getting the 5-year-old to sleep on her own before the baby comes..

[akmbloom]

So, we've had a 5-year old who co-slept with us for most of her life.  We lived in a 1-bedroom apartment till she was 4, and she slept usually half the night in a toddler bed before coming in with us.  Now we have a 2-bedroom and she has her own room, a twin bed, etc etc, and for a while she was enthusiastic about it and slept in there really well, but now seems scared/anxious about sleeping in there.  We've been letting her sleep in a "nest" on the floor in our room, and she usually crawls in with us halfway through the night.  Even when she did sometimes sleep in her room, she would often end up in our bed by the wee hours... and I often don't notice when she shows up because I'm sound asleep.  There's really not room for the 3 of us in our queen-sized bed and I am getting increasingly uncomfortable at night and don't sleep well... DH sometimes ends up sleeping on the couch. 

When we moved, and she was sleeping in her own room for a while, we didn't have a usable couch for a while so DH and I would spend the evening reading or watching "TV" (on our laptops) in our bedroom, which meant we were far away from her and she said she felt "lonely"... now we have a nice living room setup but haven't been using it in the evenings because she won't go to sleep without us in the room and relaxing music playing.  I know we're sort of letting her control the situation but I am not having an easy pregnancy and DH has health issues and we're often just too exhausted to deal by the time bedtime rolls around. 

We plan to cosleep with the new baby (due in Feb - I have an arm's reach that I'll be getting out again), but I don't know how that will work.  A big, clingy 5-year-old in the bed with a newborn seems risky to me.  I would like for her to feel more comfortable in her own room, and use that bed, but I just don't know how to get her there because I feel so exhausted and don't want to force her to sleep in there if she's anxious about it.  But I'm worried that she'll crawl in here and I won't know it, and the baby could accidentally get hurt somehow.

(I was surprised to find that most of my friends did sleep-training of some sort with their kids, but my aunt who is decidedly NOT crunchy did co-sleep for a very long time, and my it's my family who are aware of and totally OK with my kid sleeping in my room!  weird.)

Please share your suggestions/experiences!  I'm hoping maybe we can work on this while she's on her winter break from kindergarden...

[la mamita]

We just did this, finally. My kid also didn't like sleeping alone, felt scared, etc, which I respect, but my bed is now too small for all of us and I cannot handle my kid's moving around while sleeping. So, we let him fall asleep with us around (either in my bed with me because I'm pregnant too and go to be EARLY or in a mattress in DP's office while he works in the evening) and then once DP is ready for bed, he'll carry the kid to his own bed.

For a good while, my kid would keep waking up in the middle of the night and sneaking into bed with us. The KEY was that DP would, instead of accepting it and going to sleep elsewhere, carry the kid back to his bed. I'm not strong enough to do this comfortably anymore plus I'm just not awake enough... After a while, the kid just got used to it--sneaking into my bed wasn't going to get anywhere and sometimes he'll wake up asking for water, but has stopped waking up scared or waking up to get out of bed.

Also, a nightlight was helpful for when I wanted my kid to fall asleep in his room on his own. We've moved away from that for now but I think it will be easy to get back...