Honest opinion on breaking the homeschool news to my mom

[septmommy]

Deleted original post. I got it all figured out.  Thanks.

Edited by septmommy - 12/7/10 at 10:20pm

[elanorh]

Congratulations on making your firm decision!  :)

I would say that your overall tone is a little less firm than you may want ... it feels a little like you're still trying to ask permission or plea with her about her judgment of your decision.  When you say "drop the bomb," that gives her permission to react as if it is, indeed, a bomb .... And, I wonder whether when you mention that her choices to discontinue contact with you etc. over past decisions you've made, and how that has made you feel, might also help her feel that it's at least somewhat effective - and therefore, try it again.  What if she responds to this email and says, "In that case, please don't come over for Christmas Eve?"  

What if you phrased things more like this?

I want you to know that dh and I have decided to homeschool after Christmas.  We are all excited about our choice and believe it will be an exciting journey.  We are looking forward to [xyz about homeschooling]. 

I have researched this thoroughly.  One concern we had was whether we would have time to homeschool.  Not having the restraint of school hours will actually allow James to participate much more and allow me to look for evening work and still see them during the day.  We have child care, curriculum, socialization, and scheduling all in place.  I will still be attending college.  I will still be looking for part time work.

I assume you will have questions and concerns about our choice.  I am happy to talk through our decision with you, as long as you understand that the decision is made.  I love you and I respect all the choices you've made as a parent, because I know they were made with the best intentions. I am hopeful that you can respect mine and that you can be supportive even when you would choose differently.  Support doesn't mean you agree...it just means that you see my value as a parent and trust that I will do right by my kids. 

We are very excited to spend Christmas Eve with you all. 

**

Unless you've talked with her already about trying to heal the wounds from her conditional parenting style - I worry that including it in this message will simply muddy the waters with her and make her feel that her parenting style has worked in that you're so concerned about her reaction to this decision - therefore opening the door for her to attack about this decision. 

[septmommy]

Thanks so much for your reply.  I was actually just trying to figure out how to delete my post because I started having the same thoughts as you stated.  I love how you reworded it.

[Lisa1970]

If someone might argue with me or undermine me and I am not up for the fight, I don't tell them. My life is not an open book where anyone who wants, can come and read it and make judgement calls or vote on things. My life is my life.