Missing work for infertility treatments

[escher]

I'm getting sick of having to miss work at a moment's notice for IUIs. Any suggestions? I know it would be easier if I told my colleagues that I'm trying to get pregnant, but I really don't want to. So I keep being vague or making up excuses, but I know they are wondering what is going on. Any suggestions? Experience? Sympathy? Thanks!

[blueyezz4]

I feel for you!!!  I had the same problem, but thankfully I could mainly have all my blood work and U/S early enough in the morning and then get to work after.  It is so hard b/c you don't want people thinking that you are a slacker, but it is just a private matter. I think maybe only 1 or 2 people knew what I was going through so they helped cover a little for me.  I was worried about all of the appts I was going to have to have when we just did our IVF, but thankfully my job changed and freed me up some so i didn't have to worry about it.  Sure wish I had some more suggestions for you, but I don't.  Good luck!!

[Maurine]

I feel for you, too!!  I ended up telling two people at work, my immediate supervisor and the person who covers for me.  I kept it vague at "fertility treatments."  It wasn't great to have to tell them, but less stressful than coming up with a little lie each time...

[missme]

I totally feel you. I'm a teacher, so I have to be replaced whenever I'm away - I can't just come in 1 hour late or whatever. At my old school, i had many good friends with whom I shared my story. At my new school, I don't have any close friends (yet?), so no one asks me about why I'm away. So far I have just told my vice principal, because I was talking to her about my stressors, and to everyone else I just say I have a medical appointment.

But, yeah, it sucks.

[milletpuff]

This is one of the main reasons that we decided to do at home IUIs! When we started out the process and I was having to go to appts once a month or so, I just sort of "fudged" or said something about a drs appt.

Lately however, I have had to miss an insane amount of work (I think I used up 30 hours of vacation and 35 hours of sick time in November), so I did tell my immediate supervisor, and when I got back from it all I told my immediate co-workers (I share a room with about 6 people). I chose to tell because there has been a lot of turnover at work lately and I didn't want people to think that I was thinking of leaving too, AND because I have sole charge of a program at work that is just about to hit a super busy season and I didn't want people to worry about that, AND because we have had a lot of pregnancies and babies in the office lately and I wanted to give folks a heads up that I was not going to be up for hearing all about their wives' deliveries or how tired they were, and I wanted my office folks to know not to start up those conversations.

All that said, it is 100% your CHOICE how much and what to share, and your work doesn't have a *right* to know anything about why you are missing work! They do have a right to know how it might affect your job performance, and to have a chance to make plans to accommodate absences if needed, but you would be perfectly within your rights to say that you are having some medical issues that will require you to be out occasionally. You can be as vague or as detailed as you want. They can totally wonder what is going on and that is THEIR BUSINESS. Your reasons for leaving are totally YOUR BUSINESS. Do not share if you don't want to, because it's not something that you can take back, AND it's also something that will likely make it's way around the office even if you ask people to keep it private. People can talk even if they don't mean to be a gossip.

<3

[escher]

Thanks, everyone! It's good to know that I'm not the only one struggling with this.

Milletpuff: I wish my wife were up for at-home IUIs, but she just isn't. That would definitely be more convenient! It's good to remember that I don't have to give any reasons if I don't want to, and that I should be careful what I tell since I can't take it back. So far I'm being vague and/or semi-dishonest (i.e. I've talked about how I am deficient in vitamin D, but I'm blaming more appointments on that than is really reasonable).

Missme: It sounds like a smart plan to tell one person in charge but not other people. Maybe I'll try that.

Maurine: It's good to remember that I can be fairly vague even if I do tell--that I don't have to get into details about what kind of fertility treatment. (Hey--and congratulations on your pregnancy! )

Blueyezz4: I agree that getting as much done in the early morning as possible seems like the easiest way when possible.

AFM: I'll need to miss work again at some point this week for another IUI. I told the colleague who I work most closely with (and who will have to cover for me when I'm gone) that I may be a little late on Monday or Tuesday because of a doctor's appointment. He was totally fine with it--hopefully he won't ask any more questions. Hopefully it does end up being Monday or Tuesday! And hopefully this one just works so I don't have to go through any more!

[monkeyscience]

Originally Posted by missme 

I totally feel you. I'm a teacher, so I have to be replaced whenever I'm away - I can't just come in 1 hour late or whatever. At my old school, i had many good friends with whom I shared my story. At my new school, I don't have any close friends (yet?), so no one asks me about why I'm away. So far I have just told my vice principal, because I was talking to her about my stressors, and to everyone else I just say I have a medical appointment.

But, yeah, it sucks.

Bleh... I know how that goes. I'm still doing fertility workups, not treatment yet, but it's a super pain. I make sure to schedule all of my appointments when I don't have class so at least I don't have to write sub plans. I really don't feel like telling the principal why I have so many doctor's appointments, but I am a little afraid they'll start to wonder why I have so darn many of them. :P

And to the OP... I would just suggest saying you have a doctor's appointment, and let them wonder. It's annoying, but probably not as annoying as having everyone asking you constantly if you're pregnant yet.