Sexual Curiousity- What is "normal?"

[jnet24]

So I am having a hard time figuring this out and sorting through my feelings.  First off I come from a home who never discussed anything related to sex and my parents weren't ever really naked around us.  Not that I remember anything specific but I am sure my mom would have flipped if she saw any sexual curiousity or exploration from us at any age.  So that is where I come from. 

Now in my own house I am the exact opposite.  I frequently am naked changing in front of the kids, take showers or baths with them, and they are allowed to be naked inside the house if they choose.  Basically nudity is a nonissue in our house.

That is why I am having a hard time sorting out a few incidents that have happened recently involving my almost 4 yr old DS.  As a side note he has some social delays that we are looking into and communication delays.

First Incident:

                      My cousin we will call Max,is almost 3 and was playing at our house.  DS and him like to go play in the closet so the little ones do not get their stuff.  I check on them frequently.  I heard Max kinda start to whine, so I went in there to see what was up and opened the closet to find DS clothed holding a toy in his hand and Max with all his cloths off.  Max said DS took them off and I asked DS why and he said he was fixing him.  DS and DD play this game and lift up each other's shirt and "fix" each other's belly.  But never nude.  I asked where he was fixing him at and he said his penis.  So I made sure Max was okay, and took DS into another room and calmly explained to him that we do not touch other people's penis and that no one should touch ours.  That he is the only one who can touch his and Max is the only one who could touch his.  He said okay and went to play.  I told my cousin about what had happened, and she laughed it off saying it was normal so I let it go.

Secound Incident:

                       Now DS frequently tries to take Max into the closet to fix him again and when he realizes that I overhear him or figure out that is what he is doing, he gets really upset and says he doesn't want to talk to me about it.  Even though I don't say anything just maybe glance his way when he is talking to Max.  We now have a no closet rule/

Third Incident:

                     DD's birthday was yesterday and she recieved a baby alive, not the one that pees and poops but the one that you can feed.  DS was sitting on the couch playing with it, and when I looked over he was pulling down the baby's panties to see under them.  He saw me looking at him and looked really upset and "deer in the headlights look" and said he wanted to hide.  I said to him nonchalantly that he could see what was under the cloths if he wanted to and I could help him put them back on.  He then said he wanted to play with the naked baby in the other room where no one was so he could feed it.  So I said okay and when I checked on him he was under the blanket with a flashlight feeding the baby.

I think what bother's me the most is that even if it is innocent he thinks he is doing something wrong.  So then it makes me wonder how normal that is.  He is really upset if he gets caught, even if I just glance and see what he is doing.  My mom never watches him without me so she couldn't have made him feel that way.  And no one else watches him.  Do you think this is normal?  Or worth mentioning to the child psychologist we are going to be seeing for his social issues?

Thanks if you made it this far.

[pbjmama]

Based on what you wrote here I think it sounds normal. He has picked up that what he is doing is 'bad' one way or another. So have more conversations, let him know it is okay, give him permission to explore with limits. I think that mentioning to the psychologist would be good because I think you will be reassured.

[sleepingbeauty]

Sounds like normal behavior to me.  Just have some talks and show that it's alright.  Don't worry. 

[Super~Single~Mama]

It sounds like he understands that touching other peoples genitals is not ok, and gets upset when he thinks he's going to get caught.  I would ask him why he keeps doing it to his brother, and tell him that its completely OK to be curious about his own, and to touch his own.    Do you have  an anatomy book that is age appropriate?    I only mention this b/c it may allow him a different outlet for his curiosity about other people.  I think I've seen some suggestions on here for some good ones - maybe do a search?    I would mention it to the psychologist since you have one, although I don't think that I would seek one out specifically for this issue (can't hurt to ask though, and then you have the opinion of a professional instead of just a bunch of mom's online).