Do you wish you could SAH? - Page 2

[major_mama11]

I would love to be a SAHM. But like OP said, my working is not optional for us. DH makes enough to cover the mortgage and basic utilities, but then there's still necessities like um, food. And clothing for the kids (even yard sales add up). And medical care (DH does have insurance through his job, but with a huge deductible, and so all medical costs come out of my paycheck).

I work as a nurse. I'm glad that I went ahead and finished school after having DD, but I still find it to be very stressful. Sometimes I feel like I do a lot of good, but sometimes it is pure adrenaline the whole shift. Since I never know which shift will be a bad one until I actually get there, I have a super high anxiety level before each shift, and then afterwards I often have a very hard time leaving work at work. Nursing pays well, which I'm thankful for, but for the most part I feel that it is so stressful that I doubt I will stay in it much longer.

Currently I work part-time nights, which I thought wouldn't be bad, but between the commute (gone for 14 hrs each worknight), the stress and the exhaustion, it's just not working so well. In January I'm taking my schedule back to per diem. The funny thing is, I'll still be working about the same amt of hours (have to), but I know it will feel different just due to having more control over my schedule. I've done per diem before and loved it. No benefits, but it's the closest thing to SAHM that we can afford.

There are a lot of positives to working, and I try to focus on those. But I definitely would SAHM if DH made enough money. He knows that, and I try not to complain, because then he feels guilty and depressed over not having more earning power. I love that he has such as strong relationship with the kids, and I'm not sure they would have that if I was here all the time.

[akind1]

For me, I would SAH in a heartbeat. but DH is in school after 17 months of unemployment. We can't do without my income. I enjoy my job. to say I loved it would be an overstatement. However I do LOVE that I WAH 3 days and WOH 2 days a week. I like the adult time, dressing up a little, etc. However, there would be opportunities for that as a SAHM also (maybe not the dressing up part, but I wouldn't miss that).  DS is 13 months old - well, almost - and I find the older he gets the more I feel I am missing at home. and the days I WAH I can't focus on him 100%. Since DH has gone back to school, housework has gone completely haywire, and I wish I had time to do all that needs to be done. BUT DS isn't in daycare and has a great bond with DH, so no complaints there.

We plan on homeschooling somehow, and so even when the kid(s) are school age, I would want to be at home at least part time. full time would be awesome! we shall see how that turns out.

[laurabfig]

Originally Posted by RubyLu 

My thoughts are with you! I remember the internal conflict between knowing I was a valuable part of the wage earning team and wishing my husband would just make enough to support us all quite well. In the end I decided those thoughts were eating me up too much and I tried to focus on my happiness that I was able to be a valued part of a work environment (remembering my grandma/great-grandma, who didn't have that option).

Thanks for posting this. Very encouraging to know there are other moms who feel the same way I do. And a great reminder to focus on gratitude for my job/work...esp in this economy. I really need to be thankful I have a job to return to that I somewhat enjoy that pays decent and provides benefits to my family.

[meandmine]

It is different for everyone.  When I first sah I was stressed and lonely.  Getting to know other sahms was like being in middle school all over again -- yuck.  Then, after five years at home I finally felt like I had created a life and knew how I wanted to parent.  Then when my oldest was six ... X walked ... by the time she was 7 I was back at work. I do not multi-task well.  I do not do two full-time jobs well.  My kids don't get the best of me, but I have to work.  I like my profession.  I am grateful to have found work after being out of the job market so long.  But, for me, the one job I want right now is parenting and maintaining a home.  Not to be.

You are in the early days yet.  When you get back to work you may find that you can achieve a positive balance.  I hope so!

M

[faeriecurls]

I would love to SAH home until DD is 3 or 4 and then work part time. I haven't gone back to work yet - but I am going back in Jan. I am really torn up about it. I love what I do (home based special ed teacher for children with ASD) but I want to be a mother right now. I know I need to go back for $ reasons, but I hope that I can limit the amount of hours I work for now. If DH found a new job with a higher salary and benefits I would stay at home. I have a lot of stress & anxiety over the whole thing though.

[pixiepunk]

Originally Posted by laurabfig 

I'm 2 months into a 4-5 month maternity leave (not sure when I'll be going back due to some pending financial things...), and am enjoying it and find myself wishing I could just work minimally/part time and not work at my stressful job anymore.  Dh does not have benefits or near enough income for us to live without my salary, so going back to work is not a "choice" to me: it is a necessity.  I don't HATE my job (4 days a week, flexible school schedule, decent pay and great benefits), just the last year has been really stressful and I am dreading going back.  Things have just seemed so much simpler since I've been on leave. But I find myself resenting that dh doesn't have the earning power to support us all, but I also realize that in many ways I'm not willing to drastically downgrade our lifestyle for me to afford to work less.

Just wondering how many working mama's out there wish they could stay home, or if you truly love and enjoy your job (if you do, please say what you do for a living!). :)

the part i bolded i think is important to the discussion.  i did give up a very good paying job with benefits when my oldest was born, a job i really liked, to stay home.  but it was a *huge* financial sacrifice.  my DH and I talked about it a lot, and in the end we felt that we could manage and that it felt right for us.  but it did take a whole lot of getting used to, and my DH did make a decent living and we had property we rented out that generated a small amount of income which covered some of our smaller bills, so it worked out alright.

but after being home for almost 8 years, i'm back in school, switching careers (can't do what i used to do where we now live without driving literally hours each way to work), and i'm so excited to be getting back out there!  i very much enjoyed my time at home with my kids, but now that i'm in school again and working towards a new career i realize that i could never stay at home full-time as my kids got older.  we don't homeschool, and so once my youngest goes off to school i think i'd lose my mind with boredom if i didn't get out and do something.  it also makes a lot of sense for us right now because we are trying to start a family farm, and my DH really needs to be here more in order for us to manage the farm properly and still have time to spend as a family. 

i think, ultimately, it is a totally personal and individual decision.  so many things factor into it, and things change and evolve over time.  the only advice i can give is that nothing is forever - if you go back to work and can't stand it and feel you have to be home, the financial sacrifices will feel worth it.  but probably you'll get back to work and enjoy it and feel good about your choice, and enjoy the time you spend at work.  remember that the last year might have been hard in part because you were pregnant - the hormones and the physical stresses make everything feel more difficult sometimes.  so you may find it's not so bad when you get back. 

best of luck, whatever you choose!

[laurabfig]

Originally Posted by pixiepunk 

i think, ultimately, it is a totally personal and individual decision.  so many things factor into it, and things change and evolve over time.  the only advice i can give is that nothing is forever - if you go back to work and can't stand it and feel you have to be home, the financial sacrifices will feel worth it.  but probably you'll get back to work and enjoy it and feel good about your choice, and enjoy the time you spend at work.  remember that the last year might have been hard in part because you were pregnant - the hormones and the physical stresses make everything feel more difficult sometimes.  so you may find it's not so bad when you get back. 

best of luck, whatever you choose!

Thanks for this encouragement...it feels like exactly what I needed to hear right now. :)  Really...I can't thank you enough for these kind words.
 

[Petie1104]

This reminds me of something my mom always said, "the grass is always greener in someone else's yard".  I have to say, right now I'm an online student and I am looking at getting an internship because I can't wait to get back to work.  I've spent the past 10 years at home and though I wouldn't trade what I've done for anything, it does get mundane and boring quickly.  I want to get some goals that actually get completed occasionally.  At home, by the time I washed the clothes, more clothes needed to be washed, by the time I got all the dishes done another meal has to be cooked.  I know I'll still have that, but it will be nice to have a job where I can say, "yup, completed task A move on to B".  I miss that.  I am sure that once I start working I'll be thinking, "man I wish I would have appreciated staying at home more".  It's human nature to want what you don't have. 

[staceychev]

I always said I'd like to SAHM, but in reality I think maybe part-time would work better for me. 

[Ceinwen]

I love my career (I'm a trauma RN) and I would not want to SAH. My only wish is that I had a better schedule, and that I didn't have to work quite so many shifts (7-8 12 hours shifts in a two week period - very chaotic).

[Altair]

I do want to SAH, for many reasons.  I make half our income, but provide out medical benefits (which are all free), and I am the only one contributing to retirement because the money goes much further in my pension/TDA.  My job also has MUCH more security than my partner's.  He could be fired at any time for his numbers not being up, and it's quite common in his field for it to happen often. 

I do have a pretty ideal job-- I teach students with ASDs the social supports they need to learn in our schools micro-CTT classes (and teach the other professionals in our building how to do this).  So I get paid a good teacher's salary to play for most of the day.  :-)  That being said, my job is utterly exhausting and it's hard to come home spent every day. 

We have an interesting childcare set up-- for the most part, I am gone 7AM-3PM, my son wakes up at 9AM and is home with Daddy until I get home, when Daddy goes to work.  Any days we overlap he is with my in-laws.  But this leaves all of us really tired and missing out on family time. 

It floors me though, with how much we make combined, why we are so behind all the time.  I watch our money closely, but we live in one of the highest COL areas (Manhattan, we need to be in NYC for my partner's industry).  We have an amazing deal on our apartment (a once in a lifetime chance to buy an apartment at about 1/20th its market value), so we'd actually be worse off to leave Manhattan.  Our mortgage will half be paid off in 4.5 more years, and fully paid off in 9.5 years (we have 2 loans).  But then in NYC your maintenance every month is as high as anyone else's mortgage. 

I don't want to have another baby until I can stay home, but I just don't see how.  :-(   I admit, I don't want to live bare-bones poor.  I don't want to do that to my son.  And I want a little weekend/summer house upstate one day...  and my local school sucks so I may have to put out for private.  Ugh. 

I never intended for this to happen, i got pregnant much earlier than I intended (though now, at 30 years old with a almost 2 year old, it feels perfect!)

But I mourn being at home with him every day.  I am SO JEALOUS of every SAH mom I see here.  Thank goodness for my generous days off. 

[inky leeuhhh]

I want to SAH so badly, and I go back and forth about it all the time. I recently thought it was going to work out for me to stay home and then chickened out because it was going to kind of put us right on the edge financially. DD is homeschooled right now, and I really want her to continue to homeschool, but the way things are right now we are looking at possibly putting her in PS next year. I am a student and work full time as a preschool teacher, and I am very tired when I get home. Then I stay up late trying to get homework done- I feel like I never get a break! I would love to stop working, go to school almost full time online, and have more time at home with the kids. Our house is a mess because dh works too, and I really can't stand that. I like reading these posts though, at least I know I'm not alone!

[madskye]

No.  I like my job, I like making money.  I am pretty sure DH would be super stressed if he were the sole breadwinner.  This way of life can be hectic, but I think it's better for all of us.  I work from home, 30 hours per week, and am satisfied with my salary and the work experience and the amount of time I have with DD.

[jennybear]

Would I like to be independently wealthy and able to fill my days as I please? Sure. But I have no interest in staying at home outside of that scenerio (which would include at least a part-time nanny, lol).

I feel like I have a good balance--I work three days/week at a job I love (marketing for a nonprofit) and am with DD on the other two days and weekends. DH is a school counselor and gets summers/breaks off, so we have a lot of family time, which is great. If either of us had more of a time demanding or stressful job, it might make sense for one of us to SAH. As it is, I love our life the way we have it!

[Skippy918]

My friend and I were discussing the other day about working and what we should do when our kids are in school.  I think once they reach school age, I'm going to want to be able to have time off when they're off to do summer activities and vacations with them.  We thought about whether we need to change careers in order to have a school year friendly job.

I too, carry all the health benefits, so I need to work right now. 

[Ambivalent Dreams]

I would love to stay at home.  But, my dream situation would be to have a job where my little ones could come to work with me and play around me.  As they got older, they could learn to help.

Since "the good ole days" like that seem to be over, I am working to support our family.   At least I get off at 3:00...

[Super~Single~Mama]

I don't want to SAH.  I love being a mom, and I love being myself as well.  I need time outside of being a mom to feel fulfilled and happy.  I'd love to be able to find a job that allows me a flexible schedule, and is family friendly, but law isn't that type of field, so we'll see what I come up with!

[jruck]

I agree completely with JudiAU. I have a wonderful job where I made 100k+, do work I believe in, and get about 7 weeks off a year but even though I know I am lucky, I hate that I have to work and would jump at being a SAHM if I could. I try really hard not to, but I get angry that I can't stay home and jealous of all my friends who are SAHMs. My DH works full time too but I have all the benefits and make more. Its hard to understand how other families make it work when I've run the numbers and quitting would be impossible. That being said, I try my best to focus on the time I get with DS and the idea that Im making the best choice for my family. We save as much as we can in the hopes that I can SAH later. Working towards that makes things much better as well.

[sparklett]

Yes...and no.  I got to SAH for the first 11 months and I really loved it.  Since then, I've been a WAHM and am also the primary breadwinner.  DH is a SAHD.  Part of me wants to SAH again becuase I feel like it's "my" job.  But looking at DH and DS, well, those two are thick as thieves and they're having a great time together.  I am a pretty driven person and once I really got back into working mode, I discovered that I truly enjoy exercising the educated, professional side of my brain.

We'll probably have another child eventually.  When that happens, I don't think I want to go back to being strictly SAH.  Instead, I hope to stay home for 4 years while I do my PhD or work barely part time for the nonprofit I'm currently getting paid to start, then go back to work in the same WAHM capacity that I'm in right now.

For me, the SAHM to WAHM transition has been ideal.  I was commiserating with a friend recently and neither of us could fathom leaving our children for a 9-5 job.  It seems to work great for some moms, but it's just not for me.  I like to be home and available to my child, but still want to feel challenged professionally.  However, I would NEVER want to leave my baby during that precious first year.  It's just not something I could fathom doing. 

[es1967]

I was lucky enough to be a SAHM for 3 yrs. Then great opportunity came up for me to work at home part time along with coming into the office a few days a week. I took the job and financially

we needed my income.    I am thankful for that.  Most of  my friends are still SAHM's and I really wish I could as well.  I really feel resentful because I think my DH should have an income to support us. If I worked full time I could easily support our family.  My DH is self employed and it has been very difficult.  As another post said- I feel like I worked many years, saved, had no credit card debt so I feel like I earned being able to stay at home. I also take care of all household duties, cooking, childcare b/c my DH works 6 days a week-over 12 hrs per day.  Being a SAHM has been the best

job ever and I would give up working in a second.