What condition are your kids in when you get them from daycare? UPDATE!! - Page 2

[VisionaryMom]

DD is almost 4 and just recently started going to daycare, so I don't know how it would've been when she was smaller. In her class, though, "clean up" time is built into the routine. That's not just for activities but also for the kids. I never see any of the kids exceptionally dirty. Paint wouldn't bother me, but I know dd is a mess-maker with paints. A dirty face from just not wiping her up after eating would bother me, though. That's really just laziness.

I'm not sure if I think it's a direct result of the complaint. She did change classes, so it's possible that her new class leaders simply aren't very good/organized/fastidious. 

[Owen'nZoe]

The dirtiness alone would not bother me, but given everything else you've said, I would definitely change preschools. Sorry you are going through this!

[phathui5]

More important than the actual situations you're describing is how you're feeling about the situation. If you're not happy with her daycare, I'd say to start looking for a new one.

[alaskaberry]

Yikes. I would pull her out.

On another tack, I have worked in daycares before...and we have sent children home dirty. But, this only happened when they were playing in the mud. Usually we got them cleaned up and dressed in clean clothes before their parents got there! If they were completely coated in mud, of course we explained and usually the parents understood (or complained, like the mom who never brought in an extra change of clothes because "my child is not allowed to get dirty"). Agree 100% with PP ollyoxenfree re daycare stuff.

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The paint all over her would not bother me.  I'd actually be happy. 

I don't understand the boots part, so I think that would be fine too.  

The cranky teacher occasionally wouldn't bother me either.  (occasionally)

The teacher paying too much attention and smothering her would bother me though.  I wouldn't be super happy about the food if it's on her face, if it's on her clothes, I'd let that go too, and be more careful about what I send in for her to eat.  Make sure she can eat it without making her clothes messy.   Her hands should be clean too.  

Yes, the teachers talk about the parents.  Even in a large school, the teachers talk about you.  I worked in a chain center over 30 years ago, and I made friends there that I still see... we STILL talk about some of those kids.  Everybody talks about parents, or coworkers or family.  I think it's part of life.

I personally wouldn't pull her out, or continue to complain.  I'd see if maybe there's a better way to pack her lunch, and learn to love the paint on her forehead, and sand in her shoes.  It means she's having fun.  If your kids are happy there, then accept the annoyances that come with it.  (except for the overattentive teacher.. that is creepy)

[sapphire_chan]

For me it comes down to whether your dd is about as clean as the other kids.

[Lisa1970]

It sounds to me like the people in the new room are taking things out on your daughter. What you are seeing is just what is on the surface. I am sure things are much worse when you are not looking. I used to work in daycare and what I saw go on there is what led me to never put my children in one (and most people I know who once worked in daycare feel the same way).

I would switch daycares. At this point, I would only use one with cameras in the room that I can access from work or at least from other places in the building. I know we have ones here that do that. Or I would find a nice home daycare that I can trust. 

Good luck! I know it is hard.

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Originally Posted by Lisa1970 

It sounds to me like the people in the new room are taking things out on your daughter. What you are seeing is just what is on the surface. I am sure things are much worse when you are not looking. I used to work in daycare and what I saw go on there is what led me to never put my children in one (and most people I know who once worked in daycare feel the same way).

I would switch daycares. At this point, I would only use one with cameras in the room that I can access from work or at least from other places in the building. I know we have ones here that do that. Or I would find a nice home daycare that I can trust. 

Good luck! I know it is hard.

I've been working in daycare since 1982.  I have never, ever seen anybody EVER take anything out on a child before.  We all have crabby days, and say and do things we weren't  proud of.  But, never be angry at the parent, and take it out on a child.   I'm not saying it never happens, I just don't think it's very common.  I will fully admit to doing stupid, hairbrained things that I can't believe I did, but never out of spite.

[Happeesupermom]

There are many reasons why a child may get dirty, but there is no excuse for a child to STAY dirty!  Regardless of their activities, the daycare workers should make time to AT LEAST wipe hands & face clean of dirt, paint, etc. Sure, accidents happen and clothes gets spills on them, but EVERY day? And for your DC's face to be filthy?  No. That's not right, IMO.

I've worked in a daycare center myself. And regardless of what activities we were doing with the children (playing on the playground, painting, blowing bubbles, eating, etc), we washed up after every activity. Period. Even if a parent came by early to pick up their child, if we were in the middle of an activity, I or one of the classroom helpers would wipe her hands & face right then if she needed it. Because we never should send a child home dirty.

But I find your other concerns more unnerving. The teacher had crossed a line in showing affection/attachment to your child. And it seems they changed they way your DC is treated after you complained, that is definitely suspect.

If I were in your shoes... yes, I would take pics. Yes, I would look for another daycare center now. And yes, I would let them know WHY we were leaving, but NOT WHERE we were going. And if there's a way for you to take ALL original files with you, that's ideal, so they have no record of your physical address, phone #s, SS#s, etc.; however, I'm thinking they may need to keep some copy or original for their records.

I wish you the best and hope you resolve this situation soon to give you peace.

[ameliabedelia]

It sounds to me as though, since you complained about the one worker being overly affectionate and touching your daughter, that they have gone the completely opposite way and refuse to touch her at all (ie. to clean her up, wipe faces, hands, fix her clothes.).   According to your sig, she is a bit over 2, so any 2-yo who isn't cleaned up regularly is going to get pretty dirty.  It does sound a bit passive-aggressive to me, or at the least, just like no one wants to touch her lest they be accused of being too affectionate and inapproriate and lose their job.   All in all, it doesn't sound like a great place for her to be, so if you have other options, I would definitely look into them.

[Headmeister]

Thanks for all of the responses, I really do appreciate all of your insight.

I just wanted to let you in on the other things that have gone on in the past with this one particular care giver, the one who was overly affectionate towards my DD. Maybe this will help to shed some light on why I was so concerned with her attachment and physical displays towards her:

We have been at this center for over 2 years, and have loved it. But the real problems started after my DD was moved from the infant room into the toddler room, with this woman. We've had issues with her from the get-go. She would feed our DD her own food and then tell me "oh guess what she likes to eat..." without even knowing her food allergy history, without permission, just like that. I was furious. She also would withhold some of her snacks from her because she felt she shouldn't have them (she was constipated once and she didn't give her the cheese stick we supplied... she did that 3 different times). She was telling me one day that I didn't need to give her cheese if she's constipated. I said "I know that". She had been telling us that we didn't have to give her cheese, that she still had some at the daycare, which puzzled me... which led me to ask if that was the reason she had been telling me not to supply any more cheese for a while, because she was withholding them from her lunches. She said yes. THAT infuriated me too. They are not supposed to keep anything from your child and they're supposed to send everything home that they don't eat. Here she was saying on her daily sheet that she had eaten her cheese and yet she had been stockpiling them. That was yet another instance where she was spoken to by the director. There were many instances of her just outright defying our requests, for the sole reason that she felt it wasn't the "right" way to do things, even though this was my child, and she had no children of her own in which to even have a basis for argument. I'm not saying that she isn't motherly, but you all know what I mean when I say there's a HUGE difference of what you know before you're a mom and then AFTER you're a mom. So yeah, we've had issues...

I don't know if it's intentional, but I do know that if I ever sent my child to daycare in the way she came home from daycare, someone would DEFINITELY question my parenting ability - so I don't see any reason why I shouldn't question their care-giving ability, right?

I have more about this but must run right now... Please keep your thought coming, my DH and I soooo appreciate them (he even wanted to know where there was a men's message board to post stuff about parenting issues...lol!)

[Headmeister]

Well I have one heck of an update: I went to talk to my DD's care giver about the dirtiness and paint, etc. The women in the room weren't the ones who are there for lunch hour, but they were SO concerned, saying that they usually clean all the kids up after a project, lunch, etc, and would never let them go home looking like that - they even went on to say that they have changed shirts that were too dirty so that the kids wouldn't go home like that. They apologized profusely. They did give me information that I didn't have before. I asked if they used bibs at all, and asked who was responsible for the kids getting clean - did they wash their own hands, etc. I found out that they didn't wear bibs but that I was more than welcome to supply one, and that the kids didn't have to clean themselves - the ladies took care of that. I left feeling good about it and went upstairs to get my 4 month old. The director asked to speak with me and told me that due to some new circumstances, the woman who had an unnatural attachment to my daughter was fired! I immediately welled up with tears because I felt directly responsible, and so close to Christmas. She assured me that while the issues we experienced didn't help her case, there were other complaints about her as well... but none like the one that came on Tuesday. Apparently she was working in the after school care room and one of the women put two boys in time out. One of the boys was laughing about having to be in time out, and the woman I had a problem with walked over to him, and flicked him in the ear. He yelled "Ouch! That hurt! Why did you do that???" and she did it AGAIN. He yelled "Ow! Stop doing that to me!!! Why are you doing that??? Stop!" and she did it AGAIN. She actually did it over and over and over again, til the kid was begging and really upset. The boy went home and told his mom, and the mother called the center Tuesday morning (it happened after school Monday night). In that room also was the daughter of another woman who works there. She works in the after school care room after she gets out of high school. She was there and witnessed what happened, and was so upset about it, she was afraid to tell her mother (again another employee) because she knew it was bad and didn't want to get the woman in trouble). Her mother made her talk to the director and the girl told the exact same story that the boys mother did. When the director called her in to the office to let her go, the woman acted shocked and said "seriously??? I was only kidding!" She also rolled her eyes and told the director, "hey, I had to do what I had to do" . The director told me that she was completely flabbergasted at her reaction, as if she was the one in the right and there was no reason to let her go - as if touching and hurting someone's child was jsut par for the course. The director said she let the parents of the kids in her room know that she was no longer working there but only told the parents who had complaints against her what had happened, which is why she told us. She wanted us to know that it wasn't our fault for her getting fired, that it was the womans own fault - which we know, but it still feels awful to complain about someone and then have them gone within a few weeks.

I guess my gut was right - there was something totally wrong with this woman, and frankly, I'm glad she's gone and not around my children anymore.

Edited by Headmeister - 12/16/10 at 7:57pm

[sapphire_chan]

Anyone who acts like that in a child care setting WANTS to be fired. Anyone who treats a kid like she treated your child WANTS to be fired. Doing both, plus whatever you haven't been told about, means she had no interest in keeping that job.

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 She also rolled her eyes and told the director, "hey, I had to do what I had to do" . The director told me that she was completely flabbergasted at her reaction, as if she was the one in the right and there was no reason to let her go - as if touching and hurting someone's child was jsut par for the course. The director said she let the parents of the kids in her room know that she was no longer working there but only told the parents who had complaints against her what had happened, which is why she told us. She wanted us to know that it wasn't our fault for her getting fired, that it was the womans own fault - which we know, but it still feels awful to complain about someone and then have them gone within a few weeks.

I guess my gut was right - there was something totally wrong with this woman, and frankly, I'm glad she's gone and not around my children anymore.

I understand feeling bad for her.   That's very nice of you.

But, I can't even imagine actually flicking someone on the ear.  (At least not as an adult... maybe when I was ten, and it was my brother)  It's really weird for an adult to act the way this woman has acted.  Who knows what kind of issues she has.  She's probably perfectly suitable for millions of other great jobs, but not this job.  

She kinda reminds me of that lady who bought a cabbage patch doll and raised it as her very own son.   She's harmless to a cabbage patch, but you just wouldn't want her in your child's classroom.

[ollyoxenfree]

Thanks for the updates. It sounds like you've sorted out the cleanliness issue by speaking directly with them, which is great. As for the problem caregiver, it sounds like there are many good reasons that she shouldn't be working with children. By speaking up, you've helped your own child and others too. 

[Maluhia]

I'm so glad she is gone, pity due to holidays or not, your child and the others at that center are safer.  And you now know that your gut is 100% RIGHT when it comes to the caregivers of YOUR children.  We DO have a Fathers section here at MDC where your husband is welcome to post, we'd love for it to get more active :) 

[mattemma04]

I hope that woman won't be getting another job in childcare.Some people really enjoy hurting others.Glad your situation is resolved.

[Stacey12]

I agree with Jenn on this one.  If you don't feel good about it, change the environment your child is in.
 

Originally Posted by GuildJenn 

That does not sound okay to me at all. Trust your instincts. I would be looking for a new daycare asap.

[Happeesupermom]

  It sounds like your issue is resolved. I'm so glad it worked out for you and your DD without any more trauma. Thanks for updating.