send your kids to preschool, but plan to homeschool for elem?

[LiLStar]

I'm just wondering if there's anyone in this position. dh and I are "discussing" (actually, we disagree) whether to send dd to preschool. The one she would go to is  a small in-home play based/part time one. There has been a recent opening. So, I just want to observe some dialog on the topic.. Is there anyone here who is sending (or sent) their lo to preschool, with the intention to homeschool thereafter?  What went into that decision? 

I'm trying to keep my post as neutral as possible to not giveaway which side of the disagreement I'm on. 

[Smidge]

We are HSing our 3yr old and she won't be going to pre-school.  I think that socializing is needed, but I don't feel comfortable leaving my kids somewhere like a school/day care.  They will inevitably pick up bad behaviors, sayings, you name it.  We are also not comfortable with a lot of toys 3yr old girls seem to play with these days, iykwim.

[sapphire_chan]

We may end up going that route. Depends on whether I go back to school, what dd's social needs are, whether those can be met through other routes.

Basically, I can see dd really liking 2-3 hours a day with kids and me needing 2-3 hours a day without kids.

But my dd is like this when we're going to go play with kids and like this when we need to leave.

[etsdtm99]

my DD goes to preschool 2 days a week for 3 hours (started out with one day a week when she turned 4, 2 at 4.5, and will go 3 days in the spring ..)  up until recently i was planning to send her to public school but now i'm thinking i will homeschool (haven't made a final decision)

anyway, my DD loves preschool, i plan to send my other kids to preschool 2 days a week for 1.5-2 years also whether or not we can afford it.. she is learning a lot, learning to enjoy school type activities... she goes to a very small school.. at most there are 10 kids (ages 3-5 in the same class) and 2 teachers plus a helper ..

[Daffodil]

I'm doing this with one of my kids, but didn't with the other.  When DD was preschool age, I didn't see any benefit to putting her in preschool.  She had opportunities to socialize with other kids outside of school, and I didn't think she would learn anything in preschool that she couldn't learn at home, or have more valuable or interesting experiences than she would have at home. 

But this year DS, who is 3 years younger than his sister, is in preschool, though the plan is to homeschool him after this year.  He's in preschool at our local public school for about 2 1/2 hours a day, 4 days a week, and that gives me a chance to do some things with his sister that would be harder to do with him around (or get some work done that would be harder to do with him around.)   If I take DD somewhere and leave DS home with DP, DP feels unable to cope unless DS is watching videos pretty much the whole time.  I'll feel better about taking DD skiing this year knowing DS will have a place to be at least part of the time we're gone where he's doing something besides watching videos.  I also thought it might be good for DS to get a chance to be around a bunch of other kids his age and hopefully learn to enjoy playing with them, because he hasn't been too interested in that so far.  He'd rather do stuff with his sister and other kids her age.

He basically likes preschool, and while he's not learning anything valuable, he doesn't seem to be learning anything too harmful either.  I don't love the emphasis on rules and good behavior, but he's a natural rule-follower so it's not really a problem for him.  And he has made some friends.  Having to work around the school schedule is kind of a hassle, but I think overall having him there is more convenient than inconvenient.  It's certainly not making me think that DD missed out on anything important by not going, though.

[lach]

We're sending our children to a Montessori preschool through kindergarten, and plan on homeschooling past that.  I am interested in homeschooling for academic reasons, and think that peer socialization is particularly important in the preschool years.  I also love the Montessori philosophy and think that it will really establish a strong foundation of self-motivation, curiosity, independence, and self-reliance that will leave them excellently primed for at home learning.

[bass chick]

I sent ds1 to preschool. After the first day I wanted to pull him out (it was a terrible experience...teacher eventually got fired), but dh said it was too early to quit something after just one day. I wish I would have pulled him out. He didn't learn anything. He didn't "need" the socializing.

One good thing that came out of preschool was that my son made a friend. As a result, I made a friend too! We hung out a few times together and then they went and moved. If that relationship would have continued I would have thought more positively about our preschool experience.

One thing I regret is that I didn't look into the preschool very carefully. It was a private Christian school. There is a preschool in my area that has a very good name and when registration day comes if you aren't standing in line by 5am for the doors to open at 9am, you are pretty much guaranteed not to get in. I didn't learn about the preschool until after registration. Anyways, I was generally disappointed in the way this school / preschool was run, but it did for sure strengthen my resolve to homeschool!

I'm not sending ds2 to preschool. I might have sent him had he begged to go.

[mama_daba]

my son is 3 and i generally would rather not send him to preschool. today at the grocery store a lady who worked there was telling us how great the preschool is and how her son now goes 5 days a week and whenever stuff like that happens my husband gets all worried we are doing the wrong thing and tries to pick a fight with me about whether or not our son should go to preschool. my stance on it is if he wants to call the preschool and arrange a day to go and visit and see how it is we can do that and then decide after we have seen it. when my little brother went to preschool i didn't see it benefiting him and i saw him suddenly having a lot of sexist mean ideas and learning to pick on other kids and getting picked on by other kids. my son doesn't have a lot of opportunities to socialize with other kids. most fridays he spends a few hours at the playground that tends to be pretty crowded with other kids close to him in age. he goes with us when we run errands around town and talks to various people then of all ages and sometimes we run into other local families with kids and they play for a bit but mostly he is with me and he papa and spends a few hours a week with his baby sitter. he doesn't seem to have any social issues though. he is less shy than i was at his age or his papa. he loves to play with other kids and he loves to talk to anyone and today at the grocery store when he wanted a cookie he went up to the register and paid for it himself. i am certain my son would love preschool though.

this may sound strange but one reason i don't want to send my son to preschool right now is that i am pregnant and i can just see him catching lots of colds and then giving them to me and that sounds so unpleasant. on the other hand i would probably be able to keep up with chores a bit better and get more time to rest if he went to preschool.

[onyxravnos]

Originally Posted by lach 

 and think that peer socialization is particularly important in the preschool years.  

NAK
 

i disagree. preschool aged children work some with taking turns and sharing but mostly just with making sure they don't hurt  each other. socialization other then with play dates / siblings isn't really necessary until 5 yrs + and by then they can really start 'socializing' rather then just fighting. 2-4 year olds aren't really playing TOGETHER yet just kinda in each others space and maybe doing the same thing.

[EviesMom]

Yes! Both of mine went to/are going to preschool and the older is homeschooling. I plan to homeschool the younger child eventually too. It's a parent co-op, so we work once a month there, but there are paid teachers as well. Parents do all the administration/clean up/fundraising/etc.. This is a small group, fairly laid back, and they get a chance to do stuff they wouldn't at home--visit a fire station and sit in the cab (realistically, I'm not going to organize this for homeschoolers and without a group, I don't think the fire station would do the tour); play with super messy splatter paints and projects; play with a regular group of other kids. Then there's the fact that ages 2 and 3 are hands down my LEAST favorite. (I might speak too soon, I haven't had teens yet, maybe they'll steal the least favorite award away.) And he's an angel at preschool, whereas at home, he is fully engaged in asserting his independence, extremely loudly. 

My objections to public school are mostly about the administration, the mandatory and obligatory days and hours and "volunteering," the inability to take advantage of unique opportunities like travel; class size and school size; and duration of the day. This preschool at least, has none of those issues. My kids have loved it! My son being in preschool gives my daughter and I time to do homeschool more deeply and with more exciting projects. 

[marimara]

I'm toying with sending dd to a Montessori PreK, half day next year (that is IF we make it in, it's competitive (hate that!!).  The main reason is I'll be moving to a new town and dh is deploying and I'll be basically a single mom, so the 3 hrs a day is going to be helpful to me to get things done, docs apts, etc.  If that doesn't work out, she'll stay with me and I'll just have to manage.  I don't think it's necessary at all.  I've found social outlets for her and enriching activities to do so far and she's 4 already.  (she'd be doing PreK next year due to a late birthday).  

[pinky]

I think it's such an individual decision based on the child and the preschool options that are available.

My older dd went to preschool, and although when we started we weren't intending to homeschool, I wouldn't make a different choice now.  She went to a small, play-based preschool and she loved it.  We would pull into the parking lot and she would yell with delight, "School!!"  But she was a hypersocial kid who separated pretty easily, and she also gave up her nap really early--so even when she was at preschool for 4 hours, we had PLENTY of time to hang out together.  I will say that over time she loved it somewhat less, so by the time it came to thinking about kindergarten it was a pretty easy choice for all of us to homeschool.

My younger dd was much different--very attached, a big napper, and got a lot of her social needs met by having a sister.  My reasons for not doing preschool were all about her and not at all about the fact that we were homeschooling--except for that fact that by that point we were active in a homeschooling group so we had regular activities and social time with that group, so we were busy and social without introducing anything schooly into the equation.

[LiLStar]

So, I'm the one for preschool, and dh is anti. His objections.. I think he got from listening to/reading WAY too much Dr Laura and the "be your own kid's mom and don't send them to other people to raise" mentality. He's said things like, "I never IMAGINED any kid of mine would ever go to preschool!" as though he's offended by the very thought. I really think he misunderstands. The preschool I'm looking at is in home, residential neighborhood, basement converted into a preschool. 9-12:30 on T/TH. Its actually the preschool I went to as a child (I grew up across the street from it) and is still run by the same woman! I was the 2nd class. I loved going there. From 14-18, (I homeschooled) I was an occasional substitute assistant when her regular assistant was out of town or sick. (I'm 24, so 18 wasn't that long ago) so I am very, VERY familiar with how it is run from the "inside" and I am completely comfortable with what I see! I always hoped that when I got married and had a child, that they would be able to attend. In the summer when we would have enrolled, it was a bad time for us financially to make that commitment. Now a child has left and there is an opening. And the timing coincides with dh getting a nice sized raise, and me identifying a monthly expense that is a little more than what preschool would cost that we can cut out. I wasn't ready to push the issue over the summer because I knew we couldn't afford it. And now we can.. and there's a spot. 

And, because the previous paragraph was all about ME.. now onto dd. She begs for preschool. BEGS. She heard dh and I talking and immediately is like, "preschool? Where is my preschool? Whats my teacher's name?" I don't even know the extent to which she understands what preschool is (she's been begging to go since maybe last spring? It was pretty relentless over the summer) She might have some idea based on books, tv shows, and she understands the concept of what preschool "looks like", and is familiar with things like circle time from church nursery.  She's very social. Absolutely lives to play with other kids. When she wakes up in the morning its "where are we going today?" She thrives on going and doing! Being out and about! There's a grocery store by our house that offers free childcare while you shop. Sometimes we go there and ds and I just eat lunch while dd plays, because its paradise for her. And ya know, I think I'd be a better mom for it! 3-4 is a HARD age, and I really haven't been enjoying 3 very much. I'd have the mornings one on one with ds, then after pick up would be his nap time and I'd have one on one with her. It sounds so heavenly. 

And I just have to convince dh.. before someone else snatches the spot.. sigh. 

[EviesMom]

I think you have to explain how very different what you're looking at is from the conventional head-start academic style preschool, and from the 8am to 6pm daycare model. They are very different things, and not the same as a grand total of 7 hours away from home a week as you're looking at. What specific objections does your husband have outside of the general "I don't want her cared for by a stranger!" when of course, this woman is totally not a stranger to you.

[Needle in the Hay]

If I understand correctly, you're the at-home parent who would be dealing with the preschool stuff and who would be getting a bit of a break while your DD is there. I don't think your husband needs to be convinced. I'd tell him something like, "I hear your concerns but this place looks wonderful, DD is excited and it's worth trying. We can always reevaluate after a while and I still want to homeschool. Apparently plenty of people who homeschool have taken advantage of preschool for their active, social kids."

My DS hasn't been to any sort of school, but I think you have the final say in this and it's more a matter of putting it gently than convincing. I would try to convince him to stop listening to Dr. Laura though...

[Storm Bride]

I sent ds2 to preschool when he was four. He went three day a week, for 2.5 .hours a day. Honestly, it was totally for me. I wanted him out of my hair, so that I could work with dd1 a little bit. He was just so insanely disruptive at that age that I spent almost all my time dealing with chaos when he was home. I'm glad I did it...and I never intended for my children to go to preschool, either.

A family needs to find what works for their own family, not what anyone (or even everyone!) in that family had always pictured things as being like, yk?

[lmonter]

The situation you describe down the page OP?  If I could swing it and my child wanted/begged to go, why not?  Worth a shot at the very least, right? 
If it sucks, you pull out before the end of the year. 
If it's awesome, you get a break, she gets to play with other kids on a regular basis, and you might make some more [adult/family] friends. 

It's not like you're having to send her off to 6am-7pm daycare or anything, it's basically several hours a week with a minimum commute.  :)  Or you could compare the cost of the preschool with how much housework/errands you could get done.  Sadly, in my area, it's cheaper for me to pay a friend to watch my older three kids while I clean my house, and that's the only way I've been able to attempt to get my house back [barely] into shape.

Anyway.  I'm in a similar weird-ish position, so I feel ya...  We homeschool my 7yo boy, he loves it.  But he's spirited, has a fairly short attention span during the day, etc.  It was easy for me to distract him from the idea of (public) school for that year he was obsessed with riding the school bus.  Now my 4yo is all hot to trot with school and the bus, but he's got a different personality and would probably *love* preschool.  Argh.  Decisions.

[CherryBomb]

We had dd1 do 2 years of prek and Kindergarten at Catholic school, then I started homeschooling her in 1st grade.  Dd2 is SN and goes to public school.  So now I'm considering dd3, who will be 3 in a couple months.  I'm leaning towards sending her to prek.  I think it's a great time for play and crafts and singing, and honestly, I hate that stuff.  I'm happy to send them off to someone else to do it.

[laohaire]

We send DD to preschool though we had already decided to homeschool her. DH wasn't really that enthused but he didn't really object (not because he's not interested - he's the primary caregiver actually - but he was just open to the idea despite not really having any desire to do it).

So, yeah, it was my idea. What I envisioned was just FUN! DD could go and have fun with crafts and other kids and activities and such. It was only a couple hours a day, too. And I figured it would give DH a little break.

DD said she wanted to go - she didn't beg, though. I asked her that spring if she wanted to go, and she said yes, but when she understood we would be dropping her off instead of staying she changed her mind. So we dropped it. But toward the end of summer she told us she was ready, she was ok with being dropped off - so we enrolled her at the last minute.

She was super excited on her first day - the pictures I took are so cute because her eyes look like they are going to pop open from excitement (she wasn't scared, just excited). She liked the preschool for about a month. Then she didn't want to go anymore. We never completely got to the bottom of it, but it wasn't just boredom - something bothered her. Either a fire drill just scared her and she couldn't get over it, or she was having problems getting along with one or more of the kids, or something else. We tried to figure out the problem and stick with it, but she kept changing her story. Talking to the teacher was zero help - very nice lady, but we found we had zero trust in her because she would not tell us things. Like we'd be saying "Is DD having any problems with XYZ classmate?" and teacher would say no, no problems. Then we'd say "Because she said she got pushed and knocked over by her today, and she said she cried" and the teacher would say "well, yes, but we took care of it."  Not just one thing, but it would be clear the teacher wasn't giving us all the information and then we felt there was no trust. I can get that maybe one incident was not enough to mention, but we were clearly trying to get info on what DD might be anxious about and the teacher just didn't want to tell us anything.

So generally we just felt like 4 was a little young to have absolutely no information or ability to help DD cope with a situation or problems. It's not that I can't handle any challenges and it's not that I want to shield DD from any possible issue, but I really felt that at age 4 it just didn't make sense for me to not have any knowledge or input on what she was trying to deal with. And clearly the teacher's work was not enough because DD didn't want to go to school. So after a couple of weeks of trying to solve it, I came here and posted a thread, and somebody pointed out that pulling her out wasn't any failure, there was no commitment, and the whole point from the beginning was supposed to be fun. Nothing more. So we pulled her out and that was it.

I don't know if my experience could help you at all, though. What I took away from that was NOT "don't send your homeschooled kid to preschool" but just that if you do, keep your priorities straight, and if it's not working, don't sweat it.

[Lisa1970]

All my children have gone to preschool. It is not neccesary or anything. But 3 and 4 yr olds have way more energy than me I think, LOL. I think you should do what you want.