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Tired of comparisons. I like my son the way he is. - Page 3

post #41 of 71

I uhm... feel kind of competitive too.  (A dangerous thing to admit because two of the moms I hang out with the most hang out on MDC. lol.gif)  It's actually been really awesome for me to hang out with other kids very close to my daughter's age.  It has taught me to really appreciate all the different levels of development because the 2.5 year olds we hang out with are all SO different.  The two boys are really far ahead of my daughter in physical development (one is amazing at fine motor skills and he can sit and do quiet activities for long stretches and the other is really talented at gross motor skills and he has ENERGY to burn).  My daughter is the talker.  The little guy who was the slowest talker is now starting to really blossom and it is so much fun to watch.  I've grown really attached to all of their development and I feel really thrilled that I get to enjoy how different they are.  Which is kind of surprising because normally I'm not real into other peoples kids.  Seeing these ones once or twice a week for over six months has made a huge difference.

 

On the kid-proofing.  Oh man is that an interesting one.  I believe that even people who think they are fully kid-proofed... aren't.  Because someone else's kid is into different stuff.  I like hosting because my daughter is a tornado and I don't feel bad when she destroys my house. I always feel guilty about the wake of destruction at other peoples' houses. lol.gif

post #42 of 71

I didn't read all of these responses but totally had to say, that my DS sounds a lot like yours.  At that age I would take him to parks and if I tried to sit on a bench to chat with another Mom, he would bolt and I would have to chase him down the sidewalk.  I tried taking him to a music class and he would play with the drinking fountain and head for the door, screaming if I took him back to try to sit down with him again.   We would also go to a specific friends house and she would always comment that "wow, it never even occurred to me to baby proof that, Susie, has never even attempted to climb, open, eat, etc that!"  DS was very physical and a slightly late talker.  Also like you, we had a potty in the bathroom that got used as a jumping off device or taking apart game too- sound familiar?  Fast forward to 30 months...DS is just as verbal as his early talking friends, still more physical though, he actually sits and participates the ENTIRE time during a new class we signed up for.  The potty that we had sitting collecting dust in our bathroom suddenly got used by him one morning when he was 25 months old and he has been potty trained ever since- sooner than almost all his friends in fact!  So here we are comparing kiddos again- oh well, there are some that are more similar than others, no thanks to us...  Oh, and what helped us was hanging out with friends in active environments like parks, also, try finding some friends who LO's personalities more closely match yours and have a bigger age difference.  I also have some friends with LO's born within the same week, and although it is nice, I agree it gets hard not to compare, and DS actually gets along better with older kids...Good Luck!

post #43 of 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy View Post


Quote:
Originally Posted by alittlesandy View Post

 
I think this is at the crux of it all. It's all about what the parent exposes the kid to/teaches them (and I don't say that in a way meaning you've slacked or something, because you most definitely haven't!!!) Everyone has different priorities & different ways of parenting. My son didn't start clapping until I saw a baby 6 months younger than him doing it, and decided to introduce the concept to him. We were never the type to clap when he did something (and maybe that was wrong? I don't know, but it just never occurred to us) so there was no way he could have learned it. Who knows, he may STILL not be clapping now at 22mos if I hadn't panicked after seeing the other kid clapping (and don't do that... don't panic, don't compare, it's not worth it!!!) On the other hand, my son was using an open cup around 7 months old because we didn't want to do sippy cups so he never got introduced to them. Same with things like counting or the alphabet -- it's possible many of those kids are watching an 'educational' DVD every day or playing with electronic alphabet toys or in our case, listening to an alphabet song on youtube because Mommy has no clue what song to play & randomly chose one that he got attached to! Am I making sense? It's not something you did wrong or an indication of whether your DS is 'normal' -- it's simply what he was exposed to repeatedly or got really excited about.

 

 

 

Seriously...I think you said it.  It's simply not a matter of whether or not your child is "normal" or "behind", but rather what they are exposed to our taught on a daily basis.

  

post #44 of 71


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by luckymamaoftwo View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy View Post


Quote:
Originally Posted by alittlesandy View Post

 
I think this is at the crux of it all. It's all about what the parent exposes the kid to/teaches them (and I don't say that in a way meaning you've slacked or something, because you most definitely haven't!!!) Everyone has different priorities & different ways of parenting. My son didn't start clapping until I saw a baby 6 months younger than him doing it, and decided to introduce the concept to him. We were never the type to clap when he did something (and maybe that was wrong? I don't know, but it just never occurred to us) so there was no way he could have learned it. Who knows, he may STILL not be clapping now at 22mos if I hadn't panicked after seeing the other kid clapping (and don't do that... don't panic, don't compare, it's not worth it!!!) On the other hand, my son was using an open cup around 7 months old because we didn't want to do sippy cups so he never got introduced to them. Same with things like counting or the alphabet -- it's possible many of those kids are watching an 'educational' DVD every day or playing with electronic alphabet toys or in our case, listening to an alphabet song on youtube because Mommy has no clue what song to play & randomly chose one that he got attached to! Am I making sense? It's not something you did wrong or an indication of whether your DS is 'normal' -- it's simply what he was exposed to repeatedly or got really excited about.

 

 

 

Seriously...I think you said it.  It's simply not a matter of whether or not your child is "normal" or "behind", but rather what they are exposed to our taught on a daily basis.

  



Yes this. And if you have a kid that gets really excited about something and keeps asking about it, he tends to know more about a certain subject than his peers. My son was really disappointed once that he couldn't see the moon (cloudy night). So, I got a book about the universe out, showed him a picture of the moon and he was happy. And then started asking about the "other moons". DH told him the names of the planets, and now we have a 2y old that knows all planets and their characteristics. Other parents look at me like we hot housed him when he tells them Venus has a lot of vulcanoes. I think every parent just answers the questions of their child, and every child is different and has different interests.

 

ETA: he also still nurses and has never sttn. He potty learned himself (I have two big boxes of diapers left, he just decided one day he was done with diapers). I just go with the flow with him and never read milestone charts. He is just the way he is.

post #45 of 71

I know how cruel those Babycenter emails and friends who gush about milestones can seem.  Sometimes it made me cry. We did need EI-- a whole smorgasbord of therapies. I took myself off the mailing lists, stopped reading What To Expect the First Year and became determined to just be happy for my friend's typical children and instead of talking about first steps or first words I'd just tell stories about all the other delightful things my son was doing. It will stop bothering you in time, or your ds will catch up since he is, luckily, a typical kid according to your Dr and the EI eval. Either way you won't be feeling like this forever. You have the right idea about enjoying your little one just the way he is. Oh, and my son was only saying a few words before two and now at 2 1/2 he's a chatter box. He still gets speech but I'm not sure he needs it. Sometimes they just bloom.

 

 

Kids are different. He slept through the night at 8 weeks but I never sleep trained. He's always been quiet and rather easy-- likes books and trains rather than running wild. Right now he's not ready to potty learn yet and tells me "No poo poo and pee pee in the potty. I frow the potty down the stairs!" Maybe it's a phase, maybe it's my child led parenting, maybe he's just obstinate, who knows:) He spills a lot with a cup so we stick to straws and he makes a mess of himself when he eats with utensils.   He can tell you about outer space and count to seventeen but he doesn't know that he's two years old no matter how many times I've said, "How old are you? You're two! Say, I'm two!" Blank stare.  Milestones have nothing to do with parenting (as long as you're a loving attentive parent) and are just innate to the child due to personality or developmental problems. Parenting style is important and makes a difference but there are some things you just don't have control over and they shouldn't be a source of parental pride or regret.


Edited by WriterMom2be - 12/16/10 at 9:38pm
post #46 of 71

I'm right there with you. DS is 19 mos, and not very verbal at all. He also just almost but not quite qualified for early intervention. The ped told us he would qualify for speech therapy if he didn't say x number of words by 18 mos, and well, he technically says just barely over that number, but he still hardly ever uses words. He prefers to point. smile.gif 

 

DD, on the other hand, was extremely verbal, even talking in short sentences by this age. My mom makes it very clear that she blames me for him not being verbal. She thinks I don't talk to him enough and ALSO don't listen enough (she who rapid-fire repeats words at him constantly each time she sees him, thinking this will magically make him talk).

 

But I know that they're just two different kids. He's not verbal yet, and that's okay. His receptive language is awesome, and he can quietly do puzzles already that DD couldn't do at this age. They just have different strengths, and I don't think it means I'm suddenly a bad mom just because my 2nd child has different strengths than my first.

 

In my case, it helps that my nephew (who is DD's age) is around a lot. He was also very non-verbal as a toddler, and then suddenly, overnight, he began talking in sentences at around 2.5. He also didn't PL until 3.5, and then potty trained overnight. Now that he and DD are 4 and 5, there is very little difference in what milestones they have hit. That gives me some perspective. lol.gif

post #47 of 71

You need to hang out with moms that have 2 or more kids! ;)  Seriously, way less competitive usually, more relaxed and realistic when it comes to development.  My 3rd is 2 and doesn't "talk" yet, he can say a lot of words and a few phrases but doesn't talk in sentences, but I'm seeing progress and I'm not worried.  My older son didn't talk till 2 yrs, then it was like a language explosion.  My dd was speaking in sentences at 15 months- they're all different!  And I think boys tend to be a little later verbally than girls are.  I always find it kinda funny and "oohkay, whatever" when I run into the first time competitive mommies who try to draw me in about my son.  I just want to say "um, it's my 3rd I really don't care anymore!" ;)  It's really nice once you have your 2nd or so people stop it with the unsolicited advice and comparison stuff.  Seriously, most kids will do it when they are good and ready and there is nothing wrong with that!  And if they need some help along the way there is no shame in asking for it either. My 3rd is doing most stuff later than my other 2 did and honestly I don't mind much, he's my baby, kwim?  He still nurses and co-sleeps a lot (he had whooping cough in August which landed him back in our bed out of absolute necessity).  I had a friend who does have 3 kids a bit younger than mine and she is extremely competitive by nature, she suggested last time I saw her that we do CIO with my 2 yr old to get him to sleep better (I wasn't even asking advice or complaining).  Um, first of all- I have 3 kids don't you think by now I would have heard the whole CIO crap and if I haven't done it by now I'm probably not a fan of it!  Secondly, did you really just suggest that I let a seriously ill child CIO!??  And when I said "Oh I don't do that" she just raised her eyebrows and smirked while saying "oooh, maybe that's why he doesn't sleep"!!!  Argh!!  Whatever, if she's not bright enough to figure out that each child has different needs, not to mention that a severely sick child needs constant monitoring then I'll be the one smirking, thank you very much! ;)

post #48 of 71

I bolded the comments below that stood out to me.  The first one.. man, I sure hope that happens if/when we try for a second!!!! I can't wait to stop hearing everyone's remarks... DD is 2 now and is surviving just fine.  If I have questions I ask, I wish people would stop offering advice, sigh...

 

Oh, and I have a friend who keeps offering this up as if I didn't think of it already either.  Ahhh!!!  banghead.gif I've tried explaining many times that I am against it.  Sigh, I'm sure it will come again if we have more kids too. 
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsJewelsRae View Post

You need to hang out with moms that have 2 or more kids! ;)  Seriously, way less competitive usually, more relaxed and realistic when it comes to development.  My 3rd is 2 and doesn't "talk" yet, he can say a lot of words and a few phrases but doesn't talk in sentences, but I'm seeing progress and I'm not worried.  My older son didn't talk till 2 yrs, then it was like a language explosion.  My dd was speaking in sentences at 15 months- they're all different!  And I think boys tend to be a little later verbally than girls are.  I always find it kinda funny and "oohkay, whatever" when I run into the first time competitive mommies who try to draw me in about my son.  I just want to say "um, it's my 3rd I really don't care anymore!" ;)  It's really nice once you have your 2nd or so people stop it with the unsolicited advice and comparison stuff.  Seriously, most kids will do it when they are good and ready and there is nothing wrong with that!  And if they need some help along the way there is no shame in asking for it either. My 3rd is doing most stuff later than my other 2 did and honestly I don't mind much, he's my baby, kwim?  He still nurses and co-sleeps a lot (he had whooping cough in August which landed him back in our bed out of absolute necessity).  I had a friend who does have 3 kids a bit younger than mine and she is extremely competitive by nature, she suggested last time I saw her that we do CIO with my 2 yr old to get him to sleep better (I wasn't even asking advice or complaining).  Um, first of all- I have 3 kids don't you think by now I would have heard the whole CIO crap and if I haven't done it by now I'm probably not a fan of it!  Secondly, did you really just suggest that I let a seriously ill child CIO!??  And when I said "Oh I don't do that" she just raised her eyebrows and smirked while saying "oooh, maybe that's why he doesn't sleep"!!!  Argh!!  Whatever, if she's not bright enough to figure out that each child has different needs, not to mention that a severely sick child needs constant monitoring then I'll be the one smirking, thank you very much! ;)

post #49 of 71

My DD is only 7.5 months old, but I have a 7 year old nephew, whom I had the pleasure to see at very close quarters from 6 mo to almost 4 years of age as we lived in the same metro area.

 

He only started speaking when he went to play school (the first time S tried to put him in, they refused to take him because he was too active and disrupting "classes"; read, he would start laughing and that was contagious). The county had a special teacher come home to teach him for a few weeks (or was it months?). He, however, intuitively figured out all numbers past 30. Granted, he called fifty five-ty... And knew complicated spellings like aeroplane, television, etc., right off the bat. He hit the ground running, so to speak. And this was definitely past 24 months.

 

I wouldn't worry although I see how easy it is to. 

post #50 of 71

i could have written your post except with some detail changes. one of my friends has a daughter who is 10 days younger than my son (he is 22 mo), and her vocabulary is huge, she can count, and speaks almost in full sentences (thats in 2 languages). next to her, my son sounds like a little monkey because all he says is uhuhuhhhu!!! he says a few words, but not much. once, i commented to her parents on how smart she is, and they were like "of course! we work with her a lot, books, games, dvds, all that!!! its an investment!!" im sorry? and do you think my son is being brought up by wolves???

i stopped paying attention to standardized milestones, and i honestly dont care and dont want to care about it, he'll do everything when he is ready.

a good book to read on the topic is "bright from the start". the main thing i learned from it is that its important for the child to be ready to receive information when they go to school and not recite the abcs, and in order to get him ready, the best thing to do is just follow your gut: read to him, sing to him, play with him, create routine yet expose to new experiences, etc etc.

post #51 of 71


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsJewelsRae View Post

You need to hang out with moms that have 2 or more kids! ;)  Seriously, way less competitive usually, more relaxed and realistic when it comes to development.  My 3rd is 2 and doesn't "talk" yet, he can say a lot of words and a few phrases but doesn't talk in sentences, but I'm seeing progress and I'm not worried.  My older son didn't talk till 2 yrs, then it was like a language explosion.  My dd was speaking in sentences at 15 months- they're all different!  And I think boys tend to be a little later verbally than girls are.  I always find it kinda funny and "oohkay, whatever" when I run into the first time competitive mommies who try to draw me in about my son.  I just want to say "um, it's my 3rd I really don't care anymore!" ;)  It's really nice once you have your 2nd or so people stop it with the unsolicited advice and comparison stuff.  Seriously, most kids will do it when they are good and ready and there is nothing wrong with that!  And if they need some help along the way there is no shame in asking for it either. My 3rd is doing most stuff later than my other 2 did and honestly I don't mind much, he's my baby, kwim?  He still nurses and co-sleeps a lot (he had whooping cough in August which landed him back in our bed out of absolute necessity).  I had a friend who does have 3 kids a bit younger than mine and she is extremely competitive by nature, she suggested last time I saw her that we do CIO with my 2 yr old to get him to sleep better (I wasn't even asking advice or complaining).  Um, first of all- I have 3 kids don't you think by now I would have heard the whole CIO crap and if I haven't done it by now I'm probably not a fan of it!  Secondly, did you really just suggest that I let a seriously ill child CIO!??  And when I said "Oh I don't do that" she just raised her eyebrows and smirked while saying "oooh, maybe that's why he doesn't sleep"!!!  Argh!!  Whatever, if she's not bright enough to figure out that each child has different needs, not to mention that a severely sick child needs constant monitoring then I'll be the one smirking, thank you very much! ;)



I love this post. Now that my kid is older, I'm totally relaxed about his development in reading and other scholastic pursuits. But I was definitely one of those hypervigilant, always worried, always comparing moms early in motherhood. It just took me a while to see that kids grow at thier own pace, and that development occurs on its own natural schedule for each kid. Now that I'm pregnant w/ the second, I'm sure that there will be a lot less stress. It's true that moms of onlies worry needlessly.

post #52 of 71
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnaNova View Post

i could have written your post except with some detail changes. one of my friends has a daughter who is 10 days younger than my son (he is 22 mo), and her vocabulary is huge, she can count, and speaks almost in full sentences (thats in 2 languages). next to her, my son sounds like a little monkey because all he says is uhuhuhhhu!!! he says a few words, but not much. once, i commented to her parents on how smart she is, and they were like "of course! we work with her a lot, books, games, dvds, all that!!! its an investment!!" im sorry? and do you think my son is being brought up by wolves???

i stopped paying attention to standardized milestones, and i honestly dont care and dont want to care about it, he'll do everything when he is ready.

a good book to read on the topic is "bright from the start". the main thing i learned from it is that its important for the child to be ready to receive information when they go to school and not recite the abcs, and in order to get him ready, the best thing to do is just follow your gut: read to him, sing to him, play with him, create routine yet expose to new experiences, etc etc.


An investment??? WTF? In what exactly? So can you like sell shares in your kid and watch their value rise and fall?

 

I'm with you.. read, sing, play and have a place in the routine for newness. I hope DS looks back on his childhood and remembers moments of joy and discovery not the feeling of pressure to perform to make his parents look good. Its hard not to compare sometimes, or label..What is a normal kid anyways. Especially toddlers. I swear they are all part alien!

We go to playgroup but I just don't talk about parenting much as Ds was waaaay spirited compared to most kids. Then another mum had the guts to pipe up about a few things her spirited DS did and we chat a bit about stuff now but its more like camaraderie and coping than competition. It was a welcome change.

post #53 of 71
Thread Starter 


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by jellybeanmumma View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnaNova View Post

i could have written your post except with some detail changes. one of my friends has a daughter who is 10 days younger than my son (he is 22 mo), and her vocabulary is huge, she can count, and speaks almost in full sentences (thats in 2 languages). next to her, my son sounds like a little monkey because all he says is uhuhuhhhu!!! he says a few words, but not much. once, i commented to her parents on how smart she is, and they were like "of course! we work with her a lot, books, games, dvds, all that!!! its an investment!!" im sorry? and do you think my son is being brought up by wolves???

i stopped paying attention to standardized milestones, and i honestly dont care and dont want to care about it, he'll do everything when he is ready.

a good book to read on the topic is "bright from the start". the main thing i learned from it is that its important for the child to be ready to receive information when they go to school and not recite the abcs, and in order to get him ready, the best thing to do is just follow your gut: read to him, sing to him, play with him, create routine yet expose to new experiences, etc etc.


An investment??? WTF? In what exactly? So can you like sell shares in your kid and watch their value rise and fall?

 

I'm with you.. read, sing, play and have a place in the routine for newness. I hope DS looks back on his childhood and remembers moments of joy and discovery not the feeling of pressure to perform to make his parents look good. Its hard not to compare sometimes, or label..What is a normal kid anyways. Especially toddlers. I swear they are all part alien!

We go to playgroup but I just don't talk about parenting much as Ds was waaaay spirited compared to most kids. Then another mum had the guts to pipe up about a few things her spirited DS did and we chat a bit about stuff now but its more like camaraderie and coping than competition. It was a welcome change.


This drives me crazy! I have done all of the language development stuff including reading to him multiple times each day (and he LOVES books), singing, watching DVDs, sign language, story time, etc. You name it, I've done it. And he doesn't talk. That's what I meant earlier when I said that I don't think parenting style has a lot to do with milestones. It drives me crazy when people think their little one is speaking in full sentences because of something they did. That's why it makes me crazy when people say things like "priorities" and "exposure" and "My daughter is so verbal, but that's because we focus on that more than the physical stuff." Yes, I spend an extra amount of time each day teaching my son to jump off the couch eyesroll.gif

 

I LOVE LOVE LOVE all these stories and responses. Thank you for the support!

post #54 of 71


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by alittlesandy View Post


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by jellybeanmumma View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnaNova View Post

i could have written your post except with some detail changes. one of my friends has a daughter who is 10 days younger than my son (he is 22 mo), and her vocabulary is huge, she can count, and speaks almost in full sentences (thats in 2 languages). next to her, my son sounds like a little monkey because all he says is uhuhuhhhu!!! he says a few words, but not much. once, i commented to her parents on how smart she is, and they were like "of course! we work with her a lot, books, games, dvds, all that!!! its an investment!!" im sorry? and do you think my son is being brought up by wolves???

i stopped paying attention to standardized milestones, and i honestly dont care and dont want to care about it, he'll do everything when he is ready.

a good book to read on the topic is "bright from the start". the main thing i learned from it is that its important for the child to be ready to receive information when they go to school and not recite the abcs, and in order to get him ready, the best thing to do is just follow your gut: read to him, sing to him, play with him, create routine yet expose to new experiences, etc etc.


An investment??? WTF? In what exactly? So can you like sell shares in your kid and watch their value rise and fall?

 

I'm with you.. read, sing, play and have a place in the routine for newness. I hope DS looks back on his childhood and remembers moments of joy and discovery not the feeling of pressure to perform to make his parents look good. Its hard not to compare sometimes, or label..What is a normal kid anyways. Especially toddlers. I swear they are all part alien!

We go to playgroup but I just don't talk about parenting much as Ds was waaaay spirited compared to most kids. Then another mum had the guts to pipe up about a few things her spirited DS did and we chat a bit about stuff now but its more like camaraderie and coping than competition. It was a welcome change.


This drives me crazy! I have done all of the language development stuff including reading to him multiple times each day (and he LOVES books), singing, watching DVDs, sign language, story time, etc. You name it, I've done it. And he doesn't talk. That's what I meant earlier when I said that I don't think parenting style has a lot to do with milestones. It drives me crazy when people think their little one is speaking in full sentences because of something they did. That's why it makes me crazy when people say things like "priorities" and "exposure" and "My daughter is so verbal, but that's because we focus on that more than the physical stuff." Yes, I spend an extra amount of time each day teaching my son to jump off the couch eyesroll.gif

 

I LOVE LOVE LOVE all these stories and responses. Thank you for the support!


Yes! I prioritize demonstrating to my son how to climb on top of every piece of furniture in the house.

 

I also spend 15 minutes a day showing him how to throw objects off of the table. And then, just to mix it up a bit, we practice flushing items down the toilet.

 

Oh, and I *absolutely* avoid speaking to him or reading to him.

 

(This sarcasm is all aimed at my mom, who is the main person in my life who implies these things... eyesroll.gif )

post #55 of 71


 

Yes! I prioritize demonstrating to my son how to climb on top of every piece of furniture in the house.

 

I also spend 15 minutes a day showing him how to throw objects off of the table. And then, just to mix it up a bit, we practice flushing items down the toilet.

 

Oh, and I *absolutely* avoid speaking to him or reading to him.

 

(This sarcasm is all aimed at my mom, who is the main person in my life who implies these things... eyesroll.gif )



LOL I could have written that. I have a child who does his own things in his own time. We've learned to ride the wave so to speak. (BTW, walked at 9 months, didn't say anything besides pig, dada and mama till he was 2-ish then exploded with vocabulary)

It does amaze me that people who in the same breath wonder "how do you get him to eat artichokes!?" say "he really needs to stop climbing on such and such because he's going to hurt himself". He eats foods like that yes because he was exposed to it but also because he had the willingness to try it (which I didn't create) and liked it (which I have also very little to do with). He climbs on things NOT because I taught him but because he LOVES it and he's good at it. He also needs to fall off something a few times to figure out he shouldn't do it (or it doesn't phase him) and so when people want him to "get down!" they don't understand how he works. 

You gotta just let your kid be who they are and it's been helpful to either find people who are understanding of his intense physical nature or don't mind him literally swinging off of things at their house. :)

post #56 of 71

oh i get the friends thing...I have 4 kids and last year, I had a couple interactions with an old friend that really made me realize that I do not *like* getting our kids together in some settings.  I like her, I like some of her parenting ideas.  I do *not* get our kids together in places where our kids don't have a lot of room to *not* play together.  They can and do sometimes get along, but when they don't...well......she seems to just ignore what goes on and that does not fly with me. 

post #57 of 71

It didn't even occur to me that I should be concerned about development until I stumbled across "the mommy wars".  I have a *friend* who has a son younger than mine by 9 months.  My son did everything "late" but of course I had no idea until this was pointed out to me.  He didn't crawl until 10m, he started walking at 15m, potty was a toy until last week (he's 2.5).  It never occurred to me to be worried because I was familiar with the "every child is different" mantra.  I guess it wasn't until this *friend* started pointing out all her son's milestones and asked me when L started <insert milestone> that I really took notice.  I was almost embarrassed that I didn't even know when they were "supposed" to reach each milestone (other than a general idea)  I remember beginning to see where he should be developmentally at just before 2.  Friends of ours has a son 3 weeks younger than ours and he was talking in sentences.  L had tons of words, but rarely strung them together.  Shortly after his 2nd birthday he exploded and I assure you,  there is no stopping them once they start!

I think you're definitely hanging out with the wrong folks :)  

post #58 of 71



 

Quote:

It does amaze me that people who in the same breath wonder "how do you get him to eat artichokes!?" say "he really needs to stop climbing on such and such because he's going to hurt himself". He eats foods like that yes because he was exposed to it but also because he had the willingness to try it (which I didn't create) and liked it (which I have also very little to do with).

 

Ha! Yes, exactly! I have to admit that I didn't totally get that with my first. People would comment in amazement when they'd see him lay into his favorite foods as a toddler - sushi, artichokes, avacados, quinoa. I was sure it was the excellent job I had done raising him. ;)  Only when DS2 came along, who is 4 now and likes chicken nuggets, french fries and candy more than anything in the world, did I understand exactly what you've said here - that you can lead a horse to water, but...

 

 

On the toilet training issue, I've noticed some parents I know push for early training because there can be a significant savings in daycare costs. We still waited until 3, but I can't say I wasn't tempted to train early when I found out daycare would be $30 less a week!

post #59 of 71
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Kids are different. He slept through the night at 8 weeks but I never sleep trained. He's always been quiet and rather easy-- likes books and trains rather than running wild. Right now he's not ready to potty learn yet and tells me "No poo poo and pee pee in the potty. I frow the potty down the stairs!" Maybe it's a phase, maybe it's my child led parenting, maybe he's just obstinate, who knows:) He spills a lot with a cup so we stick to straws and he makes a mess of himself when he eats with utensils.   He can tell you about outer space and count to seventeen but he doesn't know that he's two years old no matter how many times I've said, "How old are you? You're two! Say, I'm two!" Blank stare.  Milestones have nothing to do with parenting (as long as you're a loving attentive parent) and are just innate to the child due to personality or developmental problems. Parenting style is important and makes a difference but there are some things you just don't have control over and they shouldn't be a source of parental pride or regret.

If only I could go back in time and print this paragraph out and make myself read it every day until I knew it was true!

My son didn't walk until 17 months, but he never cruised. He went from crawling everywhere to walking perfectly in a day.

He didn't really talk until about 23 or 24 months, but when he did it was literally from about five words (and dozens of signs) to total coherence and so many words that I quickly lost count.

One of my friends has a son who is about a month older than mine and was and is extremely precocious. It seems like he did everything early, and it was very hard for me not to compare them and worry myself sick. But my gut told me that my kid was perfectly normal and I turned out to be right. I could have saved myself a LOT of pointless fretting if I'd only known what people were already telling me over and over--that all kids are different and develop differently. Just like flowers on a plant don't all bloom at once, little kids don't all grow at exactly the same pace.

Listen to your instincts, mama. They're way more valuable than a monthly email. hug.gif
post #60 of 71

I think milestones matter - so we can idenitfy and address any potential issues.  For things like autism, early intervention is key.

 

That being said, we need to be comfortable with a large variation of normal and not worry so much.

 

Sadly I think this comes partly from our natural need to worry about our kids, which is probably a good thing, but it gets mixed with our worries about judgements and failure.

 

My son is 24 mos and in speech therapy.  He seems to be normal in other ways, just won't talk very much.  I was not too worried about it until I had a friend with a slightly younger DD visit, and the contrast between them was pretty stark.  Her daughter was far more verbal, and I felt somewhat self conscious about my son.  I felt like my friend was judging me, though I don't have any reason to think that, specifically.  But it made me not so eager to have the kids together again.

 

As for saying Momma...  sigh.  We are still working on that.  I recently asked my son, "Where's Momma?".  He jumped up, ran, got my iPhone to point to the screensaver that has a pic of me and my kids and pointed to my face.  But he won't SAY it.  Drives me crazy!

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