Why does this bother me? - Page 2

[mamazee]

It's hard to get vibe from an email - maybe talk to her on the phone?  Also, there could be people with basic first aid knowledge but no training.  Either the church gives training or they don't.  They aren't responsible for what knowledge people bring to church with them.  There could very well be volunteers with knowledge and training from elsewhere.  You could ask about that as well.

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by AFWife 

I think what bothers me is the standoffish vibe of the reply....not so much the lack of CPR training. (Although, a basic knowledge of first aid would be nice)

I don't really feel that it's standoffish... She sounds perhaps a little defensive (as in, "This church is too small to afford CPR certification!") but otherwise sounds like she does care about the kids. Talk to her on the phone or in person -- I once got into a huge thing with someone who worked at my college simply because her tone didn't come through properly in her email. Some people just aren't gifted writers (or are too rushed to word things properly).

[just_lily]

Originally Posted by mamazee 

It's hard to get vibe from an email - maybe talk to her on the phone?  Also, there could be people with basic first aid knowledge but no training.  Either the church gives training or they don't.  They aren't responsible for what knowledge people bring to church with them.  There could very well be volunteers with knowledge and training from elsewhere.  You could ask about that as well.

:yeah

I have my first aid and CPR because I run a home daycare.  A good friend of mine used to be a nurse before her daughter was born.  We have a number of police officers in our congregation.  So there could be lots of people qualified to handle a first aid emergency without training being provided, or required by the church.

[HollyBearsMom]

Personally I wouldn't rule out (or rule in) any place that I hadn't spoken to directly or had visited. 

My "gut" does not pick up anything hinky, strange, defensive or standoffish from that email.  However unless an email is really rude/nasty or overly smilie/etc I find it hard to understand tone and/or read between the lines. 

I would want meet the people in charge, talk to some of the volunteers, spend some time visiting/observing. How did you find them? Did it come recommended or are you kind-of cold calling to find a place you like?

[Tigerchild]

Just cross this church off your list and move on.

In a way, it doesn't really matter why you don't want to put your son there.  If you don't want to, you don't want to.  Ideally, your church should be like a home--so if something is going to cause you to hold back and/or have resentment or assume the worst even before you get in the door--why not focus your energy on finding someplace else more to your taste/comfort level?

If it's important to you that all nursery and sunday school volunteers meet your specific training criteria, and that the DRE interact in a specific way with you, then there's nothing wrong with that--it might take you a little while to find "home" but so what?

That being said, I wouldn't cast aspertions on different ways of doing things.  A lot of small church don't require CPR/First Aid cert.  In every church I've ever belonged to, with the exception of one paid attendant at most in the nursery (with parent volunteers at needed), all the rest of the people were volunteers--either required by the church to put in x amount of Sundays per year, or because they felt that they should, as well as grandparents, ect.  Most states require by law that there's a state patrol check.

It sounds like you are more comfortable with a more professionally run children's program.  That may not be available in a small church though (the only ones around here that can afford to do that are the megachurches).

I also would dwell on an email response.  Some people are terse or not email savvy on email.  I think though that to ascribe tone, you might be projecting a little.  (I think we all do in email).  When it's important to me to get more of a feel on a specific person, I tend to call.  At least for me, I find I pick up far more voice cues than I do text cues--I often read the "worst" that isn't there in text.  Just sayin'.

[One_Girl]

Is this a daycare or a sunday school nursery?  If it is a daycare then you shouldn't go there, if it is a church nursery or sunday school I think you are being unrealistic.  Our church is small and the ladies doing Sunday school were volunteers who were also mothers, there was no training but they made it fun and the kids learned a lot.  I went to Sunday school the first day to see what went on there and make sure I felt comfortable with her being there.  The background checks are the only thing I worry about before deciding on a church.  If my dd was there daily I would be concerned about the training, hiring, and background check piece (in addition to many other things).  Sunday school is a one hour, once a week thing and I am not that concerned about the laundry list of quality rating checks that I am when I choose a daycare.  It sounds like she isn't really sure how to respond to you because you are turning what is typically an easy decision for people who attend church into a long drawn out process for both of you.  If you aren't comfortable then I suggest you either offer to pay for some of the teachers to go to CPR classes and to install an easy parent notification system, or you find a new church. 

[limabean]

I don't see anything wrong with her reply, but you don't have to talk yourself into sending your kid somewhere you'd rather not, you know? If you don't want to send him there, even if you're not quite sure why, just move on. 

[Ornery]

I see nothing defensive at all in her email.  It sounds matter of fact and to the point.

[Smokering]

I'm not quite sure I get what situation you're talking about - leaving your son in the creche during church? Or a church-run preschool-type programme during the week?

I go to a fairly small church with a very unofficial creche during the service, "staffed" by volunteers who are mostly parents of the kids attending. (And by volunteers" I mean "got roped in"!) Usually there are about 2-4 kids in the creche, and often as many parents, as some kids don't like to be left. I'm not sure how I'd respond if someone asked if I were trained in child minding or CPR or whatever - probably with a slightly strangled giggle. We just don't operate like that, and aren't likely to unless we get a sudden influx of families with small children and big incomes! (That said, there are a few nurses in our congregation, so if CPR ever needed to be performed the helper-on-duty could theoretically dash over and grab one.)

I don't see anything "off" in her email.

[Maluhia]

Hello Friend :)  *waves*

Originally Posted by raelize 

i go to a relatively large meeting for worship, though compared to a church we are very small.  it is very hard finding enough members to volunteer to teach first day school and i think that if they required CPR or other training besides that, they probably wouldn't have enough volunteers to run it.  we can't afford to have that kind of training, though they do keep at least 2 adults in each room so if there is an issue someone can run for parent/help.  i believe that nursery position (which is paid) are 2 girls that have had the babysitter training offered by the local hospital (which includes infant CPR), but again, that is paid adn so many teenagers have had that training that i don't think it would be hard to find that (typically there are only 2 babies/toddlers in there)

so, IME, if it is very small with only volunteers and few kids in each class, i could understand if they don't/can't require the extra training/background check.  and FWIW, the child molestors that i have known would have passed any background check cause they hadn't been caught/reported yet anyway.  most would pass a background check. 

[woodchick]

Originally Posted by Smokering 

I go to a fairly small church with a very unofficial creche during the service, "staffed" by volunteers who are mostly parents of the kids attending. (And by volunteers" I mean "got roped in"!) Usually there are about 2-4 kids in the creche, and often as many parents, as some kids don't like to be left. I'm not sure how I'd respond if someone asked if I were trained in child minding or CPR or whatever - probably with a slightly strangled giggle. We just don't operate like that, and aren't likely to unless we get a sudden influx of families with small children and big incomes! (That said, there are a few nurses in our congregation, so if CPR ever needed to be performed the helper-on-duty could theoretically dash over and grab one.)

This is the situation at our small church as well.  I am comfortable leaving DD2 with the other adults that are in the nursery because we are church family.  We've attended for a while and we have gotten to know anyone who would volunteer in the nursery.  For me, it is just the same as asking a friend to watch my girls for an hour so I could get my teeth cleaned or something.

I would seriously recommend actually visiting the church with your DS.  You'll probably have to leave the service with him if he gets fussy (my DH and I have swapped weeks for 2 years!) but that will give you the opportunity to get a look at the nursery and meet some of the people there.  

When looking for a church there are so many other things I would be concerned with than the nursery- Community, preaching, acts of charity, etc.  The nursery years are short lived, but building community with the churchgoers will last the entire time you're attending.