Scared NOT to circ. - Page 2

[raelize]

my four brother were all intact. so were my three boy cousins.  and no one ever gave them a hard time. we grew up in middle class american suburb  - and nobody cared. 

[Jessnet]

I also found a lot more men were intact than I thought.

Once we made the decision to keep our DS intact, I was startled by how many grown men confessed they were intact and pleased we had made the decision to keep our boy intact.

(*startled by both how many men were intact and how many felt compelled to share this fact with me )

[Greg B]

I was circ'd, my younger brothers were not.

I am circ'd, my two sons are intact.

No issues, no locker room problems, no problems at all.

Adults think there will big issues for some reason.  Kids do not.  This particular difference is far overshadowed by the other things kids tease each other about.  As adults, there are shallow people for whom a foreskin is a show stopper.  Best to let them walk, if that is the depth of their thinking.

Regards

[mntnmom]

I didn't read the rest of the replies, but here's food for thought: IF he hates being intact, if it causes him physical and emotional trouble,  he can get circ'd later. He will understand what is being done and will be able to get proper pain medication during and after the decision. Most importantly, it will be HIS choice.  If you get him circ'd now, and he hates it, if it causes him pain or heartache, he can't undo it later, and that choice will have been taken from him.

    There's lots of good info here, good luck... and Congratulations on another baby!

[stayo22]

I totally understand how you feel.  I chose not to circ my son and my entire family and friends think I am NUTS.  I even had my MIL tell me my son was dirty and disgusting!  Not exactly what you want to hear about your newborn.  BUT I am following my gut instincts and my gut tells me that circ is wrong.  I am a little scared because we live in such a cosmetically altered world where image is EVERYTHING.  So, at times I've worried that my son will be made to feel bad about himself by some vapid Paris Hilton type about his un-circ'ed self.  

I always go back to the fact that every boy ever born was born incorrectly? (aka with foreskin?)  Surely, there is a reason for that little bit of skin and if so, why should I cut it off just because we've been trained to think a penis looks better without it?  Silly, isn't it!

Stay strong!  

[Claire and Boys]

Originally Posted by lovingmommyhood 

I've been to this forum a million times. I have two sons that were circumcised. I never gave it any thought back then...I started to before my DD was born and I was just thankful she was a girl and so I didn't have to think too much on it. Now I'm pregnant again and due this summer. I don't WANT to circ. I think it's unnecessary. I think the reasons people do it are ridiculous. I don't want to put my baby in danger for no reason. 

But. 

I'm still nervous. What if he grows up and ends up feeling bad about himself because his brothers are and he isn't? How do I -know- that I can instill that confidence in him to be happy with himself and to not let what others say bother him. Around here the circ rate is near 100% and I just worry, I guess. 

I know these aren't reasons to do it. I know. *sighs* But but but...

Can anybody help me feel more confident? I still wouldn't do it but I just wish I could feel HAPPY about it instead of nervous. (As silly as it sounds.) 

If he grows up and really wants to be circumcised, he can be. Whereas if you go the other route and cut him, and he grows up and decides he wishes he'd been left intact.. bar restoration  he's out of luck. I think it's always better to err on the side of caution and leave that choice up to him later.

[raelize]

Originally Posted by Claire and Boys 

Originally Posted by lovingmommyhood 

I've been to this forum a million times. I have two sons that were circumcised. I never gave it any thought back then...I started to before my DD was born and I was just thankful she was a girl and so I didn't have to think too much on it. Now I'm pregnant again and due this summer. I don't WANT to circ. I think it's unnecessary. I think the reasons people do it are ridiculous. I don't want to put my baby in danger for no reason. 

But. 

I'm still nervous. What if he grows up and ends up feeling bad about himself because his brothers are and he isn't? How do I -know- that I can instill that confidence in him to be happy with himself and to not let what others say bother him. Around here the circ rate is near 100% and I just worry, I guess. 

I know these aren't reasons to do it. I know. *sighs* But but but...

Can anybody help me feel more confident? I still wouldn't do it but I just wish I could feel HAPPY about it instead of nervous. (As silly as it sounds.) 

If he grows up and really wants to be circumcised, he can be. Whereas if you go the other route and cut him, and he grows up and decides he wishes he'd been left intact.. bar restoration  he's out of luck. I think it's always better to err on the side of caution and leave that choice up to him later.

i imagine a bigger problem could be that your circ'd boys grow up and ask why you inflicted it upon them but not on their brother.  why was he the special one?

 

[JulianneW]

I am married to an intact man. I had no idea I was so lucky until I started my research, I then learnt what lube was for. I am so glad my husbands mother left him alone. My sister is very angry that her MIL's choice now effects her sex life.

My husband was a varsity football, basketball and track athlete in high school, we both just graduated college so this was rather recently. He never once had any issues, in fact I don't think anyone knew or cared one way or another. If someone did get a chance look, admitting to checking another guy out in the locker room would not be acceptable. I could ask my husband if the friends he played football with since 5th grade were circed or not or how big their penis's were and he would have no idea. He has no idea the status of his dad or brothers integrity.

In high school guys always thought us girls were running around topless in our locker room and were very disappointed that we all were not comparing boobs and showering together. I can honestly say I never saw my friends boobs in the locker room and they are at eye level. The whole locker room scenario is overblown. 

Chances are the issue will never come up. 

[lovingmommyhood]

Originally Posted by raelize 

i imagine a bigger problem could be that your circ'd boys grow up and ask why you inflicted it upon them but not on their brother.  why was he the special one?

 

That's the farthest concern from my mind.

Thank you for all the support ladies!!! You're the best. :)
 

[Hazelpuss]

My husband says that he didn't know he was circ'd until he was 11 years old, he knew other boys were different but put it down to the fact that no two people are identical in every way, so it didn't worry him.  But as he grew older, he realised that intact was better, and now is restoring what he has left.  As intact is becoming the most numerous state everywhere nowadays, even circ'd fathers have to accept that they have to leave their baby boys intact.

[edensmama]

I always thought I wanted my son circd but the universe had other plans.  When ds was born the dr basically said ds's penis was to small and we should wait a couple of months before we circd.  At 5 1/2 weeks old ds was diagnosed with kidney reflux and we were advised not to circ until the age of 2.  I did some research and realized it wasn't necessary.  Dh had an issue for a while that ds would be "different from the other guys in the locker room."  As ds approached age 2 we talked with his dr about it and b/c of his age he would have to be put out and it would be considered outpatient surgery.  That right there made me say no to circ.  If we have another boy he will be intact as well! 

[TigerTail]

My sons weren't born yet when I first started posting here, and at the ages of 8 & 10, one's response to a woman last night elsewhere (when I asked him in exasperation, "What would you tell this woman, who insists that her kid is going to thank her one day for circumcising him?", was: "Woman, you're crazy.")

If I could post the expression of unbelieving disdain... Trust me. No kid wants to think about his mother having parts cut off his penis, unless she already has & he's got to use cognitive dissonance to stay sane (or she said she's sorry, & love conquers all). 

[amaayeh]

Originally Posted by drs0410 

I'm not trying to take over this post, but I was just curious about the number of intact boys many of you are seeing. I live in Texas and used to work in day cares off and on- mostly with infants and toddlers. Hardly any boy I changed was intact. There's only one intact boy I can remember, and his dad was originally from France. The last time I worked in day care was 2007. Do you all think it has changed much in just the past few years?

I grew up in Texas and never came across an intact penis.  Not once.  Then when I had my first child, I went to an OB and he said the circ rate at his practice was 95% and then tried to bully my SIL into circ'ing by telling her that 'only the people coming from Mexico don't circ.'  Like she (and the baby) would be outcasts or something.  Thankfully she wasn't the least bit influenced by that and has had zero problems (I had girls!).  I do think the attitude is changing a bit, but I would guess that of people I knew back there, the circ rate is still probably 95%.

[Greg B]

Originally Posted by amaayeh 

Originally Posted by drs0410 

I'm not trying to take over this post, but I was just curious about the number of intact boys many of you are seeing. I live in Texas and used to work in day cares off and on- mostly with infants and toddlers. Hardly any boy I changed was intact. There's only one intact boy I can remember, and his dad was originally from France. The last time I worked in day care was 2007. Do you all think it has changed much in just the past few years?

I grew up in Texas and never came across an intact penis.  Not once.  Then when I had my first child, I went to an OB and he said the circ rate at his practice was 95% and then tried to bully my SIL into circ'ing by telling her that 'only the people coming from Mexico don't circ.'  Like she (and the baby) would be outcasts or something.  Thankfully she wasn't the least bit influenced by that and has had zero problems (I had girls!).  I do think the attitude is changing a bit, but I would guess that of people I knew back there, the circ rate is still probably 95%.

"by telling her that 'only the people coming from Mexico don't circ.' "  talk about toally unprofessional and highly biased....

[lizzie]

Originally Posted by amaayeh 

Originally Posted by drs0410 

I'm not trying to take over this post, but I was just curious about the number of intact boys many of you are seeing. I live in Texas and used to work in day cares off and on- mostly with infants and toddlers. Hardly any boy I changed was intact. There's only one intact boy I can remember, and his dad was originally from France. The last time I worked in day care was 2007. Do you all think it has changed much in just the past few years?

I grew up in Texas and never came across an intact penis.  Not once.  Then when I had my first child, I went to an OB and he said the circ rate at his practice was 95% and then tried to bully my SIL into circ'ing by telling her that 'only the people coming from Mexico don't circ.'  Like she (and the baby) would be outcasts or something.  Thankfully she wasn't the least bit influenced by that and has had zero problems (I had girls!).  I do think the attitude is changing a bit, but I would guess that of people I knew back there, the circ rate is still probably 95%.

It's a shame your SIL didn't think to ask if he could recommend any OBs from Mexico, so she could go to a doc who would respect her choices.

[kawa kamuri]

Originally Posted by raelize 

i imagine a bigger problem could be that your circ'd boys grow up and ask why you inflicted it upon them but not on their brother.  why was he the special one?

It's not difficult to have an age appropriate circumcision talk, I don't think. 

[amaayeh]

Yes, this OB was extremely biased and inappropriate and was the entire reason I went from OB care to a midwife.  Thinking of him makes my skin crawl.

[Tinijocaro]

Put it this way:  How would you feel if YOU were surrounded by women who were circ'd and you were not?  Don't your genitals feel normal to you?  Can you even imagine yourself saying, "gee, I wish I didn't have a clitoris like my sisters and mother"  You KNOW the benefits of your clitoris, just as your son will know the benefits of his foreskin.

I have two ds's 11- and 15 years old.  Both very involved in sports and locker rooms.  No issues at all.  Although I live in a high circ rate area, over the years I have found that there are at least 7 boys who are intact with a one mile range from our house.  Who knows how many others there are.

Feel confident that you are doing the right thing and that your boy(s) will be fine.  It will be normal for them.

[MrsJewelsRae]

10 years ago, before I was pg with my first, our province actually used to cover circumcision under the provincial health care plan.  It gave me the impression that it was necessary, almost like...it had to be done.  silly, I know.  I'd never even heard of anyone being left au natural.  But after I got pg something spurred me to do my research and once I saw what the procedure actually involved I was horrified and immediately decided hell would freeze over before I would allow anyone to do that to my son- even my dh- good for him he agreed with me once I made him watch the video! ;)  All of my friends that have had boys since I had mine, circ'd their sons.  My brother planned on circing his sons due to being given false info from a nurse friend of theirs, I gave him a letter full of real info and stats the day his son was born and they gladly changed their mind!  I don't feel the least bit sorry for my sons- I feel very PROUD of myself for actually making an informed decision in the best interest of my child, and I feel HAPPY for them that they were spared from such a barbaric custom.  Since they were born it has been a total non issue.  I was surprised by how normal, whole and even cute it looked! :P  No one notices (actually wish more would so it could open a dialogue) or says anything, my doctor is British and very pro intact, and I don't worry at all how my boys will fare in a pro circ culture, which is actually quickly becoming more 50/50 what with immigration and the fact that our province no longer covers RIC.  I'm sure that the #'s outside my social circle or far more even, I am a conservative Christian and it seems to be taking longer to take hold in my circle, for some reason.  Try to change your thinking- be PROUD not to circ.  I teach my boys to be proud and accepting of who they are, not in a cocky way, but in a way that will hopefully equip them to stand up to peer pressure and conformity.  What kind of message do we send to our children when we put them through a brutal cosmetic surgery so that one day they may not get made fun of?  What if it were their skin color they were getting picked on for?  Be proud of yourself for making the best decision for your son, don't let ANYone talk down at you for your choice, arm yourself with info and be proud and happy about this!  (and make sure you educate any family members that may be changing his diapers that he is to be wiped off like a finger- no matter what!!!- because forced retraction can cause painful adhesions and scarring- if they are disgusted by your son's natural body I wouldn't let them ever change his diaper)

[MyBoysBlue]

Originally Posted by MrsJewelsRae 

which is actually quickly becoming more 50/50 what with immigration and the fact that our province no longer covers RIC.

Most of Canada is well below 50/50 only Alberta (44%) and Ontario (43%) are close.  These numbers are taken from a phone survey about maternity experiences done in 2006.  Other statistics that put Canada at 9% (2005) look at only those done in hospital.  I haven't seen any more recent statistics.  Circumcision hasn't been paid for unless medically necessary in Canada since 1996 I believe, I couldn't find an exact date or when It changed in each province.  But the majority stopped paying between 1994 and 1996.