Is this just a phase? Please, please, please

[kismetbaby]

My DS (14m) has learned to say "no", or rather "no no no no no" and he says it all. the. time. 

Sigh.  

Me: time to change your diaper! DS: "no no no no no."  Me: let's put your socks on so your feet aren't cold." DS: "no no no no no."  etc, etc.

Is this just a phase?  How do I respond to it?

It's almost funny (well it is pretty funny and cute except that its all day long) that this is only the second spoken word he uses consistently (the other is "mama", which means "nurse" more often than not). He does have many signs and he has a couple of words he has said a few times and then not again.

The use of no is going along with his general development right now, i.e. trying to control his world and exert his own will (he wants to everything by himself).  So I'm not freaked out by it or anything, just hoping someone can relate and wondering what other mamas do with this.

[shanniesue2]

phase :)

DS (2.75) is going through a phase where he says "no.  you don't say no.  You say yes.  I say no."  I fully expect this phase to last at least a few years (like 18 maybe)

[tzs]

oh yeah.....i think so. it's just fun. ada doesn't say "no" but she shakes her head "no" and smiles. she loves it and doesn't really mean it. it's totally "no means yes." for fun i'll switch the question around so she contradicts herself. like "do you want to put your socks on?" "no" "do you want to have bare feet." "no." Caught!!!! 

in any case, over here she's not actually "meaning" no because she doesn't protest at all. just likes to try it out.

[faithrainbow]

I work with toddlers so I deal with the "no" syndrome all the time!  Try talking less.  Instead of telling him that it's time to put on his socks, simply put him on your lap and start putting on  his socks.  It's usually just saying No that they love, not that they don't actually want to do those things!  If it's driving you nuts, try making up a little "No Song."  Whenever he starts doing it, just take a simple tune (like The Farmer In the Dell) and sing all the words as No.  Make it fun and funny, and scoop him up and nuzzle him when you sing it.  It can change your annoyance into a fun interaction.

[staryla]

I love the above suggestion and will totally adopt it myself!

My DS did the exact same thing at about the same age.  It lessened up over time.  Now at 27 months he will occasionally say "No no no nonono", but it's more half-hearted.  Plus his vocabulary EXPLODED in the last two months (at two years old he wasn't meeting any of the speaking milestones in the books, but now he's far surpassed them), so with his expanded vocabulary he's more likely to respond in a more verbal manner when he doesn't want something.

The hardest thing on me was not laughing at his hilarious string of NOs!

[kismetbaby]

Thanks for the thoughts mamas!  I think with DS is both just using the word/sound and also really meaning "no".  This morning he really wanted to be naked, but it's cold, so every time I approached him with clothes (talking about it or not) he would run away saying "no no no no".  But he doesn't scream it and if I distract him and put the shirt on anyway he's fine.  Sometimes though he says it but then doesn't mean it, as in "do you want a drink of water?", "no no no no", but takes the water and drinks anyway.  Maybe I just need to teach the poor kid to say yes!  

I have really tried to explain everything to him all along and to ask before doing something to his body/in his space.  I feel that this is the courtesy we would extend to an adult and I also feel that it generally makes DS more cooperative.  Even at this age if I say okay we are going to leave the house in 5 min and get in the car, then when we do leave it goes much more smoothly than if I just scoop him up and dump him in the car.  So that is why I would hesitate to just put the socks on him without asking. . .but maybe there is a way to phrase it/say it so that everything isn't answered with no. 

[faithrainbow]

In general I totally agree that telling kids things first is a great idea and does help things go more smoothly!  It's just when it stops helping things (like, they yell 'no no no' and run away) that I try other methods.  Another thing I'll do is let them know what's going to happen without talking: for instance, I have a little song that I sing every time we get ready to go outside, so when I start singing it, the kids will run over to their coats and shoes.  Even the kids who are in a 'no' phase usually go along these routines.

 

Originally Posted by kismetbaby 

I have really tried to explain everything to him all along and to ask before doing something to his body/in his space.  I feel that this is the courtesy we would extend to an adult and I also feel that it generally makes DS more cooperative. 

[kismetbaby]

Great idea faithrainbow! Thanks.  DS loves songs/singing anyway, I should make up a diaper changing song, b/c he always runs away from me when it's time for a change.

[lovepiggie]

I just wanted to say, I read faithrainbow's blog (It is wonderful!), and I tried out one of her techniques... When DS was saying "No, no, no!" to his shoe and kicking it off, we pretended it was a little bunny looking for a home. It tried his head, nose, knee, etc.. Until it find his foot! It worked wonderfully and I was so pleased! Except now everytime we try and put on any article of clothing, he insists on trying it on various body parts..ha! Oh, toddlers...

[faithrainbow]

Lol!  That is the risk of making things fun!  If trying everything on every body part gets old, you can shift it around by making up a new story that 's just as fun, but doesn't involve going to different body parts.  "This shoe is a race car!  It's the fastest race car in the history of the world!  Do you want to see how fast it is? It's super fast!  OK, get your foot ready, because it's going to Race!"  Then hold the shoe three or four feet away, and build the anticipation.  "Gentlemen, start you engines!   Vvvvvrrrrr!   Vvvvrrrr!" Pause for a moment, then, "Vrooooooommmmm!" And the race car races right onto his foot.  "Wow!  Did you see how fast that was?! That was the fastest race car ever!"  As you're fastening his shoe, you're looking around.  "In fact, I think I hear that race car coming around the track again!  Do you hear it?  I think I hear it!"  Cup your ear and listen intently for a moment.  "Yep!  It's definitely coming around the bend.  Get your other foot ready!  Quick!  Quick!  Here it comes!" Pull the second shoe out from behind your back and 'race' it on to his other foot.  "Whew!  That race car sure was fast.  Where's your jacket?"

Who would say "no no no" to that???