neighbor gave 3yo DD Disney Princess set -- what would you do?

[indigosky]

An elderly neighbor gave us a gift to give our 3 year old DD, a set of seven Barbie-like dolls that are all Disney princesses. This isn't the exact set but it's a lot like this: http://tinyurl.com/2bezbjw . They have big breasts and small waists, and some of them have skimpy tops that are already falling off inside the packages.

The neighbor showed us the dolls before she wrapped them. DD doesn't know that she's been "given" this gift.

I would choose not to give DD Barbie dolls -- I didn't have any as a child thanks to my feminist mom. She's never seen a Disney movie so she doesn't know these characters. She hasn't (yet) learned about the princess craze -- princess games aren't really part of her repertoire at this point.

It would be easy to write the neighbors a nice thank you note and quietly make the dolls disappear. Or to give her just one doll and put the rest away to decide what to do with them at some later time.

I also realize that lots of kids play quite creatively with dolls that some adults fine "problematic." So I don't believe that just giving her these dolls would be the downfall of her childhood.

What would you do?

[BellinghamCrunchie]

I resisted Disney and anything like Barbie until DD was about 3.5, when it became clear it was pretty much futile. We don't watch TV, but when DD become more interested in playing with friends, she thought their Barbies/Disney stuff was so cool. I have become much more relaxed about that kind of thing, and even bought the dvd Barbie Diamond Castle. She has a collection of both Only Hearts dolls (cloth dolls, Barbie size, that aren't sexualized) and some Barbie dolls and some Disney dolls.

[Llyra]

That's a tough one. If she'd already seen the dolls, I'd say it was wrong to take them away from her. I think that our kids will like and enjoy a lot of different things that we don't like, but we should be careful about unilaterally banning things without really solid reasons. But if she hasn't seen them yet, I might just quietly return them to the store and buy something that fits your values more closely. Unless you think the neighbor will notice they're not in your home, and be offended-- I don't like those dolls either; they offend my feminist soul, but I wouldn't offend a good friend over them. I just don't see them causing my girls any serious harm, in the big picture of their lives.

I held the line for a long time against those things-- but I've made my peace with them, now. My girls have stuff like that, and play with it sometimes, but spend way more time on other things. They don't really watch all the TV and movies that go with them, so when they do play with them, their play is not limited by somebody else's ideas of what the characters are. I don't buy the stuff myself, but I allow them to accept them as gifts from other people. It's working for us so far-- my DDs are 6 and 3 now.

[GuildJenn]

It's hard.

For us, because I favour connection to community and honesty over protection from branded merchandise, I would give her the dolls. I wouldn't want to be standing on the street in the new year with the neighbour asking my child "do you love the dolls I gave you?" and having to navigate that.

That said, I would see if they were being played with. If it were a lot a lot I think I would start talking about our values and finding substitutes. If they weren't at all, I'd get rid of them three months down the road.

I'm not suggesting this is the best response, just sharing what mine would be. This is the approach we took with a V-Tech gaming thing my son got. We really appreciated the thought but had had no intention of introducing video games at 3. So we put it on top of the TV but didn't really plug it in. My son did ask about it so we plugged it in and let him try it, and then unplugged it again and...I think he's only played with it once in the 2 years since. (I should fess up though and point out he plays some iPod games now and has been for a few months. We're not hard core no on the issue.)

If he'd been asking to play all the time we would have set limits or gotten rid of it. Actually I should get rid of it...

[laohaire]

My idea:

- Thank neighbors very much and sincerely. That WAS very kind of them.

- Make dolls disappear (return to store if possible)

- Get dolls you're ok with

- Give to DD and tell her they are a gift from the neighbors

- If neighbors ask DD how she likes her dolls, she will be able to answer that she does

- Any issue on the doll names (like neighbor wants to know if she likes Ariel or Snow White the best) can just be addressed by stating truthfully that DD doesn't know the character names. Which is true. So your DD can say she likes "Rose" or "Tricia" the best, no problem.

[nextcommercial]

I'd give her the gift.  That was very nice of the neighbors to think of her.  

I'd thank the neighbor.  To me, the feelings  of my neighbors are more important than a temporary toy.  

I'd let her play with them.  At age three, they will end up in the tub soon, the clothes will be lost, and they lose their attraction and mystery pretty soon.  It's a hard toy for three year olds to play with.  Which means you have to dress the same doll EVERY NINE MINUTES, because all the child wants to do is take the clothes off.

[tjlucca]

Originally Posted by laohaire 

My idea:

- Thank neighbors very much and sincerely. That WAS very kind of them.

- Make dolls disappear (return to store if possible)

- Get dolls you're ok with

- Give to DD and tell her they are a gift from the neighbors

- If neighbors ask DD how she likes her dolls, she will be able to answer that she does

- Any issue on the doll names (like neighbor wants to know if she likes Ariel or Snow White the best) can just be addressed by stating truthfully that DD doesn't know the character names. Which is true. So your DD can say she likes "Rose" or "Tricia" the best, no problem.

[tjlucca]

  Sorry!

Ha anyone found any good Barbie/Disney Princess substitutes? I asked my DD what she like about Barbie (which she plays with at the daycare at the Y), she told me she like their "Pretty Dresses" and that their cloths are changeable. I told her we would find some dolls within those parameters (she understands that we are not big on plastic toys around here). Any cloth, wood, non-commercial ideas??  Thanks!

[lyterae]

Originally Posted by tjlucca 

  Sorry!

Ha anyone found any good Barbie/Disney Princess substitutes? I asked my DD what she like about Barbie (which she plays with at the daycare at the Y), she told me she like their "Pretty Dresses" and that their cloths are changeable. I told her we would find some dolls within those parameters (she understands that we are not big on plastic toys around here). Any cloth, wood, non-commercial ideas??  Thanks!

 I haven't found any good substitutes that DD likes as much. We have tried the only hearts club dolls and she really prefers the hard plastic dolls.

[madskye]

We have Barbie's and some Disney things...but if your DD didn't ask for it and doesn't seem attached I'd send the thank you note and then make them disappear.

If DD really wants something, and it's important to her, and age appropriate, like having a Barbie, I'm not going to judge her and I'll happily buy it.  But I don't ever feel the need to allow it be pushed on her, you know? Just because it was gifted, doesn't mean it's appropriate for her at this age. 

But, from the other side of the fence, if DD, now 5, expresses to me that she's interested and would enjoy a toy, I'll listen and accomodate.

It's a toy. Mostly she doesn't even play with toys!  So I don't give them too much power.

[Cujobunny]

I'd give her the toys. My mom got something like this for my dd last year and though it's definitely not something I would have bought for her, she LOVES them. She especially loves to take their clothes off and put them on each other. So you could get some better, less skimpy clothes for her to dress them in if you want. She does pretend they are princesses going to a ball and whatnot, she also pretends they go to work, go to school, go camping, go surfing, take care of their babies, etc.

[LynnS6]

Give them to her. that's the thing about gifts -- you can't really choose what other people give your children. You may suggest, but you can't choose.

Dd got a Barbie of some sort from a relative the year she turned 3 (or 4?). She played with it for a bit, but then lost interest. They're really pretty boring dolls. And if she doesn't know the stories, then they'll just act out whatever doll play she's interested in, which isn't a bad kind of play. I find the Disney Princesses problematic because the toys tend to encourage the kids only to act out the Disney story. But as just dolls, meh. As someone else said, she'll rip the clothes, bathe the dolls, lose the shoes and they'll soon lose their appeal.

Yeah, they're unrealistically proportioned. My sister made that the hill she was going to die on  until she realized that the "wholesome" replacement she'd instituted had the exact same proportions. True, the clothing was more modest, but the rest was the same. And many dolls are unrealistically proportioned. My dd plays with Playmobil all the time. The people there are completely flat chested, and the only way to tell males from females is usually the hairstyle and the clothes. I don't think my daughter is growing up to see that as her ideal.

[Drummer's Wife]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial 

I'd give her the gift.  That was very nice of the neighbors to think of her.  

I'd thank the neighbor.  To me, the feelings  of my neighbors are more important than a temporary toy.  

I'd let her play with them.  At age three, they will end up in the tub soon, the clothes will be lost, and they lose their attraction and mystery pretty soon.  It's a hard toy for three year olds to play with.  Which means you have to dress the same doll EVERY NINE MINUTES, because all the child wants to do is take the clothes off.

This. 

How very thoughtful of your neighbor. 

[Mpenny1001]

I would either give her the gift and let her enjoy them or I would just tell the neighbor that DD isn't allowed to play with that sort of thing and return it to the neighbor.  I think hiding the dolls or switching the dolls is a bad idea and likely to be found out by the neighbor which just opens a whole bad can of worms.

[CrunchyChristianMama]

That's a toughy.  I'm pretty anti-Barbie and wish I wouldn't have played with them so much as a child.  I do think they affected the way I thought about and looked at things.  Anyway, if I did give them to her, I would definitely have them wearing different clothes than the ones they came in if they were inappropriate.

[crowcaw]

I would have more of a problem with the quantity than the Barbie-ness (though before 2 dds I would have said the opposite).  I would show her the set and let her pick one to play with and put the rest away.  Then see how it's treated and loved before deciding on what to do with the rest, but would still probably keep it to one or two at a time. 

[mainemommy1]

My vote is to give her the gift from the neighbor. How nice of the elderly neighbor to think of your daughter!

[octobermom]

 Unless your jusr dead set against them I'd give them.. I've over the years have learned that my "adult" view is just not at all anywhere near what my child sees and honestly I can do her a HUGE diservice assuming shes sees things the same way.. 

 I know with my DD at 3 a princess doll was just that a princess doll didn't matter if it was disney or dollar tree if the doll had boobs or even if it had a face (waldroff was jsut as princess as her Ariel doll)  And yes they all learn the names and such regardless of being a disney family or not.. LOL

 And on a personal note we pretty much got the whole disney doll collection they were speical for maybe a month???? they have been abandoned ever since.

Deanna

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

Give her the dolls and thank you lucky stars you have such nice neighbors. But then I dont look at toys as anything other than what they are toys.

[HollyBearsMom]

Originally Posted by MCatLvrMom2A&X 

Give her the dolls and thank you lucky stars you have such nice neighbors. But then I dont look at toys as anything other than what they are toys.

exactly!