Emotions running high in the 33rd week

[sarahkristy]

My hubby and I are planning a homebirth for our second baby, a little girl, who I'm SO excited to meet.

Up until now, we had thought that we would have enough money in our HSA to cover the 2200 that our insurance won't. This month has been one thing after another as far as money goes and we will probably have less than half of that at 36 weeks. MY midwives are beautiful, wonderful women who will probably work out a payment plan for us but to be honest... we can't afford another payment on anything. We're living off of 30k supporting three of us and not even beginning to pay down the student debt we are in.

I'm feeling extremely stressed because I am looking forward to having my baby girl at home but at the same time, I know that I could go to the hospital and everything would be 100% paid for. Our hospital is probably one of the best to go to as far as natural birth/breastfeeding goes however, it is still a hospital. Also, our situation at home isn't exactly ideal. We live in a old farmhouse that has been renovated to a duplex (my parents house) and we live in one side while my extremely UNeducated brother and sister-in-law and children live in the other. The walls are thin, privacy is hard to come by. Their comment on my homebirth was "the last thing we need is another dead baby!". They lost their 2 month old son in a car accident last year.  They have probably the complete opposite philosophy on parenting that I do.

However, I believe that I could and will have a beautiful peaceful homebirth as long as I can maintain boundaries and a clear mind/focus on what's important, my baby's birth. Not other people's opinions.

----sighhh----

I'm just overwhelmed and need to vent to friendly ears.

[sarahkristy]

Also.. Actually, I'm not really sure anymore that being home IS the best place for me because of my neighbors.... Honestly, I want more than anything to be home with my husband and son and that's it but... right now, the chances of having total privacy are slim. My sister in law was ranting and raving last night about our parenting choices (cosleeping/homebirth) and got into a huge fight with my husband about it. I just want them to leave us alone...



I feel like I'm giving up something I really really want and being with providers that I trust and love because of situations beyond my control and it makes me really sad..... 

:-(   :-(

[MsBlack]

Well, I'm sorry you're so stressed out about all this.  But when it comes to other people's opinions anyway, whose life is it?  I would say that homebirth is not for people who are too easily pushed around by the ignorance and intolerance of others.  If you're not committed to homebirth for your own reasons, then maybe you'll do better in a hospital or birth center, honestly.  No snark intended.  Homebirth in such an anti-homebirth society is a big deal--and you have to be willing to put up with some crap--and walk away from it--if you really want to birth in peace at home.

It's really just up to you.  That's all.

[sarahkristy]

Thank you.

I needed that.

It's hard to be your own cheering section 100% of the time.

I think that if I am able to work out a plan financially, I'm going to plow forward with having my birth at home regardless of stupid neighbors who are ignorant and annoying.

There are a couple of loose strings that I need to tie up as far as childcare goes but I will figure it out. I can overthink anything..... hospital or home and no matter what, the situation isn't going to be completely ideal. I need to stop caring about what others think and own my own birth. It's just really easy to get sucked into the stress of other people for me...(which is why I wanted to stay out of the hospital).

This is still MY home and I refuse to feel uncomfortable here. If they are being loud and obnoxious, I'll have my husband talk to them or call my landlord (dad). I didn't want to have to worry about this type of stuff at home but you have to advocate for yourself at the hospital too....

Sometimes you need someone to just tell you to shut up and take what you want.

[MsBlack]

Originally Posted by sarahkristy 

Sometimes you need someone to just tell you to shut up and take what you want.

Yeah, ain't that the truth!  I love how you said that.  It IS hard being your own cheering section 100% of the time...so that's why you come to places like this one for support!  A place to vent about the silly people who love to tell the rest of us how to live when they are not making choices we would want to live with.  And a place to hear how others figured their way through the money concerns, the relatives problems, all that stuff that can look so daunting when you're trying to find your way to homebirth.

Anyway--try not to get into it with people, especially relatives.  Practice saying things like "Yeah, I know you disagree with us.  Let's just leave it at that, shall we?"  And smile and change the subject.  Fighting over this stuff has no point, it's just draining.

Homebirth is so totally worth going it on your own steam and in the face of resistance...I think you will be seeing this pretty soon for yourself.

Glad you took my message just as I intended it   Now get all those ducks in a row and enjoy!