We suck at bedtime.

[VisionaryMom]

Really, we do. DD is 3 (4 in January). DS is 5 (6 in January). Bedtime is still a struggle most nights for us, and it has been that way since DS was born. It still takes us 1 hour+ at night to get them to bed, and some nights that still doesn't work. When we get a system that works, it is okay for maybe 4-6 weeks, and then something changes - an illness, an odd night out, SOMETHING - and we're back to square 1.

Please help! I don't even know what to ask because I don't know how bedtime is supposed to look at this age. It just shouldn't need to still be so dependent on us, should it?

[D_McG]

I have a 2 and a 4 year old.

We read books in the living room and then put my DD (2) in bed with her many stuffed toys.  Sometimes she asks me to lie with her and I do for a minute or so (the shorter the better I have found).  She goes to sleep alone then.

DS (4) gets another book or more in bed and likes me to snuggle with him.  Maybe 5 minutes.  We talk (high point/low point/silly point of the day) and then he falls asleep alone.

To get DD to where she is was pretty easy.  We always held her to sleep until she was 18 mos or so then started lying with her instead.  She started to become a PITA about it though.  Refusing to settle down so I started leaving her (after a warning to settle down) to go 'wash dishes' or 'read to Christopher' or something.  Basically a set period of time that she could imagine.  Sometimes she'd get upset but she was upset whether I was there or not.  She just needed to work it out.  In a couple of days she was totally cool with it and started to ask us to leave.  I think that's WHY she was being awkward to begin with.  She just wanted to be alone.

To get DS to where he is was a much more complicated thing.  He really loved us to be with him while he fell asleep.  We did many different things.  sitting in the room with him, sitting in his doorway, letting him fall asleep on our laps in the living room.  Finally though we just felt we needed to set higher expectations so we would tell him to cuddle his baby (doll) and we'd be back in 10 minutes.  If he came out of his room within those 10 minutes we would reset the (imaginary) clock and he'd have to wait another 10 minutes.  At 4 years old he knew kind of how long that was. At some point it became longer than 10 minutes.  Or shorter if he needed it.  But basically we got strict about him having to settle down in bed, alone for a specific period of time.  

Now it's no big deal with him.  It was worth the (short!) drama.  He really  never got that upset.  Like I said, he's 4 so he knew 10 minutes wasn't a big deal and eventually seemed to figure out that it was easier to just go to sleep than wait for us in 10 minute increments (plus after coming back maybe twice we'd say it would be maybe 20 minutes before we came back again).

[VisionaryMom]

DD was similar until around age 2.5. She was a breeze to get to bed - took maybe 5 minutes of singing a song, cuddles, "love you," and she was fine. I do know now that she's in daycare that a "rest period" is required by law, and she does fall asleep everyday. I think I will talk to them about waking her up after 1/2 hour or so. 

Last night, I slept in our bed w/ DC, and DH slept in DS' bed (which is becoming increasingly common - we don't all fit in one bed anymore!). DD is REALLY restless. I mean, she's kicking and moving all night, much moreso than I remember DS being, and he seems to have some fitful dreams. He's commented on that to me, but he yelled out in his sleep a few times. So I think they're just not well-rested at all. 

The only thing that (mostly) works is for DH to sit in the room with them (they share a room & will for the next 18 months or so until we move). He will read (silently, whatever he is reading at the time), and they will fall asleep. That still takes 45 minutes or so and just isn't feasible every night.

[cyclamen]

Sorry to hijack... D_McG I think this is what I need to do with my daughter.  She's almost 18 mo, and I think she needs space to fall asleep, but boy she gets so mad about it when I leave the room.  But she is pretty grumpy/shrieking even if I stay sometimes.  She's normally so mellow but lately she's been getting so overtired and going to bed later and later.  It's not good for her. 

I think I'm going to try the "go wash dishes" thing with her later.  Did you shut the door to her room or leave it open?  Did you go back in after you finished the dishes if she was still awake?  How long did you wait to go back in? 
 

Originally Posted by D_McG 

To get DD to where she is was pretty easy.  We always held her to sleep until she was 18 mos or so then started lying with her instead.  She started to become a PITA about it though.  Refusing to settle down so I started leaving her (after a warning to settle down) to go 'wash dishes' or 'read to Christopher' or something.  Basically a set period of time that she could imagine.  Sometimes she'd get upset but she was upset whether I was there or not.  She just needed to work it out.  In a couple of days she was totally cool with it and started to ask us to leave.  I think that's WHY she was being awkward to begin with.  She just wanted to be alone.

[D_McG]

I shut the door and went back in 5 minutes (ish) if she was upset but waited longer if she was happy! If she was very upset (which, I don't think she ever was but I remember maybe my son was?) I would peek my head in before 5 minutes just as an 'i'm still here' reminder.  

[cyclamen]

thanks!