DH won't wear DD

[sosurreal09]

so I said to DH this morning "oh I was online trying to find a masculine sling" and he said "yeah no thanks" I was like why? don't you want to wear DD? He said "no that's for woman" I said plenty of men wear their kids! and he laughed and said well i'm not.

so Im kinda pissed. why won't he wear her? When she was little he would sometimes wear her in the house. I never really thought twice about it to tell you the truth. Shes 15 m/o now and If you just hold her she will flip out and want to run around but if you wear her shes calm and fine, so I feel it's important to wear her- not to mention we plan on having more kids.

any one else's DH have BWing issues? what can I do to resolve this, anything?

[stardogs]

My situation is a bit different since we don't have a child yet, but I wanted to reply to say you're not alone.

My DH has said that when we have a child that he will not wear him or her because it's not masculine to wear kids, even in a backpack type carrier!  Totally floored me since it is so much easier to have handsfree and *my* dad frequently carried *me* when I was a baby.

I have decided that that's ok (not a hill to die on for me), but did tell him that 1. he will still be expected to carry DC just as much as he would if he was BWing, no complaining and 2. I will still be getting a nifty Ergo or similarly expensive carrier for myself. 

I figure that it's his choice to deal with the inconvenience of a child in arms if he's more comfortable with that and I'll be more free to pick out the carrier/sling/wrap I want. ;)

[SubliminalDarkness]

Eh. I don't think it's really anything you can change. Either your SO will come around or he won't. My DH was on the opposite end of the spectrum... Anytime we were out together he insisted on wearing the LO. I never got a turn! It was a little bit frustrating at the time, but I'm definitely over it and glad I had a DH so enthusiastic to babywear :) We didn't use a stroller or anything until DS2 was about to turn 3 and DH had cancer and was often too weak to feel up to it. 

[lookatreestar]

mine never wore our kids... maybe dd once or twice. it just wasn't his thing, he wasn't comfortable for whatever reason. i personally wouldn't say another word about it. 

[clovergirl]

Is he opposed to wearing her in general or is he just not into certain types of carriers?  A lot of men really like buckle carriers, because well, they buckle.   They are also the most mainstream looking of all of the options and are very user friendly.  Have him look at pics of Boba, Ergo, Oh Snap, etc... they have lots of men wearing on their websites. 

Anyway, if it's just the kind of carrier then it's possible a buckle carrier would be a good compromise for him.  But if it's just that he's not interested in babywearing then I'm not sure what you could do.  Well, maybe get rid of your stroller (if you have one) and tell him it's carrying in arms or with a carrier, his choice!   Seriously though, I do have a few friends who are very into babywearing, don't use/own strollers, and their partners just don't wear the baby.  They prefer to carry them in arms or on their shoulders when they are bigger.  There's not much you can do, in that situation, except to accept that it's his preference and move on. 

[sosurreal09]

the most masculine thing we have is a very American looking mei tai and he wont use that. we don't use a stroller, I just wear her all the time period...which is frustrating especially since i have back problems. She is not satisfied being carried in someone's arms IDK why really she flips out though...which is why I am always stuck wearing her.

i have a Maya wrap in Bright stripes, which isn't actually bright, its more like bold and has an African vibe to it.

I also have a blue wrap a khaki wrap and a hot pink one

and a baby pink Moby.

then a home-made mei tai and the store bought American-ish one.

oh and a few pouch slings

I am not a stroller fan period and when we have our next baby I really hope DH gets over this b/c I do not want to be wearing both of them if I don't have to!

maybe I should muster up some super masculine men wearing babies lol

[AFWife]

Do you have facebook? The Ergo page has a whole section with photos of babywearing dads! It's awesome. http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=128799&id=45732091646

Sorry I can't be of more help, my DH loves BWing. He thinks it's really cool. We even have professional photos of him in his uniform wearing DS in our Ergo. Heck, yesterday DS was asleep when we got to the store and stayed that way the whole time (unusual. He usually wakes up) and DH goes, "Jeez Son, if I'd known you were going to stay asleep I would have worn you."

[blizzard_babe]

DH wore DS1 around the house a couple times (he's a SAHD), but never since then. He's not overly interested in wearing DS2, either... and I'm fine with that, though I do on occasion mention that he could if he wanted to. *I* think it makes life easier, but it's his call to make, not mine. He's a great dad in a million other ways.

[Asiago]

My husband is the same way....go figure.

By the way there are camouflage fabric slings and carriers, tres masculine 

http://www.babyhawk.com/ViewProduct/Oh-SNAP-All-Camo/2454.aspx

http://www.slinglings.com/index-main_page-product_info-products_id-1-fabric-132.htm

[ASusan]

Initially, DH said the Ergo didn't fit him, so I bought an extender. Still a no-go.

He bought a $$$ frame pack from REI, calling it a "daddy carrier." Used it about a dozen times.

[Ellien C]

Originally Posted by sosurreal09 

I am not a stroller fan period and when we have our next baby I really hope DH gets over this b/c I do not want to be wearing both of them if I don't have to!

I kind of agree with the other posters, that there isn't much you can do. But - you CAN give DC over to DH to manage and then just let go. You will espeically need to do this when you have a new baby and won't have a choice. You'll be CARRYING the baby because she will need to nurse. DH will have to  manage the other child as best he can. I'll bet you'll find that she may walk a good bit more by then, or DH will put her on his shoulders or do a piggy back ride, or get a stroller or a wagon OR whatever works for him. But you'll just need to let the 2 of them work that out.
 

[Chamomile Girl]

Originally Posted by ASusan 

Initially, DH said the Ergo didn't fit him, so I bought an extender. Still a no-go.

He bought a $$$ frame pack from REI, calling it a "daddy carrier." Used it about a dozen times.

My DH seems to prefer the "daddy carrier" too, although he does use the Ergo on occasion.  He will absolutely not touch the Maya wrap.  I love the Maya wrap!  I don't think its a masculinity issue for him though, but instead different carriers work because he is so tall.

Around where I live the frame packs are really easy to find second hand (in fact we got ours for free).  I hate the thing, but DH loves it.  I think it might have something to do with the fact it looks like serious GEAR.

We got our Christmas tree this last weekend and here he's modeling the sexy frame carrier:

 

[blizzard_babe]

Originally Posted by Ellien C 
 DH will have to  manage the other child as best he can. I'll bet you'll find that she may walk a good bit more by then, or DH will put her on his shoulders or do a piggy back ride, or get a stroller or a wagon OR whatever works for him. But you'll just need to let the 2 of them work that out.

This. It's hard, sometimes, to watch DH find his way, because I'm very much the type of person who doesn't like to watch people go through the messy process of figuring it out THEIR way. But as a teacher, I learned quickly that while it's messier to watch people figure out their own path, the results are more... solid. He may find that he LIKES a stroller. I don't, personally, because I'm too tall for most strollers and I don't like the bulk. But strollers aren't BAD. They can be overused and certainly have their disadvantages, but honestly, now that DS1 is older and bigger, I can't imagine wearing him. I would go bat-poop crazy. Letting your DH figure out what works and doesn't work is really a gift to both him and your LO. He'll puzzle it out and use his noodle to find a solution, and your DD will learn that another person can meet her needs, maybe in a different way, but just as well.

[Mama2mc]

My DH is the same, he won't wear DS, even though we have a 2 black carriers, a black sling and a brown sling... they're NOT feminine, but he won't even try them on, he says those are for me. He prefers to carry DS (we don't own a stroller), and almost always has him in his arms, so it's fine with me... it would be easier to do stuff if he wore him, but that's his decision.

[sosurreal09]

haha I just showed him that ergo facebook page and he saw the star wars one and started laughing. he was like now thats cool....maybe he would do an ergo? idk they are expensive. maybe i can get a second hand one lol

[Marsupialmom]

I wonder if he is resenting and rebelling being told HOW to carry his child.  Your way is the only "right" way.  

I didn't have a sling for my first child, didnt' know about him. Carried him everyplace trading off with my ex, then my now husband.  The stroller was great for jackets.

Second child I knew about slings.  She absolutely hated them for the first few months. Then she went to back pack, that I hated.  My dh toted her around.  She liked the stroller for the first few months preferred in arms. In hindsight I think it was her reflux that made infant carriers uncomfortable. We also have a stroller that had a platform for her brother.  I remember her loving him looking over her. 

My third love her sling. My dh never felt comfortable with her as an infant in a sling.  Very much preferred in arms carry.

I really think you need to let your dh figure out what works for him.  

[sosurreal09]

Originally Posted by Marsupialmom 

I wonder if he is resenting and rebelling being told HOW to carry his child.  Your way is the only "right" way.  

I didn't have a sling for my first child, didnt' know about him. Carried him everyplace trading off with my ex, then my now husband.  The stroller was great for jackets.

Second child I knew about slings.  She absolutely hated them for the first few months. Then she went to back pack, that I hated.  My dh toted her around.  She liked the stroller for the first few months preferred in arms. In hindsight I think it was her reflux that made infant carriers uncomfortable. We also have a stroller that had a platform for her brother.  I remember her loving him looking over her. 

My third love her sling. My dh never felt comfortable with her as an infant in a sling.  Very much preferred in arms carry.

I really think you need to let your dh figure out what works for him.  

not for nothing but i already said DD doesnt like to be carried in arms, never did. I also am not trying to force DH to wear her...i dont force him to do anything. it just sucks b/c she wont be carried...she only like to be worn and she despises the carriage (even the grocery store carriages) so this leaves me to wear her always. I am simply trying to encourage him to wear her b/c that's what she likes and he is also her care-giver.

[happysmileylady]

At 15 months old, will she just walk if you have to put her down?  When my now 2 year old started walking, that was all she wanted to do.

[Marsupialmom]

Maybe you should leave him with her and letting them figure it out. When you are not around to rescue them both maybe they can figure it out. You go to a different part of the store or a separate walk. Let them learn what works for them and both get use to it. Maybe she will learn to like something different that daddy does.    

[cristeen]

Honestly, i'd hand him the kid and walk away. If he doesnt want to wear her, thats his call, but that means hes the one that has to deal w her tantrum/wet noodle/whatever. They will figure something out. There is nothing that says you have to be the one doing the figuring (wearing). I know my DH rarely wears DS. Thats his call. But if i'm sick of wearing him or need to do something else and he doesnt want the stroller, then its up to DH to decide whether he wants to carry him, put him on his shoulders, do sack of potatoes or pull out a carrier. I dont get involved unless he asks for help (to get the RS on).