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post #21 of 52

Am I the only one who's concerned that girls went along on the trip but moms weren't permitted to chaparone? 

post #22 of 52


 

post #23 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by kathymuggle View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by Tanibani View Post

Thanks to all who took the time to reply.  I decided this isn't a deal breaker to me.  DH thinks I'm being "too codependent" and "life isn't fair sometimes, it's not the end of the world."  He feels the thank you letter should be written because these people took time out of their lives to do this.  (He gave me the aunt analogy before I read it here.)  (Where is my exasperated face thingy?)  DH definitely doesn't think this is worth dying on a hill for.

 

 

 

Dh doesn't have to complain if he does not want to.  You can if you want to - if he says anything throw it back in his face that you do not want to be too "co-dependant" on him.mischievous.gif  

 

 

These people did not take time out of their lives (unless I am missing something) -  didn't you or the school pay for the field trip?  It is their job to host such events.
 

 

I do think the idea of getting other peoples input into what happened is a good idea.  It doesn't change the fact it was a bad experience for your son, but may give you extra information on whehter or not you should complain.

post #24 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeanine123 View Post

Am I the only one who's concerned that girls went along on the trip but moms weren't permitted to chaparone? 


Nope; I'd love to know the reasoning for that.

post #25 of 52

Well, overnight trips when I was a kid always had gender separate sleeping space.  I don't know about this trip, but I would not be okay with a male chaperoning the girl sleeping/changing room.  Nor would I be okay with the girls being unchaperoned at night.  Also, girls in 5th grade are old enough to have problems with menstruation.  Who would a girl who forgot to bring supplies, or is starting for the first time go and talk to about it if there are no female chaperones?

post #26 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by Angelorum View Post

Well, overnight trips when I was a kid always had gender separate sleeping space.  I don't know about this trip, but I would not be okay with a male chaperoning the girl sleeping/changing room.  Nor would I be okay with the girls being unchaperoned at night.  Also, girls in 5th grade are old enough to have problems with menstruation.  Who would a girl who forgot to bring supplies, or is starting for the first time go and talk to about it if there are no female chaperones?


If you read the original post, you will find that the teacher was in fact female. It's not as if they just send a bunch of girls with only men to look after them.

post #27 of 52

I would take the nice letter your DS wrote into the teacher to show her he did the assignment as requested.  I would ask her not to send it to the company though, since it does not reflect your DS's actual feelings about the trip.

post #28 of 52

Stand up for your son & the other kids by telling the school administration and your kid's teacher the truth. Also, refuse to make your child write a thank you letter. Express your real concerns. Be an advocate.

post #29 of 52


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by Angelorum View Post

Well, overnight trips when I was a kid always had gender separate sleeping space.  I don't know about this trip, but I would not be okay with a male chaperoning the girl sleeping/changing room.  Nor would I be okay with the girls being unchaperoned at night.  Also, girls in 5th grade are old enough to have problems with menstruation.  Who would a girl who forgot to bring supplies, or is starting for the first time go and talk to about it if there are no female chaperones?


If you read the original post, you will find that the teacher was in fact female. It's not as if they just send a bunch of girls with only men to look after them.


I read the original post and it still doesn't make sense: 1 female teacher and multiple male chaperones with female chaperones expressly not "permitted"; why?

post #30 of 52

Uh huh.  Even if this class is heavy on the boys, I would still want at least two female chaperones since I don't feel one person can adequately keep track of a few kids all day/night, especially when you factor in bathroom breaks and the like.

post #31 of 52

I'm glad you've decided this isn't a deal breaker for you.  I would most definitely want to hear the perspective of another adult who was there, if I were you.  Being forced to eat onions?  Define 'forced'. Being yelled at?  I'd need some perspective.

 

I'm curious to know how many girls are in the class.  The one female teacher may simply have been adequate for a small group of girls.  I missed where you said women chaperons were not allowed?  It might just be that only dads signed up for the trip. 

 

While I wouldn't be super angry about all of this, it sounds like this wasn't a fun or pleasant experience and wasn't particularly educational.  It might be worth it to mention something like that to your son's teacher.  Surely there are other, better 5th grade field trips to be had. 

 

Edited,  I see where you said only dads were allowed on the trip. Well, that's interesting.  As this doesn't directly affect your son I can see why you might not bother inquiring about that, but I'd be curious to know why women weren't allowed.

 

 

Quote:
DH thinks I'm being "too codependent" and "life isn't fair sometimes, it's not the end of the world." 

I'm not sure what your dh means by codependent but honestly, this might be why dads are the preferred chaperons.

post #32 of 52


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tanibani View Post I called one and she said her daughter had a great time.  Apparently the Captain took a liking to her.  She suggested I call one of the dads who chaperoned as is a psychologist to hear his take.  That sounds fair.  I'll keep ya' posted.

 



Since the teacher said she had a great time and this student said she had a great time, are you sure that your son isn't exaggerating about his experience?  Now that you are so upset about it he may be uncomfortable admitting that it wasn't as bad as he originally said.  (Or it was in fact horrible, I'm just playing devils advocate).

post #33 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYMommy2007 View Post


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tanibani View Post I called one and she said her daughter had a great time.  Apparently the Captain took a liking to her.  She suggested I call one of the dads who chaperoned as is a psychologist to hear his take.  That sounds fair.  I'll keep ya' posted.

 



Since the teacher said she had a great time and this student said she had a great time, are you sure that your son isn't exaggerating about his experience?  Now that you are so upset about it he may be uncomfortable admitting that it wasn't as bad as he originally said.  (Or it was in fact horrible, I'm just playing devils advocate).



Different people have different feelings about all kinds of things.  Many people hate broccolli, but some people love it.  To each his own.  

 

Some people thought this was a good field trip, and actually enjoyed it.  That's fine, everyone is entitled to an opinion. Those people are welcome to write glowing thank you letters to the ship people.  They can even recommend doing the same field trip again next year. 

 

The OP's DS didn't enjoy it though.  Is his opinion less valid?  Why should he be forced to lie just b/c some people did enjoy it.  

post #34 of 52

Not the same. If her son and the other student had broccoli at the same table of a restaurant and her son reported that the waiter yelled at them but the other student reported she had a great time, that would be the same. 

 

Hmm, that's not right either. If the OP's son and the other student had broccoli from the same bowl and her son reported that there was something wrong with the broccoli while the other student reported it was normal broccoli, that would be the same.

 

Sorry to make such a big deal out of broccoli.  redface.gif

 

The possible issue is with perception.  The OP's son says the staff yelled at kids and adults alike and said kids were near-tearful.  But another student said she had a great time. That's quite the discrepancy.  If the OP was interested in pursing the issue she might want to investigate that discrepancy. 


Edited by journeymom - 12/15/10 at 9:14pm
post #35 of 52

If grandma forced you to eat onions and watch her knit it all night long while she screamed at you... would you still write her a thank you letter for the 3-eared kitty sweater? :P

 

It reminds me of a Maury show where the children who want to have babies and have sex have to go to boot camp. If your kid is a horror I could see it being a good thing. (though I love onions and would eat them up... they'd have to use asparagus on me)

 

Thing is you KNOW these letters are going to the crew who are going to think they are doing the right thing and on the right path and is that the message you want to convey? I like the idea of critiquing the experience or writing a letter for something you are genuinely thankful for. And then pick him up before punishment time *cough* study time and go out for a burger or whatever it is you do for fun ;)

post #36 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by babygirlie View Post

If grandma forced you to eat onions and watch her knit it all night long while she screamed at you... would you still write her a thank you letter for the 3-eared kitty sweater? :P


Off topic alert... Kinda sounds like my maternal grandmother, if you substitute "creamed corn" for "onions" and "watch her drink gin and tonic and rant about everyone in the family she hates while watching The Price Is Right" for "knit it all night long." Since she died though I have wished I sent her more thank you notes and was kinder in general. I miss her, despite the crazy stuff.


(I was pretty angry about the ranting and drinking)

 

Back on topic...OP I am dying to know what happened next? Did the other parent think it was ok? Will they let mothers go next year? What did the school say? Not that you are obligated to answer. smile.gif

 

 

post #37 of 52

Sounds like you've already sent the letter. I think your son has learned how to write a good kiss-a** letter to a boss in the future. Not always pleasant, but occasionally a necessary and useful skill in life. I know, because I have often not learned this skill, and end up too honest, to the point of creating a headache for myself and others. So, personally I might find a way for my son to write two letters, the bs one and an honest one, and then let him share the honest one with you and the teacher - so it is out in the open, not a hidden secret. 

 

More importantly, since your son's job is to be at that school 5 days a week for the next half year or more, then he ought to be able to decide exactly how he should deal with it, since he is the one who has to live with the consequences. 

post #38 of 52

There are excellent "living history" opportunities.  This, however, was not one of them.  I'd be talking to other parents to see what their kids said happened.  Your son could have an exaggerated idea of what happened (is he entitled to his opinion of the experience?  Absolutely, just suggesting a balanced answer because the truth will lie somwhere between what your son says and what other kids say, you know?).  I'd definitely let the principal know what was said by your child, that it was not a good experience and other options should be explored.

 

An example of "living history" done well is what was done at our magnet school just last week.  It's called Colonial Village and the kids learn how to do things as they were done in the 1800s (or there about, I can't remember the exact time frame).  They dip candles, make bread, make toys, instruments, etc.  These things are then for sale (small price) to the parents and other school kids for one night only at the end of the semester.  The students who participate are dressed in costume, etc.  It was amazing!  They only do it every two years because it's such a huge undertaking.

 

Jenn

post #39 of 52


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by rabrog View Post

There are excellent "living history" opportunities.  This, however, was not one of them.  I'd be talking to other parents to see what their kids said happened.  Your son could have an exaggerated idea of what happened (is he entitled to his opinion of the experience?  Absolutely, just suggesting a balanced answer because the truth will lie somwhere between what your son says and what other kids say, you know?).  I'd definitely let the principal know what was said by your child, that it was not a good experience and other options should be explored.

 

An example of "living history" done well is what was done at our magnet school just last week.  It's called Colonial Village and the kids learn how to do things as they were done in the 1800s (or there about, I can't remember the exact time frame).  They dip candles, make bread, make toys, instruments, etc.  These things are then for sale (small price) to the parents and other school kids for one night only at the end of the semester.  The students who participate are dressed in costume, etc.  It was amazing!  They only do it every two years because it's such a huge undertaking.

 

Jenn


Yeah, our fourth graders can spend a week-end at Sutter's Fort in Sacramento to have a 49rs gold rush era experience.  Dipping candles, making toys, working in the black smith shop (totally the best), making butter, etc. 

post #40 of 52

I would definitely talk to one of the other parents. One thing that jumped out at me is that they didn't allow moms, and both the female teacher and a female student said they had a great time. It seems to me that it's very possible that the girls and boys had very different experiences, as there is obviously at least some kind of gender "lens" being used by the people who run the program. The teacher's email used the term "lady", complete with quotes (if I recall correctly - I haven't figured out how to review a whole thread while posting a reply), which does lead me to wonder if maybe the girls and teacher got the kind of treatment a female guest would have received, while the boys and men got the treatment a sailor belowdecks would have received. Even without historical accuracy, that leaves a lot of room for a huge disparity in the experiences, yk?

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