Do you wish you could SAH? - Page 4

[~pi]

Originally Posted by nina_yyc 

No I don't want to be a SAHM.  I just want someone exactly like me to come to my house and take care of my kids while I am at work, so I don't have to deal with pickups and drop-offs and car naps and subsequent late bedtimes when I need to be up at 5 for work.  I want this person to take the kids out for activities occasionally, socialize with DD's friends, and also let them have time for unstructured play while taking care of some household chores and planning, so that my family workload need not infringe on my time off or my time at work.  When kindergarten comes up, my daughter would be transported to and from school without any coordinating or effort on my part.  If the children need to be transported somewhere, this person would be perfectly happy to take them on public transit so that I could have the car.  This person would also occasionally mess things up, because I would not want to feel like a bad mom next to a perfect nanny.

Ha ha ha! This is so perfectly true.

[KLM99]

Thanks for posting these!  I didn't feel like the scarymommy one was that useful for me unfortunately - it really only speaks to the moms who don't enjoy, as she says, playground time and baking.  I'm not answering the door in an apron, but I actually do enjoy baking cupcakes and feel like I could be (and AM when I'm not out at work) the type of mom she says she isn't. 

I think one of the main reasons I decided not to be a SAHM was more along the lines of what is discussed in the salon article.  Financial reasons - because of potential loss of my husband (divorce, death), but also because it puts us in SOOOOO much better a financial place now and for when the kids are in school and for when they're in college and for when my husband and I are on our own again.  So many more choices for all of us - education, travel, neighborhood, etc.  I've killed myself finding the best childcare arrangement for the kids and I have days that I spend crying, sure.  But at the end of the day, neither choice is easy.  For us, the best choice for my family for now and for our future is for me to continue to work.

Originally Posted by c'est moi 

i used to be a part of this forum until becoming a "reluctant SAHM." life circumstances make it so that i need to be home this year. anyhow, now that i'm starting to think about getting back to work, i've been lurking about again. anyhow, i thought you ladies might find the following blog posts relevant to this discussion. i enjoyed reading through the comments section in both posts, but especially the link at scarymommy. many of the salon responses were to snarky for my liking.

http://www.scarymommy.com/to-work-or-not-to-work/

http://www.salon.com/life/real_families/index.html?story=/mwt/pinched/2011/01/05/wish_i_hadnt_opted_out

[big-mama]

Yes.    I would settle for a pay raise so I could afford a maid though. 

[BarefootGirl]

YES.  I am going back next Tuesday and my son will be 10 weeks old then.  It's going to break my heart to not be with him all the time.  Unfortunately it is just not financially possible for me to stay home.  Even though my job doesn't pay much, we need our health insurance which we can't afford through my husband's job.  Our spending is pretty minimal as it is.  My husband already works long hours so he can't take on a second job.  The really sucky part is that what his job should be paying would be more than enough for us to be okay with me staying at home.  He only makes about 60% of what previous employees in his position made (due to cut-backs because of the economy - he works in marketing for a retail chain). 

Anyhow, I am going back 6 hours a day 5 days a week and I hate it.  My job is easy, low-stress, somewhat flexible hours, and great health insurance, but the pay is lousy.  The job itself is not a challenge (in fact it's terribly boring) but I love the people I work with so that makes it better.  I don't really mind working, but I will miss my baby soooo much and for such a low-paying job it just doesn't seem worth it.  But we just can't pay our bills on my husband's salary.  I would be willing to sell our house (which is already small and older) and move into a tiny apartment, but I've been watching the market and we wouldn't be able to sell our house for what we owe on it.

I sortof have a small WAH business (more of a hobby really) but am just now starting to recoup on my losses of the first couple years of startup.  It will be another probably year or so before I can expand enough that I can possibly make enough to cover the little bit of money we'd lose by me staying home.

[happy tree]

Yes and no -- I do wish I could at least stay home until my son is in school (he's 20 months now). I was able to stay home with my daughter until she started kindergarten, and then our circumstances changed in such a way that I had to find a job. I feel so fortunate that I was able to stay home with my daughter while she was small, and it saddens me to not be able to give the same thing to my son! Plus, I miss them sooooo much when I'm gone; it was a difficult transition to make. However, my childcare situation is pretty ideal (my mom watches them and they love going to her house!) and I just switched jobs to one that I love (in a library) so it's getting easier every day.

I used to think I wanted to be a SAHM forever and homeschool and everything but now that I am working, I'm starting to enjoy the time being in the grown-up world every day  -- and it's VERY nice having the feeling of control that comes, for me, with having my own income again. So I think being a working mom is maybe a good fit for me, though I do wish I could have waited a few more years!

[2lilsweetfoxes]

Yes.  Yes.  Yes.  I never intended to work after having kids.  I quit my job when I was pregnant with DD  #1.  I went back to work when she was 14 months old because 1) we needed the money to fill the gap between DH's paycheck and our expenses and 2) gave me something to do while he deployed.  I kept that job until DS was 6 months--the only thing that kept me going (sane) was knowing that I'd be able to quit in December (2003--which I did, then started on the road to being a SAHM).  I held that job for a year and a half.  Then, in October of 2004, I was mobilized.  DH had just found a job, which he promptly quit in order to follow me to my assignment, and work on his dream of being a writer.  We stayed for 2 years, discovered DS was autistic.  I enlisted full time in the Army for 3 years in 2006.  In 2009, I was up for reenlistment.  His book was close to being finished, but not there yet.  It never got picked up, so he wrote another book.  It is close to completion, and I'm up for reenlistment again.  I'm going to reenlist because it is the best thing for our family, not because in my heart of hearts that is what I want to do.  What I want is on August 5th to wake up knowing I don't have to be at PT at o'dark-thirty, that I don't ever have to put on that uniform again.  That I can take my DD2 to mommy-and-me at 10 am on Tuesday morning.  Be active on the PTA at my DS and DD1's schools, if I'm not home-schooling them.  But, I'm scared that I'll reenlist this time, and three years later, we are still in the same boat--he hasn't published or has not made enough money to allow me to kiss the army good-bye.  And it will happen over and over for the next 12 years (when I can retire).

[Logan's Mom]

I think I would like staying at home as long as I could find something else to do while he was in school to socialize with adults and keep my mind stimulated.  Or, I could always go back to school and learn something else.  However, my DH currently stays home and I have to go to work.  Bums me out!

[Orionsmama]

I would love to be at home full time! I do feel like every second I am at work I might miss something big, a milestone of some sort. However I am very lucky with my career. I only work 3 days a week and my husband has a rotating schedule so we do spend a lot of time hanging out as a family. DS is 7 months and never had a babysitter-except for date night, which he was with family. I do have to say that even having just a part time job may be good for social interaction purposes. Even though being with your LO is the best thing in the world, adult interaction is pretty important. Being with adults, talking, laughing and even commiserating is healthy.

[Sharlla]

I absolutely love my job and love having DH at home.  The 6 weeks DH and  I were home together we absolutely wonderful.  If anything I wish we could both SAH.

[oaktreemama]

No I don't. I am a telecommuter so I work from my home which is nice. I know I am very lucky to be able to do that.

However, I will never be dependent on a man to support me. I believe strongly in being able to support myself no matter what.

I do wish DH could work from home more than he does. It is great when we are both here.

[laurabfig]

Originally Posted by oaktreemama 

However, I will never be dependent on a man to support me. I believe strongly in being able to support myself no matter what.

ITA.  I always have felt this way.
 

[matty02]

Yes I would SAH. I am a teacher and due in July. I wish I could take one year off but I am taking 6 weeks (so baby will be 3 months when I return). I carry the health insurance and DH has a lot of student loans. If it wasn't for that I could take a year off. Teaching is getting really stressful with all that is put on us that is not teaching related. If I could just teach I would love my job!

I should add that I am lucky to get summers off!

Edited by matty02 - 1/29/11 at 4:00pm

[Laurski]

Originally Posted by matty02 

Teaching is getting really stressful with all that is put on us that is not teaching related. If I could just teach I would love my job!

I should add that I am lucky to get summers off!

Yes, yes, yes! 

I'm a teacher too, and all the extraneous admin stuff (and faculty politics) makes the job less enjoyable, even as much as I love being in the classroom.

I wish I was able to take a year off before returning; however, I work at a private school, so they wouldn't have held my position for me.

I did luck out that they allowed me to go part-time this year...not sure what will happen next year.  If I'm lucky, another year of of part-time, but possibly teaching another, new class, so my summer will be spent prepping for that.  A few years ago, before I had DD, I'd be excited about the prospect of taking on a new class...now I just feel stressed about finding the time to so...

(And yep, summers off are pretty great!)

[bella99]

I wish I didn't *have to* work, but no, I don't wish I could be a SAHM.

I don't think I would be happy doing it, and that would end up reflecting on my parenting and my children would feel that.  

[matty02]

Originally Posted by Laurski 

Originally Posted by matty02 

Teaching is getting really stressful with all that is put on us that is not teaching related. If I could just teach I would love my job!

I should add that I am lucky to get summers off!

Yes, yes, yes! 

I'm a teacher too, and all the extraneous admin stuff (and faculty politics) makes the job less enjoyable, even as much as I love being in the classroom.

I wish I was able to take a year off before returning; however, I work at a private school, so they wouldn't have held my position for me.

I did luck out that they allowed me to go part-time this year...not sure what will happen next year.  If I'm lucky, another year of of part-time, but possibly teaching another, new class, so my summer will be spent prepping for that.  A few years ago, before I had DD, I'd be excited about the prospect of taking on a new class...now I just feel stressed about finding the time to so...

(And yep, summers off are pretty great!)

I would be happy with part time. Don't think we can afford it though. My dream would be work just mornings. 

[t2009]

I am so excited to finally be embarking on a career that I have wanted for a long time, so, no I don't want to SAH. I also really fear losing my identity completely if I were to SAH, so in addition to doing work I'm excited about, keeping a part of my identity for myself, and being financially independent, I couldn't SAH.

That said, I really do appreciate all the time I get to spend with DS, and as a student I feel like (though very challenging) I got to cheat a little bit & have the best of both worlds. I wish the working world was more flexible than it is. 

[erigeron]

I'm glad I found this thread. It kind of stinks but it is nice to know I'm not the only one who has to make tradeoffs. The tradeoffs are all future for me (kiddo isn't due to make her appearance for another couple months) but have already been thinking about it. I've felt sort of resentful that I have to work, even though I like my career field and it pays well, because I don't like the job that I currently have lined up to start down the line after my maternity leave, and don't like the idea of leaving my child in childcare to go work at a job I don't like, and I don't feel like I have the option to hold out for something more agreeable to me. It bothers me that my husband's job, which requires a masters degree, does not pay enough to support what seems to me a fairly modest lifestyle in a city that is not all that expensive. We could make it on his income but it would be very tight and we wouldn't have a prayer of saving to buy a house or even paying off our student loans. I wish we did not have to put the kid in child care, even though once I go back to work I'll be making a lot more than we'd be paying for child care. I could easily support all three of us and hubby could stay home or go part-time, and he's offered to do just that, but he really likes his job and I hate the idea of having him quit a job that makes him happy in favor of my job that is really not what I want to be doing.

So my current plan is to try to find a different job that I like better, preferably part-time or flexible so between us hubby and I can juggle our schedules to need child care less often, to hope that my job will be better than I think it will be, and to console myself with the thought that I have my eyes on the prize and know WHY I'm working, so we can afford all our various goals down the road. I'm also trying to remember that I'm lucky to even have the luxury of worrying about this... my problems are small potatoes, really.

[es1967]

I've replied to this previously and find it so interesting that so many moms would rather work.  DS is now 4.5 yrs old and I am working part time.  Started back about a year ago and I do enjoy periods of it but I still would rather be home anyday.  I guess what that says is that I really need to find some other profession.  I work for a company analyzing financials.  I did this before I was pregnant and am very good at it but I really don't love it.  It just stresses me out.  The 3.5 yrs I stayed home were the best years of my life.   I was not stressed, could take care of my son, the household duties, be creative in the kitchen and work for DH part time. Now I do all the above plus another 25 hrs of work per week.  SO maybe thats part of the reason I am so resentful. Hmnnn.  I also had DS later in life so that could be part of the reason I really feel like I deserve to be a SAHM.  I do work out of the house 2 days a week but it seems to be getting more stressful.

[blizzard_babe]

I'll put myself squarely in the "I'd rather not work FULL TIME" camp. Really, the days I've worked four hours have been GLORIOUS. It gets me up, gets me out of the house, gets me interacting with adults, it gets me using the intellectual parts of my brain, and then gets me HOME. Ideally, both DH and I would work half-time, but the chances of us being able to swing that are low, so we settle for what we have, which is me working full time and him either SAH or working part-time (evenings).