Think I just need some empathy... or suggestions? Sleeplessness w/a 3 month old

[TreeRose]

DD is 3 1/2 months. She's growing so fast, is a super happy beautiful amazing girl. She got a "perfect" exam just a few weeks ago. She's teething for sure (what with the fussy crying drooling mouthing everything). Nights have gotten harder. Last night was the worst.

Perhaps it's because my DH finally got a job (YAY!) and now I really need to try to help DD sleep through the night. We EBF on demand and I feel like I didn't sleep at all last night, though maybe I dozed. My breasts are TIRED and sore from her nursing on them all night.

So, we go to bed between 9 & 10 p.m. I lay there and nurse her, usually to sleep, but lately she hasn't been falling into a deep sleep. Just a light one, from which she awakens easily and as soon as I try to pull my breast out of her mouth to get comfortable. She jerks her legs and if I try to hold them down she cries. She turns her head back and forth, losing the nipple and then I have to get it back in her mouth - like every 10 minutes! Making these grunting noises... Also she sounds stuffy at night so I wonder if teething has made it difficult to breathe through her nose in some way at night? We got a humidifier.. hasn't seemed to help.

The days are fairly consistent. She falls asleep in the baby wrap for an hour, after which I transfer her to the swing and she'll sleep anywhere from another 10 minutes to another hour +. Then up for 1-2 hours, feeding, changing, playing, etc. Back in the wrap and repeat.

I am so afraid I'm setting myself up a baby who cannot go to sleep without being attached to someone either in the wrap or nursing. And that I'm looking at these sleepless nights for God-knows-how-long... This morning I couldn't bring myself to look at her I was so tired. Of course when I finally did, I couldn't help but smile. Wow unconditional love is powerful stuff...

So I guess I'm just looking for some empathy and even some suggestions... if there's anything I can do. If this is normal. If it will get better....

Thank you all!

[violet_]

Wow -- I feel like I could have written this post when my daughter turned 3 months. She's 4 months now, and so far not any different (sorry). The jerking, grunting, going on and off boob, and insisting to nurse, then waking up when I remove the boob -- these are our nights! She was stuffy one week and we'd use the bulb on her before bed, which seemed to help.

On the worst nights, she'll wake up wanting to nurse (read: pacify on boob) every hour or so. Now, she only eats every 3-4 hours when awake, so hourly at night is clearly not hunger. So I sometimes ask my husband to rock her so I can sleep, but as soon as he picks her up off the bed she screams and sometimes will continue to scream, in arms, for an hour or more. She wants that boob in her mouth all night!

A few things that helped a little in our case: I try to rouse her enough to get a good feed. So, for example, if we go to bed at 11 and that wakes her up, I'll turn on the lights and let her wake up a bit more and try to give her both boobs so she might sleep longer. It's actually the worst on nights I'm sleepiest, as I'll fall asleep while she nurses, so then she only gets one boob, so she wakes up again sooner, I fall asleep... Lather, rinse, repeat. 

But even when she eats well she's getting up every 3-4 hours at night. She had been sleeping about 5-6 hour stretches, and sometimes 7 or 8 at 4 weeks, so this feels like a huge regression. 

Daytime, I seem to get issued a new baby every week. This week's sleep association is the swing. This is fantastic, as she can now nap not in my arms! Yay! But her naps are regular: 30-45 min at 2 hours after she gets up, then up 2-2.5 hours, and 2+ hours napping, awake 2, asleep 15 minutes, then awake until bedtime. 

[mummy marja]

It's so hard to be living without enough sleep.  It's torture, and even harder when it feels like there's no end in sight.

Everything you describe sounds pretty normal to me, although I've heard of babies who sleep on their own!.  My DS (5 months) only naps in the wrap, and I can't even put him down part way through.  And I have to have my finger in his mouth most of that time, so I'm just one-handed!  The things that are getting me through are:

1.  Knowing that I'm doing the best for him.  He's getting some good mothering!

2. Sleeping with him.  Even though he wakes up 3 times a night, I'm in bed the whole time with him and sleeping as much as I can.  Stuffing a blanket behind my back hepls get me comfortable so I can sleep while he sucks.

3.  Taking care of myself.  This is the most important.  If I feel like crap, my parenting is crap.  I have to make sure I eat a lot.  I do yoga for just a couple minutes a day, and shoulder rolls before I put the wrap on.  If I'm tired and my back is sore from wearung him, I sit in the rocking chair and read while he sleeps on me.  Sometimes we both go back to bed and I can have a quick nap with him.  If you're not getting enough sleep, that has to be your priority.  Can you nap while she's in the wrap?  Forget housework.  It doesn't matter.  The important things will get done.

4.  He's my third baby, so I KNOW from experience how short this time is.  I know he won't always need to suck on my finger to get to sleep.  The habits your baby has now will be different every few months, and will be completely different when she's 2 or 3. 

Hang in there.  You're doing a wonderful job by the sounds of it! 

[TreeRose]

 Thank you both so much... it's nice to know others are experiencing this.

I'm going to start doing shoulder-rolls because I'm getting very sore!

Also, DD used to sleep 6 hours a night too, so this definitely feels like a step backward.

I'm blaming everything on growth spurts these days! She keeps waking up in the middle of the night "talking"! It's cute but not so cute when I know that 6 a.m. is coming and there's nothing I can do about it. I stick a boob in her mouth and usually she goes back to sleep, but have you experienced this??

And her morning naps used to be 8-10 or 8-11 and lately, 8-9. When I try to transfer her to the swing she wakes and that's that for another hour or 2.

I read on BabyCenter that a 3 month 3 week old will be napping twice a day but I don't see anywhere where it says she'll be able to stay asleep longer or awake longer? It's so strange...

I guess I know that changes are coming but I'm not really sure how or what they'll look like!

I thought she had a cold because she wasn't breathing through her nose very well but that stopped the next day so maybe it wasn't a cold?

Aaaauuuggghh, the newness and strangeness of motherhood. Just when I think I've got it figured out...

I'm glad to hear I'm not alone!

[Knitting Mama]

I would try a couple of things.

1. Don't do the swing transfer. Just keep her in the wrap and she will likely sleep longer and better. With my baby, and from what I hear from other parents, the better she sleeps during the day, the better she sleeps at night.

2. Have you tried swaddling at night? Worked wonders for us. Cecilia will sleep for a couple hours unswaddled, but many more swaddled.

3. (The hard one) Time. Yeah, it totally sucks, but with time they generally sleep longer.

[Dr.Worm]

I learned this from Dr.Sears...don't try to move them until they are in the floppy stage...which means, you pick up their arm and if it "flops" back down, they are in a deep enough sleep for you to move them.  Anytime before the floppy stage it won't work.  And I know it's hard to hear right now but cherish the times when your sweetie is sleeping and nursing.  I know from experience it really does go fast as I have a ten-year-old and an almost 4 month old.  Also, get a boppy! Good luck!

[slgt]

I'm just writing in to commiserate! DD is 5 months old and is definitely in the (I hope!) midst of a sleep regression that started about 3 weeks ago. She went from sleeping 5-7 hour stretches followed by 2 3-hour stretches to sleeping one 3-5 hour stretch starting around 7 (so, doesn't necessarily mean I get much sleep before 11!), and then wakes every 1-2 hours after that. I'm exhausted! But remembering from DD#1 that it doesn't last forever...I'm contemplating moving her into a crib in our room - DD#1 started sleeping like a champ once she was out of our bed.

[lovermont]

you're so not alone.

Our oldest didn't sleep for a solid three hour chunk until 10mos and then started sleeping through the night at 3.5yrs. I called my mil when ds was 10mos to ask how long this would last (dh was not a great sleeper either). She said he started sleeping through at 4yrs. I remember wanting to die. I was so so tired.

Now he's 4.5 and we're shocked (and annoyed) when he wakes up even once - so it gets better and 3.5 isn't THAT far away - I promise.

With our dd we were determined to have a better sleeper. I think with ds I offered breast at the slightest sign of distress. He spit up A LOT. I'm now wondering if I overfed him and he also couldn't figure out another way to be comforted.

With dd she REFUSED breast unless she was hungry. This confused me no-end and lead to lots of alternative measures in trying to comfort (there was lots of crying - no babywearing, swinging, cosleeping, etc worked for this baby). But she was a MUCH better sleeper. I knew she would smack on and off in the night so instead of nursing her I would lay her on my clothed chest and rock my body from side to side until she fell asleep. I worked hard on not spacing out nursings during the night - so at first I said I would nurse her for bed (around 7) and then not until 11pm. Then 12pm. etc. etc. Maybe something like that would help? It's just a struggle when  you're exhausted to have the energy to do more challenging comfort measures (nursing is relatively easy compared to rubbing the back of a screaming baby or getting up and pacing, etc).

The other difference was that with ds I was so exhausted I fell asleep while nursing (as pp have mentioned). So I would latch him, glance at the clock, and two hours later I'd wake up and he'd still be attached.

With dd I found it very difficult to sleep through nursing. I'm not sure if it's because her latch was not quite right (but nothing else indicated a problem) or if I just wasn't as exhausted ;p

[snoopy5386]

It is so, so normal for their sleep to change over the first year - progress and regress if you will. At 2 months old DD2 was sleeping 8 and a few times even 12 hour stretches. By 3-4 months she was waking every 3 hours and we've been in that pattern pretty much ever since, sometimes with a longer 4-6 hour first stretch, but that is in the early evening when I am awake so it doesn't help me to get more sleep. In the past few days she suddenly started sleeping better again, doing two 5-6 hour stretches a night. I'm sure we'll go backwards again sometime soon.

I also suggest swaddling, we had a swaddleme blanket and a halo swaddle sack and we swaddled DD2 until 7 months old. It made a huge difference in her sleep. Another thing that works for DD2 is to bounce her to sleep in the bouncy seat. I just sit in the rocker and bounce her with my foot. Sometimes I'll transfer her to the crib from there, sometimes I'll just let her stay there and sleep there.

I will also say that what is working with DD2 never would have worked with DD1, DD1 only nursed to sleep, could never be transferred anywhere or she would wake up (so we coslept) and she woke every 2 hours like clockwork (sometimes hourly) until she was over a year old. I am not doing anything different as a parent, they are just different kids.

[daisymama12]

I saw this thread in New Posts, and made me remember all those crazy sleepless months.

My boys are 7 and 9, but when they were babes, we co-slept and nursed. They woke up a LOT! I worried about ruining their ability to self-soothe, go to sleep for long stretches, etc.

Anyhow, they eventually became these fantastic sleepers who gently fall asleep at night, and wake up in the morning. It DOES get easier, I promise :)

I miss all the baby-snuggling & nursing, I remember the long nights, but in hindsight, it went by so fast.

[BathrobeGoddess]

Moved to FBNP

[TreeRose]

Thank you all, again...

I'm at the point of just wanting to believe that everything is a phase and all things will pass rather than trying to figure it out or come up with a system or anything. Right now she has her 1 morning nap for 1 hour and then a couple hours later a 2 hour, and a couple hours later another 2 hours. All of this is give or take an hour! :) It's just all over the map and we're adjusting to DH being gone all day which is a huge adjustment. I put her in the swing because I need a break and so does my back. I use those moments to stretch out and get some work done on the computer and switch out the laundry, etc... I'm happy if I get 2 hours out of the day with her in the swing sleeping.

Swaddling helps keep her asleep but is such a fight that we gave up. She hates it. If I lay her in the swing and wrap the halo sac velcro piece around her, it helps her stay asleep for sure! But if I swaddle her when she's awake, she will just wrestle and fight and scream. I have tried to swaddle her when she's drowsy at night but she's a houdini and always escapes.

Thanks for all the thoughts, ideas, and empathy. I know our times like these are short and she'll be a "kid" before we know it so I'm trying to have peace of mind and patience... sometimes I just have those exhausted mornings and want to breakdown is all! DH wonders when she'll go in a crib and I just can't even begin to guess... there's no real science to this!

Happy Holidays!

[a13xandra]

Another post with somebody in the same place right now.  My daughter will be three months old tomorrow and this week all sleep stretches over two hours at night and all naps except in the sling flew out the window.  In fact, I envy you because at least your kid naps not on you.    Hang in there, this is normal, you're doing a good job.  The only advice I have that is different from what you do that I am glad I do is that I attempt getting to bed earlier.  Like 6pm.  Sometimes she'll sleep her longest stretch then, and I end up going to sleep at 9pm. 

[Knitting Mama]

When you swaddle her awake, do you latch her on right away? That is how our sleep time routine goes-- diaper change, swaddle, nurse, sleep.

[sk8boarder15]

I'm right there with you. My 3mo Ds is only sleeping 2 hours at a time. I really don't like co-sleeping, but it's the only way he will sleep! I can't sleep well with him right next to me...we've been trying to get him to sleep in the crib and it's a struggle...he used to sleep 5-5 hours and has totally regressed. My dh will take him bow and then so I can grab a nap, but I'm going crazy.....

[Knitting Mama]

Originally Posted by sk8boarder15 

I'm right there with you. My 3mo Ds is only sleeping 2 hours at a time. I really don't like co-sleeping, but it's the only way he will sleep! I can't sleep well with him right next to me...we've been trying to get him to sleep in the crib and it's a struggle...he used to sleep 5-5 hours and has totally regressed. My dh will take him bow and then so I can grab a nap, but I'm going crazy.....

Have you considered sidecarring the crib so that he's in his own little space but right next to you and easy to grab? I know that it's hard if you're not a fan of cosleeping, so that's at least a way to try to get the best of both worlds.

[Choaners]

my DD is significantly younger than a number of these babes (she's 7 weeks now).  but in regards to the first post, i had the same experience with her at 4-5 weeks:  we were co-sleeping.  she was wanting to nurse constantly, but also thrashing her head side to side, poor latching, resulting in sore boobs.   The constant nursing at night was mainly "pacifier" nursing, it kept me up and started to hurt.  my solution, which worked for awhile (at least long enough to repair the nipples!) was to sneak a pacifier into her mouth when i felt her go from eating to pacifying (shorter sucks w/o swallowing).  i would pull out my nipple when she seemed to be asleep, pop in the Soothie and keep my breast right next to her face, so it felt the same (maybe).  she would suck the pacifier quite happily and stay asleep.  It let me sleep for an hour or so without the thrashing, crying, half-suckling, until it was time for her to nurse again. 

Now she's in her own crib in our room b/c I had to go back to work and needed a little more sleep.  not co-sleeping lead to tears on my part on the first night, but she seemed to really take to it.  it increased her sleep time from 1 to 3 hours in between nursing.  i'm sure that this will change tomorrow, but for now it's working.

[TreeRose]

It does change constantly! I'm not getting so much thrashing except in the early mornings 4 a.m. and on... could be earlier but I can't bring myself to look at the clock! :)

We've tried a paci and she hates it. Maybe I'll try in the middle of the night when she's sleeping to see if it will work... maybe I'll try on a non-work-night! :)

[Schae]

I have a 3 month old too and understand where you are!

I've just decided to accept that things change constantly, and just when you think you've got it figured out - it changes again! They keep us on our toes lol!

My son naps for 30/45 min in the morning, then for an hour and then a longer stretch in the afternoon. All those naps used to be ON me. Then I started putting him down on our bed and nursing him down for the naps - means I get a nap in too lol!

I've also decided to not put pressure on myself and do what works with no guilt.

Getting things done at the house: he sits in the bouncy chair or swing and watches me: wash dishes/vaccuum/dust/make up the bed/etc - i narrate it all him lol.

I dunno if i've shared anything helpful/useful. :)

[TreeRose]

Schae, I feel you! That sounds like my life too. I haven't tried nursing her down during the day because when I tried, she just screamed, like she knew! :) It works at night though and I'm grateful for that. :) I also put her somewhere near when I'm doing chores and she's very interested in the narration. Isn't that the cutest? I put her in the Bumbo or in the swing or bouncy chair and just talk to her... she listens to every word!

And I agree, it will continue to change and I'm more at peace when I accept that rather than trying to force something else!

Happy Holidays!