unschooling food - Page 3

[frugalmum]

i find this thread so interesting, because I realize the most unschooly families I know are the most controlling and uptight when it comes to food.  I have a very unschooly friend who looks physically ill if her daughter is offered anything sugar, anything unorganic, or packaged crackers (or packaged anything) at my house.  I guess as parents we pick and choose what to control-- for me food has never been a control issue beyond frugality-- i.e. it is cheaper to have homemade baked goods VS buying them packaged, so 90% of what my kids eat is homemade.

But, short of letting them eat candy or chocolate all day, I guess I am a radical unfooder.  If kids don't want to eat meals, fine.  If they aren't eating healthy, fine.  I just hope eventually they come around, and most importantly, I set a good example, or at least what I consider to be a good example-- no sugar, lots of produce, small serving sizes, etc.. 

[dogretro]

Originally Posted by Tigeresse 

I think there is plenty of room for variation between "forbidding and withholding" and "approaching it openly".  And all of these variations can come from a place of love, respect and nurturing, not necessarily from a need to control.

I agree kids are people.  They are little people who require the care of adults to provide them with all they need so they can do their work of learning, playing, growing.  Their minds do not work the same as adults and therefore they require a different set of responsibilities than an adult would have.  IMO they need us to provide a guiding light and to "see the big picture" for them so they can go about doing what kids do feeling safe, secure, and nurtured.  Certainly the long term goals include kids making more and more of their own choices, and that's where the savvy, in-tune parent will rely on wisdom gleaned from years of life experience, on deep knowing of their own child, and on self-trust as well as trust of the child.  JMHO.

[lemonapple]

Originally Posted by Tigeresse 

I would say to joyfully provide that paleo diet to you family.  If you encounter pringles and kool-aid which you will inevitably will, let your kids have it if they want.  Talk to them about food and all you know, why you do what you do.  Allow them to choose, but that does not mean you have to stock your house with junk or always provide them with it whenever they want.  I would also say you do not *ever* need to expose them purposely to junk food, it will just happen at some point.

To me, this journey has been about learning to trust myself as much as it has been about trusting my kids. 

This exactly.

I have a 2 yr old son, and we have been unfooding for about three weeks now. He does not eat chocolate and juice all day even when they ARE present in the house. Unfooding works. However, It takes TIME, an open mind, and full trust in your child. It doesn't mean that you only stock your kitchen with the food your child chooses at the grocery store. Shop as you usually would, but keep an open mind. If your child asks for a bag of chips and you have the $, let her try it. When at home, open your pantry and refrigerator to your child. When at a friend's house, or out to eat, don't restrict the food in any way. And, don't refer to the food they choose and eat at these outings as treats...that only elevates these foods, which only leads to binging and a perception that some foods are better than others without the true knowledge of WHY gained through experimentation. 

The entire idea behind unfooding is that given unrestricted access to food, children will learn to listen to their own bodies in a way that many of us have trouble identifying. They will learn through trial and error that eating sweets all day will leave them feeling ill while eating carrots and hummus will provide a more lasting energy boost. Etc...

This takes time. It is not an immediately gained knowledge. As with ANY learning, it takes trial and error, the freedom to explore, and the ability to make mistakes without condemnation. 

If your child has had their diet previously restricted, then you should not expect that they will make the healthy eating choices until AFTER they have reassured themselves that the 'forbidden' foods truly ARE available whenever they like. This may take a few days, it may take weeks. The point is to stick with it and trust that your child is capable of listening to their body. 

On a more personal level, I do believe that unschooling applies to EVERYTHING. It doesn't make sense to say that one's child is capable of 'schooling' themselves by following their own interests and what jives with their selves, but INCAPABLE of choosing their own food, or tv-time, or bedtime. 

[unruly3]

This is very timely that I should find this thread today.  We unschool our 4.5 and 2.5 yr olds.  We are pretty crunchy, whole foods, no processed food for the most part. I have to say though, I have a sweet tooth, and I feel that it is only fair to share......:) But because our diet is so well rounded I can get my kids to eat a plate full of fruit with a cookie on the side etc.  I was brought up and a strict vegetarian environment, and I certainly rebelled the second I left home!  But today I realized that I have to do some unfooding with my 2.5 yr old.  She is still nursing, but I don't make much milk anymore, and she really only likes a handful of foods.  So she wants to nurse ALL the time, like a newborn.  My DH suggested that we just keep the small menu of foods that she does like on hand all the time to try to fill her up, so she isn't so crabby at my dried up boobies! 

I am pretty new to this site, it's nice to find all sorts of different kind of unschoolers.  I don't feel so weird any more!

To the OP, I am sorry about your experience with the other group. I have learned over the years to keep my mouth shut, and if I really can't stand it, to leave the group.  I left an IRL unschool group due to some negative politics.  It was hard cause it was the only local unschool group, but sometimes even having the same ideology doesn't make it an automatic fit. KWIM?

[A_Random_Phrase]

This thread has me a little confused. What comprises Radical Unschooling - and what does how you feed your child have to do with unschooling anyway? My oldest had no clue that the stuff (candy) at the checkout counter was stuff to eat until she was over two years old - and a lady told her that I was a mean mama because I wouldn't let the lady buy her (at about 8 months old) a soda. Certainly RU isn't suggesting that I was somehow being mean and depriving my child of something because of this?

[UnschoolnMa]

This thread has me a little confused. What comprises Radical Unschooling - and what does how you feed your child have to do with unschooling anyway? My oldest had no clue that the stuff (candy) at the checkout counter was stuff to eat until she was over two years old - and a lady told her that I was a mean mama because I wouldn't let the lady buy her (at about 8 months old) a soda. Certainly RU isn't suggesting that I was somehow being mean and depriving my child of something because of this?

Radical Unschooling is a term you might see used around here to refer unschooling as not just an approach to education, but an approach to life and raising our children overall. It takes the freedom of education that unschooling has and gives it to other parts of life as well. So RU families might not have any prohibitions on media or food, the children may not have a hard scheduled bedtime, they might not receive punishments, and can choose to dye their hair purple. (Okay, that was my daughter at 7 lol). RU has the family working together on all things as opposes to the adults making all the rules and the kids needing to obey them.

So to get back to the food, Unschooling food means that children make their own food decisions. Their parents and other family and friends make suggestions, share information/thoughts/concerns, and try to model healthy behaviors.

[A_Random_Phrase]

Unschoolnma, thank you for the explanation. My younger daughter was trying to explain RU to me late last night, so I just read your explanation to her. She said, "Congratulations, Mom, you're a radical homeschooler [meaning unschooler]." (She just turned 17 a few days ago.) A lot of what you said does ring true for our family, even though I was a bit too controlling about candy for the first few years (I still gripe at them about eating junk food, but they just say, "Oh, Mom," and just go ahead because they know I won't stop them: I believe too strongly in a person's freedom to choose.) In fact, I have been told more than once that my children should not have the choice as to whether they should go to ps or not (by people who were trying to make me be "the parent", meaning I should send my kids to ps because those people thought it was what I should do). I just shrug it off.

[Kalani]

My own parents "unschooled" food. We always had bowls of candy standing on the table and everyone was amazed that I wasn't snacking on that constantly.

When he was still in school ds had a friend who was not permitted to eat or drink anything with sugar in it. When he wanted a treat, this parents offered him nuts. That boy stuffed this pockets full of candy at our house and constantly begged ds to get candy when he was over. I'd rather give it to my kids at home than having them get it somewhere else. If they don't get to have candy, or get to have very little candy, they will just crave for more.

We pretty much unschool food. That doesn't mean Kool Aid and Pringles for a toddler. But I do admit it, they drink mostly flavored water. We do have our occasionally junk food days, but mostly we model healthy eating habits. Eating just pringles and kool aid would definitely be a no go.

But I will not be deciding that my kids will eat three meals a day and two snacks in between at this and that time. They know when they're hungry. They do not need to be told, they know from birth. A newborn lets you know when he needs to be fed but as soon as humanly possible, you are supposed to put him on a schedule. Not knowing when you're really hungry and/or full is a major part of

And then they will not ask for candy, they'll ask for a sandwich or a meal.

I know off topic, but I have to adress this TV issue:

We have semi unlimited TV. Well okay, we don't have a "TV" per say. My son has one in his bedroom, and that is the only one in the house. We have a DVD player and all of the variety of TV that is viewable online without the cumbersome commercials. Yes, I am "unwilling" to control my son's three day "I shouldn't be alive" marathon. Once he was done with the series he moved on to other things. When he did this with the X-Files, a considerably longer series, I managed to pull him away by suggesting we research some of the supernatural things features in the episodes at the local library. Upon arriving home he did extensive online research and later figured he'd review all the episodes he watched on a review site. And then he got really into finding out if we have any local ghost stories/houses etc. This it basically turned into a unit study. All of this because of a TV show. But of course SundayCrepes mother probably wasn't an unschooler and this probably only works with a child who has been properly deschooled.

That being said, I thought it was said when a friends 3 year old he asked "Can I watch TV?" as soon as he walked into the door. My kids who can watch unlimited TV would not do that. (I have to add that they weren't as unlimited as they are not back then anyway. It wasn't that we did openly restrict it then, we just engaged them in

[Disco Infiltrator]

My DS is almost 4 y/o and we are unschooling and definitely unschooling in the food arena. It's really hard because he's a super-picky eater who has at this point rejected almost all protein sources, loves chocolate and is very sleep deprived, so on a very tired day he'll clearly crave the carbs. I'm a good cook, make tasty semi-veg food, which he mostly won't eat, but I figure things will even out someday. I just want him to make his own choices, and if that means he gets sugar on a somewhat regular basis, sobeit. He will live in a world with sugar his entire life and he needs to know how to handle it, not to find out how delicious all those sugary treats are then crave them because he was denied. I do talk to him about what's needed for his growing body, and we clearly have a bias toward unprocessed foods, but we also have chocolate in the house and he can have some if he wants. It's hard because I have to trust him that he'll self-regulate, but I also see that he does reject sugar, where I, on the other hand, LOVE it and will eat pretty much anything if it's sweet.

If he wanted to exist on pringles and kool-aid, well, that's really disgusting, and I would tell him that. It probably would make you grow a third arm out of your head. Still, his life, his choice, and he can't have mommy telling him what to do forever, so even if you deny him pringles and kool-aid, he'll eat that crap when he leaves the house.

[Momsteader]

Totally agree with Lisa here!  Unschooling does not equal unparenting (or also non-coercive parenting/taking children seriously TCS parenting).

Mine are older, and I'm pretty free with what the kids can eat, though I will limit sometimes--"Pick something other than another mango as I need that for x recipe." or "I think you're probably thirsty as that is the second handful of pretzels. Try a glass of water or milk first." 

It's the same with video games/computer time (another big RU hot button for many!!). I don't set a time limit, but if they've been at it for a while I might say, "Hey, have you read anything in that new book you picked out?" To which they usually respond that they forgot they got it...and a few minutes later are off to read it. Or, I'll announce I'm going to to something else...would they like to join me...and they do. They have their moments when they have something new and want to play for what seems to me like very excessive amount of time (but I'm not a gamer). But, if I don't say anything, a day or so later they're back to other activities too. The 'new' wore off. I certainly don't say anything when they read for 8 hrs straight...or play outside for 8 hrs...so why worry about another activity for the same as long as it's not every single day for weeks on end.

Like anything....unschooling is such a broad umbrella...you can fit under it with your brand of it. No need to take every single thing to an extreme just to be considered an unschooler.....or even a radical unschooler :)
 

Originally Posted by Lisa1970 

They are not talking about unschooling, they are talking about unparenting.

Sometimes, with these unparenters, I wonder if their child wanted to walk across a busy high way or jump off a cliff or rob a bank, if they would just sit back and let them. Seriously.

[lalaland42]

I'm kind of curious how this unfooding works with a budget. Obviously you can't buy one of everything at the store to keep in the cupboard or fridge. So what is the difference between controlling food choices and making budgeting choices? 

[HollyBearsMom]

Originally Posted by lalaland42 

I'm kind of curious how this unfooding works with a budget. Obviously you can't buy one of everything at the store to keep in the cupboard or fridge. So what is the difference between controlling food choices and making budgeting choices? 

I think unschoolinma addressed this earlier. Obviously a budget is important and the family as a whole needs to work within it. There are times when McD's, junk food etc just can be part of the equation. But this is discussed as a family and agreed to as a whole.

[lalaland42]

Originally Posted by HollyBearsMom 

I think unschoolinma addressed this earlier. Obviously a budget is important and the family as a whole needs to work within it. There are times when McD's, junk food etc just can be part of the equation. But this is discussed as a family and agreed to as a whole.

*shrugs* it seemed that unschoolinma was arguing semantics more than technique. Maybe I just didn't understand what she said. 

[HollyBearsMom]

Originally Posted by lalaland42 

*shrugs* it seemed that unschoolinma was arguing semantics more than technique. Maybe I just didn't understand what she said. 

But I see that *as* the technique-talking about it as a family.  and that's what we do

My son is 9 and has input in the family budget (all of it) as well as input in the meal planning. My son know that if mom signs up for an exercise class or he wants to sign up for soccer the money has to come from somewhere.  Maybe something else has to go, maybe we have to wait a few month  and we discuss as a family.

The same holds true with food. If we choose to buy processed "junk" food it has to fit into weekly budget. There are times when we are willing (or financially able) to support both our need for local/organic whole foods and our craving for take out Thai or oreos.  There are times when he decides that he wants to spend some of the breakfast budget on Capt' Crunch however most often he chooses to use his own money to buy that stuff. My son's cravings are no different than my own or my husbands. I have been known to come home with wildly expensive pink grapefruits in the middle of winter (breaking my personal rule of eating local first) so I have respect that others in the family have the same "right" to occasionally indulge.  

So the technique to "unschooling food" is to open the budget conversation to everyone. Math is pretty straight forward and there is little gray area. If we only have X to spend how do support buying crap when we don't have enough for meals.  How can we fit in take out pizza once a week/month/quarter?

Whats interesting is that we have lived this way from day one, long before I even heard the term "unschooling". My childhood was all about denial.  My mother did not believe in sugar, processed food, etc. My cousins ate cup a soup, chips ahoy, astronaut sticks and TV dinners.  Where did I want to be every weekend??

So when our son was born I read up on how to raise a kid with a healthy and balanced diet. "How to get your Kids to eat....but not much" was an eye opener.  And you can absolutely do it on a budget! You just have to keep the line of communication open and take all members of the family input into the decisions.

[WCM]

I'm reviving this thread (as opposed to starting another) because my issue is an extension of this.

I'm tired and rushed, so won't be as overly wordy as I'd like.  :)

We do the healthy food in the house, the world is yours to try out of the house. Why? because dh and I will eat all the sugar/fat if we bring it home, and we gain weight like champions. because we DO think their bodies are growing right now, they need to grow on solid building blocks, not appetite-supressing sugar and caffeine. so what I bring in is not preserved or coloured or ful of junk. fine. but we don't want it to be forbidden, so out in the world, try it.

they are 4, 8 and 10. a bit of chocolate at the store, ice cream at grandma's, fine. ice cream at the beach all summer, fine. food should be fun, not guilty.

but I've definitly created food issues. in the past, frustrations at cooking things no one will eat, buying local, organic, making it from scratch and it is wasted, fear of my kids having dh's and my addicton/control isues over food, led me to be way too harsh about what they ate, no you can't have a seperate meal than us, eat your dinner, etc. All crap my parents did too, when I was really young, that i vowed I wouldn't do, but now understand why they did. there's so much more to it than just what's on their plates. and when they are young, you just feel run ragged, shit happens, I'm so sorry. that was years ago, but still, I think it matters.

now it's very much eat what you like when you like, and has been for years. still keeping with the no-junk-in-the-house as above. I've read all the RU stuff about keep a bowl of candy, always full, let it stop being a restriction . . . but I look at myself, who has struggled with sugar my whole life, and I know, if it's in the house, I'll eat it. And I HAVE been unrestricted, once I moved out at 16, I ate M&M's all day for years. years. frozen cakes, cheezies, caramilks. all weekend. a bit of pasta, some baked potatoes. yeah, I was (am) overweight. I kept bags of bulk candy in my car at all times.

So I see my history, and think, no way can i just say go for it, and offer them candy/choc at home, always. i really think our brains are wired to get the most efficient fuel source possible, and what we seek are calories, the more the better. from an evolutionary standpont, it fits. and I'm an evolution kind of gal. I can get sick as heck on too much chocolate, vow not to buy any more, then look forward to it by lunchtime the next day. I don't love this, and I don't want it for my kids. but am I going about it the wrong way, I wonder.

Or is it personality/temperament thing, that some don't get hooked and go nuts, some do, regardless of restrictions. My dh doesn't care about sweets, he loves fats and beer. :)  I notice one of my children is very much like me, the other two are not, food-wise, and I'm not sure how to proceed. do I tell her why I'm concerned and we can brainstorm solutions?

OK, here's what happened recently that has me so freaked out. At times like hallowe'en or easter, my eldest and youngest (both capricorns btw) eat a bunch of their haul and then save the rest. then over the next few days they munch on it, often for breakfast, feel ill, and it is gone fairly quick.  my middle child, eats it all, in that moment. no matter how much she's got, she hoovers it. then is upset for the next week because the others have some left, she does not. they say i shouldn't buy her more, otherwise why did they save theirs?

so this week, she's rummaging in the freezer looking for any leftover baking, from a cupcake baking session we had the week before. she finds a bag of easter choc, leftover from when the capricorns 'saved' theirs back in April. she wants some. the other two are out, and of course clueless that this candy remains.  I say but it's not hers, but she really wants it, can she just have one? I say alright, of course, go ahead. she eats one. we leave the kitchen and go our seperate ways. I return awhile later, hear rustling in the laundry room, and find her looking oh so guilty, trying to hide the wrappers, because she has gotten the candy out and eaten it all.

oh my god. my child is hiding to eat the forbidden chocolate. this is freaking me out. I stole, bought, hid mountains of chocolate as a kid, because it was not allowed. not in the budget? who cares, I'd steal money for it or just shoplift the damn stuff.

was it because it was not allowed, or because it was a soothing balm to my myriad emotional issues? not sure, both? is it the same for DD? she is the middle kid struggling between her rule-oriented siblings, and felt the brunt of my past food wrath more than her sibs, because she didn't want to eat what i made. but after 20+ years of being able to eat anything I want, I still must force myself to not buy it at all, because once I buy it, I'll go back every day to get more. so I have/had free reign and have never balanced out. I'm a huge pendulum swinger on everything, food, fitness, feeling depressed or feeling full of joy and thankfulness.

I don't want my daughter to have this struggle with sugar. clearly she wants it, and like her mama was, will lie and hide to get it. I don't want her to need to lie, I want her to feel welcome and whole and loved for who she is, not what she eats. I'm all over the map on this now, is it nature, nurture, how could I handle it differently, what do I do now?

What do I do now?

(so much for being brief, sheesh. and I recently broke my arm, and figured it would hider my posts. whateva' I guess.)

thanks for reading.

[purslaine]

Originally Posted by WCM 
.  I say but it's not hers, but she really wants it, can she just have one? I say alright, of course, go ahead. she eats one. we leave the kitchen and go our seperate ways. I return awhile later, hear rustling in the laundry room, and find her looking oh so guilty, trying to hide the wrappers, because she has gotten the candy out and eaten it all.

Deep breaths.  One time candy steeling does not mean she is going to turn into a perpetual candy-steeler with food issues.  

Do you think she hid while eating because you have somehow given her the message that eating sugar is bad - so she needs to hide to do it?

or

Do you think she hid because she knew it was not her food and she would get in trouble for eating it?

If it is the latter, it is easier to fix.   Is she old enough to go to the store by herself?  If so, tell her the next time she has a candy urge to let you know and you will give her some money for a snack.  Alternately, does she have her own money for snacks?  Or bakes some (and clean up the dishes).  I would give the message that it is OK to have a snack attack, but you cannot steel other peoples food to do it.   I read Michael Pollan Food Rules and he discussed how having dessert was fine - but you should make it and clean up after it.  The idea was that dessert is fine, but the act of having to make it and clean up after it naturally keeps the dessert thing in check.  I have found this to be somewhat true.  I have a sweet tooth and bake way more than I should, but it is nothing compared to how much sugar I would eat if a bowl of m&m was kept constantly full on the table. 

Be easy on yourself, mama.  I reread your post and I do not think you are doing anything wrong.  If I thought you were doing something nutty I would tell you.

We come to adulthood with issues.  That is just the way it is.  We have kids, and we still have those issues.  You are reflecting on your food issues and  consciously making food related decisions.  That is all you can.

[Lost Lizz]

Can anyone tell me.. I live in ky.. and we have more of a choice here in homeschooling then in many other states... I am confused though.. I know I must write the school board within two weeks of the school year stating... but I am confused on what I would but in the "name of home/private school"  "address of private/ homeschool."   My question is.. would I make up a name and register my home somewhere??? or just write unschooling (doesn't seem slike that would go over well)  don't know... would be thankful for any idea on the subject..

thanks,

Lost.....

[Savoir Faire]

Don't EVER change your beliefs because it falls in some "ideal." If you don't want your kids to eat that junk, then don't bring it into the house, period.

These people on the Internet are not inside your head. They don't live your life. Long after these messages are gone, you will still be living your life...and if you are not comfortable with something, then to h-e-double hockey sticks with labels.

[4evermom]

Originally Posted by Lost Lizz 

Can anyone tell me.. I live in ky.. and we have more of a choice here in homeschooling then in many other states... I am confused though.. I know I must write the school board within two weeks of the school year stating... but I am confused on what I would but in the "name of home/private school"  "address of private/ homeschool."   My question is.. would I make up a name and register my home somewhere??? or just write unschooling (doesn't seem slike that would go over well)  don't know... would be thankful for any idea on the subject..

thanks,

Lost.....

You'll get more responses if you start a new thread.  I'd do it in the main Learning at Home forum.  Click on the "start a new thread" button and give it a title like "New KY Homeschooler with Questions."  Unschooling is just a style of homeschooling so you wouldn't tell them you are unschooling.  I think people in states like yours just make up a name like Cedar Lane Home School or maybe Smith Family Home School and use your home address. 
 

[NellieKatz]

I'm totally with you on this. I don't think it's right to let a kid make a decision that's going to harm them while they are too young to know what they're doing. And I do mean real harm....as in, say, becoming addicted to a substance, or suffering behavioral problems due to artificial colorings, or just having their taste-buds deadened to healthy food by a daily diet of processed garbage. Absolutely keep only the good stuff on hand at home, and it's great to loosen up when they're out & about, holidays, parties & the like, so they can have fun with their peers or family at these special events.

As they get older and more to the age of reason, you can give them greater control if you see fit, but I think that for now, there is zero downside to only keeping healthy food in the house and explaining to the kids why you do that (if they ask).

Frankly I think that letting a small child make decisions they don't have the ability to make due to their age is really an abdication of responsibility. We are here to protect our children. Some bells can't be "un-rung." Diet is important. Those who think my views reflect a desire to exert control just for the sake of control would be mistaken. I am trying to do what's best for my child's health.

My son is 8 now, and he partakes of all the mainstream garbage too often because we are out & about quite a bit and it is EVERYWHERE, at just about every "kid event" or party or festival or movie theatre (& on & on). But that doesn't mean I keep it in the house. And I explain all my decisions to him. I am vegan (as of a year and a half ago) but I don't force that on my son. I explained to him why I became vegan, I showed him the videos, photos and information that led to my decision and told him he didn't have to do the same. He said he wanted to be vegan, and for the most part he is, but he veers into vegetarian quite often because he's a fussy eater and can't seem to shake the cheese and egg habit!  :-)   But we are two different people and he's allowed to differ in this way....he could eat meat too, if he wanted to, but he doesn't want to now that he has all the info. 

He's a reasonable kid. I know that he loves the things that he loves because they TASTE good to him, and I am a big fan of things tasting good. We regularly buy chocolates and vegan marshmallows and other treats from the health food store, and the all natural vegan ice creams we get are beyond yummy! And we all love to eat Trader Joe's cookies together (they have short ingredient lists!) The list goes on. We love treats as much as the next family. But we draw the line at shopping mainstream grocery stores and filling our carts with processed food, artificial colors, trans fats and high fructose corn syrup. Really!

(We're not 100% unschoolers either, as if you couldn't tell. There are some things we insist on here.)

Anyway, I know this wasn't very coherent but it's very very late and I need to get to bed. I just wanted to support you in your view.

Originally Posted by lurve 

I belong to a Radical Unschooling group online and for the life of me I can't see eye to eye on their views of food.  Someone had written in that her son was just eating Pringles and Kool Aid for weeks on end.  I wrote back that I would just not have that stuff in my house. Some on the list have suggested that I leave the list for this response.  My children are still young (3 years old and eight months old).  But I have read and researched so much about food that I can't nonchalantly let them choose whatever they want to eat. I understand that companies put chemicals into food to make repeat customers. Not to mention the addictive quality of sugar, salt and wheat.  We eat mainly primal at home.  I do not allow anything in the house that I wouldn't want my children to eat.  When we go out to eat or at other people's houses, I let my children eat what they want. We talk about the choices and how it affects their body.  And that these are treats.  Am I an unschooling failure? Am I setting my kids up for a bad relationship with food as others keep telling me? Thank you