We don't believe in Santa Claus.

[Faliciagayle]

We're Jewish.  DD is 3.  She mostly knows other Jewish children, but like any three year old, she is starting to notice the world around her.  She asks about lights and reindeer and decorations and such.  I really have no idea what to say when she points to Santa.  I've said "that's a man in a red suit" and things of the sort, but I'm really unsure how to navigate this whole issue.  I don't want my kids to be the ones who "ruin" the santa myth for classmates or peers, and I don't want to perpetuate something we have no cultural, emotional, or spiritual connection with.  I also don't want her to feel "left out" because Santa doesn't visit our house.

FWIW we are an observant, kosher family, so she is exposed to lots of yummy jewishness daily... but yeah, the Santa thing is pretty prevalent.  

TIA :)

[tea_time]

We don't believe in Santa either, and we tell our 3yo DD that he is pretend.  That different grandpa's (what she refers to as older men) dress up in the costume this time of year for fun.  That it's a story.

We don't talk about him bringing presents, or coming down the chimney (scary)!  I think if you don't make a big deal of it neither will she.  FWIW I didn't celebrate Santa growing up either.  I remember my parents reading to me about St Nicholas and we had a children's book about him, but that's it.  As far as I know I didn't ruin Santa for any other kids. ;)

[cappuccinosmom]

We're Christians who don't do the Santa thing.

I have just explained to my kids that "Santa" is a game many families like to play at Christmas time.  We don't play it because it's just not part of our faith culture or family culture, and I point out to them that we have many other fun things to do--whether we do this particular game or not, we still have a wonderful holiday.

I've also told them it's important to be respectful of other  families, so it's not their place to go around announcing that Santa isn't real, as that would spoil the game for the families who play it.

[pbjmama]

We don't do Santa. Except my ds does...he is 4.5 and very convinced that Santa is real. This started with seeing Santa at the mall and in media. We have read many books and watch several shows about different beliefs, even persons similar to Santa and how different people have different beliefs. I have asked him if he thinks Santa is real or pretend. I have told him Santa is pretend. I have pointed out that there is no way for Santa to come down a chimney, etc. Finally, I have decided to let him pretend about Santa with out much comment from me. I mean...I let him pretend he is a cat. I call him spiderman when he tells me he changed his name. Just sharing my story I guess. I will continue to let my ds pretend and when he asks me about Santa I will tell him the truth, again. I'm wondering what will happen Christmas morning when there are no Santa presents...

[Faliciagayle]

Thanks :)
 

Originally Posted by cappuccinosmom 

We're Christians who don't do the Santa thing.

I have just explained to my kids that "Santa" is a game many families like to play at Christmas time.  We don't play it because it's just not part of our faith culture or family culture, and I point out to them that we have many other fun things to do--whether we do this particular game or not, we still have a wonderful holiday.

I've also told them it's important to be respectful of other  families, so it's not their place to go around announcing that Santa isn't real, as that would spoil the game for the families who play it.

[lyterae]

We are Christian and have told dd that Santa doesn't come to our house, this year she is in preschool and it's been a bit harder to navigate. We've had a lot of talking about how different families celebrate differently and the reasons we celebrate or don't celebrate a certain way.

[chrstene]

We are a Christian family and also do not "do" Santa.  My DD is 4...and this year seems much more aware of all the Santa "stuff" around her.  She keeps telling me " Lori told me Santa comes to her house" or "Grandma told me Santa is going to come to my house" (thanks!)....so like the PP it is getting much more difficult to steer her in the direction we want her to go.  She is around more kids now with her activities, etc......and of course, lots of well-meaning adults with the constant "So, are you ready for Santa to come to your house"?

Lately, I can't lie, I've been feeling a little bit like she might feel left out....but then when I think of the big scope of things, I realize I am doing what is right for our own family and that is the bottom line.  I pray that she is sensitive enough when the time comes that she won't ruin it for others, but just because the masses do Santa, doesn't mean it is right for us - or that it is our responsibiity to keep up the tale.  We do a lot of things that the general mainstream population don't do - and vice-versa - but for some reason, the Santa thing brings us guilt.  We very easily stand up for whatever our beliefs are with our Faith , our family, stance on things like breastfeeding, vaccination, circs, education, tv.....

just my 2 cents

[DaughterOfKali]

Just like I explain that people have many different beliefs (religion, etc), I would say some people believe in Santa and some don't.  You can keep it at that for young children or give them more info if they ask.

I do think it's important that children don't ruin it for kids who do believe in Santa.  I think that is the trickiest part.

[RPGamingGirl]

Gosh, we've never done the 'Santa thing' either, and i don't think my kids have suffered at all.  We did tell them that some people choose to believe in him though, just like some people believe in God or saints or faeries or aliens, and that sometimes it's better to keep our beliefs or lack of belief to ourselves so that people with different beliefs aren't uncomfortable.  It's not an issue of right or wrong, just an issue of etiquette. ;)

[philomom]

Originally Posted by RPGamingGirl 

Gosh, we've never done the 'Santa thing' either, and i don't think my kids have suffered at all.  We did tell them that some people choose to believe in him though, just like some people believe in God or saints or faeries or aliens, and that sometimes it's better to keep our beliefs or lack of belief to ourselves so that people with different beliefs aren't uncomfortable.  It's not an issue of right or wrong, just an issue of etiquette. ;)

Yep, that sums it up for our family as well.

[DevaMajka]

We don't do Santa either (not a religious thing- we do Christmas as a secular holiday). We tell ds that it's a game some families like to pretend for Christmas. I've told him not to tell other kids hat Santa's not real, because it could make them sad*. DP compares it to how some people believe in God and some don't. Either way is ok.

That being said, ds believes in Santa this year (and did a little last year). He asked if Santa was real, I said no, and he declared that he thought he WAS real Like a pp said, I let him pretend all sorts of stuff, so why not this? (it does feel wierd to me though, and if he straight up asks me, I'll tell him the truth. There's so much that bothers me about the Santa myth- what about poor kids? other religions? such and such didn't get anything, are they bad? blah). If I'd wanted to, I could have kept ds from believing, but at the time it seemed harmless enough. He didn't feel "left out" at all when he didn't believe. In fact, I think he felt sort of "cool" because he was in on the secret.

*I wouldn't feel terribly bad if ds did spill the beans. One kid isn't going to make a difference- kids this age put more stock in what their parents say, and if you look around, Santa seems real- the mall displays, tv shows, lots of adults and kids talking about Santa, stories. Plus, I'm not mad when people tell ds that Santa is real (even though it does complicate things), it seems silly that anyone would be mad that ds said otherwise (which is the truth). Still, I tell him not to tell.

[pixiepunk]

I was raised Jewish, my husband was raised Christian - we do not observe either religion, but we do Hanukah and Christmas for the kids and the grandparents.  Because my DH's mother would have a heart attack if she thought we didn't do Santa, we do it, but I was up front with my kids from the beginning that Santa is not real, and it's just fun to pretend (same with the tooth fairy).  But I was adamant that they not spoil things for their peers because I don't want to catch a lot of flack from other parents, so we talk alot about how everyone is different and celebrates in different ways, and many families tell their kids that Santa is real, and it is not for us to tell them differently.  That just as we want them to respect us and what we believe (ie, not make fun of us because we also celebrate Hanukah, or because we don't go to church) we need to respect them and their beliefs as well.  This was basically what my parents had told me about the whole Santa thing when I was a kid, as I grew up in a predominantly Christian area and went to public school, so most of my friends believed in Santa until late elementary school. 

So far it's gone really well. DD1 is in 2nd grade and DS is in kindergarten, DD2 is not in school yet but goes to the daycare at the gym where I teach yoga, and so far no one has spilled the beans.

[mattemma04]

We don't do santa and it has not been an issue until this year in my ds's montessori class with kids 6-9.There are some kids who know santa is not real,and some of different religions who ofcourse do not even do santa/christmas,but the majority are REALLY into santa.

I have spoken to ds about different religions and cultural practices. My only mistake was to not tell the kids they need to respond in a neutral manner with regards to santa beliefs(I don't know is best).You would have thought he light a fire by saying he did not believe in santa.The pro-santa kids were very upset saying he was real because the teachers believed.One even said santa would DIE if ds did not believe in him. I actually had the principal pull me aside and ask that I speak to ds,because he upset the other children by not believing in santa.Even had a mom call  telling me that  my ds saying he does not believe santa is  causing issues for her ds,and would I please speak to my son. I told the principal  maybe there should be more  redirection by teachers when santa talk comes up!

As a result of the behavior this year over santa I feel that although there may be a general tone of  *acceptance* being stated it is really not true when the majority of the group holds to one belief. Ds was expected to conform and/or keep his mouth shut. I am not sure why it was made into such a big issue.Not sure why parents and teachers just did not remind the kids that everyone celebrated holidays differently,and just because one person does not believe in santa does not mean he isn't *real*. I was rather disappointed with how it was handled,and sad my ds has been shunned by kids  as a result.Only 2 more days left,but things will never really be the same.

When someone asks if you believe in santa change the subject!

[DevaMajka]

Originally Posted by mattemma04 

I actually had the principal pull me aside and ask that I speak to ds,because he upset the other children by not believing in santa.Even had a mom call  telling me that  my ds saying he does not believe santa is  causing issues for her ds,and would I please speak to my son.

This really irritates me. I'd tell them that their kid upset my kid by telling him that some stranger snuck into the house at night, and by implying that I was lying to him. It goes both ways. I don't get why the "Santa believers" get to dictate what "kids who know the truth" say. Sure, if they want to tell their kids that Santa is real, fine. But how can they possibly be upset when another kid tells their kid the truth? How do they not get that it bothers me just as much, when their kid tells my kid that Santa is real?
(like I said earlier, I told ds not to tell that Santa's not real because I don't want him to make kids sad. But the whole thing bothers me)

[Golden1]

Thank you all so much for this. I am a Christian who is 3 months pregnant with my first child. At this time I hadn't put any real thought into the santa thing until my mother in law asked me if we are going to "do" santa. I had never believed in santa as a child as my family felt it was worshiping a false idol. My mother in law is now furious that I said I don't think I want to do the santa thing. These people don't go to church and the only time they say "God" is when they are following it with "dammit". Personally I don't want to lie to my child about this. I know that there are many reasons not to be completely truthful with your children, but I just don't see the point in doing all this just to tell your child later that you made it all up. I also feel the same as others who posted why do we all have to conform? It is hard to believe differently than the majority and I just wanted to say thank you to others who are so logical about it. It sucks that I am 6 months away from having my child and years away from needing to worry about santa but I'm still being told I'm going to screw my kids up by not letting them believe. My husband supports me and he says he honestly doesn't see the need for it either as he was devastated when he found out it wasn't real. I believe to each their own, so why can't others feel this way? Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah to you all!

[LessTraveledBy]

We are Christians and consider Santa to be a fun story among others. Dd has never "believed" in him. We have told dd about St. Nicholas, so she understands how the whole story was started. If the "magic of Christmas" is based on the Santa lie, there will be a big let down down the road.

You know.... Santa was the first "almost fight" dh and I ever had, while we had not yet even met face to face. He insisted that children should be told about Santa as if he were real. I told him that I thought it was ridiculous to lie to your child. Some months later he came to me and told me I had been right all along... ha ha.

[LessTraveledBy]

Originally Posted by Golden1 

 I know that there are many reasons not to be completely truthful with your children,

I cannot think of any, to be honest. Telling at the child's level, of course... But why a need to lie?

[LessTraveledBy]

Originally Posted by Golden1 

My mother in law is now furious that I said I don't think I want to do the santa thing.

Golden1... I realize that I am judging things based on just one line. However, this is a great time to learn to put your foot down. You are the mom and you and dh decide. If your MIL is willing to be furious about something this small, I bet she will have plenty of opinions she will be more than willing to share. (Thinking of breastfeeding? babywearing? no CIO? gentleness all around?) What a wonderful thing that your dh is willing to stand up to MIL. That, right there, is the greatest thing that can happen.

[LessTraveledBy]

Originally Posted by Faliciagayle 

  I also don't want her to feel "left out" because Santa doesn't visit our house.

Sorry, I can't figure out the multi quote thing...

There is no need to feel left out, as Santa obviously does not visit anyone's house. Just tell her the truth and it will be just fine. Our 5.5 yo just cannot fathom why so many grownups think it is ok to lie to their children. Just last week she walked away when her almost 5 yo friend insisted Santa is real. Dd felt bad for him and did not want to hurt him further by telling him the truth.

Kids live in such a wonderful world of fantasy that one can even do Santa without believing in him. In my childhood family dad would sometimes knock on the door and leave the bag of gifts there, even when we were teens. (We don't have the whole chimney thing, here.) It was just a goofy thing. Dd might even like this, just for fun, some year. She likes to pretend.

[pampered_mom]

We don't really celebrate Santa opting instead to talk about the historical St. Nicholas coupled with the practice of giving gifts on St. Nicholas Day and selecting a family service project to honor his memory.  We also take part in other Advent/Christmas traditions which helps a bit, but there is still some conflict along the way when a well meaning adult tries to tell the kids that they need to behave, that Santa is watching, or some other similar theme.  I'm typically the one that handles it while my kids look at them puzzled.  They've heard the songs and seen or heard other Santa related books/movies/songs so it's not as if we're not familiar with the legends.  I've never come out and asked them specifically, but I've always assumed that they thought of it just like any other story.  I don't know that the topic of Santa has ever come up with the kids when they were in a group of their peers - but we're homeschoolers so that certainly takes some of the pressure off.

OP - Have you tried explaining it from a historical perspective?  Obviously there isn't a lot that she can understand from a 3yo perspective, but maybe you can use it as an opportunity to share meaningful stories from your faith tradition.  Bishop Nicholas (of Myra in Turkey) - the person behind American (and other) Santa Claus traditions  - is remembered for his generosity to others.  He gave to those most in need while expecting nothing in return.  Is there a way that you can tell her the story in some neutral way and then finish with "just like..." and bring the conversation back to your own faith?  Generosity and sharing with others is a fairly common value even if one does not believe in God.  Helping children to see these sorts of common values can be a helpful way, I think, of modeling tolerance and an appreciation for the diversity of the world around us.  As your child gets older you can explain the importance of respecting the beliefs of others...even when they don't do the same for you...and by exercising their listening skills and a "pass the bean dip" approach when questioned on their beliefs on the Santa issue (or any other issue for that matter).

It's a bummer that the majority culture assumes that everyone believes or practices the same things (even if it's not from a religious perspective) and I would agree with mattemma04 and DevaMajka that it isn't fair for those in the majority to be able to set the rules for what's acceptable and what's not...especially when there is often little of the same returned.  Other than using it as an opportunity to talk with my kids about the situation (and again going back to generosity, tolerance, diversity, and respect) I don't know how much else you can do to change the reactions of others.  In mattemma04's situation I guess I'd probably work on lobbying pretty hard between now and next year to get the approach to the Christmas/Santa Claus thing changed to one that's a bit more open and accepting of the diversity that exists in our world.

Edited by pampered_mom - 12/26/10 at 5:33pm