Outside pressure to "grow up"

[Halfasianmomma]

I need to vent. My apologies in advance.

DD is 29 months. She's still in diapers. She still sleeps half in her bed and half in mine (but our beds are smooshed together so it's just one big bed). She still needs me to lie down with her until she falls asleep.

I have coworkers and friends (and some family) who have been...criticizing me lately for DD's development, asking me what is *wrong* with DD and blaming me for the extended cosleeping. Some days I'm fine and other days, I get very frustrated.

"WHY is DD not potty trained?" Um, I dunno, she's not very interested, that's why.

"Well, you should FORCE her. She'll be in diapers till she 6! It'll be very embarassing then!"

:(

"WHY is DD still sleeping next to you? WHY don't you put her in a separate room?" Um, gee, well, we live with my parents and there's no other room...and well, to be honest, I like cuddling with her after a long day at work.

Some days I feel like I'm not parenting right because my 2 year old isn't potty trained and sleeping on her own. It's silly, I know, but there are some days where I feel more vulnerable about this stuff.

Ok, I'm done venting.

[missnoodlesmom]

If it's a bunch of people you can't avoid, I would just laugh when they say that stuff.  Like "yeah, sure - that would be a problem if she isn't PTed at 6."  Or "You are awfully curious about what goes on during sleeping hours at my house, do you want to have a sleep over so it's not so fascinating?"  and just smile.  Seriously - you have a TWO year old.  I nursed my two year old and recently weaned him, and got quite a bit of comments, but I just smiled and laughed and said "all in good time".  No one knows how to respond to you smiling at the stuff they say.  They feel uncomfortable with your choices because they are different than their own. 

[dakotablue]

"Well....Talk to me when she's 6" and brightly smile.

I don't see how upsetting your daughter and making her self conscious about toileting is a healthy thing to do.

If you are concerned go the EC route.

Otherwise just tell people she sleeps in your room in her own bed (mostly true)when asked why say because of living circumstances.  Is your DD potty trained? "we're working on it" because technically she is getting old and more aware.

They don't need to know. You don't need to share. When people press about where DS sleeps I say "his crib is in our room", true but DS doesn't sleep in it. 

[Smidge]

Originally Posted by missnoodlesmom 

If it's a bunch of people you can't avoid, I would just laugh when they say that stuff.  Like "yeah, sure - that would be a problem if she isn't PTed at 6."  Or "You are awfully curious about what goes on during sleeping hours at my house, do you want to have a sleep over so it's not so fascinating?"  and just smile.  Seriously - you have a TWO year old.  I nursed my two year old and recently weaned him, and got quite a bit of comments, but I just smiled and laughed and said "all in good time".  No one knows how to respond to you smiling at the stuff they say.  They feel uncomfortable with your choices because they are different than their own. 

Perfect :D

[AislinCarys]

Goodness! And here I am with a, wait a moment (counting on fingers) 33 month old (nearly 3 yo!), who is still breastfed 10-25 times a day, who still mostly breastfeeds to sleeps, or sometimes cuddles to sleeps, who still goes on my front in a mei tai when she's tired and we're out, who certainly co-sleeps (we wouldn't want her anywhere else!), and who gets to jump in all the puddles when we're out (provided she wears her gumboots and rainpants - the other kids here are usually not allowed)! But we certainly don't baby her - last week she climbed up the mountain with us, it took over an hour (for most fit people it would take about 20-30 min, it is quite high), she walked all the way, and slept on daddy's back on the way down!

[erinmattsmom88]

My DD, who will be 3 in two weeks, is just now potty trained (the process started in early October at 33 months) and still sleeps with us.  Your child will potty train when she is ready and not any sooner.  My parents question me on things I do all the time and I either ignore them or tell them to back off.  On a rare occasion I may explain why I do things... if I'm in the mood.  Otherwise, my style of parenting is not up for discussion... period. 

[TheSlingMama]

Well, first of all, kids do not generally have the ability to control their bladder and bowel movements until 18 months.  Second of all tell them that unless you're mistaken you gave birth to your child and will decide how she's parented!  If I could we'd still be nursing.  I've even considered trying to relactate even though it's been a year.  My parents have generally stopped questioning because I've made it clear that until she ASKS me to have her own room she won't (well to sleep in.  She has a quiet room/play room.) - even if that means that she's still there when we have another child.  They've finally got it through their heads that I do my research and it's not just a trend of a phase - I actually know what I'm talking about.