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A vent about the IL's and Santa - Page 2

post #21 of 61
I can't imagine not buying the dang doll for her...
post #22 of 61

It may be a good thing that she had this confusion and told you this because now you know that she is hoping for a doll for a present.  Imagine if she never said she wanted one but really wanted one and saw her sister getting one for Christmas.  That would be crushing, especially if she enjoys playing with dolls and only her sister gets one.  I don't have two kids, but I remember some of the fights my brother and I got in when we didn't think things were fair and I can't imagine setting myself up for something like that during the holidays.  Now you at least know that she is hoping for a doll and you can decide what to do with that information either by getting a doll and a non-doll gift for your other child or by preparing to help her through her jealousy and disappointment on Christmas day.  Either way it sucks that she wants a doll and you have already done the shopping.  I usually wait until a few days before Christmas so I get a good idea of what my dd really wants. 

post #23 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by churndash View Post

I don't understand why this is an in-laws issue. You say in your original post that they've seen Santa at the mall and asked to see him and "of course I said yes."

 

So if you've allowed the children to visit Santa yourself, why is it the in-laws fault that they visited Santa this time?

 

How old is the daughter who wants the doll?

 

While I agree that no one should expect a gift, I don't think there is anything morally wrong about wanting something for Christmas.

 

And from the gift-giver's perspective, I like giving people things that I know they want, not whatever it is I think they ought to have.  If you know your child wants a doll, and you aren't opposed to her having a doll, why not let her have the doll? I would return one of the gifts you already bought and give her a doll. You have plenty of time to return something; it's only the 11th. Or switch out the girls' presents so the daughter who wants the doll is getting one.

 

There were times my kids wanted something particular for Christmas. Sometimes I could afford it, sometimes I couldn't. But I really cannot imagine knowing what my child wants, having the time and resources to get it for her (there are two weeks to Christmas, you could exchange one of the other gifts) and not only NOT give her the gift she wants, but actually give the gift she wants to her sister! That just seems a very harsh lesson to learn at such a young age.

 

 

 


I absolutely agree.  

post #24 of 61

It shouldn't be hard for your ILs to return the TAG map and get a doll instead.  I work retail, and with each sale I ask "do you need a gift receipt."   Stores know that sometimes gifts aren't quite right and need to be changed.  

 

Getting this one thing, doesn't need to open the door to huge long lists of demands.  Santa in most houses brings one special gift.  he tries to honor reasonable requests, but is not always able to get everything, especially if the item is very expensive.

post #25 of 61

Does the OP's daughter really want a doll though?  Way back in the olden days, when I had a job as a photography assistant for mall santa, a lot of kids who were dragged there for pictures had no clue what to say to the guy who's lap they were sitting on.  Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but--I guess when I read "Santa said I'm getting a doll" instead of "I want a doll for Christmas", I took that to mean that perhaps that was just something sexist and generic said to her, that she was relating.

 

I also kind of assumed that the OP knows her kid, and picked out gifts that her daughter would be thrilled about anyway--perhaps that's an unreasonable assumption.  I would NOT rush to return something that was carefully picked that I know my kid loves and wants in order to buy her a crappy doll that she will toss aside in 5 minutes--all because some guy in a Santa suit said it to her and she related that to me.  IF we're going to criticize not rushing out to get a doll as imposing what we want our kids to have on our kids, then I hope that we'd take the time to actually discover what our kid wants instead of assuming that they do in fact really *want* a doll vs. something else that actually reflects their interests.

 

Given that the OP doesn't do santa in the first place, why not ask the kid what kind of doll she's interested in?  A baby doll?  Older kid doll?  One you can dress up?  One that poops?  What?  There's a million different kinds of dolls out there, and if the OP's kid has never asked for a doll before this visit, and you're going to return stuff to fulfill what she said, might as well make it something nice that she wants, right?

post #26 of 61

Take Santa out of the scenario entirely.   Imagine your DD is sitting at the table and suddenly says "You know what I would really like to have?  A DOLL!"   

 

My kids have talked to Santa in various places, and Santa has never asked leading questions or assumed my little girl would want a doll, so I would recommend taking this at face value.  She would like a doll.  It's the one thing she has stated that she wants.  There are presents already purchased that she has not asked for, and the one thing she has specifically expressed an interest in WILL be under the tree, but for her sister.

 

This isn't a Santa issue.  The existence of Santa didn't make her want that doll, it just brought to light the information that she does have one specific wish for a present.   

 

Were I in your shoes, I would get the doll, even if it meant returnign something else.  Or I'd swap the doll for her sister into *her* presents and do something else for the sister.  

post #27 of 61
Thread Starter 

There seems to be some misconception.  It's not about buying a doll or not buying a doll or even visiting Santa. I'm not thrilled with the idea (because of reasons just like this), but I'm not against it either.  The issue I have is that we have clearly explained to the IL's that we will not be doing Santa and they passive-aggressively put the idea in my kids head that Santa would bring them a certain gift, or gifts in general.  We don't do Santa, and it irritates me that they are trying to go around me and essentially force us to do Santa.  MIL in particular doesn't agree with many of our parenting beliefs and has done similar things in the past.

 

And I don't mind them seeing Santa.  When I brought the girls it wasn't specifically to see Santa, we happened to be at the mall and Santa was center court.  The store we were going into was on the other side, so no avoiding Santa.  When they asked, I wasn't about to deny them.  But it was how it was done.  They visited them, Santa asked what they wanted, and one said a book, the other said a puzzle.  But never was there an expectation that Santa would bring them that.  It's one of the many reasons we don't do Santa.  They may ask for gifts, but I've seen far too many parents go to the ends of the earth to get The Toy so we don't set up the expectation that they may ask and expect to recieve a certain gift.

 

FWIW, dd1 (who is 5 and asked for the doll) does not have her heart set on a doll, she wants and is getting a pink camera.  It's all I've heard about for the past 8 months, I have never heard her ask for a doll so I'm sure she will be fine Christmas morning.  We do not skimp on Christmas so she'll have plenty of presents and like a pp said, after two weeks I think she may forget about it all together.  I've already wrapped all the gifts and I don't remember which one is the doll.  If she had her heart set on a doll, I'd likely go out and get one, but I think it was just a passing thing as she is still talking about a darn pink camera, lol and I haven't heard another word about a doll.

Quote:
Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but--I guess when I read "Santa said I'm getting a doll" instead of "I want a doll for Christmas",

Nope, not reading too much into it.  If she had said "I want a doll" or even "I want Santa to bring me a doll" I wouldn't have thought anything of it.  Just reminded her that Santa can't bring her a doll because he's a cartoon like Dora and something we pretend with, but if you want a doll, we can see about putting it on your wishlist.  But when she said "Santa is going to bring me a doll" that's what caused me to find out where she got that idea.

 

 

 

Quote:
I also kind of assumed that the OP knows her kid, and picked out gifts that her daughter would be thrilled about anyway--perhaps that's an unreasonable assumption.  I would NOT rush to return something that was carefully picked that I know my kid loves and wants in order to buy her a crappy doll that she will toss aside in 5 minutes--all because some guy in a Santa suit said it to her and she related that to me.  IF we're going to criticize not rushing out to get a doll as imposing what we want our kids to have on our kids, then I hope that we'd take the time to actually discover what our kid wants instead of assuming that they do in fact really *want* a doll vs. something else that actually reflects their interests.

nod.gif

 

 

Quote:

Who cares about the Santa issue??? The problem is that the ILs took the OP's kids out and now one of the kids thinks she's getting a present that isn't happening. So basically, the ILs encouraged the "santa brings stuff" story, didn't do anything to help indicate that "santa" doesn't bring everything asked for, and basically forged the OP's signature on a contract she didn't even know existed.

 

Who cares if a doll is cheap? It's the same moral situation as if the ILs let the dd believe santa was going to bring an XBox.

 

This is my point exactly.  It's not about the doll, it's about the whole idea and what could have been.  I would have been !@#$% had she asked for a toy I couldn't provide and had her heart set on it.  I got lucky in that it's only a doll and that so far she hasn't even mentioned it again.  She'll get Xmas money so if I'm wrong and she is still expecting a doll, she can go out and buy one.


Edited by Lisa85 - 12/11/10 at 12:46pm
post #28 of 61
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by terra-pip View Post

I don't get why people don't do Santa. We don't go and visit Santa's and my kids know the ones they may see are people dressed up as and pretending. They know Santa isn't real REAL...but we have made it so that Santa is real inside us. We write letters and there's no presents under the tree until Christmas morning and we put out cookies and listen for sleigh bells (and no Daddy does not shake bells at night) It's a magical time...we also talk about a load of other seasonal things besides this part of it.

 

 

It's a feeling... a very special feeling that I feel bad that any kid should miss out on. I think making Santa something we "don't do" is giving it more importance and thought than just letting it be what it is. Kids are going to pay more attention to the forbiddens.

While I appreciate your opinion, this thread is not about doing or not doing Santa.  We don't do Santa, and I'm not looking for people to convince me otherwise.  If you want to debate whether or not a family should do Santa, that's for another thread.
 

post #29 of 61


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by churndash View Post


While I agree that no one should expect a gift, I don't think there is anything morally wrong about wanting something for Christmas.

 

And from the gift-giver's perspective, I like giving people things that I know they want, not whatever it is I think they ought to have.  If you know your child wants a doll, and you aren't opposed to her having a doll, why not let her have the doll? I would return one of the gifts you already bought and give her a doll. You have plenty of time to return something; it's only the 11th. Or switch out the girls' presents so the daughter who wants the doll is getting one.

 

There were times my kids wanted something particular for Christmas. Sometimes I could afford it, sometimes I couldn't. But I really cannot imagine knowing what my child wants, having the time and resources to get it for her (there are two weeks to Christmas, you could exchange one of the other gifts) and not only NOT give her the gift she wants, but actually give the gift she wants to her sister! That just seems a very harsh lesson to learn at such a young age.

 

 

 


yeahthat.gif

 

 Like PPs pointed out, there is plenty of time to exchange gifts or swap out presents. Or, at the very least, find a new present for DD2 so neither of the girls will be getting dolls.

 

It's one thing to not allow the consumerism of the season become out of control in your house, it's another to flaunt giving a coveted gift to one child over another.

 

From your post OP, it seems like you are most upset that your ILs introduced the idea that Santa brings gifts to children. You were okay with Santa as long as you felt your children couldn't "demand" or "expect" gifts from him. But honestly, without an all out Santa ban in your family, at some point your kids were going to pick up on this aspect of Santa's character all on their own. 

 

There are lots, and lots, and lots, and LOTS, of other ways to teach your DD1 about generosity, compassion, giving, and graciousness other than watching her little sister open a present she wanted on Christmas morning.

 

 

 

ETA  - Posted before OP's updated reply

post #30 of 61
Quote:

yeahthat.gif


 

 Like PPs pointed out, there is plenty of time to exchange gifts or swap out presents. Or, at the very least, find a new present for DD2 so neither of the girls will be getting dolls.

 

It's one thing to not allow the consumerism of the season become out of control in your house, it's another to flaunt giving a coveted gift to one child over another.

 

From your post OP, it seems like you are most upset that your ILs introduced the idea that Santa brings gifts to children. You were okay with Santa as long as you felt your children couldn't "demand" or "expect" gifts from him. But honestly, without an all out Santa ban in your family, at some point your kids were going to pick up on this aspect of Santa's character all on their own. 

 

There are lots, and lots, and lots, and LOTS, of other ways to teach your DD1 about generosity, compassion, giving, and graciousness other than watching her little sister open a present she wanted on Christmas morning.

 

 

 

ETA  - Posted before OP's updated reply


I agree with this, although if she doesn't really want a doll then it's a moot point.

 

I really think that by having her sit on Santa's lap and say what she wanted you, as the mother and the core of her family value system, basically gave the whole "Santa is going to bring me..." thing a pass.  We all make those kinds of decisions and it's okay. But because you didn't pair it with the letter to Santa, or the explanation that you have to tell Santa in time for the elves to make it, or whatever, now it's kind of an open, ongoing way for her to ask for things.

 

The ILs are annoying but the thing with Santa is that it's so pervasive, you will have to deal with it anyway. You can be grumpy about it, sure. But this was going to happen with your kids at some point.

 

Personally, unless my budget were super super tight, I'd skimp somewhere else like on fancy cheese or whatever and go get a $5 doll for the one DD, and extra craft supplies or whatever for the other. And no, I wouldn't keep doing that ad nauseum. We tend to 2/3 our budget to earlier planned gifts and reserve 1/3 for last minute requests because young kids tend to have short-term goals. As they age we'll get more rigid about it.

post #31 of 61



Yes, this, exactly.

 

Last year, on Christmas Eve, my now almost 4 year old broke out in a huge tantrum after we opened our family gifts.  I asked her why, and she said that she had wanted a baby doll for Christmas.  She never told us this--apparently it was something she wanted so desparately badly that she began crying after she opened her gifts and she didn't get one (we open family gifts on Christmas Eve).  What did I do?  I got in the car in the middle of the fricken night on Christmas Eve, went to the 24 hour grocery store where I knew they had some toys, and got a $5 doll for her, wrapped it up, and put it under the tree.  The next morning, I made sure that was the first thing she opened.  And the face that she made when she saw the doll was absolutely *priceless*.  A year later, she still loves that doll and carries it around with her everywhere.  It's not a fancy doll, and it was the only doll left I could find since all the other stores were already closed.  But man, she loved that doll.  I'm glad I made that Christmas wish come true for her.  Yeah, kids shouldn't expect to get everything on their list...but I could tell that was something she really really wanted.

Quote:
Originally Posted by churndash View Post

I don't understand why this is an in-laws issue. You say in your original post that they've seen Santa at the mall and asked to see him and "of course I said yes."

 

So if you've allowed the children to visit Santa yourself, why is it the in-laws fault that they visited Santa this time?

 

How old is the daughter who wants the doll?

 

While I agree that no one should expect a gift, I don't think there is anything morally wrong about wanting something for Christmas.

 

And from the gift-giver's perspective, I like giving people things that I know they want, not whatever it is I think they ought to have.  If you know your child wants a doll, and you aren't opposed to her having a doll, why not let her have the doll? I would return one of the gifts you already bought and give her a doll. You have plenty of time to return something; it's only the 11th. Or switch out the girls' presents so the daughter who wants the doll is getting one.

 

There were times my kids wanted something particular for Christmas. Sometimes I could afford it, sometimes I couldn't. But I really cannot imagine knowing what my child wants, having the time and resources to get it for her (there are two weeks to Christmas, you could exchange one of the other gifts) and not only NOT give her the gift she wants, but actually give the gift she wants to her sister! That just seems a very harsh lesson to learn at such a young age.

 

 

 



ETA: N/M...didn't see the OP's update until now.

post #32 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa85 View Post

Nope, not reading too much into it.  If she had said "I want a doll" or even "I want Santa to bring me a doll" I would thought anything of it.  Just reminded her that Santa can't bring her a doll because he's a cartoon like Dora and something we pretend with, but if you want a doll, we can see about putting it on your wishlist.  But when she said "Santa is going to bring me a doll" that's what caused me to find out where she got that idea.



Are you sure she doesn't really want a doll?  The not talking about it again could just be b/c she feels Santa's taken care of the doll already.  I would ask some open ended but probing questions.

post #33 of 61

I've read your update, OP and with all respect, I still don't see how this is your inlaws' fault.

 

You have taken the girls to see Santa before. That Santa brings presents isn't some obscure myth that only your inlaws are aware of. If your daughter interacts with any other children she's probably heard about Santa and that kids think he brings them presents. 

 

 

Quote:
And I don't mind them seeing Santa.  When I brought the girls it wasn't specifically to see Santa, we happened to be at the mall and Santa was center court.  The store we were going into was on the other side, so no avoiding Santa.  When they asked, I wasn't about to deny them.  But it was how it was done.  They visited them, Santa asked what they wanted, and one said a book, the other said a puzzle.  But never was there an expectation that Santa would bring them that.

 

Maybe they do have an expectation that Santa will bring them those things. Why else would he ask? I think you're asking a child to make an incredibly fine distinction here. "Yes, you can go see Santa and he'll ask what you want and you can answer but don't expect to actually get it and by the way we don't actually believe in Santa but I am going to let you visit him anyway, which is perfectly fine when I do it but a major violation and insult if grandma does it.

 

I don't understand at all why it was okay for you to take the kids to see Santa but if the inlaws did it, it's horrible. I don't know why you have concluded that the only people on earth who could possibly have given your daughter the faintest clue that Santa brings gifts is your inlaws. Maybe there are underlying issues with the inlaws that are causing you to see intentional malice on their part.

 

I think that since, as you say yourself, your daughter has a hard time separating fantasy and reality anyway, if you are not going to do Santa you shouldn't have muddied the waters by letting her visit Santa at the mall. You could have said "no, you are not going to see Santa. There is no Santa. That's a man in a costume."

 

I also think that for a five year old "Santa is going to bring me", "I wish Santa would bring me" and "I would like to get" a doll are pretty much all the same thing. Kids don't use the same subtle semantics that adults do.

 


Edited by churndash - 12/11/10 at 2:44pm
post #34 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa85 View Post

There seems to be some misconception.  It's not about buying a doll or not buying a doll or even visiting Santa. I'm not thrilled with the idea (because of reasons just like this), but I'm not against it either.  The issue I have is that we have clearly explained to the IL's that we will not be doing Santa and they passive-aggressively put the idea in my kids head that Santa would bring them a certain gift, or gifts in general.  We don't do Santa, and it irritates me that they are trying to go around me and essentially force us to do Santa.  MIL in particular doesn't agree with many of our parenting beliefs and has done similar things in the past.



Have you told your children that Santa is not real? That it's actually the parents who bring the presents? If you haven't, now is the time. Because that is one very simply way to go around your IL's passive-aggressive tactics. If your kids know the truth and you're clear that this is a story that some families pretend, then there can't really be any lasting harm, can there? You can explain grandma/grandpa's actions by saying they thought it might be fun to pretend for a while, but you'd rather that you don't.

post #35 of 61

The OP has been very clear, imo, that she's told her kids that Santa isn't real. That's not proof against another trusted adult telling her otherwise.

 

I also get the impression here that the in-laws told her dd that Santa would bring her a doll...not that "Santa" said it, or that she somehow got this idea, but that the in-laws told her Santa would bring her a doll. If that's the case, then I'd also be furious. I do Santa, and the only excuse for someone telling my child that Santa will bring them something is if that person has already got that something for my child, with the intent of making it a "fron Santa" gift. Otherwise, it's a crappy, low thing to do - like forging someone's signature or something. OP's in-laws know full well that even in homes that do Santa, "Santa" means the parents. That means, they're deliberately trying to make a commitment on the mom's behalf, which is bogus.

 

Also, someone upthread said the doll was "the one thing" that OP's dd has stated that she wants. Nowhere in this thread does it say that. Nowhere. The OP's dd could be like my ds2 (the same age) who generally says "I want X" about something different every five minutes (and also loves every single present he gets) or she could have one item - other than a doll - that she's wanted for ages. We do know she's asked for at least one other thing (a book or a puzzle - can't remember which went with this particular child), because she asked "Santa" for it before. Someone else referred to this as a "covetted" gift, and we don't know that, either. A child saying that they want such-and-such from Santa doesn't mean that's really the gift they want. It could have been an off-the-cuff comment.

 

OP: You have my sympathies. I do Santa, and enjoy it...and this would soooooo piss me off.

post #36 of 61
Thread Starter 


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by churndash View Post

I've read your update, OP and with all respect, I still don't see how this is your inlaws' fault.

 

You have taken the girls to see Santa before. That Santa brings presents isn't some obscure myth that only your inlaws are aware of. If your daughter interacts with any other children she's probably heard about Santa and that kids think he brings them presents. 

 

 

Quote:
And I don't mind them seeing Santa.  When I brought the girls it wasn't specifically to see Santa, we happened to be at the mall and Santa was center court.  The store we were going into was on the other side, so no avoiding Santa.  When they asked, I wasn't about to deny them.  But it was how it was done.  They visited them, Santa asked what they wanted, and one said a book, the other said a puzzle.  But never was there an expectation that Santa would bring them that.

 

 

 

I don't understand at all why it was okay for you to take the kids to see Santa but if the inlaws did it, it's horrible. I don't know why you have concluded that the only people on earth who could possibly have given your daughter the faintest clue that Santa brings gifts is your inlaws. Maybe there are underlying issues with the inlaws that are causing you to see intentional malice on their part.

 

I think that since, as you say yourself, your daughter has a hard time separating fantasy and reality anyway, if you are not going to do Santa you shouldn't have muddied the waters by letting her visit Santa at the mall. You could have said "no, you are not going to see Santa. There is no Santa. That's a man in a costume."

 

I also think that for a five year old "Santa is going to bring me", "I wish Santa would bring me" and "I would like to get" a doll are pretty much all the same thing. Kids don't use the same subtle semantics that adults do.

 


 

 

Quote:
Maybe they do have an expectation that Santa will bring them those things. Why else would he ask? I think you're asking a child to make an incredibly fine distinction here. "Yes, you can go see Santa and he'll ask what you want and you can answer but don't expect to actually get it and by the way we don't actually believe in Santa but I am going to let you visit him anyway, which is perfectly fine when I do it but a major violation and insult if grandma does it.

 

Lots of people ask them what they want, the cashier at the checkout, the neighbors,family, random strangers, everybody.  She isn't expecting a gift from everybody else who has asked her what she would like.  And while I do know that eventually she learn that some kids believe their presents are from Santa, now was not the time  She is homeschooled, so she literally has not left my side with the exception of the weekend with the IL's since our last playdate 6 or 7 weeks ago.  The reason I don't like others, besides dh, to take them to visit Santa is for reasons just as this. We're able to divert it issues like that and answer questions appropriately.  If I had well intentioned IL's again, I wouldn't mind. But they, mainly MIL, are passive aggressive and try things like this several times. She has tried to feed dd1 formula while I was struggling to breastfeed, introduce solids before dd1 was ready, insist on rice cereal in a bottle, and those are just a few examples.  She has a long history of trying to undermine my authority and I have no doubt this is just another thing she doesn't agree to and is trying to get around.

 

 

Quote:
I also think that for a five year old "Santa is going to bring me", "I wish Santa would bring me" and "I would like to get" a doll are pretty much all the same thing. Kids don't use the same subtle semantics that adults do.

 

Eh, I disagree.  I know my child and that's not something she would typically say.  If I could do it over, I'd ask more pointed questions, but the moment has passed and I'm not going to drag it up again.  Most parents have had a moment where their child says a phrase that they know they had to have learned elsewhere. 

post #37 of 61
Quote:

Originally Posted by Lisa85 View Post

 

Quote:

I also think that for a five year old "Santa is going to bring me", "I wish Santa would bring me" and "I would like to get" a doll are pretty much all the same thing. Kids don't use the same subtle semantics that adults do.

 

Eh, I disagree.  I know my child and that's not something she would typically say.  If I could do it over, I'd ask more pointed questions, but the moment has passed and I'm not going to drag it up again.  Most parents have had a moment where their child says a phrase that they know they had to have learned elsewhere. 

I have to agree. It varies from child to child, of course, but none of mine, at five would have said "Santa is going to bring me" if they meant "I want Santa to bring me", or "I would like". They just wouldn't.
 

post #38 of 61
Thread Starter 


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by LynnS6 View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa85 View Post

There seems to be some misconception.  It's not about buying a doll or not buying a doll or even visiting Santa. I'm not thrilled with the idea (because of reasons just like this), but I'm not against it either.  The issue I have is that we have clearly explained to the IL's that we will not be doing Santa and they passive-aggressively put the idea in my kids head that Santa would bring them a certain gift, or gifts in general.  We don't do Santa, and it irritates me that they are trying to go around me and essentially force us to do Santa.  MIL in particular doesn't agree with many of our parenting beliefs and has done similar things in the past.



Have you told your children that Santa is not real? That it's actually the parents who bring the presents? If you haven't, now is the time. Because that is one very simply way to go around your IL's passive-aggressive tactics. If your kids know the truth and you're clear that this is a story that some families pretend, then there can't really be any lasting harm, can there? You can explain grandma/grandpa's actions by saying they thought it might be fun to pretend for a while, but you'd rather that you don't.



I was really hoping this would be the case, that I could just say he's not real, but pretend.  She is just at an age where she is struggling to decipher real vs. cartoon vs. myth vs. fantasy.  She mainly watches Dora the Explorer, Signing Times, and Sesame Street.  I've told her that Rachel, Alex, and Leah (from signing times) along with the people, not puppets, on Sesame Street are real people -actors- but that Hopkins, Dora and gang, and Elmo, Big Bird, etc are cartoons and puppets and not real, but pretend.  She knows this because I've told her, but she hasn't quite grasped the concept, iykwim.  When they are older, we will pretend Santa because I don't want them to miss out,  It's fun to pretend, my mom still gives us stockings and sets out cookies even though we're all adults now.   All their presents are signed From Mommy and Daddy so I'm hoping there won't be any confusion. 

post #39 of 61

 

 

Quote:
When they are older, we will pretend Santa because I don't want them to miss out

 

 

I just don't get this thread dizzy.gif

post #40 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by serenbat View Post

 

 

Quote:
When they are older, we will pretend Santa because I don't want them to miss out

 

 

I just don't get this thread dizzy.gif


I'm not sure where the confusion is. OP doesn't want her children to believe that Santa is real, so she's being very clear that he's pretend, and not really playing him up, one way or the other. When they're older, she'll do the Santa stuff (I'm assuming a gift, stocking and maybe cookies/milk/carrots for reindeer), but not pretend that Santa is real - it will just be a game. This isn't the way we handle it, but I don't think it's confusing.

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