advice on what to say if ivf doesn't work

[Thursday Girl]

my friend underwent her first and only chance at ivf after years of trying to get pregnant. in the past i have been known to say things that i realize afterwords are callus.she has her pregnancy test today and i am going to be one of the first people shetells. do you have any advice on what to say if it hasn't worked?

i told her yesterday that i would have a baby for her, that my husband has agreed to support this. i'm not sure how we'd do it, but i am thinking that that isn't the right thing to talk about while she grieves the loss (hopefully she is pregnant so this is moot) of her pregnancy.

thnks for any advice

please all pray that she is indeed pregnant. i have been praying since she was implanted

[missme]

I would just tell her that you're sorry it didn't work, that you love her, and that you're there for her if she needs anything.

Just keep it simple. She's going to have a lot going through her mind and heart, so just focus on your love for her.

But in the meantime, I'm sending her all the babydust in the world.

xo and good luck.

[Thursday Girl]

well i didn't need the advice, she is pregnant. so thankful, not many people deserve it more. thanks for the response.

[ValH]

Thursday Girl - I'm very happy for your friend, congrats to her!  It's always great to hear inspiring stories of miracles. 

[Thursday Girl]

it ended up being ectopic and she is going into surgery right now.  I am so sad for her, and I so hope everything in surgery goes okay.

[starling&diesel]

Oh NO, Courtney!  I am so, so, so sorry to hear that.  How very, very sad for your friend.  In terms of what to say, it's more what not to say.  Don't use "God's will" or  "Maybe it's for the best" or "I understand".  Do acknowledge her tragedy, and ask if there's anything you can do.  And then be silent.  If she wants to talk, she will.  If not, you can just 'be' there for her. 

Again, I am so sorry.  So sorry.

[ratgrl]

I'm sorry. My first IVF also ended in an ectopic, although I was quite a bit further along than your friend is. It was devastating to me, as I was able to see the perfect little baby with the perfect little heartbeat in the exact wrong spot.

Just let her know you're there for her... I withdrew almost entirely from the world for a couple of weeks after my surgery and losses.. I couldn't face talking or even texting with other people. Don't be offended if she doesn't want to talk.