Scared NOT to circ.

[lovingmommyhood]

I've been to this forum a million times. I have two sons that were circumcised. I never gave it any thought back then...I started to before my DD was born and I was just thankful she was a girl and so I didn't have to think too much on it. Now I'm pregnant again and due this summer. I don't WANT to circ. I think it's unnecessary. I think the reasons people do it are ridiculous. I don't want to put my baby in danger for no reason. 

But. 

I'm still nervous. What if he grows up and ends up feeling bad about himself because his brothers are and he isn't? How do I -know- that I can instill that confidence in him to be happy with himself and to not let what others say bother him. Around here the circ rate is near 100% and I just worry, I guess. 

I know these aren't reasons to do it. I know. *sighs* But but but...

Can anybody help me feel more confident? I still wouldn't do it but I just wish I could feel HAPPY about it instead of nervous. (As silly as it sounds.) 

[ElliesMomma]

the foreskin is the best part of the penis. why would he feel bad or less-than, when he is the one who has it all?

[elanorh]

My state is pretty high-circ, and I've seen several little boys recently who are not (locker room after swim lessons).  There may be more intact boys where you live than you realize?  I hadn't seen anyone intact until this year.  I know the moms probably feel pretty isolated in their choice - I haven't said anything, because I think it might seem creepy, but I'm so glad that they made the choice they made! 

Dh and I, if we were to have a son, would not circumcise.  But, we're likely done (with two dds).  Dh's circumcision as an infant has negatively impacted our sex life.  It may be 'normal,' but as you've discovered in your research, I'm sure, it can have some side effects which are taken for granted by our culture since we have such a high circ rate. 

You're making the right choice.  There are other moms here who will share the snappy comebacks their kids have suggested for those locker-room situations (which it seems don't really happen much).  I know one mom said her son told her that he'd just say, "Dude, why are you looking at my ....?" 

Even if I didn't feel strongly about intactivism, the incidences of staph and the stories about babies who bled too much etc. --- would all make me very nervous, personally.  And keep reminding yourself - no major medical authority recommends routine infant circumcision.  None. 

If he decides he wishes he were circumcised when he's 18 - you could always offer to pay for it then.  From all I've read, he will not be interested in that though!  ;) But, if he is, he'll have good pain management during and afterwords, and the doctors wouldn't be 'guessing' how much to take off.  This is a good way to handle it with pushy family members, too - tell them, "Hey, donate to a fund, we'll let him decide when he's 18 whether he wants to use it for a circumcision or for college or a car/mortgage payment." 

[lovingmommyhood]

Thank you! I guess it's just nice to hear because I will never hear those things around here. I know it's the right choice, I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

Originally Posted by elanorh 

My state is pretty high-circ, and I've seen several little boys recently who are not (locker room after swim lessons).  There may be more intact boys where you live than you realize?  I hadn't seen anyone intact until this year.  I know the moms probably feel pretty isolated in their choice - I haven't said anything, because I think it might seem creepy, but I'm so glad that they made the choice they made! 

Dh and I, if we were to have a son, would not circumcise.  But, we're likely done (with two dds).  Dh's circumcision as an infant has negatively impacted our sex life.  It may be 'normal,' but as you've discovered in your research, I'm sure, it can have some side effects which are taken for granted by our culture since we have such a high circ rate. 

You're making the right choice.  There are other moms here who will share the snappy comebacks their kids have suggested for those locker-room situations (which it seems don't really happen much).  I know one mom said her son told her that he'd just say, "Dude, why are you looking at my ....?" 

Even if I didn't feel strongly about intactivism, the incidences of staph and the stories about babies who bled too much etc. --- would all make me very nervous, personally.  And keep reminding yourself - no major medical authority recommends routine infant circumcision.  None. 

If he decides he wishes he were circumcised when he's 18 - you could always offer to pay for it then.  From all I've read, he will not be interested in that though!  ;) But, if he is, he'll have good pain management during and afterwords, and the doctors wouldn't be 'guessing' how much to take off.  This is a good way to handle it with pushy family members, too - tell them, "Hey, donate to a fund, we'll let him decide when he's 18 whether he wants to use it for a circumcision or for college or a car/mortgage payment." 

[mumofboyz]

My first two sons were circumcised as well. By the time DS#3 came, I had done tons of research to feel comfortable choosing to leave him intact.  Do your research on the hows, the history, the whys and why nots, watch a video of a circumcision (I think this should be mandatory for all parents considering the procedure), and you'll grow comfortable with your decision too. 

I have enormous regrets with regards to the first two boys and, to be quite honest, my soul smiles just a bit every time I change DS#3's diaper and see that he is just the way he is supposed to be. 

[drs0410]

Originally Posted by mumofboyz 

My first two sons were circumcised as well. By the time DS#3 came, I had done tons of research to feel comfortable choosing to leave him intact.  Do your research on the hows, the history, the whys and why nots, watch a video of a circumcision (I think this should be mandatory for all parents considering the procedure), and you'll grow comfortable with your decision too. 

I have enormous regrets with regards to the first two boys and, to be quite honest, my soul smiles just a bit every time I change DS#3's diaper and see that he is just the way he is supposed to be. 

Aww, I know how you feel! This may seem weird saying this, so I usually keep it to myself, but I think my son's penis is so cute when he's cold and it's wrinkled up.

lovingmommyhood- once you get used to seeing your baby's intact penis, a circumcised penis will start to look a little funny.

Edited by drs0410 - 12/14/10 at 10:55am

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by lovingmommyhood 

I'm still nervous. What if he grows up and ends up feeling bad about himself because his brothers are and he isn't? How do I -know- that I can instill that confidence in him to be happy with himself and to not let what others say bother him.

If he does - and there's absolutely no reason to think he will - he can get circ'd later if he wants to. He can't grow a new foreskin. He can do foreskin restoration, but that's not the same thing.

I don't think this is at all likely to be a problem.

[Doodlebugsmom]

Originally Posted by elanorh 

My state is pretty high-circ, and I've seen several little boys recently who are not (locker room after swim lessons).  There may be more intact boys where you live than you realize?  I hadn't seen anyone intact until this year.  I know the moms probably feel pretty isolated in their choice - I haven't said anything, because I think it might seem creepy, but I'm so glad that they made the choice they made!

 

Even if I didn't feel strongly about intactivism, the incidences of staph and the stories about babies who bled too much etc. --- would all make me very nervous, personally.  And keep reminding yourself - no major medical authority recommends routine infant circumcision.  None. 

I also live in a state that has a high circ rate. I just completed a degree in early childhood education, and during my studies did various internships at local daycares and preschools. LOTS of intact little boys around here. I can pretty much guarantee that the locker room situation (which is probably overblown in the first place) will not be an issue. Like Elanorh, mentioned, I would also be extremely afraid of staph after a circ. It is rampant in hospitals, and doing any unnecessary procedure that could increase the chance of a staph infection would freak me out. Good luck with your new baby, and I applaud you for being so brave to explore leaving your new little one intact. I'm sure it's extra-hard when you have two who are already circed.

[lovingmommyhood]

Originally Posted by Doodlebugsmom 

Originally Posted by elanorh 

My state is pretty high-circ, and I've seen several little boys recently who are not (locker room after swim lessons).  There may be more intact boys where you live than you realize?  I hadn't seen anyone intact until this year.  I know the moms probably feel pretty isolated in their choice - I haven't said anything, because I think it might seem creepy, but I'm so glad that they made the choice they made!

 

Even if I didn't feel strongly about intactivism, the incidences of staph and the stories about babies who bled too much etc. --- would all make me very nervous, personally.  And keep reminding yourself - no major medical authority recommends routine infant circumcision.  None. 

I also live in a state that has a high circ rate. I just completed a degree in early childhood education, and during my studies did various internships at local daycares and preschools. LOTS of intact little boys around here. I can pretty much guarantee that the locker room situation (which is probably overblown in the first place) will not be an issue. Like Elanorh, mentioned, I would also be extremely afraid of staph after a circ. It is rampant in hospitals, and doing any unnecessary procedure that could increase the chance of a staph infection would freak me out. Good luck with your new baby, and I applaud you for being so brave to explore leaving your new little one intact. I'm sure it's extra-hard when you have two who are already circed.

Thank you so much everybody for being gentle with me! And thank you doodlebugsmom, that has been the hardest part. I know it's the right thing to do and I know I'll be so happy to not "have" to send my baby boy off (if this is a boy) to the nursery to have such a horrible thing done. Thanks again!! 

[Ellien C]

I agree that you might be making a bigger of this than is warranted - (don't mean to make you feel bad - it's probably pregnany hormones). I live in a high circ state, my son is intact AND goes to a Jewish day care. (We are not Jewish). I was all concerned and wanted to talk to the Director about how they didn't need to do anything different with his penis, just clean it etc. She just laughed and was like - We've seen plenty of uncircumsized boys here. I think it's totally going to be a non-issue in the locker room. To the extent anyone thinks about it, I imagine it will be like skin color and they'll just figure some look different. It's not something I worry about at all.

[PuppyFluffer]

I have an intact son in a high circumcising state.  I know several other boys who are intact.  The tide is changing, even in the high circumcision areas.

Remember, this is an adult you are raising.  Our children are only children for a small portion of their lives.  The decisions we make for them now will impact them forever.  We don't have crystal balls to predict the future.  We don't know if our kids will move to Europe (where intact is the norm), or marry a partner from an intact culture.  If you leave him the way he was designed, he can alter things if he wants to when he is a consenting adult. 

When we learn more, we make better informed decisions.  The times are changing.  Thank you for approaching this issue with an open mind.

[LessTraveledBy]

You probably got a lot of great answers... Here is my thought:

I live in Europe and most people here have never even heard of circs for anything other than religious reasons. When they bump into an American (like my dh) who was circed as a baby, they first don't believe it and then laugh. Chances are that your son will get to know people from maaany cultures (such is the world these days) and countries and very few of them circ. So, looking at this a bit more widely, circ is strange, no circ is normal in the world.

BTW, sometimes I read here about the chance of infections and such for non-circed boys. Always makes me laugh. No one circs here (Northern Europe) and the idea of that leading into an infection or other treouble is really bizarre to any man here.

[buckeyedoc]

I have three intact boys in a high circumcision rate area. I feel like it will be easy for me to explain why I left them intact. I also seriously doubt they will be the only intact boys around.

[drs0410]

I'm not trying to take over this post, but I was just curious about the number of intact boys many of you are seeing. I live in Texas and used to work in day cares off and on- mostly with infants and toddlers. Hardly any boy I changed was intact. There's only one intact boy I can remember, and his dad was originally from France. The last time I worked in day care was 2007. Do you all think it has changed much in just the past few years?

[PuppyFluffer]

Originally Posted by drs0410 

I'm not trying to take over this post, but I was just curious about the number of intact boys many of you are seeing. I live in Texas and used to work in day cares off and on- mostly with infants and toddlers. Hardly any boy I changed was intact. There's only one intact boy I can remember, and his dad was originally from France. The last time I worked in day care was 2007. Do you all think it has changed much in just the past few years?

I don't mean to stereotype but in Texas, did you work with a Mexican/Latino population?  I was under the impression that the Latino culture did NOT circumcise (in general). 

In my area, the intact boys that I have seen tend to have mothers who looked outside the box of OB care, often using a midwife.  They also were educated on the benefits of breastfeeding and tended to nurse their babies well into the second year.  I think leaving a child intact is, for some, an issue of the parent(s) having good education.

[earthmama369]

DH is intact and all of his male cousins are circ'd. He *never* felt bad about being intact. We talked about it when ds was born, and dh expressed that he always cringed at the thought of anyone cutting off part of his penis and was entirely glad that his mother kept him intact, even when he knew he was the only one of the cousins who was.

[buckeyedoc]

Most of the moms of intact boys I have met here in Ohio are somehow associated with birth advocacy or ICAN, etc.

[carriebft]

I think it really has changed. I look at my 4 year old intact son and think of his 5 "best friends"-- 3 are intact (gathered from the fact that their parents have told me after seeing anti circumcision pins on my purse or seeing the pics of me at the march on my facebook page). I am part of a local moms group that is not Ap centered and we had a thread on this not long ago and about 15 people answered the thread, 6 or 7 had intact sons. :)  a few more were planning on leaving intact but had girls or are planning for future.

Originally Posted by drs0410 

I'm not trying to take over this post, but I was just curious about the number of intact boys many of you are seeing. I live in Texas and used to work in day cares off and on- mostly with infants and toddlers. Hardly any boy I changed was intact. There's only one intact boy I can remember, and his dad was originally from France. The last time I worked in day care was 2007. Do you all think it has changed much in just the past few years?

[drs0410]

Originally Posted by PuppyFluffer 

Originally Posted by drs0410 

I'm not trying to take over this post, but I was just curious about the number of intact boys many of you are seeing. I live in Texas and used to work in day cares off and on- mostly with infants and toddlers. Hardly any boy I changed was intact. There's only one intact boy I can remember, and his dad was originally from France. The last time I worked in day care was 2007. Do you all think it has changed much in just the past few years?

I don't mean to stereotype but in Texas, did you work with a Mexican/Latino population?  I was under the impression that the Latino culture did NOT circumcise (in general). 

In my area, the intact boys that I have seen tend to have mothers who looked outside the box of OB care, often using a midwife.  They also were educated on the benefits of breastfeeding and tended to nurse their babies well into the second year.  I think leaving a child intact is, for some, an issue of the parent(s) having good education.

No, most of them were white. Hardly any of the parents were the type to breastfeed toddlers (or breastfeed at all) or use a midwife. I think most of them were educated, or I assume they were since the day cares were pricey and in nice areas. They probably weren't educated about circumcision though. That's not something that students are normally taught in school. You usually have to do your own research.

[HeliMom]

His body his choice.

As far as worrying about if he will have poor self esteem due to looking different than others, ask yourself would you buy your daughter breast implants if she felt different in the locker room? would you perform surgery on your son if he felt bad because he was too tall/ short in comparison to his brothers? These cosmetic procedures do exist. Personally I would not perform any cosmetic surgery on a child.

Also my husband and his brothers were all left intact. The youngest chose to be circumcised as an adult. Now that he is planing his own family he is planing to leave his children intact.

Originally Posted by lovingmommyhood 

I've been to this forum a million times. I have two sons that were circumcised. I never gave it any thought back then...I started to before my DD was born and I was just thankful she was a girl and so I didn't have to think too much on it. Now I'm pregnant again and due this summer. I don't WANT to circ. I think it's unnecessary. I think the reasons people do it are ridiculous. I don't want to put my baby in danger for no reason. 

But. 

I'm still nervous. What if he grows up and ends up feeling bad about himself because his brothers are and he isn't? How do I -know- that I can instill that confidence in him to be happy with himself and to not let what others say bother him. Around here the circ rate is near 100% and I just worry, I guess. 

I know these aren't reasons to do it. I know. *sighs* But but but...

Can anybody help me feel more confident? I still wouldn't do it but I just wish I could feel HAPPY about it instead of nervous. (As silly as it sounds.)