my 10yr old daughter (oldest) is a VERY controlling child in regards to her brother (5yrs).
i am at my whit's end.
i spend so much time correcting her behavior and i realize i'm not really helping things because i feel like i'm trying to control her from being controlling! but i don't want to just let her behavior go and have her (and especially her brother, who's the brunt of it) think this behavior is ok.
the kind of things she does is correcting anything and everything (some days) that her brother does. the songs he sings are never right (lyrics wrong, tune wrong), the way he plays games is always wrong, the way he eats his food, the way he draws, the way he writes, the way he does EVERYTHING. she's so condescending and nasty to him at least half of the day, every day, that i am always so frustrated and angry, it seems!
i don't want my son growing up thinking his sister hates him and everything he does is wrong. he's no angel, mind you, and is quite good at pushing buttons to set her off...and i do call him on this behavior as well. i feel like all i do most days is correct behavior! (we homeschool, so we spend just about all day, every day together.)
i have always leaned towards gentle discipline. we don't spank, i was very against time-outs for a long time (although that's changed lately...but he's a whole 'nother story)...i always figured i could work through any problem with my kids by just talking to them about it. this works pretty well with my son (unless he's out of control). not really at all with my daughter. they are very different.
my daughter and i are very similar people...and i've tried very hard not to be like my mom was with me, but i just can't understand how this sweet little girl, that i love so very much, can spend the vast majority of her waking hours being so nasty to her brother. i've talked and talked and talked to her about it. nothing has helped.
i also do realize as a homeschooler that i have to make time for her to be away from her brother and i do that. i need to try to schedule this even more, i think...that does seem to help.
and don't get me wrong. she does have plenty of moments where they play together and she is quite sweet to him. i just feel like those times are so very few and far between and most of my waking days i'm spending correcting HER behavior correcting HIM! i've told her many many times that he does not need another mom. she will seriously discipline him right there in front of me while i'm working on it already! i'm like, hello? am i not already saying this to him...i do NOT need your help!
she almost seems like this need to correct her brother is impulsive.
another thing about her is that she absolutely will NOT do whatever you suggest to help a situation. she's always been this way...if you tell her to calm down, take a deep breath (she's lost control a lot lately and ended up in hysterics), she will NOT do it. period. won't happen. she just won't. anything you suggest, she won't do it. never has. never will. i've had to figure out ways to cajole her to try new things even (that's a whole nother issue...she hates new things...just like her dad), because she just balks. she says she feels silly and she gets embarrassed. so i let it go because i know any suggestions i make, just won't happen.
i really don't know what else to do with her. of course i love her dearly but i feel like we are so at odds all the time that i'm afraid i'm damaging her self esteem. i probably am. but i don't know how to make it clear to her that this nasty behavior is not ok without making this a slap on her self esteem!
anyone with a similarly controlling and often nasty with siblings child? i really need to know i'm not alone in this right now. any creative ideas on how to deal with her controlling personality would be wonderful.