2.5 yo nightweaned DD STILL a terrible sleeper

[feraque1]

So my 2.5 yo DD has never been a good sleeper. We nightweaned 6 months ago, but she still wakes up just as frequently. She will sleep for about an hour after she first goes down for the night. She will go back to sleep immediately, but it takes anywhere from 5 to 45 minutes for me to "escape" without rewaking her. Then she will wake up every 20-30 minutes after that until I join her for bed.

At her age I feel this is ridiculous. When I ask DH to go to her instead, she SCREAMS until I enter the room, and then it takes her up to 2 hours to fall back to sleep. I am to the point where I am incredibly resentful of the situation, but I don't know how to change it. I have no freedom at night. When I do go to bed with her for the night, she must be in the crook of my arm or else she wakes. I cannot do anything for myself at night (I'd love to go for a run) and I can't get up before her in the morning or else she'll be up too. It's embarrassing on the rare occasion when we have company in the evenings, as I cannot be a good hostess when most of my time is spent shuttling back and forth to DD to get her to sleep.

I've talked to her about it, telling her that Mama is near when she wakes and it is safe for her to go back to sleep. This has done no good. She very rarely naps, because when she does, it is only for 30 minutes and then she won't go to sleep until 2 hours past her normal bedtime. She seems to function fine without naps and does not seem overly tired. However, this morning she woke up at 5 am and will definitely need a nap.

Just looking for some support/advice. I feel angry at her inside and very resentful of the fact that I have no freedom. I try not to take it out on her, but I know I could be a better mama if she would sleep better and I could have the opportunity to do things for me either after bedtime or early in the mornings. I have a 6 yo DD as well, and so I spend the first hour after younger DD goes to bed with her, as that is our only opportunity to have 1-on-1 time.

Thank you for listening to my vent!

[forestlakemama]

I really sympathize with you--I just logged on and posted a similar problem with my almost 3-year-old. She does okay going to bed for the most part, but gets up multiple times during the night. I wish I had answers for you and hope someone can help us :)

I know every phase eventually passes with kids, and reminding myself of that often helps, but it's hard to take comfort from that when sleep-deprived and barely functioning!!!

[mom61508]

I wish I could offer advice but I feel you. DD sleeps in our room right next our bed in her own bed. Sometimes she sleep thru the night with no issues at all but then we have those horrid nights like last night where we barely slept :(  I lost control last night and screamed at her then I cried for about 30 minutes feeling so awful wtih the way I treated her. It's difficult when you're beyond tired and it's the 6th time she's been up at night. I also am 7 months pregnant so I'm not sleeping well as it is! She wants me to hold her hand ALL NIGHT LONG and its making nuts. Dad will go lay with her but often times she won't fall back asleep. I'm trying to be more understanding but it's hard I too feel like she's old enough to sleeping thru the night every night(she's 2.5) Perhaps someone has some good info on why toddlers still wake at night ot something?? I feel If I understood where she was coming from a little better I won't be so quick to lose my patients at night. 

Feraque sorry I'm not trying to hijack but I thought I would share a little of our story so you don't feel so alone.

[Anna GS]

I totally understand what you are going through (even though my son is not *quite* that bad). It's just not humane, the kind of sleep deprivation we have to go through. I haven't been able to nightwean my son yet (he's 2 1/2) because every time I make an effort he has a major sleep regression in reaction. The only nursing he does now is sleep related. I feel so stuck and unhappy about the situation and I don't see a way out unless by some miracle I can figure out why he can't stay asleep. And I have a fear that if I were able to finally nightwean, that he will be one of those kids whose sleep does not improve for it.

[oaktreemama]

My son is also a terrible sleeper and I did all the bedtime routines for two+ years. Finally I cracked and just couldn't take it anymore.

Hubby took over. And we talked to our son about the changes for a few days first so he would have some warning. I had already nightweaned him at 25 months so that was a bit easier.

 When I ask DH to go to her instead, she SCREAMS until I enter the room, and then it takes her up to 2 hours to fall back to sleep 

What had to happen was for him to know I was not going to come in on the nights Daddy does bedtime. He cried for the first two nights. It was not CIO. He was in his Daddy's arms. But, the few times I went in after he had been crying for a while made everything so much worse. It was hard for two days, but now we alternate bedtime and everyone enjoys it.

[Peony]

My 4y still does this and she nightweaned herself right at age 2. Nightweaning doesn't always mean they will always sleep. Sigh. I had DS when DD2 was 2.5y so me going and putting her back to sleep multiple times before I went to bed just was not possible. We started slowly with DH coming in with me and lying with us while I put her to sleep and back to sleep, then it was him right there with her and I was farther away, and then I stopped going in. The gradual progression worked well. When DH is around he deals with DD2 in the night, it is much trickier when he works late or travels, then I keep both of them in my bed and basically just stay there the whole night since both of them still wake up before I go to bed. 

[D_McG]

Originally Posted by oaktreemama 

My son is also a terrible sleeper and I did all the bedtime routines for two+ years. Finally I cracked and just couldn't take it anymore.

Hubby took over. And we talked to our son about the changes for a few days first so he would have some warning. I had already nightweaned him at 25 months so that was a bit easier.

 When I ask DH to go to her instead, she SCREAMS until I enter the room, and then it takes her up to 2 hours to fall back to sleep 

What had to happen was for him to know I was not going to come in on the nights Daddy does bedtime. He cried for the first two nights. It was not CIO. He was in his Daddy's arms. But, the few times I went in after he had been crying for a while made everything so much worse. It was hard for two days, but now we alternate bedtime and everyone enjoys it.

I agree with this.  I think you've probably (with the best intentions!) reinforced her panic by going in when she cries for you.  If your DH is there she is FINE.  Have confidence in her and your DH.  At 2.5 she's well old enough to understand what's going on.  

I left both of mine for a weekend soon after they turned one.  Nobody got a lot of sleep the first night I left my son but they got over it and night 2 was a breeze.  

It's OK for her to not like it.  It's OK for you to get your nights back.  She's well loved and comforted and if it's anything like what we experienced will sleep a LOT better once she can separate from you at night.  FTR both of mine kept on sleeping with me after we did this.  But they actually SLEPT next to me :)

[Jessica Turner]

Sorry that I cannot offer any useful advice, but I am in the same boat--and I haven't been able to night wean my DS who is 2.5 .

Just want you to know you are not alone in your frustration, resentment and anger.  Hugs to you mama. Someday they will sleep right? :)

I would love to hear how you went about night weaning though? It's just DS and I so no one else here to take over for a while...any tips?

much love, Jessica

[NMMORITZ]

It's so funny (well, maybe "funny" isn't the word I want to use- maybe more "ironic.") I was just wondering about this same issue-especially lately.

My son is 19 months old and is an erratic sleeper as well.  You are definitely not alone.  I've been dealing with his sleep problems for well, as long as he's been alive.  I can count on one hand the times he's actually slept through the night.

We've recently switched him over to a toddler bed- since the crib we were using has recently been recalled/prohibited/etc.

All of your stories sound so very close to my own- I wish I knew what I was doing wrong and how to fix the situation.  19 months of getting bad sleep is no fun.