ideas about "naughty" behavior in 21 moth old

[kfillmore]

Here is an example of today-she sweetly cuddled  one of our small dogs. Then she sat on her. She had just pooped in the potty so I had to go to the bathroom. I took her and closed the door. In the span it took me to dump/wash potty she had thrown my skirt in the tub, a magazine and a dress. .

Here is a more-than-daily occurance-she picks up the bowl of dog food and dumps it into the dog water. 

She can't NOT do things. She does things over and over that I tell her not to do.I think this must be an age thing. I know I need to handle this because i can tell she is testing boundaries or what the reaction will be or something. Sometimes she looks at me, gives me a look and does it. Sometimes she does it once, I clean up, she does it again right away.  What I have started doing (in desperate desire to have a PLAN). I put my arms on her shoulders, look her in the eye and say "NO", since I have been doing this she does this weird eye blinking thing. I don't think she is embarresed but I think it IS something else. I am not sure what though. 

I don't want to embarrese her, or damage her innocence or yell at her or man-handle her (which I hate my self for it but I have grabbed her etc) but I know she is learning something not good form me now-at minimum she is learning that mommy is not consistent and is a bit chaotic.

I need some SPECIFIC help on what to do. I don''t mean redirect or giver her water to play with. My Dh and I need to do  the same thing too. She is both challenging me and caught (i think) in the struggle of toddler learning self control. I feel it is an important time for her development (not to mention perhaps future dicsipline issues) I know she is still so young but I can tell it is time for mommy action.

p.s consequences are hard to at least for us or this age. I may start gating off the kitchen after she plays with dog foo. DOes that sound good?

p.p.s. When your Ds/D throw her cup or fork from high chair do you give it back? WHat if she on purpose spills it etc. 

THANKS

[DevaMajka]

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For discipline ideas, I highly recommend the book Becoming The Parent You Want to Be- you could probably find it at your library. It's a big book, but the discipline chapters are easy, quick reads. I seriously don't know how I would have gotten through ds1's toddler years without it!
It gives specific ideas of what to do, and also explains WHY kids do what they do- which really helps you figure out how to react in the moment.

p.s consequences are hard to at least for us or this age. I may start gating off the kitchen after she plays with dog foo. DOes that sound good?

We don't do consequences per se. If a particular situation starts causing trouble, and dc just can't/won't stop, then we change something- either remove him from the area, or remove the object- whatever makes the most sense. We do it in a "taking away the temptation" type of way, not in a "if you do x bad thing, I will take y away." does that make sense?

In the dog food situation, I'd probably gate off the kitchen when ithe situation became stressful for me, or when I'd had enough.

p.p.s. When your Ds/D throw her cup or fork from high chair do you give it back? WHat if she on purpose spills it etc.

What I do when ds throws his fork depends on lots of things. If I don't mind picking it up, I do. If I've picked it up 4 times and I'm tired of doing it, I leave it. (I tend to give warning). It usually means he's done eating anyway.
If he spills something on purpose, same thing. It depends on my mood, his intentions, whatever. If he's spilling it in an experimenting with gravity/water type of way, I might give him more, and tell him I don't really want it on the floor. If he spilled it again, I probably wouldn't fill it again.
If he's doing it intentionally and it seems like he's stuck in a cycle of "misbehaving" (which isn't really what they are doing, IMO, but ykwim), I'd probably try to start another activity with him- here it's usually fun for me to lay on the floor and play "airplane" and other stuff like that.

[crunchy_mommy]

Well first, I would go through the house & see what you can do to minimize temptations. So don't leave the dog food where she can access it (or keep the kitchen gated off if the dog needs constant access for some reason???) Keep the bathroom clear of anything that doesn't need to be there. Pretend you're child-proofing but instead of looking for dangers, look for things that will really annoy you if she gets into!

That's half the battle I think. If you had a big chocolate bar sitting right in front of you constantly, you'd probably have a hard time not eating it no matter what anyone says! (Well, assuming you like chocolate half as much as I do!!!)

For everything else... If redirection/'honoring the impulse' doesn't seem appropriate, I actually try to react as little as possible. So no, I wouldn't get her fork or cup if she threw it, I'd just sit there & not change my expression at all & continue on with the meal (though if she really needed it to finish her meal, I might wait a bit & then very subtly & nonceremoniously give it back). It took DH longer to get on board with this but once he & I were BOTH not reacting, DS stopped throwing things for the most part (not saying he NEVER does, but it used to be 2000 times a meal & now it's maybe a couple times a week if that... we also gave him much smaller portions of food or water, replenishing as necessary, to minimize the mess if he did throw.)  

Some other things we do... DS likes playing with spray bottles but obviously we can't have the house covered in water (he slips on it etc.) so we will give him a very solid, simple explanation & redirection -- "We can't play with the spray bottle because it makes the floor too wet & then you might slip & fall ...[wait for comprehension, "Yeah" or the look on his face that means he understands]... here, come help me with this" -- and give him one or two chances to keep himself in control (which is often plenty). If he's still going back for the spray bottles, we just physically remove him from the situation -- bring him to another room & close the door or you could gate it off etc. I guess I like giving him a chance to keep himself in control but try not to do that except in situations where I really think he CAN do it, set him up for success...

I know you said you wanted specifics so if there are other situations you can think of, I will share what we do in similar instances... I don't think one approach works in all situations.