New baby and I can't stop shopping! Need advice to curb spending.

[sssheri]

My husband and I have always been good about not buying excess things and working hard to pay off our debt and keep up on savings. We still go out to eat and if there is something we Really want or need, we buy it. But now that we have a new baby, I can't stop shopping and obsessing about buying things for her. I don't want to be the sort of parent that is about stuff or that gives her daughter more clothes than she can need, but I keep thinking of things or hear of products that I think would make our lives better, more comfortable, fun, prettier, non-toxic, etc. I also had to buy new clothes because non of my pre-pregnancy clothes fit right now and my maternity stuff was for the summer. The worse part of this is that I have been out on unpaid maternity leave so we don't even have the money for it. 

I don't think I've bought that much stuff, but I have been obsessed with getting new stuff. Any tips with how to deal? Where can you get inexpensive or used items for the things that are needed? 

[Nicole730]

I am the same way with buying stuff for my kids.  I try and justify it by telling myself that we will have a few more kids to use all the stuff once again. 

To get used items I use:

Rummage Sales (sometimes there are group children/baby rummage sales in churches or schools which are really nice)

Craigslist

Local Message Board  -- really, really helpful!  There is always a mama willing to help out another one.

[jimblejamble]

Join the no spend challange! Putting my spending on the internet for all to see helps me think twice. :P

[SilverFish]

two words for you: budget, and redirect.

look at how much you're spending per month on baby gear. compare that to how much you typically spend on yourselves for clothing and gear, and make that budget compatible. babies have high start-up costs, it's true, seeing how they arrive with no luggage, but the amount you spend on their clothing and gear should fit in with how your family spends money. i know, it's hard to stay on top of it...but giving myself a doable budget has helped immensely.

secondly, redirect. be honest with yourself about priorities. will your daughter really care in ANY way what kinds of clothes she was dressed in as a baby? no! she will, however, appreciate parents who are financially stable and who have helped with her education costs, who have put money aside for other expenses like classes, camp or family vacations. we have opened an education savings account, and that has really helped me be frugal as well. whenever i'm tempted to buy something expensive (or lots and lots of little, less expensive things), i think instead that i'd rather her be able to go to university without debt, and the more money i use up every month on STUFF, the less money we have to go into savings.

but, it's also good to be realistic. having a baby is hard work, and there are some things out there that will make life easier and more pleasant for you both. however, part of your spending drive is simply a way of dealing with the stress and confusion of having a new person for whom you are completely responsible. i remember this summer, agonizing about getting a stroller.. which model, how much to spend etc. i was convinced that if i just had a good stroller, i would be able to get out every day, go for walks, get in shape, never feel completely exhausted and drained by the end of an outing like i was while carrying her. HA. suffice it to say, we now have a really awesome jogging stroller, but it's still exhausting to lug that thing up and down our steps, and i am still beat by the end of our outings. i'm not sorry we bought it, but i am honest with myself that it was just a (an expensive, space-stealing!) way of dealing with my new, more complicated life as a mom. there is no amount of stuff i can buy that will make all the hard parts of being a mom go away.

[stephbrownthinks]

I  was doing the same thing for my DS. I think my shopping was mostly out of boredom. I was used to working all day and suddenly I was home with a baby that didn't "do anything." Shopping was a good excuse to get out of the house, or if there was a package coming in the mail it was something different to look forward to. Eventually I just kind of stopped buying as my son got a little older and there are other things we can do now (go the the park, library, play.) Something else that might help is every time you want to buy something, write it down. What it is, where it is, and the price. Revisit the list a few days later and see if you fee the same. Even better, transfer the money you were going to spend into another account! After a week go out to eat with your hubby or do something fun using the $$ from that account. Also if you are going shopping just to get out of the house, try taking a walk instead! Craigslist is a great place to get used stuff.

[sssheri]

but, it's also good to be realistic. having a baby is hard work, and there are some things out there that will make life easier and more pleasant for you both. however, part of your spending drive is simply a way of dealing with the stress and confusion of having a new person for whom you are completely responsible. i remember this summer, agonizing about getting a stroller.. which model, how much to spend etc. i was convinced that if i just had a good stroller, i would be able to get out every day, go for walks, get in shape, never feel completely exhausted and drained by the end of an outing like i was while carrying her. HA. suffice it to say, we now have a really awesome jogging stroller, but it's still exhausting to lug that thing up and down our steps, and i am still beat by the end of our outings. i'm not sorry we bought it, but i am honest with myself that it was just a (an expensive, space-stealing!) way of dealing with my new, more complicated life as a mom. there is no amount of stuff i can buy that will make all the hard parts of being a mom go away.

You are so right about shopping being a way of dealing with the stress and changes of having a newborn. It is sort of if "I buy that I will have the perfect life" mentality. I think I just need to be aware of this and really think through each purchase. I like stephbrownthinks idea of writing down the purchases I want to make. That way I can go back later and see if it is something we need and/or why I want to own it. I think a lot of times I don't care about owning it, I just want that exchange of picking it out and then waiting for it to arrive. 

[matey]

I tend to obsess over almost everything, but especially about what my kids "need". I have found that if I step back and wait, my need or lack there of becomes more obvious.

[Ygle]

Yes, what stephbrownthinks said!  that was what really worked for me... a lot of times I was buying things just because I was anxious about not having it after having seen it and I just needed that anxious feeling to go away, but writing it down, even taking a picture of it, was almost as good as getting it, I found (but her suggestion of actually moving that money into a special account to have fun with is especially great... I know I would write down the cost but it was much more abstract just reflecting on what I didn't spend).   I also started making a list of things I wanted or really felt I needed because that was another fear I had that I would miss out on something and then later realize it was something I really needed, but by doing some thinking about it before hand I knew I had my list of what I wanted and so if I saw something and it was perfect I gave myself permission to get it... but it had to be something I already knew I needed.  It was so amazing to me how I went from someone with zero interest in buying things to feeling like I had to own everything in the world as soon as I had a child!  I actually got a pocket sized moleskin just for this purpose and keep it with me everywhere. I had to make a pact with myself never to buy anything on impulse, I aways write it down and give myself three weeks (I've found I can obsess over something for at least a couple of weeks so I need a lot of time before I lose the emotional attachment and can evaluate it rationally) before I consider purchasing it or taking a second look, but again the flip side to this is that I also have things I know I want that I give myself permission to get (like I keep a list of clothes my kids need which keeps me from getting cute things on sale for them that they don't need which I would otherwise be too panicked not to get because maybe they might need them!)  To me I've found the better I can define what it is that I really want the less likely I am to buy anything, and the happier I will be ultimately when/if I ever do buy something... that was probably the biggest issue for me though that it seems so hard to know what your child might want or need that I ended up trying to get it all just to be 'safe'. 

[RooRooDog]

This happened to me when I had my daughter-  I think it was a mix of boredom with being home all day, uncertainty about being new parents, and how really, really cute baby stuff is.  Now that my daughter is older, we don't spend nearly as much as we used to.  I guess the novelty of baby stuff wore off, reality set in, and we realized there are not that many things she really NEEDS.  Also, like PPs said, once they are old enough, it is so much more fun to just take them somewhere like the park and watch them play. 

[Ellien C]

Where are you hearing about these products you MUST have? The media is SO savvy. I would see if you can cut yourself off from all of the ads! 

[GirlBoyGirl]

Sometimes I am the same way! It is hard to see cute things and not be able to buy it for your kids. One thing I do is that I check Craigslist a lot. I also sell on CL. So I have a CL money box that I use to put money in that I have made selling items and then when I want to buy something, the money comes from that box, too! I just checked it last night and it is up to $400!! I have been selling a lot lately! Other than that, I try not to go to the stores too much or look online at cute baby stuff, or I will be weak and buy! One good thing is that I hate clutter, which is why I sell stuff so much because I can't stand to see a lot of stuff sitting around, so that helps me not buy too much, too.

[sssheri]

Thanks for all the advice. It has really helped a lot. I haven't bought anything (except new cloth diapers because she outgrew the infant sizes). For Christmas she got a lot of the things I wanted for her (a bouncer and an activity mat) and I am starting to feel like we have too much stuff now! I think I will start getting rid of things she has outgrew.

[GuildJenn]

One more tip although it doesn't sound like you need it - make sure you have alternate places to walk around indoors with a baby in the winter! I joined the art gallery as a member and that made a huge difference - I could get out for a 'treat' and not be somewhere with a lot of stuff to buy (provided I walked past the gift shop...)

[texmati]

I also sometimes go through a phase where I get a case of the "I wants", even though (IMO) I'm pretty frugal normally. Whenever this happens I just try to take a break from all spending and just detox from the materialism. When you go to the store, mall, or even online shopping, you just get bombarded with more things that you 'need'.