The sCREEEEEEECHING!!!

[Halfasianmomma]

Ok, here's the deal: DD is 29 months. She's really making good progress where her verbal skills are concerned. We're getting whole sentences with adjectives and all. I'm really happy, and I can even handle her "dictatorial" tendencies (i.e. "No MAMA will push, NOT grandma", or "No, mama sits here and grandpa sits there. No, *right here* mama").

But the screeching...I just can't handle it.

Whenever she gets frustrated, she doesn't just get mad. She screeches like a banshee...kinda like this.

"No, I wanna brush my teeth by MYYSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELF!!!!!"

"My bear, my bear, my bear FELL ON THE FLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR!!!!!!"

*taking a deep breath*

I'm ashamed to say that in the past few days, I've yelled right back which is ridiculous when I think about it.

DD: "No I don't want to wear my HAAAAAAAAAT! EEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

Me: "THAT'S ENOUGH! WE DO NOT YELL TO GET WHAT WE WANT!!!"

See what I mean? It's stupid to be asking her not to yell when I yell right back!

I feel so dumb. But the screams and screeching really trigger me (I left a verbally abusive husband last year, and he. always. yelled. about. *everything*).

Can anyone give me some suggestions as to how to deal with this?

I just don't want my daughter to grow up to be like her dad.

[Halfasianmomma]

bump...anyone?

[sunnygir1]

Hugs!

My dd (3y10m) has gone through several screeching phases, and ds (1y3m) has just finished one (I hope).

I think the best thing is to ignore it when possible, remind them that is too loud for inside/in the car, ask them to speak more quietly, etc. but always in a calm, quiet voice.  I know that is harder than it sounds, but I truly believe calmness is the key.  They are testing things out and like to get a rise out of us, action - reaction, cool.

When mine get worked up about things, I ask them in a cheery voice (usually) if they want some help.  I try to identify and name what they're feeling, and I remind them to ask nicely, even modeling the exact sentence that I would prefer.  Ds hates having his feet covered and screams while trying to take off his booties or socks.  I walk over and ask him if he needs some help, I say that I'll help him, I say, "wow, that's really frustrating when you can't get your sock off", I help him even if he doesn't immediately stop screaming.

With an older kid, you can practice screaming outside.  Ask if they want to go out to scream, especially in warm weather this is a great method.  You can even go out and yell with them.

I also work with my kids on breathing, take a deep breath, blow it out.  I remind them to feel their feet (sometimes touching or rubbing the bottoms of their feet) this can help them calm down.

I haven't done it, but I also have considered getting ear plugs.  If the noise/volume really triggers you, you could put earplugs in when you are feeling particularly edgy.  It will take the edge off the screaming, but you will still be able to hear.  My mom and step-dad got hooked on earplugs when they married; they had 4 children 8 and 9 years old between them, and there was sometimes a lot of yelling in the house or the car.

Best of luck, mama!  It will pass.

[caenach]

I like a lot of sunnygir1's suggestions. That's pretty much what we do, too...

+Cheerfully/calmly suggest alternatives..."Next time you could just say 'Mama, will you please pick up my bear from the floor!'" or "Can you think of a different way to ask, using nice words?"

+Echo back emotion/relate as much as we can..."You really don't want to wear this hat, do you? Mama needs to make sure you are warm, though, so you have to put it on before we go outside."

+Give choices when appropriate..."You are so busy playing that you don't want to put on your pajamas! But it's time to get ready for bed. Would you like to wear your hippo pajamas or your penguin pajamas?"

+Tell her how we feel when spoken to with whining or rudeness..."Mama likes to be spoken to with a sweet voice, not an angry one. Maybe next time you could think of a nice way to ask Mama to get you more water."

And, you probably already do this, but as much as possible, we present opportunities for DD to do things by herself, help us, make decisions, and so on. There are so many things that must seem like totally arbitrary rules to DD, so we try to think of ways that DD can run the show for a few moments here or there, can make choices of her own, and can help US instead of the other way around. This, more than anything else, seems to cut down on the whiiiiiiiiining for us.

[Halfasianmomma]

Thank you for the awesome suggestions mamas! I feel so inept at times, it's rather discouraging. I wish DD came with an instruction manual.

[sapphire_chan]

(grrrrr at new smiley set up)

Taking notes here and glad it's not just my dd who is like that.

And the bossiness COMBINED with screeching. As I told a friend today, this phase can go *bleep* itself.