my dh is from Peru. his whole family is here, he came when he was 16. our dd is turning 5. we usually have a big family birthday party. we both come form big families, and so this was usually a party with everyone here at the house, its like 6 hours long, the kids get bored and rowdy, its uber-expensive to feed so many people for a little kids birthday. its probably around 40-50 people who come.
this year, dd is turning 5. she has been to a couple "theme" type kids parties at chuck e. cheese, or various places that offer a kid focused party for a few hours. this is what she wanted. so, there is a bead store nearby in a cool antique mall that offers birthday parties. she wanted either this or an ice-skating party. so, after much discussion, i thought dh adn i agreed to have the party for her little cousins and some friends at the bead place.
after i sent invites and confirmed the date with the bead place, it turns out no, he never agreed (or at least doesn't remember). he is worried about offending his family - who all expect to be invited to a birthday party. i mean, really? do 16 year old cousins REALLY want to go to a 5 year olds party?? nah, they don't. they get BORED! They're 16!!!!
so, now we are going to have ALL of our families invited (cause if we invite ALL of his family, then i feel rude not inviting mine) and the kids, AND its just at a mall with the little ones beading necklaces and bracelets. i am going to call and add about 6 people to our list of beaders.
augh. it was quite a "discussion" we had about it too. it is so frustrating. i jsut wanted to let my kid have a regular 5 year old birthday party that she wants. most of the time when we have the big famliy parties, most of his sibs are late, mine are on time. so this means we eat late, we cut the cake late, my family leaves as soon as the cake is cut (cause they have already been there for 4+ hours) often her cousins on my side aren't even there for the cake cause his side takes so long.
i am so happy that his family loves my kids so much. i am so glad she has so many loving relatives in her life. but seriously!!! she's only turning 5! she really doesn't need a 6 hour birthday party!
how do others deal with this type of situation? oh, and he feels that he has offended his family cause it is a traditional crazy long family party. i know some people do friends party and then family party - but with so many people involved, i feel like it is really overboard to have 2 parties every year. if it was just grandparents and parents for the family party, ok, that's cool, but seriously 2 parties is too much for me. a lot of my neices/nephews on his side struggle with this. they want a traditional American party where they hang out with friends and similar aged cousins, not a 16 year olds birthday with a bunch of 6 adn 7 year olds running around. but their parents really don't udnerstand.
sorry this is so long. thanks for reading if you have made it through!!