Truthfully, I have some days where I have no interest in forgiving my MIL but really think I can become a better person if I do forgive what she's done and start healing from the wounds she's caused. MIL's hurts are deep and unfortunately, I'm reminded of the things she's done rather often lately since it's the holiday season. I've posted about it before and don't want to be repetitive but she has told lies, tales and you name it to convince DH's family I want nothing to do with them and want DD to have nothing to do with them. This started shortly after she was born and unfortunately has escalated to the point that we don't get invited to birthday parties or any family event. I think what hurts the most if none of them are in the least bit interested in our DD. It's sad because she really is a sweet child and I think it's unfortunate she doesn't know her cousins, extended family, etc. Anyway, one of DH's cousins called him for our mialing address because the wife of the cousin he is close to is throwing him a surprise birthday party in January. Everytime DH called her to get the details, her husband is home so DH asked me to call the wife instead. I have no problem with this. On the occasions I've been around her we had nice talks and we stayed at their home before and all spent quality time together.
When the wife gets on the phone, she was very cold. I asked her how she and the kids were doing. The only response I could get out of her was fine. I asked her for her email address so I could email her to chat. She gave it to me but the impression I got from her was, "what the f is she calling me for?" I emailed her and her response was so curt. I asked her how the kids were doing, what were their plans for the holidays, etc. Asked her if she needed help with anything regarding the party to let me know. I also asked her for the date of the party. It's out of state and if we're going we need to start making plans now.
Her response, "I'll need your address to send the invitation." Didn't bother to ask about DD who she's never seen in person although we've always mailed her and her husband photos.
Perhaps it's unfair to blame my MIL but truthfully, I've the big bad wolf who not only stole their good guy away but has made DH's mother miserable in the process. We're left out of so much. I know we should be happy to be spared having to be around people like this but to not be included and have people think the worst of you without truly knowing you is very hurtful for me. I don't mind people judging me based on the things about me that are actually true but the things she's said aren't. She's managed to turn nearly an entirely family against not just me but her son and grandchild as well.
My bad feelings toward his mother are truly at an all time high. She's created such a mess and hasn't gotten her hands dirty throughout this all. She's turned his family against me and her grandchild but she still gets to maintain a relationship with her son and the same people who she talked crap about me too. How could someone be so cruel to do this to another person who's been nothing but kind to them? How can a person do this to THEIR CHILD? How can a person do this to their grandchild?
I feel such anxiety about being around these people that I don't see the point in being around them at all. It's obvious I'm not wanted there so why bother?
I've read Toxic In laws (a great book) hoping that would help but the pain is still there and it's deep. I don't think it's healthy to spend time around people like this but it's also not healthy to hang out to the deep resentment I feel. Any tips on letting go?