Two moral dilemmas -- Please help! - Page 2

[hopefulfaith]

Quote:

I purged all DS's toys not long ago. I didn't go around doing it in secret but I didn't really involve him in the process either since he's too young to understand (he's just under 2). When he saw the pile he was curious & I just told him we were giving those toys to other kids. He was fine with that explanation though he did want to play with some of them all of a sudden, even though he had hardly touched them before, so I let him play for a few minutes & tossed the items back in the pile & out of sight as soon as he lost interest.

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I'm having a hard time quoting lately with the new format, but the above, bolded was my experience.  Even at 4 years old, my kids were (ds) and are (dd) able to understand that "other kids don't have a lot of toys, so we're going to give them some of ours" but need guidance to select from their stash.  I made a pile, did the same thing as above, and we all took the bag to St. Vincent's yesterday.  It helped that I cleaned out my closet/shoes/coats/books and did the same thing.  I think that seeing ME do it and be fine with it sort of helped them be fine with it.

[Lisa1970]

For giving the stuff to charity, I would just take it and not try to use it as a moment to teach about giving. This is because, well, think about what you give to charity. It is something you are tired of and know to replace or don't want, or it is something new you bought for charity, or money. This is different. This is a toy, which he will suddenly remember he loved as soon as he sees it.  That gives the whole thing different meaning. And it is you chosing to give it and forcing him to go through the motions. Not the same really as him chosing to give something and doing it. Plus, when you give to charity, it is so anonymous, it really is not concrete enough for someone this age to get. So I would just want to leave him out of the loop on that.

Instead, to learn about giving, I would adopt and angel and pick gifts based on it with him knowing they will be given away before even picking or purchasing those things. Or, I would have him make stuff to give to others. I would make it more concrete and make him more involved in the whole process, rather than just a set of motions to go through.

I hope I have helped!

[JudiAU]

I think 3 is young to give up toys, even toys he doesn't play with. And I would wait awhile too because sometimes it takes you get something and it just doesn't click until a different age, even a year. We have had better luck "discussing" what a little boy with not very many toys would like best. I think a trip to the store or selecting one of his own to give away would be to hard. (And TFT doesn't take used toys...they have to be new. But other charities take used toys..)

As for the sister, I would probably say that after it broke you examined it closely and realized that construction was off and that it would like break again with the current design if you replaced it.

[mumkimum]

Just wanted to share something I do re. donating stuff to charities - some family members of ours go a little overboard with gifts, and with new stuff (not already secondhand) that we could donate.

I often try to reserve toys for later - things that are age inappropriate or very similar to other toys we already own.  Sometimes they end up coming out for a trip or rainy day (hey, remember this toy so and so got us.  lets open it today), but I have said 'hey dd, we never ended up opening this toy, and we already have stuff like this - why don't we donate it so another kid can get a new xmas toy this year!' and we do that.  

She's 4, so that's pretty close in age to your son, but I've done this for awhile .  If she's really interested in something of course I don't snatch it away and do this, but since we have some excessive givers I really like to try and get a few things over the year that we're given to donate around the holidays.  I have had her help out with toy purges at 3 too, usually in a 'hey we got a new stuffed animal, couldn't we give one of these 3 older ones away to another kid?".  I do the same myself, so she sees that to me it's not a big deal to give things away (good attitude to model!) - I've enjoyed them but can't keep everything I get forever.