Avoiding unwanted opinions?

[jenniro]

My hubby and I will be trying to get preg with our 3rd baby this summer.  My first baby was born via c-sec after all the unneccessary interventions to "speed things along."  My second baby was a failed VBAC attempt in a hospital.  I have decided to do a homebirth if/when I get pregnant.

I have a couple things I am struggling with.  I live in a small community (pop 3000) and when people ask me about my due date and when my scheduled c-sec is, what do I say?  I don't want to explain myself.  I have done a lot of research and I feel very comfortable with the decision I've made to birth at home.  I don't want the uneducated opinion of the masses that think hospital birth is the only way to go. I've thought about telling people my due date is two weeks past the true date to give myself more time.

Also, my mom and I are close, but I don't want her at the birth.  I just want my husband and I and the midwife.  I don't know what that conversation looks like with her.  She has been at the births of all her grandchildren and I know she would want to be there.  Any ideas would be helpful.  Thanks!

[TiffanyToo]

Originally Posted by jenniro 

I have a couple things I am struggling with.  I live in a small community (pop 3000) and when people ask me about my due date and when my scheduled c-sec is, what do I say? Say I prefer for the healh and safety of baby to let baby decide its birthdate.

I don't want to explain myself.  I have done a lot of research and I feel very comfortable with the decision I've made to birth at home.  I don't want the uneducated opinion of the masses that think hospital birth is the only way to go. I've thought about telling people my due date is two weeks past the true date to give myself more time.

Yes 2 to 3 weeks post your due date is a great idea. JMO it is no ones business.

Also, my mom and I are close, but I don't want her at the birth.  I just want my husband and I and the midwife.  I don't know what that conversation looks like with her.  She has been at the births of all her grandchildren and I know she would want to be there.  Any ideas would be helpful.  Thanks!

Maybe she could keep your other children at her place.

[jenniro]

Thanks, I really like the idea of my kids staying with my mom.  It gives her something important to do. 

[MNHall]

I love the idea of asking your mom to keep your children!  Will she know about your home birth?  Is she supportive of that?  Just curious because being a natural spontantious delivery, of course she'll need to be "on call"!   My mom was understanding of me not wanting her in the room when I delivered, although I think she would have LOVED to have been asked.  BUT, she felt like it was very much her grandma duty to watch the 2 big kids...so, in our situation, it was almost like having her there wasn't even an option anyway!  She was NEEDED with the other 2 kiddos!

As for the due date, I like the idea of just saying a month...although depending on when your EDD is, that could be less helpful.  Like mine was November 29th, so saying November sure wouldn't have helped, but I would have chosen to say December!  And just leave it at that.

As for the community responses and avoiding those unwanted options, that's by far the hardest one...I guess it depends on how much you want to avoid fibbing.  You could always say, we don't know baby's birthday yet....they can make their little assumptions that it's because you haven't scheduled the date yet, while you know it's because, well, you don't yet know when baby will decide to come!

[jenniro]

I think my mom will support my decision to birth at home.  She trusts my ability to make good decisions, at least that is what she said when I was planning my first VBAC attempt. 

I think the less info I give out the better.  Most of the time, people are just making conversation anyway.  I've come to realize that it's my own insecurities about another VBAC attempt that are making me think people will judge me.  I wonder if I will fail again, so I assume others are thinking the same thing.  If I gave people a chance, they might actually be very supportive.  If not, oh well.  Thank you for your responses.  They are really helpful.

[TiffanyToo]

Originally Posted by jenniro 

I think the less info I give out the better.  

 Yes this!

  I've come to realize that it's my own insecurities about another VBAC attempt that are making me think people will judge me.  I wonder if I will fail again, so I assume others are thinking the same thing.

You might think about borrowing or buying the VBAC scripts of hypnobabies. I believe it helps to remove some of those insecurities.

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