! First babies are so hard. You want to do everything so perfect. My diet was aweful w/ Tain and I gained way too much weight. I felt guilty all the time. Talk to your mw about how you feel. Often a mw's concern for your physical health causes her to be blind to your emotional health. I know my mw really loved and cared about me. I know when she said things, they were cautionary, they were intended to make me aware of something I might not have noticed. But what it really did was made me feel like a failure. Like I couldn't do anything good enough for my baby. And those feelings make it hard to try. So let her know how her words make you feel. Let her know you are aware of the issues and that the constant attention to them is making you feel aweful. My current mw for this pregnancy always tells me I am doing great. And it makes me feel so good that I do better. Everyone is going to have unhealthy cravings. And everyone indulges in them from time to time. As long as your overall diet is good, your baby is not going to suffer from a bowl of Life here and there.
There are very few things in a Vegan diet that are bad for you, so you are starting off at a much better place than most pregnancies. Hey, if you feel bad about your diet, go lurk on a mainstream board sometime. The sheer volume of diet soda drunk over there will make you feel like a saint.
Be good to yourself. Allow yourself to be human. The supermom syndrome starts in pregnancy, not just after baby is born.
As far as movement goes, do the kick test when you feel anxious. I have found that on the days I worry about movement, I am so worked up I don't notice little movements, which makes me more worked up, etc. It's a vicious cycle. Lay down for an hour and just listen and talk to your baby. It helps.
you may also want to notice the TYPE of movement. I have noticed that my baby is kicking less and pushing/rolling more. As the baby gets bigger, there is less room in there to move around so how the movement feels is different. Ask yourself if you are really feeling less movement or if the quality of the movement has changed and that is what is triggering your concern. It is amazing the subtle things your subconscious picks up on as you become a mama. Think of it as a good thing, you won't have to worry about rolling over on your baby when it is born, your mind and body are already becoming very attuned to what your baby is doing. If you still feel concerned, call your mw. Mw's go into this field b/c they feel a strong convinction to being available at any time, for anything. Ask to go in for a quick reassurance visit. Listen to the hb, have her feel around for baby, talk about how you are feeling. That is what she is there for. She won't mind, she's been with a lot of first time mamas with first time mama fears.
I know this is kind of long, but I hear so much of my first pregnancy in your words. It is so hard. Try to let some of it go. Remember, you want to look back on this time with joy and wonder, not guilt and worry. I let my guilt pretty much ruin my pregnancy with Tain. I refuse to make that mistake this time.
Oh, and I also spent a lot of time feeling angry at myself for feeling bad at all. That only makes things worse. "Honor how you feel today". Saying that to myself a lot really helped. "Honor how you feel today" and it will be easier to let go of the buildup.
And keep talking, it helps! I am pretty much alone this pregnancy and this group of mamas has saved me so many times.