Hello, I'm new here and needing help with what to do now.

[Stovies]

Hi there, I have come across this forum whilst looking up stuff about breastfeeding older children.  I no longer know anyone in real life who has fed this long (even at La Leche League!) and the forum I am normally on tends to start a bunfight about "extended" nursing after about the age of 2 which quite frankly I can't be bothered with, so I am feeling a bit out of sorts....

I have DS1 who was 5 in October and DS2 who is 9months.  DS1 has always been an enthusiastic nursling and nursed all the way through my second pregnancy despite the milk drying up for several weeks.  I was fine with this.  I broke my ankle at 32 weeks pregnant and had to have surgery on it, so ds1 was really out of sorts being looked after by others and me unable to do much for him. Tandem feeding was a challenge, but again, I was happy to do it because there being a new baby around was obviously a difficult time for ds1 on top of all the broken ankle stuff.

But, after a while (several months, probably around 4 months if I remember correctly), I was getting really annoyed with DS1 and his constant requests for milk.  I set a limit of just morning and night, but even that was irritating me.  Cue all the feelings of guilt about being so irritated.  Then, I started suggesting that he might stop nursing one day, and did he know when that might be?  Not as direct as this of course, but just starting to put ideas into his head.  He agreed to stop on his 5th birthday and I swung into action doing a countdown and talking about it positively.  I made a book of his breastfeeding journey and we looked at that instead of having milk at bedtime.  He didn't seem too fussed about it.

Or so I thought.

We are about six weeks on and he has been asking for milk the whole time.  His behaviour has deteriorated dramatically and he seems distressed a lot of the time.  He was lying on the floor sobbing the other day and I just knew that 5 minutes nursing would fix it for him, so I offered it, and of course he accepted.  And like magic, he turned into my lovely boy again.  I have concluded that he wasn't ready and that I pushed him into it and he isn't coping very well.

So, what do I do now?  We have negociated a pattern of nursing.  2 sessions one day, 1 the next and then a day off, but we are only on day 3, so I don't know how or if this will work.  I have also said no morning nursing because after nursing ds2 during the night, I quite frankly just don't want to nurse him in the morning.

How do I square these feelings I have of wanting him to nurse for his benefit, but not wanting him to nurse at all at the same time?  Feeling bad for forcing him to stop, but seeing the evidence for myself that he still needs it.

Sorry this is so long. 

[Stovies]

Oh, I see the time is 3.53am.  I am in the UK, so different time zone.  I'm not sitting up all night worrying about it!!

[PatioGardener]

Mine is only 7 months old so take this with a grain of salt

What are you replacing breastfeeding with?  Maybe if you have some concrete ideas for substitutes it will help your DS to make the transition?  (I can't help with ideas other than snuggles though - hopefully someone else here will help with that.)

And to MDC!

[akind1]

I think it may help as your DS is old enough and certainly verbal, to ask him WHY he wants to nurse. Is it because he is hungry? then let him have a special (healthy) snack that is reserved for these times. Does he just want mama time? then pull out a book and snuggle, or do a puzzle together, or something else that he wants to do. Whatever reason he comes up with, honor it with a genuine answer. I think it is important to find out his reasoning, because at his age, there is probably more to it than simple hunger.

HTH -

[transylvania_mom]

Is it possible for you to plan a couple of super-busy days? Like, lots of activities, sledding, shoveling snow, going to a movie, shopping etc. So he'd forget about nursing? Maybe during the week-end, when someone else can entertain him, maybe he can do errands with his dad...

Just a thought.

[Stovies]

Thanks for replying ladies. 

It is almost a week since my post and I have been seeing a huge difference in DS1 now that we have gone back to nursing.  Perhaps I wasn't very clear in my original post, because I wasn't sure how it was going to work out, but it looks like we will be continuing for the foreseeable future rather than trying to persuade him to stop again. 

I think I was hoping that his nursing had just become habit, but I think he would have forgotten about it more easily had it just been habit.  We did six weeks with no nursing at all which I think was ample time for him to adjust had he been ready.

We have stuck to the pattern of nursing twice one day, once the next and then a day off.  It's a compromise as he would clearly love to nurse much more.

Has anyone else stopped with an older nursling then resumed?