with it.

so santa visits daddy's house, the easter bunny visits mommy's house and the tooth fairy visits both daddy's and mommy's house - except after about what 8 teeth the fairy no longer visits and dd doesnt expect any more. one year easter bunny even came late and left an apology note.

[PatienceAndLove]

Santa only visits Daddy's house. Mama gives the gifts at Mama's house.

There is a strange Father Christmas/stocking thing that DD came up with regarding some sort of marriage b/w St. Nicholas and Santa.  Her explination is that Father Christmas, who looks like St. Nicholas, comes and puts gifts in our stockings.  So do MeeMee and Mama.  From her explination, it seems to be some sort of combination of everything.

BTW- we don't do the Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy, either.

[meemee]

hey i wouldnt have done the tooth fairy or easter bunny either. but dd's been talking about fairies and everything before she could talk. she loooooves everything magical so dont want to break that for her.

i am sure at 8 she knows what's really going on (at 2 seh refused the concept of santa because of the toy donation boxes) but doesnt want to admit to any of that.

that is why the tooth fairy has died a natural death. i didnt get her anything, she didnt look under the pillow.

however i do no presents over christmas. none whatsoever. actually none for her bday either. her bday party is her present  this easter since i thought it would be her last easter i got her presents otherwise its eggs filled with a bunch of different things.

but this whole time we are busy, BUSY, BUSY attending events, volunteering and of course get togethers.