I'm reviving this thread (as opposed to starting another) because my issue is an extension of this.
I'm tired and rushed, so won't be as overly wordy as I'd like. :)
We do the healthy food in the house, the world is yours to try out of the house. Why? because dh and I will eat all the sugar/fat if we bring it home, and we gain weight like champions. because we DO think their bodies are growing right now, they need to grow on solid building blocks, not appetite-supressing sugar and caffeine. so what I bring in is not preserved or coloured or ful of junk. fine. but we don't want it to be forbidden, so out in the world, try it.
they are 4, 8 and 10. a bit of chocolate at the store, ice cream at grandma's, fine. ice cream at the beach all summer, fine. food should be fun, not guilty.
but I've definitly created food issues. in the past, frustrations at cooking things no one will eat, buying local, organic, making it from scratch and it is wasted, fear of my kids having dh's and my addicton/control isues over food, led me to be way too harsh about what they ate, no you can't have a seperate meal than us, eat your dinner, etc. All crap my parents did too, when I was really young, that i vowed I wouldn't do, but now understand why they did. there's so much more to it than just what's on their plates. and when they are young, you just feel run ragged, shit happens, I'm so sorry. that was years ago, but still, I think it matters.
now it's very much eat what you like when you like, and has been for years. still keeping with the no-junk-in-the-house as above. I've read all the RU stuff about keep a bowl of candy, always full, let it stop being a restriction . . . but I look at myself, who has struggled with sugar my whole life, and I know, if it's in the house, I'll eat it. And I HAVE been unrestricted, once I moved out at 16, I ate M&M's all day for years. years. frozen cakes, cheezies, caramilks. all weekend. a bit of pasta, some baked potatoes. yeah, I was (am) overweight. I kept bags of bulk candy in my car at all times.
So I see my history, and think, no way can i just say go for it, and offer them candy/choc at home, always. i really think our brains are wired to get the most efficient fuel source possible, and what we seek are calories, the more the better. from an evolutionary standpont, it fits. and I'm an evolution kind of gal. I can get sick as heck on too much chocolate, vow not to buy any more, then look forward to it by lunchtime the next day. I don't love this, and I don't want it for my kids. but am I going about it the wrong way, I wonder.
Or is it personality/temperament thing, that some don't get hooked and go nuts, some do, regardless of restrictions. My dh doesn't care about sweets, he loves fats and beer. :) I notice one of my children is very much like me, the other two are not, food-wise, and I'm not sure how to proceed. do I tell her why I'm concerned and we can brainstorm solutions?
OK, here's what happened recently that has me so freaked out. At times like hallowe'en or easter, my eldest and youngest (both capricorns btw) eat a bunch of their haul and then save the rest. then over the next few days they munch on it, often for breakfast, feel ill, and it is gone fairly quick. my middle child, eats it all, in that moment. no matter how much she's got, she hoovers it. then is upset for the next week because the others have some left, she does not. they say i shouldn't buy her more, otherwise why did they save theirs?
so this week, she's rummaging in the freezer looking for any leftover baking, from a cupcake baking session we had the week before. she finds a bag of easter choc, leftover from when the capricorns 'saved' theirs back in April. she wants some. the other two are out, and of course clueless that this candy remains. I say but it's not hers, but she really wants it, can she just have one? I say alright, of course, go ahead. she eats one. we leave the kitchen and go our seperate ways. I return awhile later, hear rustling in the laundry room, and find her looking oh so guilty, trying to hide the wrappers, because she has gotten the candy out and eaten it all.
oh my god. my child is hiding to eat the forbidden chocolate. this is freaking me out. I stole, bought, hid mountains of chocolate as a kid, because it was not allowed. not in the budget? who cares, I'd steal money for it or just shoplift the damn stuff.
was it because it was not allowed, or because it was a soothing balm to my myriad emotional issues? not sure, both? is it the same for DD? she is the middle kid struggling between her rule-oriented siblings, and felt the brunt of my past food wrath more than her sibs, because she didn't want to eat what i made. but after 20+ years of being able to eat anything I want, I still must force myself to not buy it at all, because once I buy it, I'll go back every day to get more. so I have/had free reign and have never balanced out. I'm a huge pendulum swinger on everything, food, fitness, feeling depressed or feeling full of joy and thankfulness.
I don't want my daughter to have this struggle with sugar. clearly she wants it, and like her mama was, will lie and hide to get it. I don't want her to need to lie, I want her to feel welcome and whole and loved for who she is, not what she eats. I'm all over the map on this now, is it nature, nurture, how could I handle it differently, what do I do now?
What do I do now?
(so much for being brief, sheesh. and I recently broke my arm, and figured it would hider my posts. whateva' I guess.)
thanks for reading.