Those of you who started out co-sleeping but then changed to baby in crib - some questions..

[AutumnAir]

DD2 is 3 months old.  We started off co-sleeping right away - we have a side-carred crib, but she mostly just sleeps in bed with us.  Was fine for the first couple of weeks when she was sleeping 2-3 hours at a go, but then sleep gradually started to decline. :(

Now, I'll nurse her down in our bed and if she's out fully I'll scooch her over into the crib; otherwise I'll just leave her where she is.  First stretch of the night is still usually pretty decent, maybe 3 hours or so.  Often she doesn't wake until we go to bed between 10-11pm, which is nice.  But then it all goes wrong...  She wakes up *at least* every 60 minutes from there till morning, and I'd say more like every 30-45 minutes.  I don't know for sure because I don't have a clock - looking at it just makes me even more crazy, but I know she wakes probably about 10-12 times between 10-11pm and 7-8am the next morning.

I am exhausted - beyond exhausted even.  And just totally fed up.  We've tried all the 'usual' things - swaddling, white noise, black out curtains, saline drops to help with the little bit of congestion she gets sometimes, even meds.  We have a set bed-time routine and bed-time starting at 6.30pm and involving a massage with lavender oil, 100% cotton pjs, swaddle, white noise, nursing to sleep.  I have given up dairy and caffeine - dairy for nearly 3 weeks (obvious *and* hidden) and caffeine for just about 2 weeks.  NO difference - if anything sleep's gotten just a little worse over that time period.

I have a high-needs nearly 3 yo too, who doesn't nap at all and who needs a lot of attention and engagement, not to mention patience and I'm not able to give her any of those things right now.  She also doesn't nap at all - so no opportunity for me to catch up on sleep during the day.

I'm down to thinking that maybe we should move her into her own crib - which will have to be in a separate room from us because the only place for it in our room is side-carred.  I'm a bit uncomfortable with putting a baby less than 6 months to sleep on her own, but getting desperate her.  Short of CIO it's about the only thing we haven't tried yet.

Oh, and the other night DH (who's now sleeping in the spare room to get some sleep) heard me crying in the middle of the night in exhaustion/frustration and came in and took DD.  She cried for about 5 minutes with him in the other room, then went to sleep, slept for an hour and a half, cried half-heartedly for a minute, went back to sleep and slept for another 1.5 hours then he brought her back in to me to feed - whereupon she went back to waking every 30-45 minutes.  Last night I gave her to DH at 1 am, she fell straight asleep and slept until 4 without a peep - but when I took her back she barely slept at all for the rest of the night.

This says to me that it's me keeping her awake - but I'm not sure how to go about transitioning her into her own crib/room. What do you experienced mamas think? Help!! I desperately need more than 1 hour straight of sleep!

[Asiago]

The first thing I thought of was a growth spurt or some other temporary need for extra breastfeeding, perhaps additional antibodies to ward off illness, or additional nourishment for some form of development right now.  Perhaps she knows your husband cannot provide it so will settle instead for the comfort and security of being next to him, safe and warm.

Regarding being in her own room,  I agree with you and your instincts, at her age she should likely be in close proximity so you can monitor her breathing, warmth, etc.

Oops, just realized you were seeking input from those who have moved their child into another room, I haven't done that yet.

[AutumnAir]

I just re-read my post and it's not the most coherent - sorry! Blame it on the exhaustion.

If it were a recent thing I'd think growth-spurt too - but this has been pretty much constant from about 3 weeks, just gradually getting worse and worse.

I considered the fact that she might be genuinely hungry (though really - every 30 minutes?) but she's fed on demand all day long, and rarely eats more frequently than every 2 hours.  I usually offer the second breast although she almost never takes it, and when she does she rarely stays on long enough to get a let-down.  Surely, if she were starving enough to wake so often at night she'd eat more frequently during the day too? She's also gaining fairly well and having plenty of wet/dirty nappies, so I don't think that's the cause.

Also, she's started this really annoying behaviour at night of waking up, crying and rooting, when I latch her on she only sucks for a few seconds, then lets go, but instantly starts crying and rooting again.  Lather, rinse, repeat for 10-15 minutes or so.  I originally thought she was trying to get a let-down, but she does this in the middle of let-downs too, which she'd hardly do if she were hungry.  Possibly she wants to suck but doesn't want to deal with the milk? But I can't get her to take a pacifier, so don't know what to do about that either...

Oh, I don't know!! Any input welcome!

[Hannah32]

I moved my baby into his own room and crib at three months because I was going to lose my mind. I didn't like being a mom at all. I was getting depressed and I was so full of anger and apathy towards my baby that it scared me. 

Within a couple of weeks, he started sleeping 4-6 hour stretches. Things are much better now. For us, it's easier to meet his needs at night with him in his own space.

I'm not opposed to co-sleeping. It would be nice if it worked for us. But my baby has been kicking me and grabbing at my face all night pretty much since 2 1/2 months. Very little sleep for everyone involved.

[AutumnAir]

Hannah - That's great! I'm sorry co-sleeping didn't work out for you, but glad you and your babe are getting better sleep now.

How did you go about the moving process?  Did you just do it 'cold turkey' or did you have some method of gradually moving him?  Was he upset or did he take it well?

I understand where you're coming from - I'm finding myself depressed and angry a lot of the time too, and I hate that I'm not enjoying my kids.  I need to do something to make this situation better, and right now I'm willing to try moving her into another room, but I'm just wondering about the logistics of it all.

What was your experience and do you have any suggestions/tips?

[rachieface]

Autumn, please do what you need to do to meet the needs of everyone in your family.  It does sound like your daughter may need a little space, and sleeps better when she doesn't have the dinner buffet in close range. :) 

Is there room to put a crib in the spare room for now?  Then maybe your hubby could take over for a while.  He could sleep in the spare bed next to her crib and bring her to you if she can't be resettled in a few minutes (i.e. is hungry).  And then you could return her to him when she finishes eating.  It may be a pain for a little while and require some extra sleep deprivation on your hubby's part, but if it works, maybe he could return to your bed after a week and then you could use a baby monitor to listen to your DD.  It's an idea.

My son always spent the first part of the night in his crib in his room (pretty much from birth), and then would come to our bed in the early morning.  I think he was around 3 months when I realized that he slept better in his own bed  for the whole night.  He still wakes at night at 7 months, but I feed him real fast and then he usually falls asleep quickly and goes back into his crib.  It's annoying to have to get out of bed, but better for our family in the end because we both sleep better in our own beds. 

[Hannah32]

We actually were staying with my mom when we made the switch. He slept in a Pack N Play in the next room while we were there, then he moved into his crib when we returned home. Sort of cold turkey, I guess, but also with a clear transition period. My mom helped out with night feedings too.

I would definitely try having your hubby sleep in the other room with the baby for a bit, if you are at that point.

Originally Posted by AutumnAir 

Hannah - That's great! I'm sorry co-sleeping didn't work out for you, but glad you and your babe are getting better sleep now.

How did you go about the moving process?  Did you just do it 'cold turkey' or did you have some method of gradually moving him?  Was he upset or did he take it well?

I understand where you're coming from - I'm finding myself depressed and angry a lot of the time too, and I hate that I'm not enjoying my kids.  I need to do something to make this situation better, and right now I'm willing to try moving her into another room, but I'm just wondering about the logistics of it all.

What was your experience and do you have any suggestions/tips?

[sewcool]

im not much help - but i did want to say i hope you figure it out and get some rest!

[Erin77]

We were co-sleeping until my son was about 9 weeks old (he's now 12 weeks), but then it was just too much action in our bed with noises and wiggles- my husband could sleep through it but I could not. So we moved the baby to the cradle, still in our room and amazingly, he did not complain at all and sleeps for 5 hour stretches. When I hear him wake up, I bring him to my side of the bed, nurse him and take him back and it's not big deal at all. He falls right to sleep and when he wakes up, he doesn't scream- he knows I'll come and get him. We have a million guests for the holidays but I am planning to have him move into his room in the spring and I will go get him when he wakes up- we have a small apartment, so I think I will hear him cooing/grunting even in the other room. If he had cried, I think I couldn't have done it, but honestly, he seems to sleep better and I certainly do. It sounds like your daughter might need her own space too.

[jperiod]

DS pretty much slept in his crib from day 1.  I tried to co-sleep a couple times but couldn't get comfortable, couldn't figure out the side-lying nursing, and neither of us seemed to fall asleep.  He was never a comfort nurser though, and practically lept out of my arms and into his crib when I would nurse him down each night.  He just wanted to get to sleep!

I was determined with DD to co-sleep, nurse in bed, have her in our room -- anything!  But again, I'm too sensitive of a sleeper!  So she sleeps next to the bed in a pack n play now (tummy sleeping due to reflux).  The reflux makes co-sleeping and nursing in bed pretty hard anyway because of needing to burp her and such.  I've tried her in her crib a few times for naps because I needed my room available for the house cleaners and she did just fine.  She just started going longer stretches at night, and we just returned from a vacation, so I figured I'd take the plunge in her crib at night (for DH's sake) and she hasn't batted an eye.  I can hear her every move on the baby monitor though, for my own peace of mind.  It's kinda bittersweet, but I know we'll all get better sleep.

You never know unless you try.  Can you set up a temporary pack n play just to test it out?  Nurse her to sleep but lay her in the pack n play.  If she wakes before 2-3 hours, have DH try to resettle her.  My kids always settled better for DH than me.  Like others have said, if they smell me, they want to nurse, hungry or not.  After a few nights of DH settling her, she might just start going longer on her own since she knows the buffet isn't automatically the one to resettle her.

As for the paci, practice a little everyday and she might pick it up.  It took a long while for our DD to get it, but I'm hoping she'll find her thumb instead soon!

[akind1]

hugs mama: here is our cosleeping journey.

When DS was first born, he slept in the arms reach co-sleeper next to us. I sat up for feedings, and he went back in there. Until we mastered sidelying nursing at around 3 months, that is how it went.

From 3-6 months, if he went to sleep before we did, he went down in the co-sleeper and came to bed with us for the first waking. his first stretch was usually 4-5 hours, although we had an odd 7 hour one here or there, and sometimes only got 2 hours. Around the 6 month mark he didn't seem as comfy in the co-sleeper. so we put it up.

6-10 months, he started the night in the crib, in his nursery. I would bring him to bed with me when I went to bed, because I was afraid of not responding quickly enough if he weren't in the room with me. In bed, he woke about every 2 hours to eat.

around 10 months, we painted our bedroom, so we thought we would just leave him in his crib that night to see what happened. we were awake anyway, painting, so we would hear it if he woke. He STTN! and has, probably 5 nights out of 7 since. The nights he wakes early and comes to bed with us, he is on the boob I swear every 30 minutes to an hour. Since is isn't everynight, and not all night, I don't mind (a lot). but I think it is comfort and access, and yeah, he might be a little hungry. It is hard to say.

FWIW - I don't lay him down awake. He doesn't fall asleep in his crib, I haven't figured out how to do that yet. I get him as conked out as possible, nursing or cuddling, and then lay him down. One day, we will need to get him to go to sleep in his crib, I guess, but right now, what we are doing works for us.

I would work in stages, there isn't any need (ever!) to CIO. some babies just sleep better in their own space. and that is ok.

[mom2lucy]

We're in the middle of transitioning DD2 to a crib now (she's 7 mo.).  The reason I'm trying to transition her is very similar to yours-she's awake all night when I get into bed.  She has always taken her naps in our bed and I used to nurse her down, then leave.  What I started doing about 2 weeks ago is to nurse her until almost asleep, then leave.  I never in amillion years she would actually fall asleep (I'd heard of those babies, but never thought I'd get one!), but she just groaned a little and fell asleep and took her longest nap alone!  So I'd been doing that and she has varying levels of protest when I leave-sometimes she doesn't make a peep, and other times she may cry for 5-10 seconds a couple times then fall asleep.

Yesterday I swaddled her and nursed her in the rocking chair then put her in her crib with her little blanket that she sleeps with, and she did great!  She's on her 4th nap in there right now.  When I tried nighttime last night (same routine) she started crying and I tried to console in the crib but she wasn't having any of it.  I only let her go for about a minute, but I could tell that she wasn't going to sleep, so I just brought her back into our bed and she slept awesome last night.

So maybe you can work on naps first and get her comfortable in the crib then try nighttime.  Or just try it all and see what happens.  She may surprise you or you may have to bring her back in bed, but it's worth a try.

Good luck!

[bella99]

My daughter is two now, but I'll tell you what we did.

The first 11 weeks, she co-slept with us.  She generally woke up twice between 11 and 6-7 to eat and then went back to sleep with no problem.  At 11 weeks we transitioned her to the arms reach co-sleeper because I was so stiff and in pain every morning.  Also around that time, we started a bedtime routine (took about 30-40 minutes(, as I was getting ready to go back to work and needed us both to have a more formal bedtime.  At that time, she went to bed at 7:30, and generally woke up 3 times to nurse between then and 7:30 a.m.  She was usually in bed with me from 4-5 until 7:30.  She stayed in the co-sleeper until she was 5 months, and then went to a pack and play until 6.5 months (by that time she was only up twice overnight to nurse).  But then her sleep started to get very disrupted by sleeping in the room with us.  Any noise we or our dogs made, caused her to stir in her sleep and fall back asleep after nursing was difficult.  So we decided to move her to her own room and in her crib.  We started out with putting her in there for naps anyway when she was about 4 months, even though she would only sleep for 30-60 minutes for naps at that time, but she was somewhat used to being in there.  Anyway, for a couple of nights she would wake up 3 times instead of 2, and was obviously a little disoriented, but we would go in and calm her (rubbing her back, walking her, rocking her).   For getting her to fall asleep, I often nursed and then rocked her to very drowsy and then laid her down.  Eventually, I nursed and rocked her and put her down awake.  She would sometimes fuss, but no more than a minute, and sometimes she would just babble to herself until she fell asleep.

Now she's 2 and about to transition to a big girl bed (yikes!).  We rock in the rocking chair for a few minutes and talk.  I ask her questions about her day and sometimes she asks me to sing.  Then I lay her down, and say goodnight and leave.  Sometimes I get a "no mommy" but I tell her I will see her in the morning and that I love her, and I close the door behind me, and that's it.  Our bedtime routine takes 5-10 minutes.  She sleeps from 8-7:30-8 consistently.